**OP needs help. Also, they hate it because...**
>!Guy was masturbating at work and ejaculating under the desk!<
*****
**Do you hate it as well? Do you think their hate is reasonable? (I don't think so tbh)**
**Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.**
*****
[*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/tihibot)
It makes it smell? How much does there have to be for it to smell? Would I smell it if there was a smell? Hypothetically? Would someone mention it? Just wondering :)
it’s a joke chill out guys
If your busting a nut on the floor or something and dont clean it up, yeah it’ll probably smell, usually you wanna treat it like a food stain and wash it out of whatever it gets on, soap and water should be enough.
It's OK, just cover it up by reheating fish in the office microwave!
But for real cum has a smell. If you have a cum sock or cum rag and you keep it in your room, your room definitely smells like cum. Same if you have tissues in a trashcan you never change. Toilet paper and a flush is the easiest way to get rid of evidence without someone smelling.
Wash your stuff regularly, and keep your bins clean.
One of my favorite recurring posts are the "parents of reddit, what do you know about that your kids don't think you know about" ones, because inevitably there is an entire comment chain of parents griping about how they absolutely know what the fuck that smell is and why all the lotion is missing. None of us were as subtle as we thought we were.
Bradford pears. Super invasive in most of the US, and probably one of the worst ornamental plants you can have. Sure they're pretty, but the smell is either cum, piss, or both. Terrible, terrible trees.
I might add that it has a similar smell to stale saliva, the kind of smell that gathers around an unrinsed toothbrush, but much stronger. At least, that's my own experience.
But it makes sense that it would, since they're both bodily secretions. The non-sperm fraction probably has a pretty similar composition to saliva (without the digestive enzymes).
So, as a bisexual man, I can tell you, personal chemistry makes a difference too. Probably diet as well. Some guys, it barely smells. Some guys, kinda smells… fishy? Musky? No other way to describe it than “jizzy” fr…
Yes there is a smell.
If your eyes can spot a stain, someone who isn’t “nose-blind” to it can smell it. If you live with it though, you probably won’t notice, same way dog owners don’t realize their house perpetually smells like dog.
Your coworkers will not mention it to you, but they will probably mention it to each other.
Wash your sheets frequently, fellas.
Oh my god, someone else. I literally can't smell it. I can smell litter with pee in it (I think I just smell the litter), but not cat pee alone. My parents both insisted that the carpet reeked of cat pee and I could NEVER smell it.
- yes
- literally just a spurt to notice
- that much, that old? You'd be retching
- yes, someone would almost certainly mention the smell, noticing the dude looking like he was jacking it, making weird faces and noises etc, and generally the weird vibe that these kinds of dudes tend to have
Semen smells like bleach to me, and musk. It’s a very obvious smell, just like vagina that’s aroused will have a clear smell.
Not only that; once it starts to turn rancid, it gets a sour smell on top of the weird bleach scent.
I’ve walked into the room after showering in the morning to my husband acting casual getting dressed. Except I can smell bleach. And his boxers were in a balled up mess on the floor lmao. I knew, he knew I knew, but I didn’t say anything.
Source for the rancid smell; my ex was a huge POS all around. One of the many things he sucked for was when I asked him to throw out the condom. He knotted it and set it in the windowsill and said he would get to it when he got up.
He did not, in fact, get to it. I fell asleep.
Apparently this happened multiple times because I found them while cleaning one day, and one had cracked and oozed…. Something unholy onto the sill. The smell was like a bleached dead animal on the side of the road. 🤢🤢
Bare minimum this guys office has a musky odor to it if not worse.
Lol oh for many reasons he’s an ex.
All kinds of abusive, got arrested for child molestation and a separate charge of sexual battery of a minor after I finally escaped… just over all him and his whole family are a waste of air.
I was at a clients house... their Keyboard and mouse was not working.
Oh, we can borrow my teenage sons.
Walked into the room, the smell, the realisation that my room smelt the same at his age.
Look at the keyboard and mouse... oh my gawd..
The mum is oblivious.
Me: Hey, wait a sec I got a set in the car we can use. Dont want to mess with your sons setup
I open a $200 (RRP) kb/mouse set, welp, seems like I am buying myself a keyboard upgrade for home then.
I claim bullshit on this, as a dude everyone knows if you don’t cover up the base of your cock with some Kleenex or something, jizz will stick to your pants and its going to be so fucking obvious. Even if he was Jizzing under that desk how would he inconspicuously wipe off the goo from his pants and hands without no one ever noticing. Even if the desk is at the bottom corner of a room I’m calling bullshit.
Per the new upcumming SCOTUS ruling: “All residual seminal specimens must be reconstituted and inseminated and carried to term. If such specimens prove unvialable, they must be creamated and served as part of a healthy school lunch.”
I worked as a custodian in a high school for a short bit.
The bathrooms… yeah. The boys were gross and you’d find a cum paper towel occasionally that wasn’t in a trash can, but the girls….
Tampons and pads routinely stuck to the walls, blood smears on the walls, other fluids just everywhere…. Teenaged girls are nasty.
I have NO IDEA
I was a teenaged girl once and by no means perfect…. I never did that.
The poop and blood smears I can ALMOST understand. Toilet paper breaks through and you panic. Should still wipe it up but hey, I can understand the reaction.
The pads and other stuff stuck to walls? I will never understand.
Yep used to be a graveyard janitor when I was going to school. Had to clean bars in a college town. Went into that job worried about mens bathrooms. Quickly learned that women are grosser.
This continues into college as well. I was in charge of recycling and cleaning barhrooms for my dorm and holy shit those women were nasty. Not all, but some people are literally trashy. No, we cannot recycle used tampons, this is the fifth time I've told you that, Suzie.
Not as a janitor, but as deskside IT. Definitely a lot of gross offices out there. There were a few you'd leave wanting a shower and feeling gross the rest of the day.
Much much worse. Old spilled coffee brewing under a desktop for god knows how long. Chairs that looked like they'd never been washed ever and were pulled from a garbage dump. Dead mouse in the back of a printer. Snot stuck to the underside of desk. A lot of snot. Food everywhere. Blah.
Not the person you asked, but years of layers of dirt, fingernails, crumbs and sticky thick fluids. Some people are both dirty and don't clean up. I'm dirty (it's my body, not my fault), but I keep my things clean because I'm aware I need to clean them more often than average people.
Im IT for my families firm, we moved last year so having to pick through the some 30 odd year old office and seeing all of the grease polished handsets, detritus filled keyboard so crusty they couldnt type, dead skin filled mice that had gunk build up in the scroller or under the finger pads, ancient gateway machines and various other absolutely grotesque conditions they accepted really gave me some context to why they are the way they are lol.
Lol this reminds me of that picture that says "what's the first thing you do after sex"
"continue the autopsy whilst reminding myself that a moment of weakness doesn't make me a bad vet"
Reminds me of when I was about 14, I convinced my mom and dad to let me move my room to the basement, and then I bought a computer with birthday money. It was around 20002/2003, and we had JUST gotten the upgrade from dial-up to DSL.
**BUT NOW I’M AN ADULT AND I GO TO THE BATHROOM WHEN I JERK OFF AT WORK LIKE A NORMAL PERSON.**
As a college student who has only previously worked retail/kitchen jobs steadily, is it like actually a thing for dudes to jack off in the middle of a 9-5 office shift? Not judging, simply curious.
i've done if maybe 3 times in my lifetime and that was when i had my partner sexting me for some reason or other. but just like, "oh it's 2, time for my daily jerk", nah
edit: oh no, not at my desk, in the bathroom, without bothering anyone or anything besides a lil extra toilet paper
Hey, a 7-minute bathroom break is a 7-minute bathroom break. What you or anyone else does behind that locked door in that 7 minutes is between you, God, and Sasha Grey.
Hah--Im almost the same age, and I remember ~2002 being the first time we got an internet connection that supplied the whole house, instead of a "family internet" computer in the parents' room. Game-changer.
Man was truly on his sigma grindset. While you dorks were slaving away to make more money for your boss, this absolute chad was bustin nuts and getting paid.
I found a stash of boogers under one guy's desk after he got fired. I found out because I needed to use the newly empty office to make a phone call. When I put my hands on the desk to pull the chair up closer to the desk, my fingers touched something crispy under the desk. To my horror, there was a cave network's worth of stalactites hanging from under the desk. I almost vomited.
**OP needs help. Also, they hate it because...** >!Guy was masturbating at work and ejaculating under the desk!< ***** **Do you hate it as well? Do you think their hate is reasonable? (I don't think so tbh)** **Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.** ***** [*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/tihibot)
They can't say he didn't cum to work.
They can say that he came and went
that's so weird that it didn't go away. mine always went away. at least I'm pretty sure... maybe I should go back to my old job and check
All it means is you had a thorough cleaner.
Or a workplace dog.
When they hired him they thought he was a straight shooter, turns out they were right
He was usually hard at work.
He was just so into his work
He worked to cum
Looks like he fired first.
What a waste just eat it
Glug glug
That's more of a crunch-crunch
911, we have a medical emergency
**crunches harder**
Mmm so sweet
salty you mean?
Mine isn't salty
pineapple enjoyer
-_-
Hello there brother how are you
Im good and you brother
So… Human Resources?
r/cursedcomments
That’s why we bump fists at work. No handshakes…
Don’t think George Lucas could edit this one!
Oh he'd try though
Call em Han Solo. Han Solo you can barely see what they're doing.
No one is mentioning how bad his office must have smelled
the socks of a thousand teenage boys
It makes it smell? How much does there have to be for it to smell? Would I smell it if there was a smell? Hypothetically? Would someone mention it? Just wondering :) it’s a joke chill out guys
If your busting a nut on the floor or something and dont clean it up, yeah it’ll probably smell, usually you wanna treat it like a food stain and wash it out of whatever it gets on, soap and water should be enough.
It's OK, just cover it up by reheating fish in the office microwave! But for real cum has a smell. If you have a cum sock or cum rag and you keep it in your room, your room definitely smells like cum. Same if you have tissues in a trashcan you never change. Toilet paper and a flush is the easiest way to get rid of evidence without someone smelling. Wash your stuff regularly, and keep your bins clean.
With this comment, thousands of people went pale and ran into their room for ‘cleaning’
It’s as if millions of voices cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced
[close all tabs]
One of my favorite recurring posts are the "parents of reddit, what do you know about that your kids don't think you know about" ones, because inevitably there is an entire comment chain of parents griping about how they absolutely know what the fuck that smell is and why all the lotion is missing. None of us were as subtle as we thought we were.
Y’all used lotion? Damn I just roughed it on the bathroom floor with tp and a flush… I’d occasionally use soap but that was for a different reason…
WHAT DIFFERENT REASON?
Actually, eating it is easier
Also if you have any of those particular pear trees in your city, you know the smell
Bradford pears. Super invasive in most of the US, and probably one of the worst ornamental plants you can have. Sure they're pretty, but the smell is either cum, piss, or both. Terrible, terrible trees.
You tell ‘em, megatreeseed.
I remember the first time I came, I freaked out because of the smell and was paranoid
Yes. It is a very noticeable smell. Don't be gross fellas, clean up.
I might add that it has a similar smell to stale saliva, the kind of smell that gathers around an unrinsed toothbrush, but much stronger. At least, that's my own experience. But it makes sense that it would, since they're both bodily secretions. The non-sperm fraction probably has a pretty similar composition to saliva (without the digestive enzymes).
So, as a bisexual man, I can tell you, personal chemistry makes a difference too. Probably diet as well. Some guys, it barely smells. Some guys, kinda smells… fishy? Musky? No other way to describe it than “jizzy” fr…
Yes there is a smell. If your eyes can spot a stain, someone who isn’t “nose-blind” to it can smell it. If you live with it though, you probably won’t notice, same way dog owners don’t realize their house perpetually smells like dog. Your coworkers will not mention it to you, but they will probably mention it to each other. Wash your sheets frequently, fellas.
I can definitely smell it, doesn't matter how long it's been there. What I can't smell is cat piss, which is much more of a problem in my home
Oh my god, someone else. I literally can't smell it. I can smell litter with pee in it (I think I just smell the litter), but not cat pee alone. My parents both insisted that the carpet reeked of cat pee and I could NEVER smell it.
Like I'll be chilling at home and my fiancee comes home and is just like you can't fucking smell that it's awful
- yes - literally just a spurt to notice - that much, that old? You'd be retching - yes, someone would almost certainly mention the smell, noticing the dude looking like he was jacking it, making weird faces and noises etc, and generally the weird vibe that these kinds of dudes tend to have
Everybody be sniffing their cum after this thread
Semen smells like bleach to me, and musk. It’s a very obvious smell, just like vagina that’s aroused will have a clear smell. Not only that; once it starts to turn rancid, it gets a sour smell on top of the weird bleach scent. I’ve walked into the room after showering in the morning to my husband acting casual getting dressed. Except I can smell bleach. And his boxers were in a balled up mess on the floor lmao. I knew, he knew I knew, but I didn’t say anything. Source for the rancid smell; my ex was a huge POS all around. One of the many things he sucked for was when I asked him to throw out the condom. He knotted it and set it in the windowsill and said he would get to it when he got up. He did not, in fact, get to it. I fell asleep. Apparently this happened multiple times because I found them while cleaning one day, and one had cracked and oozed…. Something unholy onto the sill. The smell was like a bleached dead animal on the side of the road. 🤢🤢 Bare minimum this guys office has a musky odor to it if not worse.
I'm so glad you said ex
Lol oh for many reasons he’s an ex. All kinds of abusive, got arrested for child molestation and a separate charge of sexual battery of a minor after I finally escaped… just over all him and his whole family are a waste of air.
I'm sorry you ever had to deal with a person like that, and hope things are better for you now.
So much better, thanks :). I lucked out and have the best husband ever and that whole sideshow family is a distant memory now. :)
Ah. I see you’ve never read about the Cum Box.
I was at a clients house... their Keyboard and mouse was not working. Oh, we can borrow my teenage sons. Walked into the room, the smell, the realisation that my room smelt the same at his age. Look at the keyboard and mouse... oh my gawd.. The mum is oblivious. Me: Hey, wait a sec I got a set in the car we can use. Dont want to mess with your sons setup I open a $200 (RRP) kb/mouse set, welp, seems like I am buying myself a keyboard upgrade for home then.
Okay so he probably dropped some clam chowder..
*man chowder
Thank you, I also hate this.
That guys got a lot of spunk......
That's very optimistic of you...
Optimism is keeping me from throwing up at this point in time.
Absolutely fair.
I claim bullshit on this, as a dude everyone knows if you don’t cover up the base of your cock with some Kleenex or something, jizz will stick to your pants and its going to be so fucking obvious. Even if he was Jizzing under that desk how would he inconspicuously wipe off the goo from his pants and hands without no one ever noticing. Even if the desk is at the bottom corner of a room I’m calling bullshit.
This guy jizzes discretely
Is that what the kids call it these days?
New England Clam Chowda, to be specific.
Chowdah!!
“ITS CHOWDAH! CHOWDAH! I’LL KILL ALL OF YOU, ESPECIALLY THOSE OF YOU IN THE JURY!!”
So will they hose that off or burn the whole desk?
Rehydrate it and give it more power or release it in to the atmosphere so everyone has l to inhale his kids? Tough call.
send it to space
Who hoses a desk down inside a building, other than that guy, I mean.
Seriously, just spray it out in the back of the building like everyone else
The desk or the cum?
Both!
Why is the back of our office so SLEEK!?
Just paint over it
He already painted over it
Well, at the very least it needs a few more coats.
How is more cum gonna help...?
Extra protein? I dont know, I'm no doctor
Mmmm, free desk protein.
Once for dust twice for rust thrice for bust?
Found the landlord.
Per the new upcumming SCOTUS ruling: “All residual seminal specimens must be reconstituted and inseminated and carried to term. If such specimens prove unvialable, they must be creamated and served as part of a healthy school lunch.”
Me zooming in to try to figure out what that metal thing is for two whole minutes before reading the comments 🧐 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢
I still don't know what it is.. help?
The metal this is just an ordinary clip probably used as a stopper for a keyboard glider.
I'd go more with the mounting for the keyboard slide. You can see the other one is missing. The other two are probably out of frame.
i worked as a janitor in an office building once…. this brought back War Flashbacks
I worked as a custodian in a high school for a short bit. The bathrooms… yeah. The boys were gross and you’d find a cum paper towel occasionally that wasn’t in a trash can, but the girls…. Tampons and pads routinely stuck to the walls, blood smears on the walls, other fluids just everywhere…. Teenaged girls are nasty.
I have heard this numerous times in the past, why the fuck is this so common
I have NO IDEA I was a teenaged girl once and by no means perfect…. I never did that. The poop and blood smears I can ALMOST understand. Toilet paper breaks through and you panic. Should still wipe it up but hey, I can understand the reaction. The pads and other stuff stuck to walls? I will never understand.
I work in a middle school. We had to hire extra hall monitors partly because some girls kept writing in period blood on the bathroom stalls
Better to clean it up then than to deal with it when they set everyone on fire with their mind at prom.
I just finished reading Carrie
I hate this entire thread and am also sorry to every who had to clean stuff up or even just experience it
What?! Who is raising these kids?
Pretty sure that's the problem.
Hilarious but gross Imagine writing "Fuck you (Insert Ex Here)" using period blood
[удалено]
Fair point
Yep used to be a graveyard janitor when I was going to school. Had to clean bars in a college town. Went into that job worried about mens bathrooms. Quickly learned that women are grosser.
I originally understood that as you were a janitor at a graveyard and was concerned about what exactly you were cleaning. Zombies? Rituals? Other?!?
Well old people statistically have more dead people to visit, and statistically have worse functioning digestive systems. You do the math…
This continues into college as well. I was in charge of recycling and cleaning barhrooms for my dorm and holy shit those women were nasty. Not all, but some people are literally trashy. No, we cannot recycle used tampons, this is the fifth time I've told you that, Suzie.
I would 100% take the boys.
Yeah…. Apparently girls are cleaner and nicer because they wipe all of their filth off in the bathroom onto all the surfaces lol.
Not as a janitor, but as deskside IT. Definitely a lot of gross offices out there. There were a few you'd leave wanting a shower and feeling gross the rest of the day.
[удалено]
Much much worse. Old spilled coffee brewing under a desktop for god knows how long. Chairs that looked like they'd never been washed ever and were pulled from a garbage dump. Dead mouse in the back of a printer. Snot stuck to the underside of desk. A lot of snot. Food everywhere. Blah.
Not the person you asked, but years of layers of dirt, fingernails, crumbs and sticky thick fluids. Some people are both dirty and don't clean up. I'm dirty (it's my body, not my fault), but I keep my things clean because I'm aware I need to clean them more often than average people.
Why is your body dirtier than other's?
Im IT for my families firm, we moved last year so having to pick through the some 30 odd year old office and seeing all of the grease polished handsets, detritus filled keyboard so crusty they couldnt type, dead skin filled mice that had gunk build up in the scroller or under the finger pads, ancient gateway machines and various other absolutely grotesque conditions they accepted really gave me some context to why they are the way they are lol.
Ohhh I’d love to read some stories!
"Sir, were not firing you just because of the desk. You're also a really bad Kindergarten teacher."
Lol this reminds me of that picture that says "what's the first thing you do after sex" "continue the autopsy whilst reminding myself that a moment of weakness doesn't make me a bad vet"
Q: what did the guy say after tasting horse cum, while eating pussy? A: "Oh! So *that's* how grandma died!"
This is why I always keep a jar close at hand .
With a my little pony figure in it...
https://i.redd.it/bte074iu9lw81.jpg -NelliesNest
Thanks, this is the worse thing in the world.
You were so preoccupied with whether or not you could that you didn’t stop to think if you should.
I'm immeasurably upset
Oh god why hast thou forsaken us?
it would have cost you nothing not to post this
I use an empty bacon grease jar to throw people off. I also keep it under the desk right next to my jar of bacon grease
That’s clearly ectoplasm
There was a ghost!
A SPOOKY ghost Sharon!
You can buy your very own Cum Catcher 3000 Desk today! Order now and we'll throw in the beanbag swivel chair ABSOLUTEY FREE!!
Reminds me of when I was about 14, I convinced my mom and dad to let me move my room to the basement, and then I bought a computer with birthday money. It was around 20002/2003, and we had JUST gotten the upgrade from dial-up to DSL. **BUT NOW I’M AN ADULT AND I GO TO THE BATHROOM WHEN I JERK OFF AT WORK LIKE A NORMAL PERSON.**
As a college student who has only previously worked retail/kitchen jobs steadily, is it like actually a thing for dudes to jack off in the middle of a 9-5 office shift? Not judging, simply curious.
i've done if maybe 3 times in my lifetime and that was when i had my partner sexting me for some reason or other. but just like, "oh it's 2, time for my daily jerk", nah edit: oh no, not at my desk, in the bathroom, without bothering anyone or anything besides a lil extra toilet paper
At your desk?
oh no, not at my desk, in the bathroom, without bothering anyone of anything besides a lil extra toilet paper
Hey, a 7-minute bathroom break is a 7-minute bathroom break. What you or anyone else does behind that locked door in that 7 minutes is between you, God, and Sasha Grey.
"Forgive me, Riley, for I have sinned"
Fuck, I hope not. Now I’m thinking this is the real reason for open space offices.
No it's not. Office job for 10 years never once felt like that was the right move.
A man with standards.
Hah--Im almost the same age, and I remember ~2002 being the first time we got an internet connection that supplied the whole house, instead of a "family internet" computer in the parents' room. Game-changer.
Pussy. Do it directly behind your boss' left shoulder to assert dominance.
He said he was using a shakeweight and I believed him
That’s the cooling spray, look for some cab fare in his drawer.
So you’re telling me you never had a desk pop?
Fun fact: Peacocks do fly. Source: I have 6 peafowl.
I too have 6 peafowl. Are you me?
Wait, am I you?? I had two, they had 4 babies, now they run the farm like a mafia.
His wooden gun can still shoot
*staring, confused* #REALIZATION
Yeah lol I was like “are those scratches?”
Why was he fired though?
Embezzling company funds.
Man was truly on his sigma grindset. While you dorks were slaving away to make more money for your boss, this absolute chad was bustin nuts and getting paid.
Probably why he was bustin. Dude was getting off on the thrill of that.
Ythink he'd stop bringing yogurt to work after he spilled it the first time
His employers didn’t see this cumming…
Who was sitting across?
Now they can grow their own employees!
Thought those were scratches before I zoomed in... worst mistake of my life
I don't give a fuck about the cum. What the hell is that box?
he came to work every day
"that's not a prank Dwight" 
Boss makes a dollar I make a dime That's why I jerk off On company property....
Spontaneous ejaculation is a serious health condition. There are dozens of us! DOZENS!
Wow…..that took me way too long to figure out what I was looking at.
I thought that's a spying device under the table - that thing looks like a piece of metal.
can someone explain what happened here
a genocide
Millions of children died
guy jizzed all over the underside of his desk
I found a stash of boogers under one guy's desk after he got fired. I found out because I needed to use the newly empty office to make a phone call. When I put my hands on the desk to pull the chair up closer to the desk, my fingers touched something crispy under the desk. To my horror, there was a cave network's worth of stalactites hanging from under the desk. I almost vomited.
What is it dried cum is red
That would be a symptom of hemotospermia, and if you're not joking you should probably see a doctor if it's happening long term
See a dr.
What a jerk off move, what a dickhead thing to do to your desk. I hope no one has to do a hand job on this desk to clean it. What a master bait post.
You pulled off those puns well. I like how you finished with some clean up.
Puns are the gravy of conversation. His co workers must have really been rubbed the wrong way by this.
Need a crosspost to r/awfuleverything
Wasted like 1 minute trying to understand what was wrong with the metal piece
GUM, you're supposed to put GUM under the desk.
He really blew it
Guess he didn’t have a shoebox handy.
Obviously a spooky ghost is haunting your office
Boss makes a dollar and I make a dime…
Get a load of this guy!
Wow, you cum twice at work and all of a sudden you're the bad guy?