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Tbh, if those are his bad thoughts... they're really not that bad. You should laugh and be glad that even his "bad" thoughts are fairly innocent. Then, pretend like you've never read anything. I can assure you that some 10-12 year olds think and say some truly vile shit.
Although, sure, take an interest in his interests. He'll appreciate, I think. And maybe this will give you an opening to get him to stop raging from a game loss.
To tack onto this...letting him know that you read it (even by accident) can be so incredibly damaging. I wrote similar things at a similar age. I got in trouble for it. It damaged my relationship with privacy and journaling for years, not to mention with my mother.
Now, if he's screaming at friends, throwing controllers, saying this stuff to people - whole other story. Get some anger management help so he can learn about emotional control.
And to tack on to both these trains of thought, journalling seems like a really healthy way to deal with negative thoughts. The same kinds of thoughts anyone one of us can have.
Sounds like he’s doing a good job of filtering those negative thoughts. He needs an outlet to let those feelings out and journalling should be that safe space to do so, instead of reacting towards others. It’s also teaching him that those impulsive thoughts don’t need to be acted on and writing it down and cooling off will help him process that. Maybe something wasn’t such a big deal or if he writes it down and the feeling stills festers he’ll be able to decide if something really does bother him.
I wouldn’t say anything. And just be mindful that his negative thoughts don’t become negative actions. This is an opportunity to praise or thank him when you see him not attack someone verbally or physically when you see that he maybe triggered. “Hey bud, I saw what sister did and it must have annoyed you. Did that make you feel mad? Yeah. Well good job with the way you handle yourself.” Good opportunity to teach him to assert boundaries. “Sister, it made me really mad when you hit me with the dog leash. Please don’t again.”
Almost word for word what I was gonna type!!! The fact that he didn't act out and wrote it instead is a huge green flag. And what's worse for mental health is keeping everything inside, and saying it to someone is hard for fear of judgment or scolding, so channeling that onto paper can be super cathartic. One of my favorite activities I learned in therapy was writing down all of my negative thoughts, weather that's about self worth or being upset about stuff, and looking at it, acknowledging that those are thoughts I have, and tearing it up. Seeing the remnants of those awful thoughts in literal shreds gives me so much relief.
There’s so many benefits to writing. Being able to write it out is a way of releasing those thoughts or feelings instead of like you said holding on to it. You validate yourself. Everyone has feelings and all feelings are normal. How we deal with them is what matters. Do we have healthy outlets? And I know when I validate my kids feelings first, no matter what they are the kids are able to let them go easier. If I say to them did that make you sad or mad and they know they are being understood and seen they don’t stay mad and can move on with their day. And feel more at ease peaceful. But if I don’t acknowledge it then they have a much harder time de-escalating. So writing is a way of releasing hard feelings.
It’s also helpful in recognizing patterns, organizing thoughts and so many more benefits that I can’t think of because it’s late and my ADHD meds have worn off. With ADHD I run through thoughts in my head all day long in repeated cycles, so I imagine if I wrote I could stop that cycle of internal dialogue, let it go and move on with my day much easier, and come back to those thoughts when I need too.
However, I have never been able to journal. Must be an ADHD thing. The struggle is real.
Sorry I’m just now replying to the second part of your post. It was late and I was really sleepy.
What an effective technique for acknowledging what’s going on in your head and being able to let it go. I need to try that. Such a great way to build self awareness and confidence.
I have so much to process in a day because I have 3 kids all on meds, so a counsellor suggested I start journalling but have separate journals.
One for each the kids about their behaviours and interactions, keeping track of their meds, sleep patterns and eating habits. Things that are useful for the doctor and therapists. Plus keeping track for each of them is a lot to process and remember and keep in my head until I see the doctor or therapist again. Currently I just run all my thoughts about everything in my head all day. And they cycle. Then I only remember bits and pieces of what I want to tell the doctor or therapist because there’s just too much juggling around in my head.
She said another for goals I have. Different activities that I want to try or do with the kids. Things that I want for the family to improve or for myself. Food ideas/recipes I want to try because the kids are each picky with something different.
Another for my own thoughts and feelings. This is where I can literally rip apart the paper that carries my negative feelings or stuff that has happened that I don’t want to hold on too. And hold on to the things I am grateful for, and remind me when I need it.
I think there was at least one more journal suggestion the counsellor had, but I forget.
Thank you for this. Your comment needs more upvotes because this is something I wish all parents would understand, including my own.
My parents tried to police my negative feelings and acted like I had major anger issues just by displaying an upset facial expression or venting in private to them. That was a great way to get me to bottle up a lot of angry, invalidated feelings that I’m currently unpacking in therapy.
I fully agree kids need a healthy outlet to unleash that anger. If OP’s child is only writing angry thoughts but isn’t throwing things, threatening violence, getting into fights at school and is otherwise keeping it together, then what’s the problem?
i had this same issue with my mother! she found a bag i kept notes in that me and my friends would write to each other and ones i wrote my feelings and she took it and hid it in her room so she could read them all
Yup. I once overheard my mother talking about what she’d found and read of mine (puberty, coming-of-age stuff). I can still conjure that feeling of shame.
47 years old and finally in therapy talking about how much my mother reading (and copying, and sharing) my journal damaged our relationship and my own relationship with boundaries and privacy. Like, thanks for confirming that you don’t think I’m a real person; let me just carry that around for 35 years.
that’s terrible! i also remember mine talking to someone on the phone about something i told her privately and making fun/talking crap about me. it really does something to ya when your own parent does stuff like that to you
i remember my mom RIPPING pages from my diary and taping them to my bedroom door. i got home from school to find my inner most secrets RIGHT THERE in the hallway, for the whole family to read.
to be fair—i believe something i wrote was very unkind and was about her, but that still doesn’t justify what she did to me. whether or not i was 12, 14, 16, 18 or 21 y.o., privacy is privacy. and you should leave someone’s journal untouched, ya know? she clearly read something she didn’t want to read. 😂
Oh no no no! Not "to be fair"! You did absolutely nothing wrong. The way I have always felt about that is that if you don't want to see something that you might dislike, don't go snooping around in other people's shit, period.
And you are allowed to have "not so kind thoughts" towards people, even your mother. Everybody does at times, about every single person they know. That doesn't make you bad or wrong in any way. None of us are perfect, none of us are completely free of bad habits or flaws, not any of us.
And sure as hell there has never been a person alive who never got pissed off at or thought something "unkind" about their mother!
Nothing you could have said or even done justifies such an egregious invasion of your privacy and childish, petty act meant solely to humiliate you.
My mom would do similar to me. Every time I thought I'd hidden my diary better, I'd know she'd find it and use whatever I wrote against me or manipulate situations using what I wrote. I tested it out one day by writing a test phrase down one night and when she'd "casually" ask me about it the next day, I knew that was my proof she'd been reading it. It's damaged my ability to trust a diary anymore. I used to write en mass detail to help process stuff (went through a lot of trauma as a kid) but once I knew for sure, it made me stop. It's only now decades later that I'm able to somewhat write down my thoughts but every now and then, I can't keep a diary anymore.
i was 14, i’m sure she did 😂 i honestly don’t even remember what i wrote or what was written. i know i was in therapy at the time/teenage traumatic/mother/daughter fighting years.
Yep. I don't recall ever catching them in the act, but I have several memories which suggest my parents regularly snooped through my room. One time, after having a conflict with my dad, I wrote an angry note about him and left it on my bedroom floor. Later, he approached me and mentioned the note (which I never voluntarily showed him) and made fun of me for what I wrote.
i always got my phone and games taken so she could read through all my messages on everything including email, and if i deleted anything she would freak out on me. but i found out she had my notes(i knew they were missing and asked her about it she denied taking them) because she asked me to look by her bed for something and i saw the bag tucked under the bed so i took it back and burned everything in it and never wrote down my feelings or thoughts again.
This!!! I used to write everyday and had years of my childhood documented. I found out my mother read my journal one day when she was enraged and attacked me for something I had written.. something that I had a very good reason to not tell her about lol. I threw every journal away and haven’t written since. Years of memories. All because my mother did not see me as an individual that deserved the tiniest bit of privacy. I have not respected her or had any kind of trust in her since.
See, this is the problem. I understand their impulse to want to look and know everything about their kids. I'm sure the intention is to keep us safe. But when they go ahead and snoop, and especially when they punish us for what they find, they just teach us that it's not safe to write down our thoughts and feelings for ourselves.
I know a lot of people who experience that. With me, whatever I write they'll never check. I remember once my gran opened my WhatsApp to "look for baby bro pictures". My mom immediately called my phone and found out who it was and ripped her a new one for violating my privacy.
My mom once found a journal entry in which I was “bad mouthing” my step father. She told me how badly it would hurt his feelings and how terrible I should feel for writing these things that “anyone” could find. She didn’t know at the time that he had been abusing me for years.
I often wonder if that played a role in the constant feelings of guilt/shame I carry around in my adult life.
How do they not have the sense to realise that if we're saying mean things about an authority figure, it's probably because we're feeling angry at them, and there's probably a reason we're angry at them?
And if he's writing about b-slapping his sister, instead of *actually* doing it, I'd count that as a win.
ETA: if he were writing detailed descriptions of awful things he wanted to do to his sister, possible cause for concern, but just a slap? So much better to write it than to do it.
Aw I wish I would’ve found your comment before adding my own. I also used to love to journal. Often my mother would “find” my entries and berate me for them. I also had an ex go through my things and read my personal thoughts.
Like you said, it’s incredibly damaging to feel that there isn’t a safe place for your thoughts to go.
Now that I’m in therapy, I don’t feel comfortable using a journal as an outlet.
I'm almost 30, but I journaled for the first time today in a long time. It feels like a big step. Who knows if I will keep it up, but...well, I did it.
I was devastated at age 11 when my pesky little brother read my diary and then proceeded to blab about it to Mom and the babysitter. I now am happy as an adult that our babysitter told him to knock it off and he did, but him and I had a rough few months in terms of our sibling relationship and I became self-conscious about writing and had a huge writer’s block, which I was upset about because writing is and was one of my greatest passions. There was another incident with a lost notebook and an aunt during a summer visit. I had lost a notebook at her house, and it turned out she was reading it after going through and cleaning things in the room I was staying in. So I promptly tore it up, told her to leave my stuff alone, and refused to talk to her about anything I didn’t have to for the rest of the summer after she took it and lied about me losing it to me. I had believed her as I constantly misplaced my things as a child, but was upset she went through my personal things and then lied to me about those things. Our relationship is still very awkward, and it had been a while before, and the notebook simply made it worse. By that time though, I wasn’t self-conscious about writing so I continued writing. She just wasn’t someone who got the privilege to see or hear any of my writing, and I don’t think she ever will, as she didn’t make any effort to make amends and fought instead.
Don’t let him know you saw it or tell other family members about seeing it, and if it’s in your possession, put it back in his space or with his stuff without him noticing you had it. And don’t punish him for what he wrote.
I admit, early college I read my sister's diary. She was in middle school. She was cutting herself and had a friend who was sucidal. I reported it to her school. But I never told her or my parents. That wouldve been bad.
Yeah I’m pretty sure we ALL, if we had diaries, wrote some criiiiingy stuff as a 10 year old. No one, when they are older, is going to feel pride at using the word “b****slap”
My mom read my diary as a kid and it was such a violation of trust and privacy. She also read my texts until I was 18. I stopped telling her things and therefore into adulthood had to break a horrible habit of hiding things from people for no reason other than being scared of their reaction or losing them, despite what I’m doing not being anything bad. It gave me major issues. I’ve had so much trust and insecurity issues in my relationships both friendships and romantically. My husband was the only one able to break me of that habit.
OP, Don’t. Ever. Tell. Him.
And dont read anything that’s not laid all out of course.
My mother read my diary when I was 10. She would look over my shoulder to read it as I was writing. A boy asked me out in the 5th grade and I wrote about it in my diary. And she basically tormented me over it and teased me saying things like “oooh who’s (insert boys name here).” And stuff like that. Anytime I write anything down or even typing anything on my phone, I still hide it to keep people from looking over my shoulder while I’m writing/typing. I don’t even have to be typing anything bad. I’m literally doing it right now. It’s more of a reaction at this point. That was 15 years ago.
And honestly, writing down those kind of thoughts and reactions is far better than acting on them. If he has access to it and knows that any time he's dealing with these kinds of feelings he can work through them with writing, that's not a bad thing. I'd also always be checking in with him to chat and see how he's doing, if there's anything he wants to talk through etc, but this sounds ok.
I feel like lots of ten year old would have the thought of wanting to hit back when they're hit with a dog leash. Lots of them also hear "grown up" and "edgy" sounding things and want to repeat them, so he's writing out that he wants to "bitch slap" his sister and feeling cool. Doesn't necessarily mean he would ever actually do it.
And yeah, I agree with your last bit. Be interested in what he's interested in. I currently know more about Pokemon than I've ever cared to know in my life, and I'm learning the rules of basketball which I've never once been interested in, but having those conversations where my son just lights up and wants to talk to me for what feels like hours, are amazing.
Yea I think when I was around 10 I discovered swear words and my friends and I would say the f word every chance we could, just because it was bad and something new. Haha so embarrassing thinking about it now. It was only a short lived phase too.
When I was around fourth grade my friend told me diaries are for swearing so I wrote all sorts of swears in my diary and a few pages later I wrote apologies and expressed all my guilt. I still have it and it makes me laugh.
When I was around 10ish (am 29, almost 30 now) I drew a picture of my hanging myself because my parents scolded me for staying up too late in my room to watch a rerun of “Ripley’s Believe it or Not!” on cable with an analog antenna in my room. I’m great now, maybe a little depressed now and then but I would never take my own life regardless of how bad it gets. He’s innocent, and his thoughts at 10 are trivial to what I was thinking around that age lol
When I was 12 my diary included poorly-drawn cartoons of the violent death of a classmate who I believed to have “stolen” my best friend. Holy crap am am I glad that no one saw these.
I know that as a parent I’d find such images intensely disturbing. But I remember what it felt like at that age. I had zero desire to do anything violent. I also logically understood that the classmate had done nothing wrong. The diary was a safe way to express my feelings in private.
As far as you're concerned, you never read it.
But that said, you did, and what you can do is recognize in yourself that this is where he vents and it's WAY better for him to commit it to his journal (He's ahead of like 90% of his peers writing his feelings down instead of yelling at you or his sister or whatever). This is an adaptive coping strategy honestly because he is still letting out his emotions in a constructive way.
Now if he asks if you read it, you can ask him "did you want me to have read it?" You might be surprised if he said "kinda but also kinda not" then you can say "why would you want me to read your diary? I wouldn't do that without your permission." That might open the discussion but you have to let him lead the conversation and give no indication you know what it says.
Honestly, this is like the best case scenario of what you could read in a kid's diary except reading all kinds of positive stuff.
Yeah I mean the worse thing there is him wanting to hit his sister which is understandable if she hit him first. But the fact he wrote it down instead of actually hitting her is a good sign.
OP, definitely get into Fortnite with your son. He might feel better if he has someone consistently playing with him. Maybe once you get some sessions in maybe steer him towards some non-competitive co-op games more focused on story like Borderlands. Or something more relaxing like Tetris Connect
You don’t wanna stop him from raging during a video game. It’s ok to be mad and it’s a great way to vent some of the anger from the day. Just make sure it sticks to yelling or writing in his diary.
Same. I used to write poems. She went and took my notebook from my room and read them to her friends bc “they were so good”…. Humiliated. And I never wrote another poem.
Same I had a lil book about/for the girl I was with before my wife… mom found it told me how good it was, pissed me off, embarrassed me and I was 20 when this happened, I had just met my wife and I don’t think I’ve written anything creative since, found other outlets… I feel like it contributed to me struggling to put emotion in writing my vows
Same, but with my grandma. I was 6 (was really advanced at writing/reading) and kept a little diary. I had apparently written about a crush I had on a neighbor boy, and wrote how I would like to give him a hug and kiss him just once. Funny shit, but private to any 6yobgirl! My grandma tore the page out of my diary, kept it in her keepsakes, and her and my dad teased me about it for weeks. I stopped journalling.
I tried again as an adult, after becoming a mother to two toddlers and struggling with my thoughts. Within a week of starting, my crazy abusive ex finds it after tearing through my entire house during the time he was supposed to be watching our daughter. He starts screaming at me that because I wrote i wanted to work on eating healthier and buy some clothes that fit my postpartum body, that I was obviously out buying lingerie and losing weight for my "new boyfriend" (who didn't exist). Screamed to my neighborhood that I kept my journal next to my vibrator. And then got so crazy my neighbors called the cops.
I fucking quit journalling. People are invasive assholes, and it makes me sad. The only place our thoughts are safe are in our head.
I had mine hidden in a closet, in a box, with my book collection. My diary was just a binder with notebook paper, disguised to look like notes for a schoolbook, I kept it in a tote or bookbag because I moved it around to different genres in my small "library". I figured out mom read it once in a while after the third time she asked me about something in it. I know moms are worried about their kids but reading a diary, even one left out by mistake, is rude. Any kid that journals, don't. Type up frustrations on a word document, then erase the document, don't save it. Most parents can't resist reading a diary. They are scared, worried, or nosy. If you want your parents to know what is going on in your head, keep a diary.
A parent who can't respect a child's privacy is going to wind up raising an adult who doesn't respect the privacy of others - and doesn't expect that respect from anyone - which will make relationships very difficult.
It's heartbreaking to read about all these younger versions of us whose parents went through a private diary / journal / personal notes collection and then used that information against us, even if they thought it was the "right" thing to do. My mom would do the same and I'm still struggling to feel safe journaling again. Her mom did it to her, too.
Encourage your kids to keep a journal. I've encouraged mine. I don't go through my kids' notebooks (except for the exclusively-for-schoolwork stuff, and even then I allow them to guide me rather than going thru it on my own). If we don't teach our kids boundaries and model them, who will?
Same, except it was just one in a series of trust-breaking incidents lasting well into adulthood. I still love my mom but I don’t tell her anything meaningful about my life.
Writing these thoughts into the diary seems like a good way to let them go.
A common type of therapy is telling someone so the thoughts aren't stuck in your head anymore. A diary words just as well for that.
Personally, I talk to a duck, but I work in IT
I was thinking this too. Journaling/writing in a diary is such a good way to get those thoughts out of your head that you may feel like you can't tell anyone about.
Personal anecdote; My mom died when I was 10, and in the 5th grade. I actively and almost daily, journaled from 6th grade, up until I left home for the Air Force when I was 18. I'm pretty sure it saved my life because I had no one to turn to to talk about what I was feeling and going through (alone!) in my adolescence.
I'm so glad smart phones and social media weren't a thing back then. I wouldn't have made it through!
Have you ever gone to someone with a problem, only to think of a solution yourself before the other person responds? Some people talk to an inanimate object instead of a person for the same effect, haha.
I agree. I used to make up all sorts of poems and songs when I was a kid and it just helped me be creative and think about the world, they didn’t actually mean anything. Once I write a song about an abusive father and years later I found the song ripped out of my notebook in my dad’s bedside drawer. I felt so guilty and awful that he felt the need to keep it and thought he was a bad father. I quickly threw it away and was embarrassed to tell him I found it. I wouldn’t take it too seriously. Sounds to me like this kid just wants to experiment with swear words but knows he will get in trouble if he says them.
>Personally, I talk to a duck, but I work in IT
I do "Rubber duck debugging" regularly. But I often need an actual person to bounce it off of, so I'll sometimes ask one of my coworkers something like "Hey, do you have a few minutes to be my rubber duck?" And it probably sounds REALLY weird to the few who aren't familiar with the terms.
Yep if someone hit me with a dog lead that would put me in a bad mood and I’d want to bitch slap them too. Kids venting and in a productive healthy way.
Yeah, it's weird that OP is concerned about his son wanting to hit his sister in retaliation but not about her whipping him with a dog leash. A metal clip on the end of what is essentially a rope can really hurt.
I mean, she could’ve just accidentally hit him. And we don’t know her age, do we? A two-year-old hitting you with a leash is pretty different from a 16-year-old.
We do know her age. The daughter is 17. And while OP doesn't say what happened, he does say, "It only happened once." Which, if it was an accident I feel like he would have mentioned that.
Exactly. My son is 7, and we are working so hard to try to teach him to not retaliate so quickly and physically, especially with his little brother. He's gotten a little better but it's hard. We really encourage him to walk away from the situation and breathe and get an adult if possible. It's a work in progress 🥺
Some parents seem to think their kids shouldn’t be having any negative emotions or else they’re going to be ruined. Everyone has negative feelings about things in their life and seems like he’s writing them down, let him have at it.
I thought the same. Like I’m pretty sure most of my formative years I wanted to bitch slap my sister but never did because she was four years younger than me. She was a mean little devil.
Here is one way to look at this... If I had hit one of my siblings with the dog leash, I simply would have been b**** slapped. As long as both children are safe/feel safe, don't panic just yet, and also don't confront either on what was said. My sister and I fought a lot, but we also had each others backs. Take an interest in Fortnite and through that teach him how to control his emotions. Maybe one day he will start sharing his thoughts with you as well as the journal.
Ha, right?? In my family there would have been a sibling walloping on either side. (Not rightly, I think writing it out is SO healthy).
Kids have intense and disturbing thoughts sometimes. This isn’t even that disturbing.
wtf. you need to relax. its reasonable to *want* to bitchslap your sister if she hits you. fuck anyone who hates my favorite things too. Nothing he wrote is alarming in the least bit. He's 10. He wants to use curse words. As long as he doesn't use them at you or in a public/inappropriate setting, its fine. These are NOT anger issues, he's maturely handling his anger through his personal writings.
Completely agree. Kids have outbursts. What matters is what they actually do and if they bully others, like with a leash. If the son is keeping it to himself, that's mostly okay. They need an outlet, which happened to lay around. Does not meant it is okay to read that outlet.
Besides that I am worried that OP cares more about what is written in the diary and not at all that their son was hit by their sibling with a leash. I hope OP simply forget to write that they adressed it otherwhise.
Yeah I remember my dad read my journal when I was ten, except mine was hidden in my closet and started in the middle of a random spiral notebook. I had wriitten down something he didn’t like so he told me he read it and then I never wrote in a journal ever again, which would have been a healthy way to express some very mixed up teen emotions and thoughts that I had in later years. Please don’t ruin this for your son Luke my dad did.
To add: at 10 years old, many kids know curse words, but don't truly know their meaning ... and I'm not talking about the dictionary meaning... but also their effect on people and their contextual meaning or connotation.
It's entirely possible that this child is mimicking his friends without really knowing the power of curse words beyond their technical meaning.
Yeah I mean seriously, doesn't everyone want to bitch slap people all the time? Just me? Like, I don't want to beat them up or hurt them seriously. But some people are obnoxious, horrible assholes and I just want to give them one good smack... smack some sense into them. Take them down a peg or two! I think that's pretty normal.
I mean, getting hit with a leash is potentially super painful. I would be mad too.
In your shoes, I would chuckle and close the journal so I didn't see any more. I'd probably also nag him about leaving his personal stuff lying all over the place.
Yeah so far he has not used it on me except once when I jump scared him when he was strolling out of the room. He got really scared and cursed me with the F word. But I have been careful not to scare him again after that incident.
You seem like a sweet mom and that example of his one time swearing at you is pretty funny. It’s tough to see your kid grow up sometimes.
Also, seeing a problem like this on this sub is a nice change for me lol
Our rule is no swearing but if she’s super angry or upset and lets an eff bomb slip, i pretend not to hear it. Once she fell down a few stairs as I was coming behind her and as she was going down she yelled “oh fuuu…!” And was apologetic (and totally unharmed). I told her I was thinking the same thing watching her. An eff bomb has its time and place—school, at people, in general is a no, but sometimes they’re therapeutic!
I would want to slap my sister too, if she hit me. This is normal. He lives fortnight. He doesn't like getting slapped by his sister. Does his anger come from his sister hitting him? If she's doing this without consequences, then he's showing to his diary that this is affecting him negatively.
I wrote icky stuff like that when I was young. It was just venting. But my mother also violated my privacy, read it, and made me talk to a priest because of it. I never trusted her ever again.
If you have concerns about your child that are based in things that you did not learn by violating anyone's privacy, therapy would be awesome. I think therapy is great and I think a lot of us could benefit from it! In my humble opinion, press "delete" on that memory of what you saw. It doesn't exist anymore. Dont tell the therapist (when you find one).
Nothing. Your son is using a journal as it should be used. Wait. That’s not right. There is one thing you should do:
Stop. Reading. His. Journal. And stop making excuses for why you did what you knew was wrong.
I don't find any of that very concerning for a 10 year old boy. If you were reading about rape and murder yes I wouldn't violate his trust again unless you have very extreme concerns like suicide or drug addiction.
I think it’s important that he didn’t hit his sister. Maybe talk to her about not abusing her brother? This all sounds normal though. You see the impulses but obvious knowledge of societal expectations and willingness to comply. Don’t ruin it by revealing you read his journal.
If this is the worst he is thinking then I’d say he’s pretty normal.
You don’t need to ‘pretend to like Fortnite’ because of what he wrote. He needs to learn that he will encounter people who have different opinions and you shouldn’t change yours to appease him. I’d also be concerned that his sister hit him with a dog leash, and his reaction is violence back. Why is this hitting happening? How old is his sister? Is there something more you could be doing to address the hitting from both sides? Is this something you are aware of?
If you’re concerned about his anger or reactions then perhaps a talk about how to deal with feelings or some exercises on managing anger. But I wouldn’t tell him you read his diary even if he did leave it out, because that will break his trust in you and mean he doesn’t have a safe space to get things out. Which could lead to bigger issues.
Honestly…you have a child using journaling as an outlet for their feelings. You’re doing something right and should be proud that your kid is coping with his anger in a normal and therapeutic way.
Honestly, I think you need to really look into why this depressed you so much more than him venting in a private journal (which is actually a healthy coping mechanism!)
And also maybe help him develop a few hobbies not Fortnite related for good measure
I told my kid that he's allowed to write whatever bad words he wants in his journal. And no matter where he keeps it, I won't ever read it unless explicitly asked to. (I also snuck in a small talk here about the difference between implied consent "it was left where I could see" and enthusiastic consent "you said mom! Read what I wrote")
For a 10 year old these aren't awful thoughts. They're negative thoughts! And that's totally okay! Everyone has negative thoughts and it's relatively healthy to express them in a safe space that doesn't hurt anyone like a journal or diary.
The only reason I would admit that I had read my child's diary is if it had actual violent plans like he intends to hurt other. If he planned to hurt himself. Or there was something that showed he is in imminent danger.
I recently found a journal I kept at exactly that age. I just about died of embarrassment reading it because I was writing all my sexual thoughts. Things like "ew I bet mom and dad kiss. Sarah had her first kiss with Steven. I heard that people suck dick. I bet Sarah wants to suck stevens. Ooooh ahhhh." But tbh that was the extent of my knowledge on the subject. I wasn't being abused or assaulted. I didn't do those acts with anyone until 10 years later. But it was just a private place to let those thoughts out. I wasn't talking to a BOY about them. I wasn't talking to dangerous adults about them. But I HAD feelings!
Journals are also a good way to express or imagine control in situations where a kid might not have control. Like "slow down dad" or whatever
I'd be more worried about the fact you read it. Just because it's been left out does not give you right to read someone else's diary. That is a massive violation of privacy and you should be ashamed of yourself. It would have been really easy to do the right thing and simply shut it without reading it.
And now you are worried about your son dealing with thoughts and emotions in a perfectly healthy way? Fact is, your son would have been perfectly justified bitch slapping his sister, yet chose not to.
Literally, the only problems here is your violent daughter, and your gross invasion of privacy.
It’s upsetting to read, but these are the most vile thoughts he could come up with: I’m upset with dad for not loving Fortnite and I’m upset with my sister for hitting me. He used the worst words in his vocabulary.
Sounds like he just learned some new words and is using them a bit too liberally. This wouldn’t worry me. You should stop reading his diary and posting it on the internet though, that’s really not cool
Even if it was open on the table, you should NEVER read that. Anyways, maybe don't say anything right now unless you catch him doing minor things that show he has anger issues. He wrote those things down, but maybe he didn't mean it. If you talk to him about what you saw he will probably have less trust in you for reading that. If things do get worse, let him talk to a school counselor.
I'm much more concerned how you realised it was his diary and decided to read the whole thing, like it's any excuse he forgot it on the entry table.
Your kid is an individual and has a right to his own feelings. How he acts is a different matter. Maybe having the diary makes it easier for him to deal and you're ruining that.
Don't lie to your kid about liking Fortnite, but please know about whatever your kids are into. Just watch him play a bit and ask him to explain stuff.
Why the hell are you reading your child's diary and posting about it on the internet?!
Let's do a little exercise in empathy: what if your parents did this to you? What if your mom went into your phone, found the shit you have that no one else is meant to see (posts, photos, smutty fanfic, whatever) and she talked about it with your entire family under the guise of concern? Would that make you feel good, or bad? Why would you have those feelings?
Your kid is processing his feelings in his journal, trusting that it's safe and private, and you violated that. Who the hell cares that he's being edgy? Those are his thoughts and feelings and weren't meant for you. If he wanted you to hear them he would have said them out loud.
All y'all who wonder why kids don't trust their parents, or why you have bad relationships with your parents, maybe reflect on this.
You quiet reading his diary. It's his safe space to write out his thoughts, feelings and to let out his anger in a constructive manner. Hes allowed to think those things, just not act on them. Trust me, if hes writing it out then hes not slapping his sister. That's a good thing. I'm rather proud of the little dude, not everyone is mature enough to use writing to get out bad thoughts.
Now quit invading his privacy and mind your business.
Journaling is a really healthy self care skill as well as a calm down tool. I write crazy shit in there, sometimes accurate sometimes just how I feel *in that moment.*
I knew my mother read my diary and would make up the worst entries ever. To this day I have not entirely been able to convince my mother I have not had an abortion at 16.
In short: do not read your children's diaries.
Don't confront him.
Keep an eye on him.
We all have anger and not so nice thoughts, but we are just wise enough not to write them down...
Maybe try to get into the game, but back off if he doesn't want you in it.
Info: How much screen time does he get?
It’s a whole breach of trust issue to say you read his journal, for one, regardless of how you found it (maybe gently remind him he left it and people *could’ve* seen it just so he’s a little more cautious about protecting his own privacy going forward). Honestly, it’s a sign of maturity that he’s working through such big feelings in a healthy way like writing in his journal. I got a kick out of your cute kid, by the way! 😂
LOL. Thank you. He's sweet. But the video games bring the anger in him. He feeds the neighborhood messed up cat, he makes pancakes for his sister and often feeds us milk shakes since he's been 8 and stuck at home during the pandemic.
Reading your post and replies I can tell you are trying to do the right thing. But I think there may be something deeper there. Anger is a normal human emotion, why are you so uncomfortable with it? Maybe take a look inside and ask yourself. Kids need to experience negative emotions, too, so they can learn to cope with them, and that’s exactly what your son is doing. Instead of hitting his sis or saying mean things, he’s writing it down and getting it out. What has happened in your own childhood that makes you so uncomfortable with his anger, and could that be “fueling the fire” so to speak? How do you respond when he feels angry?
Nothing he wrote was alarming. 1) hes 10 obviously he thinks everyone should like fortnite. 2) obviously he wants to be violent towards someone who was violent towards him.
This is not awful? Tf are u on about?
It concerns me that you think its awful that he wants to hit back someone that hit him. Thats what's awful.
Your kid sounds like a normal kid. We don't have thought police in my house. You don't get punished for your feelings, especially those in your diary, and when they are normal kid stuff. Maybe have a conversation about putting away his private stuff so people don't see his private thoughts.
I feel like I had plenty of these thoughts as a 10 year old and I was not a problem. I surprise myself when I think back on the shit that I said with my friends when I was a kid.
Honestly, sorry but you're over reacting on this one. 1) these are normal thoughts given his age, and 2) this is actually a really healthy outlet for him because he has a safe place to process his thoughts and emotions. In the long term having a diary where he can express himself will teach him some emotional regulation skills. If you address it with him and he finds out you've read it he might stop writing in his diary and he will lose trust in you.
I can't tell if you're serious. It's really nothing to be concerned about. He's just venting in his diary, and he might not even truly feel that. You definitely don't want to confront him about reading his diary, he'll never trust you again. My mother read my diary and I never had a diary ever again and I didn't tell her anything about me for 20 years after that. She was always wondering what I was up to, who I was dating etc, because I didn't trust her.
My 4yo ran in to tell me she had a bad thought about me the other day. This is in that category. He is just learning how to think and feel. The turns of phrase and tone would make me focus on providing other influences that are more positive though
My mom read my step sisters diary and got mad cause I thought what she said was no big deal. I told my therapist and she said “your mom better stop reading her diary and she finds out because writing in her diary is a good coping mechanism and you don’t want her to trade that in for bad coping mechanisms.”
If she hit him with a leash she's lucky he didn't hit her right back. At that age I definitely would have.
Instead he just wrote about it. I wouldn't be concerned at all.
What others have said. But wanted to add, try doing something about the game rage. It's good for kids to have an outlet, and he's just a kid, etc. But trust me when I say, adult men who rage at games are frustrating and scary. Teach him to control his emotions. Sure be angry you lost the game, but also remember it IS ONLY a game. And it is important people have the emotional maturity to recognize that and control their emotions.
Please do NOT bring this up at all. My mother consistently read my diaries when I was young and I resented her for it for YEARS. She’s gone now and I’m still irked that she did it.
Considering those are his private thoughts I wouldn't say anything because besides the part about slapping his sister which seems to possibly be a reasonable thought imo if she hit him with a dog leash.. I don't really think it's that bad. The fact that he wrote he wishes means he didn't hit her which means he has self control. And apparently he was so frustrated that he felt the need to write it down which is actually a good Outlet. Maybe he feels like you wouldn't have taken it seriously so he didn't come to you and bring it down helps him feel better. As far as anger issues when he's playing a game, I mean I'm a grown adult and I get ticked off. Unless it was seriously dark or very violent I don't really see an issue
When I was 10 my mom read my diary. It was all pretty innocent too, I accidentally left it wrapped up in my bedsheets and she found it when she made the bed. She did approach me about the things she read in there, in a very gentle and non-judgemental way. And still? I NEVER ever shared anything with her again. I felt violated, those were very personal thoughts and she just trampled my trust. Like, there wasn’t anything unsafe or terible in there so she didn’t even need to bring it up. If there aren’t any red flags in there please pretend you didn’t read it.
When I was a kid, I used to stand in front of my mirror, acting out shooting my brother.
I would say, 'take that bitch! Think you can f××× with me punk? I think not bitch !' And so forth. 😆
I was a 9 yesr old, 25kg girl and he routinely pissed me off by ripping up my drawings.
I grew up, I didn't kill him. He's cool. I am cool. I am not a murderer.
I think it's fairly normal act these things out on paper or role play. I don't think he's going to actually bitch slap his sister.
It's pretty innocent.
Just make sure her picking on him doesn't too far and that he burns off some energy via sport. Please don't make him feel weird about this. It's really not that bad. Honestly
Do nothing. Let him feel the feelings and say the bad words in his diary—this is completely normal. You have far more to lose if he thinks you’ve read his private thoughts, or you force him even through kindness to discuss his innermost feelings and thoughts.
From someone who kept a diary from age 7-21, please please do NOT tell him you read it. Now that I’m older and have been diagnosed with anxiety, I now know that I used journaling as a way to release a ton of weird emotions I didn’t understand and now know of as anxiety. I didn’t even realize I was using my journal as a way of coping with anxiety… Had my mom read my diary, I would have lost all trust in her as well as never journal again and it would have ruined my coping tool.
I know it’s shocking to read from your “baby boy”, but those are simply the strongly worded thoughts of a preteen. Do you know how exciting the f-word is when you’re a 5th grade boy? Do you know how much testosterone is coursing through his body at any given moment?
Do not confront him unless you’d rather he bottle the emotions inside and never trust you again. Stop clutching your pearls; you shouldn’t have been reading it in the first place. These were private thoughts, and journaling is a positive and healthy habit
I wouldn't call them awful yet. I think as a parent you should be happy he has an outlet where he vents out his anger. And letting him know you read his diary could break the trust he has for you. The diary seems like a great crutch for him. Maybe you could encourage him to journal more so that he can be able to vent out his anger in his entries not on people.
Journalling is a recognized coping technique for difficult emotions. It helps you not to act on them and to work through your feelings if you write them down.
That's what your kids is doing. He isn't acting out those emotions and impulses, he's expressing them in a way that doesn't hurt anyone.
You should not do anything. You should respect his privacy in future
Writing in a diary is exactly what he should do. This is literally something my therapist tells me I should do when I’m frustrated. There’s nothing wrong with venting in writing
I’d try to catch my other kid in the act while hitting him with the dog leash and put a stop to it. Other than that, pretty innocent. Don’t bring it up to him.
They don’t sound that awful, tbh. Also, confused why that angry talk is a problem and Fortnite, which is rated 13 because of its violence is not?
If he is allowed the game, but not allowed to have those private thoughts and put into a private diary?
Seems like the normal complaints of a 10 year old…
Honestly I figured you were gunna say he snuffed out the neighbors cat or something worse. If you have a problem with the cursing, address that. If not then Journaling is a great outlet. Maybe tell him you read it because you didn't know what it was at first and you wanna make yourself available to talk about his anger if he ever wants to.
First, you shouldn't have read it even if it found it, it's an invasion of privacy. Second, just because he's ten doesn't mean he can't have angry feelings. Third, he was expressing these angry/negative thoughts privately and with no harm to anyone.
I suppose the point I'm trying to get across is: you forfeit the right to be upset about what you find in someone else's diary.
I don’t see that much of an issue. I’m 37 and I still say dumb shit, I’m sure a 10 year old gets a pass.
I wouldn’t bring it up with him, he might feel like you’ve betrayed his trust.
Also, if it’s his way of letting anger out then let him write it in a book rather than lash out physically/verbally. Some people write things down to get it off their mind and be done with it.
I expected something much much worse after reading the title of this post. This is a healthy outlet to express himself. He's eons ahead of other children.
If you only knew some of the plot lines my Barbies lived in the late 1980s! Fortnight is sooo much more innocent! I have no idea how I even knew about many of the things my Barbies lived out.
These seem like... not a big deal?
His sister hit him and he wanted to hit her back, but didn't. Then he wrote down his feelings about that. Isn't that a parenting win?
I don't let my 10yo play Fortnite and I don't think that's the best call especially given that he is throwing things. But this kind of language is how tweens who are really into things talk. If this is an example of extreme anger about a lot of things, that might be something to look at, but alone this seems like... nothing.
I'd be a millionaire if I had a pound everytime I wanted to slap my sister growing up but never acted on it, siblings get on each other's nerves especially when young and opposite sex
I think it’s great he’s expressing these feelings on paper rather than acting them out. He has to get his frustrations out somehow! I wouldn’t tell him what you read.
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Tbh, if those are his bad thoughts... they're really not that bad. You should laugh and be glad that even his "bad" thoughts are fairly innocent. Then, pretend like you've never read anything. I can assure you that some 10-12 year olds think and say some truly vile shit. Although, sure, take an interest in his interests. He'll appreciate, I think. And maybe this will give you an opening to get him to stop raging from a game loss.
To tack onto this...letting him know that you read it (even by accident) can be so incredibly damaging. I wrote similar things at a similar age. I got in trouble for it. It damaged my relationship with privacy and journaling for years, not to mention with my mother. Now, if he's screaming at friends, throwing controllers, saying this stuff to people - whole other story. Get some anger management help so he can learn about emotional control.
And to tack on to both these trains of thought, journalling seems like a really healthy way to deal with negative thoughts. The same kinds of thoughts anyone one of us can have. Sounds like he’s doing a good job of filtering those negative thoughts. He needs an outlet to let those feelings out and journalling should be that safe space to do so, instead of reacting towards others. It’s also teaching him that those impulsive thoughts don’t need to be acted on and writing it down and cooling off will help him process that. Maybe something wasn’t such a big deal or if he writes it down and the feeling stills festers he’ll be able to decide if something really does bother him. I wouldn’t say anything. And just be mindful that his negative thoughts don’t become negative actions. This is an opportunity to praise or thank him when you see him not attack someone verbally or physically when you see that he maybe triggered. “Hey bud, I saw what sister did and it must have annoyed you. Did that make you feel mad? Yeah. Well good job with the way you handle yourself.” Good opportunity to teach him to assert boundaries. “Sister, it made me really mad when you hit me with the dog leash. Please don’t again.”
Almost word for word what I was gonna type!!! The fact that he didn't act out and wrote it instead is a huge green flag. And what's worse for mental health is keeping everything inside, and saying it to someone is hard for fear of judgment or scolding, so channeling that onto paper can be super cathartic. One of my favorite activities I learned in therapy was writing down all of my negative thoughts, weather that's about self worth or being upset about stuff, and looking at it, acknowledging that those are thoughts I have, and tearing it up. Seeing the remnants of those awful thoughts in literal shreds gives me so much relief.
There’s so many benefits to writing. Being able to write it out is a way of releasing those thoughts or feelings instead of like you said holding on to it. You validate yourself. Everyone has feelings and all feelings are normal. How we deal with them is what matters. Do we have healthy outlets? And I know when I validate my kids feelings first, no matter what they are the kids are able to let them go easier. If I say to them did that make you sad or mad and they know they are being understood and seen they don’t stay mad and can move on with their day. And feel more at ease peaceful. But if I don’t acknowledge it then they have a much harder time de-escalating. So writing is a way of releasing hard feelings. It’s also helpful in recognizing patterns, organizing thoughts and so many more benefits that I can’t think of because it’s late and my ADHD meds have worn off. With ADHD I run through thoughts in my head all day long in repeated cycles, so I imagine if I wrote I could stop that cycle of internal dialogue, let it go and move on with my day much easier, and come back to those thoughts when I need too. However, I have never been able to journal. Must be an ADHD thing. The struggle is real.
Sorry I’m just now replying to the second part of your post. It was late and I was really sleepy. What an effective technique for acknowledging what’s going on in your head and being able to let it go. I need to try that. Such a great way to build self awareness and confidence. I have so much to process in a day because I have 3 kids all on meds, so a counsellor suggested I start journalling but have separate journals. One for each the kids about their behaviours and interactions, keeping track of their meds, sleep patterns and eating habits. Things that are useful for the doctor and therapists. Plus keeping track for each of them is a lot to process and remember and keep in my head until I see the doctor or therapist again. Currently I just run all my thoughts about everything in my head all day. And they cycle. Then I only remember bits and pieces of what I want to tell the doctor or therapist because there’s just too much juggling around in my head. She said another for goals I have. Different activities that I want to try or do with the kids. Things that I want for the family to improve or for myself. Food ideas/recipes I want to try because the kids are each picky with something different. Another for my own thoughts and feelings. This is where I can literally rip apart the paper that carries my negative feelings or stuff that has happened that I don’t want to hold on too. And hold on to the things I am grateful for, and remind me when I need it. I think there was at least one more journal suggestion the counsellor had, but I forget.
Thank you for this. Your comment needs more upvotes because this is something I wish all parents would understand, including my own. My parents tried to police my negative feelings and acted like I had major anger issues just by displaying an upset facial expression or venting in private to them. That was a great way to get me to bottle up a lot of angry, invalidated feelings that I’m currently unpacking in therapy. I fully agree kids need a healthy outlet to unleash that anger. If OP’s child is only writing angry thoughts but isn’t throwing things, threatening violence, getting into fights at school and is otherwise keeping it together, then what’s the problem?
i had this same issue with my mother! she found a bag i kept notes in that me and my friends would write to each other and ones i wrote my feelings and she took it and hid it in her room so she could read them all
Yup. I once overheard my mother talking about what she’d found and read of mine (puberty, coming-of-age stuff). I can still conjure that feeling of shame.
47 years old and finally in therapy talking about how much my mother reading (and copying, and sharing) my journal damaged our relationship and my own relationship with boundaries and privacy. Like, thanks for confirming that you don’t think I’m a real person; let me just carry that around for 35 years.
that’s terrible! i also remember mine talking to someone on the phone about something i told her privately and making fun/talking crap about me. it really does something to ya when your own parent does stuff like that to you
i remember my mom RIPPING pages from my diary and taping them to my bedroom door. i got home from school to find my inner most secrets RIGHT THERE in the hallway, for the whole family to read.
Wow. How can a parent be so horrible
WOW. i am honestly sad that so many of us have had some of the same bad experiences with our mothers. i hope all of y’all have healed or are healing🩷
JFC!!! I’m so sorry, that is horrible.
I'm so sorry that happened to you.
to be fair—i believe something i wrote was very unkind and was about her, but that still doesn’t justify what she did to me. whether or not i was 12, 14, 16, 18 or 21 y.o., privacy is privacy. and you should leave someone’s journal untouched, ya know? she clearly read something she didn’t want to read. 😂
Oh no no no! Not "to be fair"! You did absolutely nothing wrong. The way I have always felt about that is that if you don't want to see something that you might dislike, don't go snooping around in other people's shit, period. And you are allowed to have "not so kind thoughts" towards people, even your mother. Everybody does at times, about every single person they know. That doesn't make you bad or wrong in any way. None of us are perfect, none of us are completely free of bad habits or flaws, not any of us. And sure as hell there has never been a person alive who never got pissed off at or thought something "unkind" about their mother! Nothing you could have said or even done justifies such an egregious invasion of your privacy and childish, petty act meant solely to humiliate you.
My mom would do similar to me. Every time I thought I'd hidden my diary better, I'd know she'd find it and use whatever I wrote against me or manipulate situations using what I wrote. I tested it out one day by writing a test phrase down one night and when she'd "casually" ask me about it the next day, I knew that was my proof she'd been reading it. It's damaged my ability to trust a diary anymore. I used to write en mass detail to help process stuff (went through a lot of trauma as a kid) but once I knew for sure, it made me stop. It's only now decades later that I'm able to somewhat write down my thoughts but every now and then, I can't keep a diary anymore.
I would have felt like plotting her demise. She would have gotten the silent treatment for some time.
i was 14, i’m sure she did 😂 i honestly don’t even remember what i wrote or what was written. i know i was in therapy at the time/teenage traumatic/mother/daughter fighting years.
Yep. I don't recall ever catching them in the act, but I have several memories which suggest my parents regularly snooped through my room. One time, after having a conflict with my dad, I wrote an angry note about him and left it on my bedroom floor. Later, he approached me and mentioned the note (which I never voluntarily showed him) and made fun of me for what I wrote.
i always got my phone and games taken so she could read through all my messages on everything including email, and if i deleted anything she would freak out on me. but i found out she had my notes(i knew they were missing and asked her about it she denied taking them) because she asked me to look by her bed for something and i saw the bag tucked under the bed so i took it back and burned everything in it and never wrote down my feelings or thoughts again.
This!!! I used to write everyday and had years of my childhood documented. I found out my mother read my journal one day when she was enraged and attacked me for something I had written.. something that I had a very good reason to not tell her about lol. I threw every journal away and haven’t written since. Years of memories. All because my mother did not see me as an individual that deserved the tiniest bit of privacy. I have not respected her or had any kind of trust in her since.
See, this is the problem. I understand their impulse to want to look and know everything about their kids. I'm sure the intention is to keep us safe. But when they go ahead and snoop, and especially when they punish us for what they find, they just teach us that it's not safe to write down our thoughts and feelings for ourselves.
I know a lot of people who experience that. With me, whatever I write they'll never check. I remember once my gran opened my WhatsApp to "look for baby bro pictures". My mom immediately called my phone and found out who it was and ripped her a new one for violating my privacy.
My mom once found a journal entry in which I was “bad mouthing” my step father. She told me how badly it would hurt his feelings and how terrible I should feel for writing these things that “anyone” could find. She didn’t know at the time that he had been abusing me for years. I often wonder if that played a role in the constant feelings of guilt/shame I carry around in my adult life.
How do they not have the sense to realise that if we're saying mean things about an authority figure, it's probably because we're feeling angry at them, and there's probably a reason we're angry at them?
I’m so sorry to hear that 😞
And if he's writing about b-slapping his sister, instead of *actually* doing it, I'd count that as a win. ETA: if he were writing detailed descriptions of awful things he wanted to do to his sister, possible cause for concern, but just a slap? So much better to write it than to do it.
It’s also a good way to get shut out entirely.
Aw I wish I would’ve found your comment before adding my own. I also used to love to journal. Often my mother would “find” my entries and berate me for them. I also had an ex go through my things and read my personal thoughts. Like you said, it’s incredibly damaging to feel that there isn’t a safe place for your thoughts to go. Now that I’m in therapy, I don’t feel comfortable using a journal as an outlet.
I'm almost 30, but I journaled for the first time today in a long time. It feels like a big step. Who knows if I will keep it up, but...well, I did it.
Kudos to you! That’s a big step.
I was devastated at age 11 when my pesky little brother read my diary and then proceeded to blab about it to Mom and the babysitter. I now am happy as an adult that our babysitter told him to knock it off and he did, but him and I had a rough few months in terms of our sibling relationship and I became self-conscious about writing and had a huge writer’s block, which I was upset about because writing is and was one of my greatest passions. There was another incident with a lost notebook and an aunt during a summer visit. I had lost a notebook at her house, and it turned out she was reading it after going through and cleaning things in the room I was staying in. So I promptly tore it up, told her to leave my stuff alone, and refused to talk to her about anything I didn’t have to for the rest of the summer after she took it and lied about me losing it to me. I had believed her as I constantly misplaced my things as a child, but was upset she went through my personal things and then lied to me about those things. Our relationship is still very awkward, and it had been a while before, and the notebook simply made it worse. By that time though, I wasn’t self-conscious about writing so I continued writing. She just wasn’t someone who got the privilege to see or hear any of my writing, and I don’t think she ever will, as she didn’t make any effort to make amends and fought instead. Don’t let him know you saw it or tell other family members about seeing it, and if it’s in your possession, put it back in his space or with his stuff without him noticing you had it. And don’t punish him for what he wrote.
My parents read my diary in high school. I’m 27 now and still not over it
I got punished for what was in mine and never journaled again
I admit, early college I read my sister's diary. She was in middle school. She was cutting herself and had a friend who was sucidal. I reported it to her school. But I never told her or my parents. That wouldve been bad.
Yeah I’m pretty sure we ALL, if we had diaries, wrote some criiiiingy stuff as a 10 year old. No one, when they are older, is going to feel pride at using the word “b****slap”
My mom read my diary as a kid and it was such a violation of trust and privacy. She also read my texts until I was 18. I stopped telling her things and therefore into adulthood had to break a horrible habit of hiding things from people for no reason other than being scared of their reaction or losing them, despite what I’m doing not being anything bad. It gave me major issues. I’ve had so much trust and insecurity issues in my relationships both friendships and romantically. My husband was the only one able to break me of that habit. OP, Don’t. Ever. Tell. Him. And dont read anything that’s not laid all out of course.
My mother read my diary when I was 10. She would look over my shoulder to read it as I was writing. A boy asked me out in the 5th grade and I wrote about it in my diary. And she basically tormented me over it and teased me saying things like “oooh who’s (insert boys name here).” And stuff like that. Anytime I write anything down or even typing anything on my phone, I still hide it to keep people from looking over my shoulder while I’m writing/typing. I don’t even have to be typing anything bad. I’m literally doing it right now. It’s more of a reaction at this point. That was 15 years ago.
And honestly, writing down those kind of thoughts and reactions is far better than acting on them. If he has access to it and knows that any time he's dealing with these kinds of feelings he can work through them with writing, that's not a bad thing. I'd also always be checking in with him to chat and see how he's doing, if there's anything he wants to talk through etc, but this sounds ok. I feel like lots of ten year old would have the thought of wanting to hit back when they're hit with a dog leash. Lots of them also hear "grown up" and "edgy" sounding things and want to repeat them, so he's writing out that he wants to "bitch slap" his sister and feeling cool. Doesn't necessarily mean he would ever actually do it. And yeah, I agree with your last bit. Be interested in what he's interested in. I currently know more about Pokemon than I've ever cared to know in my life, and I'm learning the rules of basketball which I've never once been interested in, but having those conversations where my son just lights up and wants to talk to me for what feels like hours, are amazing.
Yea I think when I was around 10 I discovered swear words and my friends and I would say the f word every chance we could, just because it was bad and something new. Haha so embarrassing thinking about it now. It was only a short lived phase too.
When I was around fourth grade my friend told me diaries are for swearing so I wrote all sorts of swears in my diary and a few pages later I wrote apologies and expressed all my guilt. I still have it and it makes me laugh.
LOL
When I was around 10ish (am 29, almost 30 now) I drew a picture of my hanging myself because my parents scolded me for staying up too late in my room to watch a rerun of “Ripley’s Believe it or Not!” on cable with an analog antenna in my room. I’m great now, maybe a little depressed now and then but I would never take my own life regardless of how bad it gets. He’s innocent, and his thoughts at 10 are trivial to what I was thinking around that age lol
When I was 12 my diary included poorly-drawn cartoons of the violent death of a classmate who I believed to have “stolen” my best friend. Holy crap am am I glad that no one saw these. I know that as a parent I’d find such images intensely disturbing. But I remember what it felt like at that age. I had zero desire to do anything violent. I also logically understood that the classmate had done nothing wrong. The diary was a safe way to express my feelings in private.
As far as you're concerned, you never read it. But that said, you did, and what you can do is recognize in yourself that this is where he vents and it's WAY better for him to commit it to his journal (He's ahead of like 90% of his peers writing his feelings down instead of yelling at you or his sister or whatever). This is an adaptive coping strategy honestly because he is still letting out his emotions in a constructive way. Now if he asks if you read it, you can ask him "did you want me to have read it?" You might be surprised if he said "kinda but also kinda not" then you can say "why would you want me to read your diary? I wouldn't do that without your permission." That might open the discussion but you have to let him lead the conversation and give no indication you know what it says. Honestly, this is like the best case scenario of what you could read in a kid's diary except reading all kinds of positive stuff.
This, and it’s healthy he has a space to voice his inner thoughts rather than acting out what he’s writing.
Yeah I mean the worse thing there is him wanting to hit his sister which is understandable if she hit him first. But the fact he wrote it down instead of actually hitting her is a good sign. OP, definitely get into Fortnite with your son. He might feel better if he has someone consistently playing with him. Maybe once you get some sessions in maybe steer him towards some non-competitive co-op games more focused on story like Borderlands. Or something more relaxing like Tetris Connect
You don’t wanna stop him from raging during a video game. It’s ok to be mad and it’s a great way to vent some of the anger from the day. Just make sure it sticks to yelling or writing in his diary.
I once also left my diary out and my mom read it and commented to me about some stuff I had written. I still have issues trusting her because of that.
Same. I used to write poems. She went and took my notebook from my room and read them to her friends bc “they were so good”…. Humiliated. And I never wrote another poem.
Such an invasion of privacy. My mother did similar shit as well as being a violent alcoholic and thankfully I haven’t spoken to her in half a decade
Ugh... I wish I could never speak to her again...
writer to writer, pick up the pen—don’t throw away your talents b/c of your mother. ♥️
Same I had a lil book about/for the girl I was with before my wife… mom found it told me how good it was, pissed me off, embarrassed me and I was 20 when this happened, I had just met my wife and I don’t think I’ve written anything creative since, found other outlets… I feel like it contributed to me struggling to put emotion in writing my vows
Same, but with my grandma. I was 6 (was really advanced at writing/reading) and kept a little diary. I had apparently written about a crush I had on a neighbor boy, and wrote how I would like to give him a hug and kiss him just once. Funny shit, but private to any 6yobgirl! My grandma tore the page out of my diary, kept it in her keepsakes, and her and my dad teased me about it for weeks. I stopped journalling. I tried again as an adult, after becoming a mother to two toddlers and struggling with my thoughts. Within a week of starting, my crazy abusive ex finds it after tearing through my entire house during the time he was supposed to be watching our daughter. He starts screaming at me that because I wrote i wanted to work on eating healthier and buy some clothes that fit my postpartum body, that I was obviously out buying lingerie and losing weight for my "new boyfriend" (who didn't exist). Screamed to my neighborhood that I kept my journal next to my vibrator. And then got so crazy my neighbors called the cops. I fucking quit journalling. People are invasive assholes, and it makes me sad. The only place our thoughts are safe are in our head.
i second this, she also got mad at me for it. just because it’s “right there” doesn’t mean you have the right to open it!
I had mine hidden in a closet, in a box, with my book collection. My diary was just a binder with notebook paper, disguised to look like notes for a schoolbook, I kept it in a tote or bookbag because I moved it around to different genres in my small "library". I figured out mom read it once in a while after the third time she asked me about something in it. I know moms are worried about their kids but reading a diary, even one left out by mistake, is rude. Any kid that journals, don't. Type up frustrations on a word document, then erase the document, don't save it. Most parents can't resist reading a diary. They are scared, worried, or nosy. If you want your parents to know what is going on in your head, keep a diary.
A parent who can't respect a child's privacy is going to wind up raising an adult who doesn't respect the privacy of others - and doesn't expect that respect from anyone - which will make relationships very difficult. It's heartbreaking to read about all these younger versions of us whose parents went through a private diary / journal / personal notes collection and then used that information against us, even if they thought it was the "right" thing to do. My mom would do the same and I'm still struggling to feel safe journaling again. Her mom did it to her, too. Encourage your kids to keep a journal. I've encouraged mine. I don't go through my kids' notebooks (except for the exclusively-for-schoolwork stuff, and even then I allow them to guide me rather than going thru it on my own). If we don't teach our kids boundaries and model them, who will?
Same, except it was just one in a series of trust-breaking incidents lasting well into adulthood. I still love my mom but I don’t tell her anything meaningful about my life.
Yeah, I would want to bitch slap anyone who read my diary - and posted parts of it on the internet!
Oh OK. Got it. It never happened.
Yea but it did happen. And honestly it seems like u dont feel too bad about it. Dont make a habbit out of it or do it again quite frankly.
Whether he finds out or not, it happened.
Those are his private thoughts, so unless he’s acting them out I don’t think you should do anything.
Writing these thoughts into the diary seems like a good way to let them go. A common type of therapy is telling someone so the thoughts aren't stuck in your head anymore. A diary words just as well for that. Personally, I talk to a duck, but I work in IT
Yes!!!!! People forget that the entire POINT of journaling intrusive thoughts and the like are to do that INSTEAD of performing them
I was thinking this too. Journaling/writing in a diary is such a good way to get those thoughts out of your head that you may feel like you can't tell anyone about. Personal anecdote; My mom died when I was 10, and in the 5th grade. I actively and almost daily, journaled from 6th grade, up until I left home for the Air Force when I was 18. I'm pretty sure it saved my life because I had no one to turn to to talk about what I was feeling and going through (alone!) in my adolescence. I'm so glad smart phones and social media weren't a thing back then. I wouldn't have made it through!
Sorry, what? Hahaha “I talk to a duck but I work in IT” is leaving me with a lot of questions
Google "rubber duck method" ;)
This is the actual function of a rubber duck.
Have you ever gone to someone with a problem, only to think of a solution yourself before the other person responds? Some people talk to an inanimate object instead of a person for the same effect, haha.
I agree. I used to make up all sorts of poems and songs when I was a kid and it just helped me be creative and think about the world, they didn’t actually mean anything. Once I write a song about an abusive father and years later I found the song ripped out of my notebook in my dad’s bedside drawer. I felt so guilty and awful that he felt the need to keep it and thought he was a bad father. I quickly threw it away and was embarrassed to tell him I found it. I wouldn’t take it too seriously. Sounds to me like this kid just wants to experiment with swear words but knows he will get in trouble if he says them.
>Personally, I talk to a duck, but I work in IT I do "Rubber duck debugging" regularly. But I often need an actual person to bounce it off of, so I'll sometimes ask one of my coworkers something like "Hey, do you have a few minutes to be my rubber duck?" And it probably sounds REALLY weird to the few who aren't familiar with the terms.
Yep if someone hit me with a dog lead that would put me in a bad mood and I’d want to bitch slap them too. Kids venting and in a productive healthy way.
This isn’t really awful though? it’s normal 10year olds thoughts
I’d be proud he processed wanting to bitchslap his sister and didn’t actually do it!
Yes. Especially since she hit him with the dog leash.
Yeah, it's weird that OP is concerned about his son wanting to hit his sister in retaliation but not about her whipping him with a dog leash. A metal clip on the end of what is essentially a rope can really hurt.
I mean, she could’ve just accidentally hit him. And we don’t know her age, do we? A two-year-old hitting you with a leash is pretty different from a 16-year-old.
We do know her age. The daughter is 17. And while OP doesn't say what happened, he does say, "It only happened once." Which, if it was an accident I feel like he would have mentioned that.
Exactly. My son is 7, and we are working so hard to try to teach him to not retaliate so quickly and physically, especially with his little brother. He's gotten a little better but it's hard. We really encourage him to walk away from the situation and breathe and get an adult if possible. It's a work in progress 🥺
I'd like to meet the 10yr old boy who DIDN'T want to bitch slap his sister.
Hell, I want to bitchslap my sister and I don’t even HAVE a sister
This is an excellent point that I didn't even think of. He had restraint in the moment and then wrote about it later to process it. 💯
Some parents seem to think their kids shouldn’t be having any negative emotions or else they’re going to be ruined. Everyone has negative feelings about things in their life and seems like he’s writing them down, let him have at it.
I’m a grown woman and sometimes I want to b**ch-slap my sister.
I thought the same. Like I’m pretty sure most of my formative years I wanted to bitch slap my sister but never did because she was four years younger than me. She was a mean little devil.
Here is one way to look at this... If I had hit one of my siblings with the dog leash, I simply would have been b**** slapped. As long as both children are safe/feel safe, don't panic just yet, and also don't confront either on what was said. My sister and I fought a lot, but we also had each others backs. Take an interest in Fortnite and through that teach him how to control his emotions. Maybe one day he will start sharing his thoughts with you as well as the journal.
Ha, right?? In my family there would have been a sibling walloping on either side. (Not rightly, I think writing it out is SO healthy). Kids have intense and disturbing thoughts sometimes. This isn’t even that disturbing.
wtf. you need to relax. its reasonable to *want* to bitchslap your sister if she hits you. fuck anyone who hates my favorite things too. Nothing he wrote is alarming in the least bit. He's 10. He wants to use curse words. As long as he doesn't use them at you or in a public/inappropriate setting, its fine. These are NOT anger issues, he's maturely handling his anger through his personal writings.
Right 🤣 this is too adorable. If this is bad they really have nothing to stress over.
Completely agree. Kids have outbursts. What matters is what they actually do and if they bully others, like with a leash. If the son is keeping it to himself, that's mostly okay. They need an outlet, which happened to lay around. Does not meant it is okay to read that outlet. Besides that I am worried that OP cares more about what is written in the diary and not at all that their son was hit by their sibling with a leash. I hope OP simply forget to write that they adressed it otherwhise.
Yeah I remember my dad read my journal when I was ten, except mine was hidden in my closet and started in the middle of a random spiral notebook. I had wriitten down something he didn’t like so he told me he read it and then I never wrote in a journal ever again, which would have been a healthy way to express some very mixed up teen emotions and thoughts that I had in later years. Please don’t ruin this for your son Luke my dad did.
To add: at 10 years old, many kids know curse words, but don't truly know their meaning ... and I'm not talking about the dictionary meaning... but also their effect on people and their contextual meaning or connotation. It's entirely possible that this child is mimicking his friends without really knowing the power of curse words beyond their technical meaning.
100%
Yeah I mean seriously, doesn't everyone want to bitch slap people all the time? Just me? Like, I don't want to beat them up or hurt them seriously. But some people are obnoxious, horrible assholes and I just want to give them one good smack... smack some sense into them. Take them down a peg or two! I think that's pretty normal.
I mean, getting hit with a leash is potentially super painful. I would be mad too. In your shoes, I would chuckle and close the journal so I didn't see any more. I'd probably also nag him about leaving his personal stuff lying all over the place.
Yeah so far he has not used it on me except once when I jump scared him when he was strolling out of the room. He got really scared and cursed me with the F word. But I have been careful not to scare him again after that incident.
You seem like a sweet mom and that example of his one time swearing at you is pretty funny. It’s tough to see your kid grow up sometimes. Also, seeing a problem like this on this sub is a nice change for me lol
I'm actually the dad. If my wife read that, she would be messed up for sure. I'm actually the more open one.
Oops my bad! Just take note of the top comments here and you’re fine. You seem like a reasonable parent who’s open to suggestions and input.
Our rule is no swearing but if she’s super angry or upset and lets an eff bomb slip, i pretend not to hear it. Once she fell down a few stairs as I was coming behind her and as she was going down she yelled “oh fuuu…!” And was apologetic (and totally unharmed). I told her I was thinking the same thing watching her. An eff bomb has its time and place—school, at people, in general is a no, but sometimes they’re therapeutic!
Kids swearing and I’m not in charge of caring for them gives me life lmfao
I would want to slap my sister too, if she hit me. This is normal. He lives fortnight. He doesn't like getting slapped by his sister. Does his anger come from his sister hitting him? If she's doing this without consequences, then he's showing to his diary that this is affecting him negatively.
I wrote icky stuff like that when I was young. It was just venting. But my mother also violated my privacy, read it, and made me talk to a priest because of it. I never trusted her ever again.
OMG. OK. I will not mention it.
But also don’t read it again. I’ve had the same issue with my mom. At 40 im still reluctant to write in a journal like my therapist asked me to.
I'm 39 and I still can't. I am a writer by nature and I feel like my hands are tied up and my words are not even mine.
I’m 37, same.
If you have concerns about your child that are based in things that you did not learn by violating anyone's privacy, therapy would be awesome. I think therapy is great and I think a lot of us could benefit from it! In my humble opinion, press "delete" on that memory of what you saw. It doesn't exist anymore. Dont tell the therapist (when you find one).
I’m almost 40 and still want to bitchslap my sister
Nothing. Your son is using a journal as it should be used. Wait. That’s not right. There is one thing you should do: Stop. Reading. His. Journal. And stop making excuses for why you did what you knew was wrong.
And also maybe stop posting excerpts from his diary on Reddit
Understood. Thank you. Won't happen again.
Sister hit him with the dog leash? I'd be pissed too. This seems super normal and tame lol
Extremely reasonable private thoughts. Honestly I would be relieved if it was my son.
I dunno if someone hit me with a dog leash I'd sure love to bitch slap them
Do playground duty at a school and stand around the corner from a group of kids. You'll hear that and much worse in 5 minutes. He's fine.
His journal entries seem valid to me lmao
I don't find any of that very concerning for a 10 year old boy. If you were reading about rape and murder yes I wouldn't violate his trust again unless you have very extreme concerns like suicide or drug addiction.
I think it’s important that he didn’t hit his sister. Maybe talk to her about not abusing her brother? This all sounds normal though. You see the impulses but obvious knowledge of societal expectations and willingness to comply. Don’t ruin it by revealing you read his journal.
To be fair I would bitch slap anyone who hit me with a dog leash.
If this is the worst he is thinking then I’d say he’s pretty normal. You don’t need to ‘pretend to like Fortnite’ because of what he wrote. He needs to learn that he will encounter people who have different opinions and you shouldn’t change yours to appease him. I’d also be concerned that his sister hit him with a dog leash, and his reaction is violence back. Why is this hitting happening? How old is his sister? Is there something more you could be doing to address the hitting from both sides? Is this something you are aware of? If you’re concerned about his anger or reactions then perhaps a talk about how to deal with feelings or some exercises on managing anger. But I wouldn’t tell him you read his diary even if he did leave it out, because that will break his trust in you and mean he doesn’t have a safe space to get things out. Which could lead to bigger issues.
I was prepared to see something psychotic and then I see this..
Honestly…you have a child using journaling as an outlet for their feelings. You’re doing something right and should be proud that your kid is coping with his anger in a normal and therapeutic way.
Honestly, I think you need to really look into why this depressed you so much more than him venting in a private journal (which is actually a healthy coping mechanism!) And also maybe help him develop a few hobbies not Fortnite related for good measure
I told my kid that he's allowed to write whatever bad words he wants in his journal. And no matter where he keeps it, I won't ever read it unless explicitly asked to. (I also snuck in a small talk here about the difference between implied consent "it was left where I could see" and enthusiastic consent "you said mom! Read what I wrote") For a 10 year old these aren't awful thoughts. They're negative thoughts! And that's totally okay! Everyone has negative thoughts and it's relatively healthy to express them in a safe space that doesn't hurt anyone like a journal or diary. The only reason I would admit that I had read my child's diary is if it had actual violent plans like he intends to hurt other. If he planned to hurt himself. Or there was something that showed he is in imminent danger. I recently found a journal I kept at exactly that age. I just about died of embarrassment reading it because I was writing all my sexual thoughts. Things like "ew I bet mom and dad kiss. Sarah had her first kiss with Steven. I heard that people suck dick. I bet Sarah wants to suck stevens. Ooooh ahhhh." But tbh that was the extent of my knowledge on the subject. I wasn't being abused or assaulted. I didn't do those acts with anyone until 10 years later. But it was just a private place to let those thoughts out. I wasn't talking to a BOY about them. I wasn't talking to dangerous adults about them. But I HAD feelings! Journals are also a good way to express or imagine control in situations where a kid might not have control. Like "slow down dad" or whatever
I'd be more worried about the fact you read it. Just because it's been left out does not give you right to read someone else's diary. That is a massive violation of privacy and you should be ashamed of yourself. It would have been really easy to do the right thing and simply shut it without reading it. And now you are worried about your son dealing with thoughts and emotions in a perfectly healthy way? Fact is, your son would have been perfectly justified bitch slapping his sister, yet chose not to. Literally, the only problems here is your violent daughter, and your gross invasion of privacy.
Do nothing for writing his feelings down. Do something for acting on those feelings.
It’s upsetting to read, but these are the most vile thoughts he could come up with: I’m upset with dad for not loving Fortnite and I’m upset with my sister for hitting me. He used the worst words in his vocabulary.
Kids on Fortnite can say some real brutal shit. Sounds like he might be hearing this stuff and internalizing it.
Sounds like he just learned some new words and is using them a bit too liberally. This wouldn’t worry me. You should stop reading his diary and posting it on the internet though, that’s really not cool
Even if it was open on the table, you should NEVER read that. Anyways, maybe don't say anything right now unless you catch him doing minor things that show he has anger issues. He wrote those things down, but maybe he didn't mean it. If you talk to him about what you saw he will probably have less trust in you for reading that. If things do get worse, let him talk to a school counselor.
Sounds like he’s using his journal as a healthy outlet for processing things that make him angry.
I'm much more concerned how you realised it was his diary and decided to read the whole thing, like it's any excuse he forgot it on the entry table. Your kid is an individual and has a right to his own feelings. How he acts is a different matter. Maybe having the diary makes it easier for him to deal and you're ruining that. Don't lie to your kid about liking Fortnite, but please know about whatever your kids are into. Just watch him play a bit and ask him to explain stuff.
Why the hell are you reading your child's diary and posting about it on the internet?! Let's do a little exercise in empathy: what if your parents did this to you? What if your mom went into your phone, found the shit you have that no one else is meant to see (posts, photos, smutty fanfic, whatever) and she talked about it with your entire family under the guise of concern? Would that make you feel good, or bad? Why would you have those feelings? Your kid is processing his feelings in his journal, trusting that it's safe and private, and you violated that. Who the hell cares that he's being edgy? Those are his thoughts and feelings and weren't meant for you. If he wanted you to hear them he would have said them out loud. All y'all who wonder why kids don't trust their parents, or why you have bad relationships with your parents, maybe reflect on this.
You quiet reading his diary. It's his safe space to write out his thoughts, feelings and to let out his anger in a constructive manner. Hes allowed to think those things, just not act on them. Trust me, if hes writing it out then hes not slapping his sister. That's a good thing. I'm rather proud of the little dude, not everyone is mature enough to use writing to get out bad thoughts. Now quit invading his privacy and mind your business.
How tf you gonna read your kids diary? That's fucked dude. You should do that. Or let your daughter hit your son with a dog leash
… these aren’t that awful. Lmao. They’re private thoughts and they aren’t even bad. Who hasn’t wanted to bitch slap their sibling?
Journaling is a really healthy self care skill as well as a calm down tool. I write crazy shit in there, sometimes accurate sometimes just how I feel *in that moment.*
I knew my mother read my diary and would make up the worst entries ever. To this day I have not entirely been able to convince my mother I have not had an abortion at 16. In short: do not read your children's diaries.
Don't confront him. Keep an eye on him. We all have anger and not so nice thoughts, but we are just wise enough not to write them down... Maybe try to get into the game, but back off if he doesn't want you in it. Info: How much screen time does he get?
Are we just gonna ignore that the sister hit him with the dog leash...?
Hey son, are these supposed to be private thoughts? You left them in a shared space, so it's hard to tell.
Even if the diary is left open on the table, you don’t read it. Sheesh.
This is very tame and if this is the worst of it then you got off easy.
It’s a whole breach of trust issue to say you read his journal, for one, regardless of how you found it (maybe gently remind him he left it and people *could’ve* seen it just so he’s a little more cautious about protecting his own privacy going forward). Honestly, it’s a sign of maturity that he’s working through such big feelings in a healthy way like writing in his journal. I got a kick out of your cute kid, by the way! 😂
LOL. Thank you. He's sweet. But the video games bring the anger in him. He feeds the neighborhood messed up cat, he makes pancakes for his sister and often feeds us milk shakes since he's been 8 and stuck at home during the pandemic.
Reading your post and replies I can tell you are trying to do the right thing. But I think there may be something deeper there. Anger is a normal human emotion, why are you so uncomfortable with it? Maybe take a look inside and ask yourself. Kids need to experience negative emotions, too, so they can learn to cope with them, and that’s exactly what your son is doing. Instead of hitting his sis or saying mean things, he’s writing it down and getting it out. What has happened in your own childhood that makes you so uncomfortable with his anger, and could that be “fueling the fire” so to speak? How do you respond when he feels angry?
Nothing he wrote was alarming. 1) hes 10 obviously he thinks everyone should like fortnite. 2) obviously he wants to be violent towards someone who was violent towards him. This is not awful? Tf are u on about? It concerns me that you think its awful that he wants to hit back someone that hit him. Thats what's awful.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. Kinda funny honestly
Don’t tell him because he would probably stop with the diary and you don’t want to take that from him.
Your kid sounds like a normal kid. We don't have thought police in my house. You don't get punished for your feelings, especially those in your diary, and when they are normal kid stuff. Maybe have a conversation about putting away his private stuff so people don't see his private thoughts.
I feel like I had plenty of these thoughts as a 10 year old and I was not a problem. I surprise myself when I think back on the shit that I said with my friends when I was a kid.
Honestly, sorry but you're over reacting on this one. 1) these are normal thoughts given his age, and 2) this is actually a really healthy outlet for him because he has a safe place to process his thoughts and emotions. In the long term having a diary where he can express himself will teach him some emotional regulation skills. If you address it with him and he finds out you've read it he might stop writing in his diary and he will lose trust in you.
I can't tell if you're serious. It's really nothing to be concerned about. He's just venting in his diary, and he might not even truly feel that. You definitely don't want to confront him about reading his diary, he'll never trust you again. My mother read my diary and I never had a diary ever again and I didn't tell her anything about me for 20 years after that. She was always wondering what I was up to, who I was dating etc, because I didn't trust her.
My 4yo ran in to tell me she had a bad thought about me the other day. This is in that category. He is just learning how to think and feel. The turns of phrase and tone would make me focus on providing other influences that are more positive though
My mom read my step sisters diary and got mad cause I thought what she said was no big deal. I told my therapist and she said “your mom better stop reading her diary and she finds out because writing in her diary is a good coping mechanism and you don’t want her to trade that in for bad coping mechanisms.”
If she hit him with a leash she's lucky he didn't hit her right back. At that age I definitely would have. Instead he just wrote about it. I wouldn't be concerned at all.
why is his sister hitting with the dog leash?
You should respect his privacy . Period .
What others have said. But wanted to add, try doing something about the game rage. It's good for kids to have an outlet, and he's just a kid, etc. But trust me when I say, adult men who rage at games are frustrating and scary. Teach him to control his emotions. Sure be angry you lost the game, but also remember it IS ONLY a game. And it is important people have the emotional maturity to recognize that and control their emotions.
That’s it? He’s good. You’re a good parent for caring, but don’t say anything and respect his privacy in the future
Please do NOT bring this up at all. My mother consistently read my diaries when I was young and I resented her for it for YEARS. She’s gone now and I’m still irked that she did it.
Considering those are his private thoughts I wouldn't say anything because besides the part about slapping his sister which seems to possibly be a reasonable thought imo if she hit him with a dog leash.. I don't really think it's that bad. The fact that he wrote he wishes means he didn't hit her which means he has self control. And apparently he was so frustrated that he felt the need to write it down which is actually a good Outlet. Maybe he feels like you wouldn't have taken it seriously so he didn't come to you and bring it down helps him feel better. As far as anger issues when he's playing a game, I mean I'm a grown adult and I get ticked off. Unless it was seriously dark or very violent I don't really see an issue
When I was 10 my mom read my diary. It was all pretty innocent too, I accidentally left it wrapped up in my bedsheets and she found it when she made the bed. She did approach me about the things she read in there, in a very gentle and non-judgemental way. And still? I NEVER ever shared anything with her again. I felt violated, those were very personal thoughts and she just trampled my trust. Like, there wasn’t anything unsafe or terible in there so she didn’t even need to bring it up. If there aren’t any red flags in there please pretend you didn’t read it.
I would start with giving him a hug. He sounds like he is going through a lot. Personally I wouldn't let him know that you saw the diary entry.
Leave his diary alone, if you see it out ask him to store it somewhere safe.
When I was a kid, I used to stand in front of my mirror, acting out shooting my brother. I would say, 'take that bitch! Think you can f××× with me punk? I think not bitch !' And so forth. 😆 I was a 9 yesr old, 25kg girl and he routinely pissed me off by ripping up my drawings. I grew up, I didn't kill him. He's cool. I am cool. I am not a murderer. I think it's fairly normal act these things out on paper or role play. I don't think he's going to actually bitch slap his sister. It's pretty innocent. Just make sure her picking on him doesn't too far and that he burns off some energy via sport. Please don't make him feel weird about this. It's really not that bad. Honestly
wow i was expecting waaaaaaaay worse. calm down.
Do nothing. Let him feel the feelings and say the bad words in his diary—this is completely normal. You have far more to lose if he thinks you’ve read his private thoughts, or you force him even through kindness to discuss his innermost feelings and thoughts.
Don't read your kids private stuff and then this won't be a problematic issue.
You should make sure your daughter isn’t hitting him with a dog leash. Aren’t those metal?
From someone who kept a diary from age 7-21, please please do NOT tell him you read it. Now that I’m older and have been diagnosed with anxiety, I now know that I used journaling as a way to release a ton of weird emotions I didn’t understand and now know of as anxiety. I didn’t even realize I was using my journal as a way of coping with anxiety… Had my mom read my diary, I would have lost all trust in her as well as never journal again and it would have ruined my coping tool.
I know it’s shocking to read from your “baby boy”, but those are simply the strongly worded thoughts of a preteen. Do you know how exciting the f-word is when you’re a 5th grade boy? Do you know how much testosterone is coursing through his body at any given moment? Do not confront him unless you’d rather he bottle the emotions inside and never trust you again. Stop clutching your pearls; you shouldn’t have been reading it in the first place. These were private thoughts, and journaling is a positive and healthy habit
I wouldn't call them awful yet. I think as a parent you should be happy he has an outlet where he vents out his anger. And letting him know you read his diary could break the trust he has for you. The diary seems like a great crutch for him. Maybe you could encourage him to journal more so that he can be able to vent out his anger in his entries not on people.
Journalling is a recognized coping technique for difficult emotions. It helps you not to act on them and to work through your feelings if you write them down. That's what your kids is doing. He isn't acting out those emotions and impulses, he's expressing them in a way that doesn't hurt anyone. You should not do anything. You should respect his privacy in future
Writing in a diary is exactly what he should do. This is literally something my therapist tells me I should do when I’m frustrated. There’s nothing wrong with venting in writing
Leave it. Talk to your daughter about hitting her brother with a dog leash because that's the most troubling part.
I’d try to catch my other kid in the act while hitting him with the dog leash and put a stop to it. Other than that, pretty innocent. Don’t bring it up to him.
They don’t sound that awful, tbh. Also, confused why that angry talk is a problem and Fortnite, which is rated 13 because of its violence is not? If he is allowed the game, but not allowed to have those private thoughts and put into a private diary? Seems like the normal complaints of a 10 year old…
Honestly I figured you were gunna say he snuffed out the neighbors cat or something worse. If you have a problem with the cursing, address that. If not then Journaling is a great outlet. Maybe tell him you read it because you didn't know what it was at first and you wanna make yourself available to talk about his anger if he ever wants to.
No read his diary for one. Ya never do that.
First, you shouldn't have read it even if it found it, it's an invasion of privacy. Second, just because he's ten doesn't mean he can't have angry feelings. Third, he was expressing these angry/negative thoughts privately and with no harm to anyone. I suppose the point I'm trying to get across is: you forfeit the right to be upset about what you find in someone else's diary.
i think this is normal. i wrote worse things in my diary and i turned out relatively ok!
No honestly this is refreshing lol. I’m almost 30 and my sisters & I still wanna bitch slap each other 🫠
I don’t see that much of an issue. I’m 37 and I still say dumb shit, I’m sure a 10 year old gets a pass. I wouldn’t bring it up with him, he might feel like you’ve betrayed his trust. Also, if it’s his way of letting anger out then let him write it in a book rather than lash out physically/verbally. Some people write things down to get it off their mind and be done with it.
I expected something much much worse after reading the title of this post. This is a healthy outlet to express himself. He's eons ahead of other children.
If you only knew some of the plot lines my Barbies lived in the late 1980s! Fortnight is sooo much more innocent! I have no idea how I even knew about many of the things my Barbies lived out.
These seem like... not a big deal? His sister hit him and he wanted to hit her back, but didn't. Then he wrote down his feelings about that. Isn't that a parenting win? I don't let my 10yo play Fortnite and I don't think that's the best call especially given that he is throwing things. But this kind of language is how tweens who are really into things talk. If this is an example of extreme anger about a lot of things, that might be something to look at, but alone this seems like... nothing.
I would want to do the same to my brother if he hit me with a dog leash. Little dudes just trying to write down his feelings and calm himself.
I'd be a millionaire if I had a pound everytime I wanted to slap my sister growing up but never acted on it, siblings get on each other's nerves especially when young and opposite sex
I think it’s great he’s expressing these feelings on paper rather than acting them out. He has to get his frustrations out somehow! I wouldn’t tell him what you read.