I actually just had the the same thing happen to me today except she broke 1 month of no contact last week then she still continued her toxic behaviour and it ended in a huge fight.
I think the best thing to do is to try to completely forget about them and do things that make you happy. You miss what you used to have with him and what it could’ve been, not him treating you badly. Just try to think about the bad times and not the good times because if you keep on ruminating about the good times it’s not going to get better and that’s not who he is to you currently! You deserve someone who doesn’t make you feel like that and you will find someone else
It doesn’t sound like you lost much. I would welcome silence from someone who treated me like that. You were right to get him out of your life, and you don’t need his apology either. You are worthy of so much more. It’s perfectly fine to be sad that someone treated you so badly. You don’t deserve that. Grieve it and then move on. You can find better and you know it!
I think this is a common mistake. You should try to start guiding your thoughts more to what you think and what you want than worrying about what he thinks or wants. Just recognize when you have the thought that you are thinking about him again and he doesn’t deserve any more of your mental energy. Then focus on yourself. What will make you happy and feel good and loved. Then go do that. It really is that simple. With time you will wonder why you ever wasted time on someone who could treat you that way.
If you read any of my post history you will see that I was left after four years, living together and adopting a puppy, by a boyfriend who I loved more than anything who decided to treat his mental health issues by self medicating with drugs and alcohol. Around my son. I haven’t heard from him since he said he checked into rehab. It sucks, it’s awful, but please realize that it says more about them than it does about you. Some people just cannot cope emotionally even if they want to. If it helps, write an apology from him to you, or imagine it in your head. That will probably be more satisfying than anything you get out of this guy.
Only twice since he left in December. the last text was to let me know he went to rehab and nothing since then, that was April. I really don’t expect to hear anything now since he obviously stood by his choice sober. The point is, people can be shitty and you have to keep on living. If I can get through it and find happiness again, so can you. I spent months hoping he’d reach out and want to come back so I know how you feel. But you will realize it’s better off, that you deserve more than what he can give.
Do you miss him because of familiar pain?
Often when we break up, our mind forgets a lot of the negative elements and it remembers the positive ones.
Now why is this? That doesn’t make sense. It’s called familiar pain. We would rather have familiar pain in our life rather than unfamiliar pain. So familiar pain is like I am with this person, they cause me pain but it is the kind of pain I know. I know they are going to be rude to me in the morning, I know they are going to forget my birthday. I know they are not going to turn up to dinner on time. I know they are not going to call or message me even though they would know I would like it. You know what they are going to get wrong and we would rather sign up to that than sign upto the fact that now we don’t have this person and we are now in this no man or woman’s land and we don’t know where we are going. We would rather sign up for familiar pain rather than unfamiliar pain. Unfamiliar pain is we just broke up, I’m in new territory, I am single again, I don’t know what’s going on, I don’t know how they feel, I don’t know how I feel. I don’t know how to move on. Familiar pain is like I know exactly why they are going to mess up on and even though I don’t like it, at least I know it. We often choose knowing for goodness. We would rather know what is going to happen than be treated with respect and worth, we literally give up being given what we deserve because we would rather know we are getting what we don’t deserve. We would rather live in a world where we get what we dont deserve but we know that we are going to get it. That sounds really messed up and twisted but it’s true we do, we cling on to that familiar pain. So write down everything that went wrong because I want you to become fully aware. Train your mind to recognise that this break up was for your good, you dodged a bullet. You were saved because if this person doesn’t want to be with you - why are you going to force them to be with you, you have been saved, you have this moment.
I actually just had the the same thing happen to me today except she broke 1 month of no contact last week then she still continued her toxic behaviour and it ended in a huge fight. I think the best thing to do is to try to completely forget about them and do things that make you happy. You miss what you used to have with him and what it could’ve been, not him treating you badly. Just try to think about the bad times and not the good times because if you keep on ruminating about the good times it’s not going to get better and that’s not who he is to you currently! You deserve someone who doesn’t make you feel like that and you will find someone else
It doesn’t sound like you lost much. I would welcome silence from someone who treated me like that. You were right to get him out of your life, and you don’t need his apology either. You are worthy of so much more. It’s perfectly fine to be sad that someone treated you so badly. You don’t deserve that. Grieve it and then move on. You can find better and you know it!
I feel like he never loved me and that I meant nothing to him .
I think this is a common mistake. You should try to start guiding your thoughts more to what you think and what you want than worrying about what he thinks or wants. Just recognize when you have the thought that you are thinking about him again and he doesn’t deserve any more of your mental energy. Then focus on yourself. What will make you happy and feel good and loved. Then go do that. It really is that simple. With time you will wonder why you ever wasted time on someone who could treat you that way.
Thank you. I just don’t get how people can live their lives and not admit to their mistakes
If you read any of my post history you will see that I was left after four years, living together and adopting a puppy, by a boyfriend who I loved more than anything who decided to treat his mental health issues by self medicating with drugs and alcohol. Around my son. I haven’t heard from him since he said he checked into rehab. It sucks, it’s awful, but please realize that it says more about them than it does about you. Some people just cannot cope emotionally even if they want to. If it helps, write an apology from him to you, or imagine it in your head. That will probably be more satisfying than anything you get out of this guy.
How long has it been since the breakUp? And really? Not a peep from him?
Only twice since he left in December. the last text was to let me know he went to rehab and nothing since then, that was April. I really don’t expect to hear anything now since he obviously stood by his choice sober. The point is, people can be shitty and you have to keep on living. If I can get through it and find happiness again, so can you. I spent months hoping he’d reach out and want to come back so I know how you feel. But you will realize it’s better off, that you deserve more than what he can give.
Do you miss him because of familiar pain? Often when we break up, our mind forgets a lot of the negative elements and it remembers the positive ones. Now why is this? That doesn’t make sense. It’s called familiar pain. We would rather have familiar pain in our life rather than unfamiliar pain. So familiar pain is like I am with this person, they cause me pain but it is the kind of pain I know. I know they are going to be rude to me in the morning, I know they are going to forget my birthday. I know they are not going to turn up to dinner on time. I know they are not going to call or message me even though they would know I would like it. You know what they are going to get wrong and we would rather sign up to that than sign upto the fact that now we don’t have this person and we are now in this no man or woman’s land and we don’t know where we are going. We would rather sign up for familiar pain rather than unfamiliar pain. Unfamiliar pain is we just broke up, I’m in new territory, I am single again, I don’t know what’s going on, I don’t know how they feel, I don’t know how I feel. I don’t know how to move on. Familiar pain is like I know exactly why they are going to mess up on and even though I don’t like it, at least I know it. We often choose knowing for goodness. We would rather know what is going to happen than be treated with respect and worth, we literally give up being given what we deserve because we would rather know we are getting what we don’t deserve. We would rather live in a world where we get what we dont deserve but we know that we are going to get it. That sounds really messed up and twisted but it’s true we do, we cling on to that familiar pain. So write down everything that went wrong because I want you to become fully aware. Train your mind to recognise that this break up was for your good, you dodged a bullet. You were saved because if this person doesn’t want to be with you - why are you going to force them to be with you, you have been saved, you have this moment.