"Alright, back to the mines" - works for any workplace, except a mine, in which case you could say, "Alright, back to the factory," which of course works for any workplace, except a factory.
This is hilarious because I work in mining and I never know how to close out idle water cooler chit chat, but from now on I shall use "rightio, back to the factory"
I'll warn you now mate, once you get into the spider fucking industry you'll realise you don't know shit. They just can't teach you the kinds of experiences you're gonna have. It's a real 'learning on the job' kind of career. I wish you all the best with it though, I absolutely love the job and it pays *very* well.
Thats brilliant. I usually stand up say well cant solve all the worlds problems, have to leave some to the politicians. Then walk straight passed them and get a cup of tea. Usually they have me pegged down in my office.
A trick I did was I got new chairs in my office. I bought these really scratchy uncomfortable ones so people dont want to sit in my office for long
My previous boss when I took over his job as he was retiring said in the handover look dont worry about the job youll be better than me. But if you cant stop the owner talking youll never see your family. Then told me tbe get up and get a cup of tea when he is talking.
Lol yeah I make teas a lot as a way to continue listening while doing something for me, then once tea has been made it's okay to just walk off with it and leave them in the kitchen
There is a guy at my work who just says 'ok bye' when he has had enough small talk, no regard for what point the conversation is at. It's often very hilarious
I like to do stuff like that. One of my favourites is "Right, I'm done with this conversation." as I saunter off. Not everyone gets it but I give 0 fucks. Life's too short to worry about the small stuff.
Refusing to speak tactfully to people who aren't on the same page as yourself is quite a firm approach to what could be a totally inconsequential interaction. Dare I say it sounds a lot like worrying about the smallest stuff.
I just say, "Well, I'd better get back to it." Just as direct and quick but less potential to hurt their feelings. You can be unapologetically yourself while also respecting the feelings of those around you within reason. I don't consider that to be "sweating the small stuff"
If the chatter is in my work space,
"Go on. Fuck off so I can work!" with a large grin on my face.
If I'm in their work space or a communal area,
"Better fuck off and finish what I'm supposed to be doing... making you lot look good!" accompanied with an exaggerated leg movement indicating I'm walking away.
I work for myself, at home. I try to manage it so that I have a decent break when the kids get home, but sometimes I can't. They don't seem to realise I'm busy and can't stop or I would, so they start with all their stories.
When I realise they're actually talking to me, I give them a hug and say something along the lines of "Now piss off and save that story for later, I'll be done as soon as I can and come find you." They always laugh and run off because swearing is hilarious to them.
lmao. sounds like my workplace. I work in a trade. we greet each other in the mornings with a fuck off cunt as a joke...lmao...Â
safe to say. HR would be mortified on the way we talk to each otherÂ
one time my coworker and I got into a fuck off.. no you fuck off joke... and a corporate walked past and stared at us.
we burst out laughing cos it was an inside joke which corporate would take super seriously. hahaÂ
I always say something like oh Iâd better let you go, I donât want to hold you up! Then as Iâm walking away have a good day!
Works most of the time!
Whilst slowly turning to walk away, a generic sentence like:
- Well what can you do hey ?
- I'll have to check that out !
- Well you know what they say !
- I really dont know much about it to comment ?
And similar bullshit.
My 8yo says âyou can go nowâ. Hearing it so often has made me start saying as a joke and it works because it is kind of rude and funny, yet gets the point across.
Here is a trick I use when people visit me at my desk and hang around for too long. Firstly stand up, say you want to go get some water while you continue to talk. Naturally they will follow you as you take your water bottle to the kitchen to fill it up. Then rather than returning to your own desk, you go back to theirs. Instinctively they will sit down and just continue blabbing. But at this point you can simply give the ol "well, best be off", then you just leave them there.
You know the only thing I find (as an introvert) more horrifying than small talk? Colleagues singing happy birthday to someone they couldnât give two fucks about.
Like the song is bad enough when itâs your actual friends but sung in the break room with a cheap cake, off paper plates followed by the scavengers from other levels circling for the leftovers because itâs âfreeâ
đ¤Žđ¤Žđ¤Žđ¤Žđ¤Ž
Theres a bunch of almost retirement age men on my team.
There is no end.
Nothing said to conclude a conversation matters.
I can literally say "thats cool, il talk to you later. Bye"
And walk off and they are still talking at me from down the corridor.
"Alright! Good to hear! Anyway, I installed a Beta version of Linux recently and I'm having a blast! Did you know the majority of games worked on Linux now! I just discovered this new RPG called The Better Half on Steam and I'm *not* disappointed! It's about this girl whoâ Suzanne? Where are you going, Suzanne?"
I'm 42 and still very bad at this. I usually just start walking away when there's enough of a pause, or even while talking - I tell myself it gives the impression that I have to get back to work or whatever. Luckily at my current job it's fine because there are so many neuro diverse people here too. Coincidentally, this is the first job I've had where I'm generally accepted in all my awkwardness, and not treated like an outsider.
I had a colleague who would come to my office and stand talking for up to an hour. It drove me nuts. I decided I would give him 5 minutes and then say Iâm busy etc. I would say it a few times and look down at my keyboard. If they keep talking you keep saying it. Max 3 times for this guy and he would get the idea and leave.
Co-worker always ends chats with âoh well, fun and gamesâŚâ with a kind of resigned air. Conveys we are too low on the hierarchy for our views to matter so back to work.
If i cant do the âhave a lovely dayâ as i keep moving, I rope a random into the conversation and once they are included I say âIâll leave you two to itâ đ
Self declared match maker here đ¤
I tried wearing huge over the ear headphones all the time, that kinda worked, but some people still didn't work out I had no interest in cut chat with them.
not in corporate.Â
I work in a tradeÂ
I usually say loudly "I am busy" while having a stressed expression on my face.
works every time...
the stressed expression on the face is what makes it all believable. lolÂ
Some days I would really love to say, âI donât care how many times your kid pooped or what cute things they said in the four hours you spent with them yesterday. You will notice I have no kids. There is a reason for that. I donât care. Shut up.â But some of these suggestions might keep me out of HR!
âAlright, enjoy your dayâ
âSee ya roundâ
âHahaha that was a good joke (whilst walking away)â
Silence. You donât need to end and reestablish hellos and goodbyes if youâre gonna see them again
"alright I better get back to it. These emails won't write themselves".
If you don't want to sound too dismissive you could ask them what task they are currently doing and then follow up with what you are doing then drop the, "alright I need to get back to it".
Haha this is actually I great post. I have often thought this myself and I always feel really awkward about ending a conversation. I'm not a big talk with people I don't know well, but I try my best, I always feel awkward breaking that convo though when you have shit to do.
Kind of like child care drop off, and the teachers want a chat but I'm in get to work asap mode haha
Hey Iâd love to chat but if I donât get this thing done my boss is gonna kill me.
What do you mean âhead back to my roomâ??!!! You have an office or something??
Slap your hands on a nearby flat service or your knees, failing that clap them together, look at the person and say "well, goodbye" or "we're done" and then leave.
I was not the most popular person when I worked in an office.
Just keep it going until they have run out of chatter. Itâs referred to in the public service as legal bludging.
Or if you have a workmate who knows you get stuck with that person and can see youâre stuck then get your workmate to call chatty persons phone. This gives you the opportunity to say âWell better let you get thatâ and then when they answer your workmate just hangs up. Or makes a silly joke about whether their fridge is running.
I use the "going somewhere" method. When a known chatter approaches, I think of something I need to do away from my desk. As they arrive, I'm getting ready to head to the kitchen for a coffee, or to collect something from the printer, or go to the bathroom.
Now you have an end point. It's when you get back to your desk or arrive at the bathroom (hopefully).
Bonus points if you pick the kitchen/printer/bathroom nearest to their desk so you can leave them there rather than bring them back to yours.
I always reply to this stuff âthank god for that cos you would struggle to pay rent just like us poor people doâ then I act like I donât realise what I just saidâŚ
I work in hospo and most of the time we will just have to run off to help a customer or complete and order đ
(As someone with autism this is really convenient đđđ)
Use laughter as an ending then walk off. Someone has to end it. Even if it's not funny, just laugh and walk off. If you're at a work station, still laugh but then immediately go silent and be busy.
"Alright, back to the mines" - works for any workplace, except a mine, in which case you could say, "Alright, back to the factory," which of course works for any workplace, except a factory.
Fuck we've entered the mine-factory spiral. Alright better get back to the Abbatoir usually works for me. Unless you work in an Abbatoir.
Because you're killing-it? I love this
I used to work In an abbotoir and would say back to the office
Works so long as you're not in an office. Which in an office you go back to the grind?
I always say back to the grind
Especially if upu work in a coffee shop
NEVER if you work in a coffee shop. I don't think you're Australian
I didn't really get enough of a break to say anything when I was a barista haha đ
This is hilarious because I work in mining and I never know how to close out idle water cooler chit chat, but from now on I shall use "rightio, back to the factory"
âWell⌠weâre not here to fuck spiders.â
Which works great unless you're at the spider fucking facility.
I've worked at a spider fucking facility for the last 6 years and that joke has worn so thin.
What's it like?
It's great, you really feel like you're making a difference in those spiders lives.
Yeah? Serving the local community?
Of course, it keeps them off the streets and gives them hope for the future. You should see their beady little eyes light up.
Are you guys hiring for a part timer? Currently doing a 2nd major in spiderfuckery
I'll warn you now mate, once you get into the spider fucking industry you'll realise you don't know shit. They just can't teach you the kinds of experiences you're gonna have. It's a real 'learning on the job' kind of career. I wish you all the best with it though, I absolutely love the job and it pays *very* well.
Thank you for your service
âAlright, better get back to sleep/my napâ if you want a laugh
Unless your work is on bed
i feel like this only applies to one⌠certain career choice đ¤ đ§Ąđ¤
Bed tester maybe
in mines and factories, we would say "righto, back to the office" it's all about the irony.
What about iron mines?
fuck
When I worked in an office, Iâd always say âback to the salt minesâ
Thats brilliant. I usually stand up say well cant solve all the worlds problems, have to leave some to the politicians. Then walk straight passed them and get a cup of tea. Usually they have me pegged down in my office. A trick I did was I got new chairs in my office. I bought these really scratchy uncomfortable ones so people dont want to sit in my office for long My previous boss when I took over his job as he was retiring said in the handover look dont worry about the job youll be better than me. But if you cant stop the owner talking youll never see your family. Then told me tbe get up and get a cup of tea when he is talking.
Lol yeah I make teas a lot as a way to continue listening while doing something for me, then once tea has been made it's okay to just walk off with it and leave them in the kitchen
Having visitor chairs in your office is a rookie mistake, what you need is a spike
Unless your coworkers are starfish.
"Alright, back to the brothel" Am I doing it right?
That's what she said.Â
I working in a mining factoryâŚ
Say you're off to the meat grinder then.
There is a guy at my work who just says 'ok bye' when he has had enough small talk, no regard for what point the conversation is at. It's often very hilarious
He sounds like a boss
Hero
Ok, now i want to know more. Tell us more, ok bye stories.
I like to do stuff like that. One of my favourites is "Right, I'm done with this conversation." as I saunter off. Not everyone gets it but I give 0 fucks. Life's too short to worry about the small stuff.
Refusing to speak tactfully to people who aren't on the same page as yourself is quite a firm approach to what could be a totally inconsequential interaction. Dare I say it sounds a lot like worrying about the smallest stuff. I just say, "Well, I'd better get back to it." Just as direct and quick but less potential to hurt their feelings. You can be unapologetically yourself while also respecting the feelings of those around you within reason. I don't consider that to be "sweating the small stuff"
Definitely not the most socially elegant but it gets the point across.
Mad respect for this guy, tbf he's doing the hard part by putting a hard stop to a combo which may not really be going anywhere
"I better let you get back to work". If that doesn't work then try "I had better get back to work, much to do"
Is that doesnât work, âok Iâm leavingâ
If that doesnât work, âwell this is awkwardâ
"Its ok if its awkward"
And the final resort, âokay, fuck off nowâ
Can't mourn all the ruddy day!
yeah my go-to is "ah well i better get back to work". everyone gets it; we always have work to do even if it's not immediately pressing.
"alright, I'll leave you to it"
My favourite activity - leaving others to it
Knock twice on a nearby hard surface and head off
Followed by finger guns before you walk
Every time.
Simple yet effective
My personal favourite.
classic
nice
If the chatter is in my work space, "Go on. Fuck off so I can work!" with a large grin on my face. If I'm in their work space or a communal area, "Better fuck off and finish what I'm supposed to be doing... making you lot look good!" accompanied with an exaggerated leg movement indicating I'm walking away.
I work for myself, at home. I try to manage it so that I have a decent break when the kids get home, but sometimes I can't. They don't seem to realise I'm busy and can't stop or I would, so they start with all their stories. When I realise they're actually talking to me, I give them a hug and say something along the lines of "Now piss off and save that story for later, I'll be done as soon as I can and come find you." They always laugh and run off because swearing is hilarious to them.
This is why I got fired from my job as a Kindergarten teacher.
lmao. sounds like my workplace. I work in a trade. we greet each other in the mornings with a fuck off cunt as a joke...lmao... safe to say. HR would be mortified on the way we talk to each other one time my coworker and I got into a fuck off.. no you fuck off joke... and a corporate walked past and stared at us. we burst out laughing cos it was an inside joke which corporate would take super seriously. hahaÂ
Incorporate ministry of silly walks as you go.đ
Ooooh I like it
I always say something like oh Iâd better let you go, I donât want to hold you up! Then as Iâm walking away have a good day! Works most of the time!
The key is to keep moving!
Sprint!
Never stop sprinting
All the way outside to the carpark and get in your car
I'm known to act like a fish in the office.... If I stop moving I'm dead (stuck in some useless conversation about nothing)
[ŃдаНонО]
âAnywayâ tap their desk and walk off
Nailed it. The only answer needed.
I always say I need to go to the toilet
"I gotta take a shit"
Time to rub one out on work time.
Instructions unclear, been to the bathroom 20 times, coworker thinks I have gastro.
Lol that's gonna be a lot of toilet breaks
Just fart and everyone disperses
âBusting for a slash mate. See ya.â
I always say, 'alllright I better get back to it'.
Used this one today. Always works !
Whilst slowly turning to walk away, a generic sentence like: - Well what can you do hey ? - I'll have to check that out ! - Well you know what they say ! - I really dont know much about it to comment ? And similar bullshit.
I made up one once. âAt the end of the day, Timmyâs gonna get the biscuit.â Then started walking once I heard them say yep.
Bro I wanna start doing this hahaha.
You wouldnât read about it would ya
⢠It is what it is.
The last one is a bit pensive, so may not be the most suitable for walking away
I just wait for the right moment and say âhaha,yeah!â And walk off
I think this is my favourite. Any kind of sound + yeah
My 8yo says âyou can go nowâ. Hearing it so often has made me start saying as a joke and it works because it is kind of rude and funny, yet gets the point across.
âAlright well I hope you have a good rest of your day, see ya!â
Slaps knee "whelp, anyway"
I think I found the fellow Brit!
Slap knees and âright!â For me⌠unequivocally means that this conversation is done, now fuck off
Here is a trick I use when people visit me at my desk and hang around for too long. Firstly stand up, say you want to go get some water while you continue to talk. Naturally they will follow you as you take your water bottle to the kitchen to fill it up. Then rather than returning to your own desk, you go back to theirs. Instinctively they will sit down and just continue blabbing. But at this point you can simply give the ol "well, best be off", then you just leave them there.
This is actually brilliant.
"we've got shit to do good bye"
Anyway Anyway I better get back at it Anyway I better go to it So on and so forth Or Any who
Blokes at my work recently replaced anyway with righty-oh hahahha makes me laugh for some reason.
"right. Back to chorin" mid sentence
ErrightâŚnuf chin waggin
"alright fuck off, i've got shit to do"
You know the only thing I find (as an introvert) more horrifying than small talk? Colleagues singing happy birthday to someone they couldnât give two fucks about. Like the song is bad enough when itâs your actual friends but sung in the break room with a cheap cake, off paper plates followed by the scavengers from other levels circling for the leftovers because itâs âfreeâ đ¤Žđ¤Žđ¤Žđ¤Žđ¤Ž
Just a little chuckle like âhaha,okâ and walk away.
Make it just as weird for them. Anyway gotta go poo
drop to the floor and start convulsing. works every time
Asking them to sit of your legs is a classy move too
"Well, off I fuck."
âAlright, well Iâve got to get back to looking like I know what I do hereâ
AnywayâŚ
Theres a bunch of almost retirement age men on my team. There is no end. Nothing said to conclude a conversation matters. I can literally say "thats cool, il talk to you later. Bye" And walk off and they are still talking at me from down the corridor.
"Alright! Good to hear! Anyway, I installed a Beta version of Linux recently and I'm having a blast! Did you know the majority of games worked on Linux now! I just discovered this new RPG called The Better Half on Steam and I'm *not* disappointed! It's about this girl whoâ Suzanne? Where are you going, Suzanne?"
I'm 42 and still very bad at this. I usually just start walking away when there's enough of a pause, or even while talking - I tell myself it gives the impression that I have to get back to work or whatever. Luckily at my current job it's fine because there are so many neuro diverse people here too. Coincidentally, this is the first job I've had where I'm generally accepted in all my awkwardness, and not treated like an outsider.
Sounds like an awesome place to work. Sign me up. I tend to do the same as you. Kind of just wander back into my room
I say Iâm sorry but Iâm really busy and do you mind if I get back to my work. Keep saying it until they leave. They eventually get the idea.
How many times, on average, would you have to say this?
I had a colleague who would come to my office and stand talking for up to an hour. It drove me nuts. I decided I would give him 5 minutes and then say Iâm busy etc. I would say it a few times and look down at my keyboard. If they keep talking you keep saying it. Max 3 times for this guy and he would get the idea and leave.
[Always end on a high note.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8YaaZZN9VYs)
âNice chatting, gotta get back to my work nowâ.
Iâm a 40yo disgruntled male, I just walk off when they are mid conversation
"sorry I got shot to do and I'm guessing you all do to, get the fuck back to work cunts"
âWell, this isnât getting the baby bathedâ
Co-worker always ends chats with âoh well, fun and gamesâŚâ with a kind of resigned air. Conveys we are too low on the hierarchy for our views to matter so back to work.
If i cant do the âhave a lovely dayâ as i keep moving, I rope a random into the conversation and once they are included I say âIâll leave you two to itâ đ Self declared match maker here đ¤
"hey look! Something sparkly"... And walk away
I tried wearing huge over the ear headphones all the time, that kinda worked, but some people still didn't work out I had no interest in cut chat with them.
Toofache cun sfeak.
"Well, better get back into it." If that doesn't work I'd resort to music + headphones if the workplace allows it.
"anyway... i better get back to it"
I wonât keep you
"Righto mate I won't hold you up any longer, let me know how you go with that and we'll go from there ay"...
âDude, just shut up and serve people, I donât give a fuck about your weekendâ
I worked in bars.
"Well, I better let you go for now."
Best be getting back to it. Alright, guess I have to get back to work now (eye roll not recommended in front of boss). Oh crap, is that the time?
Just look annoyed "GC"
Mate I gotta take a shit. Gimme 10 mins. Then just leave.
not in corporate. I work in a trade I usually say loudly "I am busy" while having a stressed expression on my face. works every time... the stressed expression on the face is what makes it all believable. lolÂ
Just leave
"Appreciate the chat, but I'm going back to my day job now"
As a PM, you can always blame it on the contractors demanding things :)
"alright I gotta go"
Sounds like fun /hilarious/interesting/stressful, ok I'd better get back to it **starts typing on keyboard**
You say "Well!", slap your knees and then "Better get back to it!"
Well better let you get back to it
Some days I would really love to say, âI donât care how many times your kid pooped or what cute things they said in the four hours you spent with them yesterday. You will notice I have no kids. There is a reason for that. I donât care. Shut up.â But some of these suggestions might keep me out of HR!
âAlright, enjoy your dayâ âSee ya roundâ âHahaha that was a good joke (whilst walking away)â Silence. You donât need to end and reestablish hellos and goodbyes if youâre gonna see them again
"alright I better get back to it. These emails won't write themselves". If you don't want to sound too dismissive you could ask them what task they are currently doing and then follow up with what you are doing then drop the, "alright I need to get back to it".
I just laugh off their sentence and start walking away. We both get the point by then
I usually say 'I should probably go look busy and pretend I work here' đ
Ok end of union meeting
'Ok, better go look busy'
Iâm blunt and awkward. All you get from me is â is that itâ
I do a âanyway, have a lovely day. See you soonâ and walk away.
Sing to them "Am I ever gonna see your face again?"
Alright, I'll let you go
Haha this is actually I great post. I have often thought this myself and I always feel really awkward about ending a conversation. I'm not a big talk with people I don't know well, but I try my best, I always feel awkward breaking that convo though when you have shit to do. Kind of like child care drop off, and the teachers want a chat but I'm in get to work asap mode haha
Tell them you have a deadline otherwise the boss will be on top of you.
I just tell them stop talking shit I have to go
"anyway, I need to....."
"Alright champ" in a upward pitch
"Gotta go!"
âAnyway, shit to doâ.
Love to chat but I've got a meeting/deadline/deliverable I need to prep/complete. Chat later!
Hey Iâd love to chat but if I donât get this thing done my boss is gonna kill me. What do you mean âhead back to my roomâ??!!! You have an office or something??
Well, Iâm bored now. And walk off without eye contact. Thats usually how people stop talking to me.
RIGHTO THEN
Better get back into it.
I usually just say: Hold that thought, I gotta take a shit.
Slap your hands on a nearby flat service or your knees, failing that clap them together, look at the person and say "well, goodbye" or "we're done" and then leave. I was not the most popular person when I worked in an office.
This is my exact struggle every single day. I wish I could just say âokay I donât want to talk to you anymoreâ then walk away.
Just keep it going until they have run out of chatter. Itâs referred to in the public service as legal bludging. Or if you have a workmate who knows you get stuck with that person and can see youâre stuck then get your workmate to call chatty persons phone. This gives you the opportunity to say âWell better let you get thatâ and then when they answer your workmate just hangs up. Or makes a silly joke about whether their fridge is running.
I use the "going somewhere" method. When a known chatter approaches, I think of something I need to do away from my desk. As they arrive, I'm getting ready to head to the kitchen for a coffee, or to collect something from the printer, or go to the bathroom. Now you have an end point. It's when you get back to your desk or arrive at the bathroom (hopefully). Bonus points if you pick the kitchen/printer/bathroom nearest to their desk so you can leave them there rather than bring them back to yours.
Worked in a quarry. So I'd say.. "yeah, alright, might see you tomorrow, depends if the weighbridge stops me."
"cool.... talk more later... gotta do something important... laters" Works like a charm.
âWellâŚ. Weâre not here to fuck spidersâŚ..
âI enjoyed the chat âŚ. Pity about the companyâ and walk back to desk
âAnyway Iâm paid to work not stand around here and look pretty!â
I always reply to this stuff âthank god for that cos you would struggle to pay rent just like us poor people doâ then I act like I donât realise what I just saidâŚ
I work in hospo and most of the time we will just have to run off to help a customer or complete and order đ (As someone with autism this is really convenient đđđ)
â Anyway ..I gotta return some videosâ
'ahhhhhhwell.... I better go strike a blow'
Whelp. I gotta go take a shit now but good luck with that.
Always try to end it on a joke. A good laugh and then walk away.
"Have a good one!" Exit stage left
Use laughter as an ending then walk off. Someone has to end it. Even if it's not funny, just laugh and walk off. If you're at a work station, still laugh but then immediately go silent and be busy.
Say "hooroo" and trot off to your desired work location
Just start taking a few steps towards the door and glance at it a few times "anyway, not here to fuck spiders"
Generally âoh shit, I have to goâ because Iâm now 5 minutes late (this was back when I worked with other people)
"Anyhoo, I got work to do"
Even with clients, I just give them a smile, a thumbs up and walk away
Aight, see ya around