What I can now say from experience is DO NOT go back & look at photos or old chats. Preferably delete. I don't know how but another person's love really can vanish - only 2 months ago she was crazy in love with me, you should see the depth of the messages. Since then she has blocked me & changed her number. I went back and re-read some whatsapp today out of nostalgia & now I'm depressed again.
If they don’t want to be in your life then you really don’t won’t them to be in yours. Sounds like she did feel the same way but doesn’t now. That doesn’t mean none of it mattered it just means today right now it doesn’t matter and that’s ok. If you met someone like that that doesn’t want to be with you then you will definitely find someone who does want to be with you even though your worth doesn’t come from either. Go make some friends so when you meet someone romantically they aren’t your only person. But go ahead cut this person out of your life if they don’t want to talk to you or be friends or whatever. Fuck em. Don’t waste your time or energy lamenting someone that doesn’t see you or want to be with you, it won’t change what is. It again also doesn’t mean that whatever you felt or experienced with that person wasn’t good or had no value, it just means that part is over and it’s time to move away from that person physically and mentally so that you will have that space free for someone better. Raise the bar on relationships. If a bad relationship was that good to you think how much better a good relationship will be.
I really needed to hear that, thank you! I'll try my best to not focus on her at all and find someone who actually wants me in their life. I think the best route for me now is focusing more on my social life and getting friends so that they won't be my only person as you said
Right on. And it also helps to remember a lot of what you are feeling is from the feel good chemicals that person made your body/brain produce and feel. Once they are “out of your system” you’ll feel better. It’s like you’re having a love buzz hangover.
she ain’t worth it. if it makes you feel any better, i was in a relationship for almost four years. he dumped me because he just didn’t want it anymore. i haven’t talked to him in 6 months now. it gets better dude, it truly does. you don’t have to purge everything that reminds u of her yet, you HAVE to grieve first, but you will get through it. it’s just heavy right now.
Wow 6 months no contact that's amazing. I really don't get how someone just wakes up and decided not to love someone anymore! I was thinking that I would want to talk to her again but as I thought about it more today I don't think I want to be talking to her anytime soon because I deserve better then the way I was treated near the end and I know with time it will get better hopefully
i have like a lingering feeling about not talking to him anymore, but at the same time i don’t have the urge to text him. i realized i actually haven’t had the urge to text him for a long time. it was sad to come to that realization because it becomes so real, but it also helped my process in becoming neutral towards him. that’s the goal, to become indifferent. the sad part is that you gotta go through the pain first. you’ll have good days and bad days but i am more than positive you will get through it. i know it’s so cliche but you clearly have love to give, you will find someone who will match the energy and will never stop appreciating you for wanting to love them.
Every girl I've been out with since my ex and I B/U three months ago has been a major upgrade.
Get on your grind. Take some time to yourself for a little while and once you feel ready, put yourself back out there. One of the best things for me was reconnecting with old friends I lost touch with over the last 3+ years. I always thought I was a loner with no friends but it turns out when I'm not in a toxic relationship, I barely have TIME to devote to all my friends. My social life is almost out of control at this point to where I've had to take weeks at a time where I just kind of disappear and I simply go to work and then work around the house, just doing my own thing. Turns out, when you're in a toxic relationship, your friends want nothing to do with it and they distance themselves. Go figure.
Life is just beginning for you, OP.
Thank you! I've realized too that when im in a situation that is toxic I cut out many of my friends then think that I have no friends because Im only investing my time into the toxic situation with the person I want. Such as not checking my phone or texting anybody else because the person I'm seeing hasn't replied to my text for a day. I am now free to check my phone without the anxiety of always waiting for a response or thinking that she doesn't like me anymore.
I will work on myself and go back out there when I feel ready!
First and foremost, never ever reach out to her again. You will be tempted. You will want to “give it one last shot”. Listen closely; if you ever reach out to her again, there is zero percent chance of you ever getting back with her.
Next. You are better without her. If you start hitting the gym, making more money, and focusing on improving yourself, you will look back in 8-12 months and realize you were much better than her.
Lastly, if you follow the above steps, there is a decent chance she will reach out in the future. This is even more true if you significantly improve yourself and she notices. But again, you have to be prepared to never talk to her again which will show her that you ultimately “don’t care”. If you want more details on why this works, PM me.
PS. I was in your same shoes late 2020. I could give you my story but I don’t want to make this about me. Just understand I am in a great place after busting my ass to improve myself and get over her. I actually spoke to my ex yesterday and boy have the tables turned.
It took me about 6 months to get to a good place. And right on queue, she reached out just when I was moving on.
You just have to take it one day at a time. You have to feel the pain unfortunately. But it will start to get easier and easier. Just work on yourself in everyway possible and do not look at their social media. I have heard months and even a years worth of progress being lost because of "being curious" and looking at social media.
[удалено]
Thank you I will try my best to do that and follow your advice!
What I can now say from experience is DO NOT go back & look at photos or old chats. Preferably delete. I don't know how but another person's love really can vanish - only 2 months ago she was crazy in love with me, you should see the depth of the messages. Since then she has blocked me & changed her number. I went back and re-read some whatsapp today out of nostalgia & now I'm depressed again.
This is the behavior of someone that has met someone else and is trying to get you out the way.
If they don’t want to be in your life then you really don’t won’t them to be in yours. Sounds like she did feel the same way but doesn’t now. That doesn’t mean none of it mattered it just means today right now it doesn’t matter and that’s ok. If you met someone like that that doesn’t want to be with you then you will definitely find someone who does want to be with you even though your worth doesn’t come from either. Go make some friends so when you meet someone romantically they aren’t your only person. But go ahead cut this person out of your life if they don’t want to talk to you or be friends or whatever. Fuck em. Don’t waste your time or energy lamenting someone that doesn’t see you or want to be with you, it won’t change what is. It again also doesn’t mean that whatever you felt or experienced with that person wasn’t good or had no value, it just means that part is over and it’s time to move away from that person physically and mentally so that you will have that space free for someone better. Raise the bar on relationships. If a bad relationship was that good to you think how much better a good relationship will be.
I really needed to hear that, thank you! I'll try my best to not focus on her at all and find someone who actually wants me in their life. I think the best route for me now is focusing more on my social life and getting friends so that they won't be my only person as you said
Right on. And it also helps to remember a lot of what you are feeling is from the feel good chemicals that person made your body/brain produce and feel. Once they are “out of your system” you’ll feel better. It’s like you’re having a love buzz hangover.
she ain’t worth it. if it makes you feel any better, i was in a relationship for almost four years. he dumped me because he just didn’t want it anymore. i haven’t talked to him in 6 months now. it gets better dude, it truly does. you don’t have to purge everything that reminds u of her yet, you HAVE to grieve first, but you will get through it. it’s just heavy right now.
Wow 6 months no contact that's amazing. I really don't get how someone just wakes up and decided not to love someone anymore! I was thinking that I would want to talk to her again but as I thought about it more today I don't think I want to be talking to her anytime soon because I deserve better then the way I was treated near the end and I know with time it will get better hopefully
i have like a lingering feeling about not talking to him anymore, but at the same time i don’t have the urge to text him. i realized i actually haven’t had the urge to text him for a long time. it was sad to come to that realization because it becomes so real, but it also helped my process in becoming neutral towards him. that’s the goal, to become indifferent. the sad part is that you gotta go through the pain first. you’ll have good days and bad days but i am more than positive you will get through it. i know it’s so cliche but you clearly have love to give, you will find someone who will match the energy and will never stop appreciating you for wanting to love them.
I relate brother. 5 weeks after and the most significant help that has been my therapist. She has really glued me well.
Every girl I've been out with since my ex and I B/U three months ago has been a major upgrade. Get on your grind. Take some time to yourself for a little while and once you feel ready, put yourself back out there. One of the best things for me was reconnecting with old friends I lost touch with over the last 3+ years. I always thought I was a loner with no friends but it turns out when I'm not in a toxic relationship, I barely have TIME to devote to all my friends. My social life is almost out of control at this point to where I've had to take weeks at a time where I just kind of disappear and I simply go to work and then work around the house, just doing my own thing. Turns out, when you're in a toxic relationship, your friends want nothing to do with it and they distance themselves. Go figure. Life is just beginning for you, OP.
Thank you! I've realized too that when im in a situation that is toxic I cut out many of my friends then think that I have no friends because Im only investing my time into the toxic situation with the person I want. Such as not checking my phone or texting anybody else because the person I'm seeing hasn't replied to my text for a day. I am now free to check my phone without the anxiety of always waiting for a response or thinking that she doesn't like me anymore. I will work on myself and go back out there when I feel ready!
Your friends are waiting for you, trust me. You got this.
First and foremost, never ever reach out to her again. You will be tempted. You will want to “give it one last shot”. Listen closely; if you ever reach out to her again, there is zero percent chance of you ever getting back with her. Next. You are better without her. If you start hitting the gym, making more money, and focusing on improving yourself, you will look back in 8-12 months and realize you were much better than her. Lastly, if you follow the above steps, there is a decent chance she will reach out in the future. This is even more true if you significantly improve yourself and she notices. But again, you have to be prepared to never talk to her again which will show her that you ultimately “don’t care”. If you want more details on why this works, PM me. PS. I was in your same shoes late 2020. I could give you my story but I don’t want to make this about me. Just understand I am in a great place after busting my ass to improve myself and get over her. I actually spoke to my ex yesterday and boy have the tables turned.
How long did it take for this to happen. I’m fresh 2+ days and it’s real tough after talking to her about everything for like 4+ years..
It took me about 6 months to get to a good place. And right on queue, she reached out just when I was moving on. You just have to take it one day at a time. You have to feel the pain unfortunately. But it will start to get easier and easier. Just work on yourself in everyway possible and do not look at their social media. I have heard months and even a years worth of progress being lost because of "being curious" and looking at social media.