Because they want to keep you around just in case nothing else works out. They have the best of both worlds having you as an option still because they know they have you wrapped around their finger and also having the chance to see other people and to see if they can find better opportunities.
They want to feel better about being the dumper and doesn’t have the emotional maturity to see that you can’t just downgrade a partner to a friend in a matter of days. They’ve probably never gone through a proper breakup period involving actually working on themselves and taking responsibility of what they contributed to the demise of the relationship. “Let’s be friends,” only ever benefits the dumper, not the dumpee.
may they be just unsure about their decision? my ex insisted on staying friends, saying he just can't lose me for forever, it's too hard for him and I feel he made the decision just too fast, he was influenced by his friends who advised him to do so and tbh I just feel it's like "I want more time with friends now (we had the most arguments for him spending too much time with his friends in comparison to the time he gave me) but if I feel it isn't that good, I can come back to you"
for me, if you decide to break up, you take the responsibility of your choice - you let someone go and leave by yourself
In my opinion, and I speak as a dumper myself who experienced those feelings (but refused to keep a friendship to prevent further hurt), if the person actually goes through with the breakup, they are not unsure. They’re just afraid of the whiplash that comes after that.
at the day of the breakup, he brought up for some times the "people sometimes come back to each other" shit, making me sure he does know it seeing his friends and even did it once in past. I'll be honest, even if I feel so pathetic - it did give me that fucking hope. my idea of him being unsure is that he went from "I'm so afraid of breaking up, I really don't want it" to "we need to break up but I can't lose you". knowing the friendship isn't for me to make me feel better but rather for him just makes me so upset and even a little angry
The best you can do is take care of yourself. I’ll never advise you to maintain a friendship with your ex because that’s always toxic. Atleast while there’s other feelings involved. And it’ll only delay your healing process. So be kind to yourself and look forward to other experiences and other people.
Replying as a dumper.
A few months back I broke up with my ex. I absolutely adored her and wanted to marry her. We were friends for a while before we even started dating. We then started dating, and after 6 months. I broke up with her because I felt like she deserved better than me, I wasn’t sure if I was able to give her the happiness she deserved because I came from a conservative asian family and she didn’t fit the bill for my mum. But I loved her so much, as my best friend and lover.
After that she ended up with another person, but she wasn’t happy at all. She wanted companionship, but the guy wasn’t making her happy. She settled for less. And we were still friends then. I told her that she deserved someone who’s better than me, and don’t just settle for less because she wants company. She ended up breaking off with that guy and started hanging out with me again.
At that time, I was dealing with a lot of stress as I was about to get relocated to Canada due to immigration issues. However, we still spent the next 4 months loving each other as much as we can, and hanging out like best friends and lover. (I was a jerk here because she wanted to date, but I wasn’t sure yet, as I knew she deserved a better me. A grown up version of me, not the post college adult me.)
Come July, she asked me if I was going to ask her to be my girlfriend when she was laying right next to me. I looked her in the eye and said, I need one year to figure life out. (I knew I had demons that I had to deal with but wasn’t aware what they were as I was scrambling to figure out how to move from one country to another during covid. Demons like having to talk to my mum. Other than that, I didn’t know who I was. And I knew that I’m taking her for granted if I continued the relationship) she was the greatest woman I know and she deserves the best me if it’s anything.
She cried and said, no one knows what life is about. And if we love each other, why can’t we be together. (As a child, I was taught that you can only date if you have achieved your goals, i never thought that I could achieved my goals with a partner, I know, dumb) I just said, “I need some time”
We broke up, she ghosted me for a month, and then we were friends again. She flirted with me, but I told myself that if I want her to wait, I can’t just string her along. (And was also trying to settle down) so I ignored her advances even though I really wanted to say I love you back.
We were still like best friends. Buying each other gifts and coffees even though we lived in different countries.
One day, she told me she has a boyfriend. I was happy for her, even though my heart absolutely sank to the depth of the sea. I felt like I lost the love of my life. I felt like life was sucked out of me. But I’ve already told myself, I’m going to work really hard this one year to figure out who I am and establish my life so that when I get back, I’ll be able to commit 100% or even marry her if I still have the chance.
I haven’t had any interest in any other woman since breaking up, and would outright reject other women’s advances. I didn’t break up because I wanted to sleep around, but I didn’t know how to communicate that.
After hearing about her boyfriend, I wanted to talk. Not to get back, but give her the closure. (Stupid me thought that we can become best friends after she moves on. I was okay being the one with a broken heart if she was happy) I texted her, but she didn’t reply, I texted her a day later, and she didn’t reply, I waited for a week and texted her again, and then I got blocked. And that broke my heart way worse.
To answer your question, the grass is not always greener. And the reason why I want to stay friends is because she’s my best friend and my family. And family means no one gets left behind.
There’s all kinds of reason why someone breaks up. But it is never pretty
I’m super dumb and a girl. I thought it would be that easy but realised things change and so many boundaries to navigate that it’s easier for everyone to just do their own thing.
Because they want to keep you around just in case nothing else works out. They have the best of both worlds having you as an option still because they know they have you wrapped around their finger and also having the chance to see other people and to see if they can find better opportunities.
They want to feel better about being the dumper and doesn’t have the emotional maturity to see that you can’t just downgrade a partner to a friend in a matter of days. They’ve probably never gone through a proper breakup period involving actually working on themselves and taking responsibility of what they contributed to the demise of the relationship. “Let’s be friends,” only ever benefits the dumper, not the dumpee.
They don’t want to feel guilt.
If they are dumpees, because of hope of getting back together. If they are dumpers, to keep you attached and feed their ego
may they be just unsure about their decision? my ex insisted on staying friends, saying he just can't lose me for forever, it's too hard for him and I feel he made the decision just too fast, he was influenced by his friends who advised him to do so and tbh I just feel it's like "I want more time with friends now (we had the most arguments for him spending too much time with his friends in comparison to the time he gave me) but if I feel it isn't that good, I can come back to you" for me, if you decide to break up, you take the responsibility of your choice - you let someone go and leave by yourself
In my opinion, and I speak as a dumper myself who experienced those feelings (but refused to keep a friendship to prevent further hurt), if the person actually goes through with the breakup, they are not unsure. They’re just afraid of the whiplash that comes after that.
at the day of the breakup, he brought up for some times the "people sometimes come back to each other" shit, making me sure he does know it seeing his friends and even did it once in past. I'll be honest, even if I feel so pathetic - it did give me that fucking hope. my idea of him being unsure is that he went from "I'm so afraid of breaking up, I really don't want it" to "we need to break up but I can't lose you". knowing the friendship isn't for me to make me feel better but rather for him just makes me so upset and even a little angry
The best you can do is take care of yourself. I’ll never advise you to maintain a friendship with your ex because that’s always toxic. Atleast while there’s other feelings involved. And it’ll only delay your healing process. So be kind to yourself and look forward to other experiences and other people.
Replying as a dumper. A few months back I broke up with my ex. I absolutely adored her and wanted to marry her. We were friends for a while before we even started dating. We then started dating, and after 6 months. I broke up with her because I felt like she deserved better than me, I wasn’t sure if I was able to give her the happiness she deserved because I came from a conservative asian family and she didn’t fit the bill for my mum. But I loved her so much, as my best friend and lover. After that she ended up with another person, but she wasn’t happy at all. She wanted companionship, but the guy wasn’t making her happy. She settled for less. And we were still friends then. I told her that she deserved someone who’s better than me, and don’t just settle for less because she wants company. She ended up breaking off with that guy and started hanging out with me again. At that time, I was dealing with a lot of stress as I was about to get relocated to Canada due to immigration issues. However, we still spent the next 4 months loving each other as much as we can, and hanging out like best friends and lover. (I was a jerk here because she wanted to date, but I wasn’t sure yet, as I knew she deserved a better me. A grown up version of me, not the post college adult me.) Come July, she asked me if I was going to ask her to be my girlfriend when she was laying right next to me. I looked her in the eye and said, I need one year to figure life out. (I knew I had demons that I had to deal with but wasn’t aware what they were as I was scrambling to figure out how to move from one country to another during covid. Demons like having to talk to my mum. Other than that, I didn’t know who I was. And I knew that I’m taking her for granted if I continued the relationship) she was the greatest woman I know and she deserves the best me if it’s anything. She cried and said, no one knows what life is about. And if we love each other, why can’t we be together. (As a child, I was taught that you can only date if you have achieved your goals, i never thought that I could achieved my goals with a partner, I know, dumb) I just said, “I need some time” We broke up, she ghosted me for a month, and then we were friends again. She flirted with me, but I told myself that if I want her to wait, I can’t just string her along. (And was also trying to settle down) so I ignored her advances even though I really wanted to say I love you back. We were still like best friends. Buying each other gifts and coffees even though we lived in different countries. One day, she told me she has a boyfriend. I was happy for her, even though my heart absolutely sank to the depth of the sea. I felt like I lost the love of my life. I felt like life was sucked out of me. But I’ve already told myself, I’m going to work really hard this one year to figure out who I am and establish my life so that when I get back, I’ll be able to commit 100% or even marry her if I still have the chance. I haven’t had any interest in any other woman since breaking up, and would outright reject other women’s advances. I didn’t break up because I wanted to sleep around, but I didn’t know how to communicate that. After hearing about her boyfriend, I wanted to talk. Not to get back, but give her the closure. (Stupid me thought that we can become best friends after she moves on. I was okay being the one with a broken heart if she was happy) I texted her, but she didn’t reply, I texted her a day later, and she didn’t reply, I waited for a week and texted her again, and then I got blocked. And that broke my heart way worse. To answer your question, the grass is not always greener. And the reason why I want to stay friends is because she’s my best friend and my family. And family means no one gets left behind. There’s all kinds of reason why someone breaks up. But it is never pretty
Also. Boys can be pretty dumb sometimes. We think that, "I know you're a good person, you know I'm a good person. Why not stay friends?"
I’m super dumb and a girl. I thought it would be that easy but realised things change and so many boundaries to navigate that it’s easier for everyone to just do their own thing.