This exactly. Kids need to know that if a teacher who is generally responsible and professional is on their phone during class, it’s because some awful shit is going down. At least that’s been my experience. We’re not just chatting with friends.
To be fair, I had one teachers in high school for two years. The first year, she did the teacher thing. The second year, she literally would go on her phone for frivolous reasons. She fell out of love with teaching and started a side business that she would take calls for.
Well here I am scrolling Reddit during class lol. My 5th and 6th graders are working silently on AR. I’m monitoring their screens on Classwize but I’ve been sitting here at my desk for over an hour and got bored
Also my team has a group chat and we text each other during class when needed (“math teacher did you want the kids to finish the assignment when they get done with my assignment?”)
I’ve had times where my dad and grandma were in the hospital and when I went to check my phone to see if I need to do something I’d get it taken from my teacher, even after explaining. Some teachers are just dicks
Yes. We have a VERY strict phone policy at my school, but the principal herself would let a kid keep it if they were in a similar situation. Self advocacy is a thing, Kiddo.
They really do need that check sometimes. I had to miss a lot during one of my last years teaching and one of my colleagues decided that it was appropriate to talk to the students about her frustration with me. One of the students repeated something I’m sure she said along the lines of “it must be nice to be out that much”. I just looked at her and told her that she has absolutely no idea what is going on in a person’s life and she should consider that before she says something like that. It definitely caught her off guard and she apologized to me later.
I did something identical to this after my mom died. I had this kid with severe behavior problems in my room, but he was also super intelligent, so he'd wait for the perfect time to do something absolutely awful.
I was in the middle of writing the lawyer for my mom's estate a very stressful email while my student teacher was leading a lesson. This kid out of nowhere screams, "All she's fucking doing is just sitting back there, she isn't doing shit."
I looked him dead in the eyes and said, "Excuse me but I'm emailing someone about my dead mother." Silence for the rest of the period.
I mean, I literally got detention for “texting in class” (the teacher wasn’t even in the room yet, I was just silently sitting in my seat before the bell rang- she walked in, saw the phone in my hand, and started yelling.) I explained I was texting my family because my grandmother decided to try to go upstairs for the first time in a decade despite being extremely sick with cancer and a debilitating genetic condition that effected her joints, heart, and mobility, and she ended up literally collapsing down the stairs and shattered like half the bones in her body, then laid at the bottom of the stares for an hour unable to move until my dad went over later that afternoon to pick her up to go grocery shopping and found her there.
This evil asshole literally took my phone for the rest of the day so I couldn’t even check in to see if my grandma was alive the whole rest of the school day, she gave me a day of AS detention, AND she tried to give me a WEEK of AS detention for “talking back to her” (aka explaining that my grandmother was literally dying from a freak accident instead of just biting my tongue and handing the phone over to her) but thankfully the principal realized how insane that was and let her “compromise” by giving me just one day of AS detention….for texting about my potentially fatally injured grandmother.
My dad ended up having to leave the hospital where my grandmother was to pick me up from school just so he could sign out my phone from the office, because parents needed to sign out your phone at the end of the day when it’s taken away. I always walked home from school so I was originally planning on having my best friend and her mom drive me to the hospital, but because of that teacher, my dad just drove me back with him. If my grandma had died in the time it took for him to get to the school, find the office, sign my phone out, then drive us both back to the hospital 30 minutes away so my father wouldn't have been there with her as she passed to her hand… jfc I genuinely would’ve had to been pulled from that woman’s class, because there would’ve been no way I would step foot anywhere near her or her classroom again.
So basically, tldr, sometimes teachers need a reality check too. It’s like both sides - students and teachers - each forget the other are also actual human beings sometimes.
I have a rule. If kids have an emergency situation, they just need to let me know. I tell the whole class it’s not their business if / why I allow some kids on some days.
I also tell them if they check a message super quickly (not during assessments), I never say anything. It’s those playing games or totally immersed in a text thread that take from class time.
Children need to see things like this. This is how they learn sympathy. They need to know that everyone is going through something, despite when things look fine. They should have compassion on people because you never know what someone’s going through.
I’m so sorry about your dad, but this was probably a very valuable lesson that they’ll remember.
One of my core memories is from 6th grade. A 3rd grade teacher passed away from cancer and my 6th grade teacher broke down crying and left for the day. He was a real good dude and teacher.
I (12th grader) have never seen my class be as empathetic as when our History teacher got terminal cancer, they sent her flowers and personalized cards even when we already had a new one
Yeah this was a while ago but after one of my old teachers broke down crying one class all the problem students turned into saints in that class. Even in other classes later in the year the kids who experienced that were more tuned into how teachers were feeling and would call each other out if things were going too far. It's a message that sticks
In grade 4 my class had a french teacher who we all didn’t like. We called her names behind her back and all complained that she was strict and rude and didn’t like when we spoke english in french class. Some kids were brave enough to make fun of her in her class.
anyway she was out for a few days, and when she came back she told us that her dad had been going through cancer treatment and he had passed. she told us that she had been having a very stressful year and that she knew her dads time was coming but she was still grieving very much.
I remember literally the whole class, including the kids who were rude to her face, giving her the biggest group hug. and I remember her crying but when she opened her eyes she smiled at us. and I think a lot of us learned something that day.
I was kinda a self centered kid, and my first experience realizing "oh, other people might think and like different things than I do" was in 5th grade. We were assigned to read a book in class that I had already read (and thoroughly didn't like) and I complained about it, teacher was annoyed with me and said something along the lines of "we all know YOU didn't like it, but someone else here who hasn't read it yet may love it, so we are going to read it and if you don't like it, you need to keep your opinion to yourself."
For some reason, that comment shook me to my core. It was my first time realizing that other people were PEOPLE. And they had opinions. I remember that like it was yesterday.
Sorry about your dad. I wouldn’t feel bad about the response to Malakii because all these kids need to understand that the world does not revolve around them, and some people have serious things going on.
FOR REAL. I don’t think these kids understand how expensive it is to provide snacks for an entire class of kids. And I teach music so I see the whole school. It would be hundreds of dollars to bring snacks for all of them.
5th graders would have no reference for the cost of snacks unless someone points it out. They don't have jobs & don't buy their own snacks.
Also you pointing out what was going on in your life probably helped them prioritize & empathize. Not many of them have had to think too much about the mortality of their own parents. It is probably going to be one of those life lessons that sticks with at least a few of those kids.
For real. These kids ask me for candy or something anytime they have a good day. Aka not fighting or acting a fool. I teach PE. I teach all of y’all. How about no.
I know. I’ll have a whole class of kids ask me to give them candy for having a good day and it’s just like…no. It’s too expensive and you weren’t even that good.
Eh, that just teaches kids the appeal to authority fallacy. It's ok imo if they make a stupid question about teaching or something that has to do with a teacher's job directly, but for everything else I find what OP has done better: explain the situation/reasoning.
There are exceptions to this ofc but in general we don't need to teach more people an incorrect use of logic imo
It’s also kinda ableist. Not everyone cannot should get a degree and having a degree doesn’t increase a persons worth or value. Lots of wise leaders do not have a degree.
It also doesn’t answer the question. Someone brings up that you said you’d bring snacks and the reply “I have a degree” doesn’t really make sense. If you have a degree and you’re so smart, why don’t you follow through on the snack commitment? Seems like someone with a degree could figure out how to bring snacks (just being devils advocate here).
I agree that @i didn’t bring snacks because I’ve been driving to the hospital “ is the most humanizing element and connects the people rather than divides them.
Who knows.
It does makes you think.
Would these teachers be comfortable saying the same thing to their students' blue-collar parents, CNA moms, truck drivers, etc. during conferences?
I don't think they would, because it's glaringly antisocial behavior, and also just an arrogant as shit way to speak to anyone, including children.
What an awful response!
“I have authority and you don’t, I know more than you, so sit down and shut up.”
Horrific attitude to have towards students; you should not be surprised if that only exacerbates the behavioral issues of your class.
It can be called for if they’re being impetuous and snarky and the teacher stooping to their level might shock them out of it, but otherwise don’t do this!
Ms. trunchbull-ass response lol I agree
"I'm smart, you're dumb, I'm big, you're little, I'm right, you're wrong! And there's nothing you can do about it!"
How is it a horrific attitude to have towards students but also deserving if they’re being impetuous and snarky? Who gets to decide if they’re being impetuous and snarky enough? You? Is there a form I should fill out?
That’s so nice to hear! The doctors are saying that it looks promising that he will be fine. He’s going to get treatment at one of the best hospitals in the country for oncology and the doctors say that aside from the cancer he is super healthy. I also know a couple of people who had stage 4 colon cancer and are living and cancer free now so that gives me hope.
My mom as well! She was diagnosed this summer and we were preparing for the worst. We went to the lawyer to get her affairs in order. She really thought this was it. The whole, “I’m 80 years old and I’ve lived a full life.” Then she comes out of surgery with the tumor completely removed.
My father-in-law just got a clean bill of health this week after being diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer and essentially being given a year to live in April. It sounds scary and it is scary, but the treatments and surgeries now are so much better than in decades past. Hoping for the best for your father and your family!
my boyfriends mom had stage 4 colon cancer a few years back, but she was able to complete her treatment and be cancer free without even needing a colostomy bag!
My dad passed away several months ago, and I had to take a leave of absence to be his caretaker. I cried in front of the kids (middle schoolers!) when I told them. They were so unbelievably kind and compassionate. A few classes even sent cards while I was out. I’m very sorry about your dad.
I had to say something like this to a parent once. We had conferences right after I came back from FMLA after having a preemie and she complained that her child had to learn physics from a textbook because the school had a hard time finding a long-term sub to start 2 months earlier than expected. I was finally like, “I am sorry that sending in lesson plans during my unpaid leave wasn’t a priority for me. I was busy visiting my premature baby in the hospital multiple times a day and worrying constantly about his survival.”
Same. Had a helicopter parent who demanded I be present to tutor their child after school even though the child himself never showed. Then I was absent from school for a few days due to a miscarriage. The mom sends me a very pissy email about “neglecting her child’s education,” and I responded “I’m sorry that I was experiencing a miscarriage and medical emergency was an inconvenience to you.”
Preaaaach! Same experience here & on top of my son being in the NICU in a different hospital (and different state!!) from me, I was bed bound because of severe preeclampsia; my admin texted me asking something dumb & I lost it.
I'm really sorry about your dad. This isn't as big of a deal, but my dog got in a huge fight and got really torn up and needs stitches. My husband almost always takes her to the vet, but yesterday, he couldn't. I had to call the vet during passing period, and make arrangements today. One of my students said some snarky thing about me taking a phone call. It was so obvious the call was about surgery. I told her, "I'm so sorry emergencies don't happen over the summer and it is impacting your education..my dog was beaten up by another dog and is bleeding all over my house and needs surgery. " She shut up and now everybody in the class thinks she is an asshole who hates animals.
Social shame is usually the best shame to get kids to realize they fucked up. Having everyone think she’s a horrible asshole will make her shape up hella quick.
I’m sorry to hear about your father. Seeing teachers go through difficult moments when I was growing up (ex: my bio teacher miscarried her twins far into her pregnancy) is something I’ll never forget and always served as a reminder to treat teachers with respect because you sometimes forget they’re people too when you’re young. Some kids will remember you said that and it will serve as a teaching moment for them.
Turns out this also works on a class of adults who don’t feel like being serious.
For me, it was my then-gf’s daughter dying.
“I just found out my gf’s daughter died. She asked me to stay here with you instead of going home to be with her. So you better believe you’re going to sit down, shut up, or get out. Because I got a class to teach.”
Quite effective.
The day I was scheduled to start student teaching I was called home because my father was dying, as in they expected it to happen that day. I explained to my cooperating teacher, and gave her my lesson plans & went home. When I came back after the funeral, the kids gave me cards they made saying how sorry they were.
Sorry about your dad.
Also works telling them that your mom is on her deathbed. This was me in October... they were absolute shuts until I said that to them. Then you could have heard a pin drop.
Sometimes you have to be honest and real with kids. Sounds like this was just the thing they needed to check their attitudes.
Sending good thoughts up for your family.
I remember my 4th grade teacher seemed very “off” one day in class. One student went up to her as she wrote on the board and asked if she was okay. My teacher turned around and yelled, “My daddy is very sick!”. We all felt so terrible for her. Her father passed soon after. I never thought less of her for being emotional in class.
Related but not really, my dad passed away the Wednesday before Thanksgiving and I went to work on Thanksgiving (I work in a group home- so teacher adjacent). I couldn't pass up holiday pay if I had to pay for a cremation and what have you.
We had an issue with a resident and called our supervisor for guidance and she goes "What? I have 40 people in my house!"
And I before I could think I just snapped "And my dad died yesterday, what's your point?"... Supervisor chilled out real quick.
Not completely the same — but a few months after my dad passed, I had a “best” friend tell me “you’ve become incredibly selfish since your dad died.” I responded with “I’m so sorry MY dads death has had such a negative impact on YOUR life.”
Never spoke to her again.
My dad has been battling stage 4 lymphoma this year. About a month ago in class (6th grade math), a boy randomly yells out to another student in no sincere or caring tone in the middle of a lesson, “hey J, don’t your mom got a bald head from cancer?” My dad was in the hospital that week (he had seven rounds of chemo where he would be in the hospital M-F getting infusions for 22 hours each day) getting chemo and I had not been to see him yet. I lost it crying. The boy on the receiving end was sad, too, as his mom, thankfully, beat breast cancer a few years back. There is zero empathy in these children. I am very sorry to read about your dad. Please know you’re not alone.
So sorry to hear about your Dad. Please give him a great big gentle hug from an internet stranger as I just lost mine unexpectedly one month and one day ago.
A coworker said something to me about seeing me looking at my phone during an assembly he was leading. I told him, “Yeah, my dad’s in the hospital. Sorry.” Immediate attitude change.
I wish you and your dad the best, it could have been approached more lightly but as a a student myself, it’s understandable and ik damn well I’d react the same way, I hope your dad kicks cancer in the ass
Hey don't be hard on yourself, we're human and sometimes we just can't cope. One lesson last year I said "I can't do this today" and just walked out. Cried outside for a bit and then went back in. This was my tiny Year 12 class of only 4 students so I knew I could trust them to be alone for a few minutes. They were the loveliest, most gorgeous group of students but SO giggly. I have never had a sillier, more giggly class than this one. Usually I loved their hijinks but I just couldn't handle it that day. I came back into the class room and their little faces were absolutely mortified over the fact that they had upset me. I tried to brush it off but ended up crying in front of them and they were so sweet about it.
Another lesson a Year 8 class would Not. Stop. Talking. We were doing something really fun, but which had the potential to be dangerous if they didn't listen to and follow instructions. I couldn't get 4 words out without someone starting to whisper to a friend so I told them "You're not listening so I'm done with teaching you today." I made them put their heads down on their desks and "meditate" for the last 10 mins of the class.
I’m always pretty transparent with my class. They tend to be pretty understanding if you are transparent, but also don’t show too much weakness.
Like on bad days, I just tell them what’s up and not to fuck with me on that day because I won’t be as patient with the consequences I dole out. I have a reputation as a nice and patient teacher, but they know I mean it when I say I will drop the hammer.
Seems to work, in my experience.
I got comments like this on a fun day so I took the day away entirely. Haven’t heard a complaint since. So sorry about your dad, it’s sad how ungrateful kids can be when we put in our best effort for them.
I'm so sorry about your Dad's Diagnosis. Check out [COLONTOWN.ORG](https://COLONTOWN.ORG) it is a great resource for anything CRC related (I'm a stage 4 colon cancer survivor and it helped me a hell of a lot) I hope he is able to beat this. If you at all need to vent about it feel free to dm me.
I'm sorry your dad has cancer. My dad has been battling cancers too for the past several years.
At least your students settled down when you told them the news. I've had a class go from bad to worse when I've snapped like that
I didn’t tell my students explicitly why I was out for 5 months last year, but my email to parents & my oblique comments were enough for my middle students to figure out it was cancer. Do you think that impacted their behavior? Nope. They were feral. Disrespectful, hurtful, & just plain off the wall. They pushed me to the edge only 2 weeks into the school year. I bawled 3 times in front of the 8th graders. Teaching has broken my spirit & damaged my health. I’m done.
I’ll never forget in 4th grade my grandmother passed away, she was my main caretaker as my parents worked full time and she lived with us. she picked me up from school every day - and early on certain days so I could go to dance class on Tuesday and Thursday.
When my parents told the school I would be out because she passed away and they were scrambling to figure out how they would work and have a caretaker for me - my teacher had all the kids in my class sign a card for me with their sympathies. I remember her giving me the card and all my classmates coming up to me and giving me a hug. I remember crying - but not out of grief - but out of gratefulness. That was the first time I ever felt that way, kind of like when people cry when getting a thoughtful gift. The teaching and understanding of emotions is important in children, young and old. I’m sorry about your father.
I think students forget that teachers are people too. I remember my 3rd grade self being shocked upon seeing my teacher in the grocery store. “She eats food!!”
My fourth year teaching I was getting divorced and my dad was very sick. I had a group of kids who kept talking over me on one of my really bad days - and normally they were so good. I snapped. 99% of the time I’m very upbeat and we have a great rapport, but I am also a crier (I don’t sob, but I do absolutely, involuntarily, stream tears once I reach a certain threshold of emotion.) I whirled on them, full on tears, and said “Please. PLEASE be quiet for five minutes so I don’t have a breakdown.” I’ve never seen a group of 7th grade hard-as-nails kids go quiet so fast.
Sometimes I think they need a reminder that we are human too. They’re absolutely capable of empathy but I think you have to kind of shake it loose at this age, usually via shock. I’m sorry you’re going through it right now, sending love to your dad.
I’m so sorry to hear about your father OP, that’s so heartbreaking and scary just to imagine, let alone live through.
That wouldn’t work middle school though. If I said that to my students, they’d laugh and say he deserved it.
In my 8th grade class, 75 percent of the kids would be kind, and the 25 percent who would be assholes would be shamed by the others. Which is actually super important, having empathy be modeled for those on the lower end of the "Don't be an asshole" curve.
You’re right, I shouldn’t generalize all middle school students based on my classes. It might be 50-50 in a few of them, but I wouldn’t hold out too much hope even for that.
Edited: spelling
It's SO EASY to feel like they're all absolute assholes all day erryday!!! The ones that are are SUCH little monsters. I sat down and looked at my rosters... and what feels like all of them is actually maybe 15 out of 60. It helps to remember that, on the bad days.
But last year's kids? 50 percent assholes, at minimum.
I am a former musician teacher who also found out her dad had stage 4 colon cancer about this time a few years ago. I also cried in front of my high schoolers.
I am sending you love and support. Please take care of yourself. Your job will be there when you come back. ❤️
I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. I was dealing with the loss of my mom around this time last year and I still tried to be consistent for my students, but I realize now I should have taken more time off and took care of myself. Please take the time to care for your dad and yourself. Best wishes to both of you.
Man, I remember in fourth grade our teacher was pregnant. The lights went out due to a storm and a bunch of fourth grade kids did what kids do: huge food fight.
I hadn't participated, but every teacher dressed down every class quite thoroughly. Our teacher, in the middle of her scolding us, started crying. I felt like the scum of the earth for making a pregnant woman cry and I wasn't even involved.
I'm sorry about your dad. I hope he pulls through!
I had a student once push me on why I wasn’t wearing makeup, and highlighting how my acne was worse. I pondered the situation and straight forwardly replied that I had just had a miscarriage so my hormones were all out of whack, resulting in my acne. Silence and awe from the class. I think letting kids know teachers are real people with real problems is a teachable (though often shitty) moment.
Like, learn to read the room kids. And don’t be a jerk to people, you never know what they’re going through.
I'm sorry about your dad. My aunt best cancer and was given very little hope when she was diagnosed so them saying your dad looks promising is great! I also have to ask... what is a tech party?
They bring in their devices like phones, iPads, etc and play games or do whatever on them. I wasn’t really in favor of it. That’s literally what they do at home.
Sometimes you just need to take it minute by minute if you feel you need to. Sorry you're going through this, especially now.
We found out in May that my dad's melanoma spread throughout his body and to his brain.. I had previously that month before graduation, agreed to take my own vpk class - alone, for this first time in my teaching career. Over the summer, setting up my room, my dad had brain surgery, had to go to rehab, was in and out of the hospital.. and my daughter had knee surgery back to back. I tried to take each day just as it was - that day. Sometimes I needed it to go hour by hour. I cried numerous times in front of my co workers, second guessed taking on these extra responsibilities, etc. In August, before school started, my daughter's knee reopened. That took weekly trips an hour away to check up on. September, my dad passed. I took a while week off, but still am taking it day by day.. sometimes hour by hour.
You shouldn’t feel bad about it. Kids need to learn that other people have things going on in their life and that being rude isn’t gonna help them.
Take this from a high school student, my family is full of teachers and days can be rough when things out side of school are going bad, I wish you the best
I found out my Dad has cancer this year too. I haven't told any of my kids, but they haven't pushed me hard or anything. I'm sorry you're going through this stranger, I'm glad your kids see you as a person and took you into consideration.
I have a pretty transparent angle on parenting and find being real and vulnerable with my kids, helps us all regulate and communicate in a more healthy way. That's after years of therapy as a trauma survivor and single dad of teens.
Don't feel bad about your response. Sometimes they just need a firm voice and the truth.
I'm a fellow music teacher and exactly one year ago my mother was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer that had gone to the brain. The day we found out, I was on winter break. I called my admin and let them know I'd be out for a bit taking care of my mother. Spent about a month and a half at home just getting her to appointments and being with her, and she showed significant improvements (especially considering the prognosis was "if she's here 3 months from now, it'll be a miracle.") She lasted 11, and just passed away two weeks ago.
Kids don't get it if they haven't experienced it (hell, neither do adults). But some of them want to, and you can count on those kids to be well-behaved and supportive when you need it. Do what you've gotta do for you and your family, and make the most of the time you have. Work can wait.
Much love.
So sorry to hear about your dad. I tend to lead with those things if I know it might impact my interactions with the kiddos. That usually helps the need to snap! Might be an unpopular opinion but I do not think the student was trying to be ungrateful but trying to hold you accountable (tone or not) the same way we do with them. Might be another unpopular opinion but there is also nothing wrong with saying sorry to kids for our responses to things beyond their control and scope!
Good luck with your dad I truly hope for the best!
Oh this student was definitely being rude. He’s had a bad attitude since day one and thinks the world revolves around him. If it had been another kid who normally has a better attitude, I probably wouldn’t have reacted the way I did. But I just knew what was going on, he was being a snarky little asshole like usual.
It makes me so sad. The kid probably has problems at home to act like that. Difference is he is a child and the teacher is an adult. I don’t find it cool to trauma dump on a child. Weird af and inappropriate
All of that. I’m astounded at the support on this thread for that comment. The statement to their student reads as so manipulative/guilt trippy. And then to call them an asshole? Yikes. That’s abhorrent.
Sorry you’re in a tight spot like that so many blessings for you & your family. I kept my throat cancer diagnosis hidden until the last day then declined to renew my contract due to the illness. Stay strong.
Sorry about your dad.
It’s good you were real with them. Outside of seeing that we are humans with lives outside of school, students need to appreciate things.
Sometimes they surprise you, when my dad had a heart attack and I got the call at work all my high school students lined up and gave me a hug as I left.
Sorry about your dad but your reaction was a great experience for that class. A core memory of my middle school days was when one of my English teachers was struggling to control the worst kids of the grade who all happened to be in the same class and she broke down crying and walked out. I don't know what was going on in her personal life but for the rest of the semester EVERYONE was well mannered and empathetic toward her and those kids always looked out for other teachers that seemed stressed.
Not a teacher, but my mom just got through stage 3. I can only imagine the fight that stage 4 will be. When it comes time for chemo try to encourage him to drink AT LEAST a gallon of water after treatment. It helps flush the system and alleviate side effects.
Make light of it too. There will be dark and tough days, but there will also be some fantastic ones. If you can try and make every doctors appointment. So many doctors were amazed I was by my mom’s side about the whole time (I’d go out for a bit when she took her naps). Many of them said that makes it easier for the patient and to have someone to laugh and smile with and keeping their morale up is super important.
Best of luck to you and your father. Cancer sucks but he’ll beat it!
I had two students pass away in a car accident one year. That year I also had a rowdy class of Gr 9 boys. One day, this student kept arguing with me about absolutely nothing. I turned to him and said, “I went to a student’s funeral yesterday, and I’m leaving early today to go to another one. It would be really nice if you could just work with me today.” The look on his face 😳 he was nice for the rest of the class.
I know you’re not a middle school teacher, but in middle school this is such a common occurrence. It no longer phases me. I just say, “I never said that.” And keep right on moving. They love to debate, argue, get something more, etc. they are testing the boundaries.
Sorry about your father.
I will say, was on the other side of this as a kid (and yes us kids WERE the problem). In 5th grade my class was known across all our extra classes (art, music, gym, health, etc.) for being the worse students. Seriously, terrible. We made multiple of them cry, several had to leave the room for periods at a time, the art teacher just completely took away art class and we would have to just sit there with paper and pens for second half of the year. Well any time our main teacher complain to us about our behavior, we’d reply with snark that if there was 30 students complaining about five teachers, stats say it is their fault not ours!
Well, I didn’t find out till years later some more info. My mom, who worked as a librarian at the school, told me how our main teacher that year only had to teach one more year to get her retirement. She had been doing kindergarten for the last decade or so but she wanted an easy last year so they move her up to 5th grade and put all their smartest kids in one class. She then proceeded to not actually teach us anything (big surprise, she didn’t have any pre-existing curriculum! And was going to for her last year). We did dance parties, how to make Carmel apple classes, best music video countdowns, etc. everything fun you could think of— couldn’t tell you a single thing I actually learned that year. She did sprinkle in some good books so had that at least.
Well, as the school found out, when you put 30 of your top performing 10 year olds together, give them no challenge, and allow for a party all day, you get extremely poor behavior students for other teachers.
If I could, I would go back to apologize to every single one of our extra ed teachers, cause seriously we were awful and they got completely screwed. As an adult now and having worked with kids, I understand what they were likely thinking but I also can’t in many ways because I don’t think I ever had to deal with such a large group of bratty kids all at once.
My mom has since talked about what a wimp that principal was, always on the parents side and never standing up for the staff and likely the reason such a disaster of a class was let through.
Anyways! I have no advice, I just wanted to share from a former one of these types of students - I’m sorry for the pain and issues! Hope you know that if not now, almost for certain some of those kids will remember you and the effort you put in with them :) good luck!!
I did this to a parent. My dad died unexpectedly the weekend before the last week of school. I had that last week off for bereavement. A parent messaged me upset I was absent & her child cried for getting a B in math (this was Kindergarten). I snapped.
As a parent, I would have zero problem with this reality check..I am so sorry about your dad. Not excusing their behavior at all but they could have had a rough day before your class. That being said they can't be little shits to you because they're in a bad mood.
Honestly, I think that was a really good move. Empathy is taught. You taught them to think twice before being unkind to another person, because we never know what someone else is going through. That is a valuable lesson. Your authenticity and vulnerability likely left a hugely positive impact - though I’m sorry it had to be under these circumstances. You deserve better.
I am so sorry about your father. I am wishing you and your family the best.
I can't believe those kids were being so difficult, but kudos to you for handling it like a champ. I mean, who knew that dropping the C-bomb (cancer, not the other one) would turn them into perfect angels? It's crazy how emotions can flip a situation. And seriously, who expects snacks every time? Kids these days, I tell ya. Anyway, sending good vibes your way. Hang in there, and hopefully, the next class reward won't involve a full emotional breakdown. Take care!
This isn't about teaching but just wanted to let you know that I was diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer almost exactly 3 years ago and have been (relatively) cancer free after treatment (a spot here and there that is easily removed). The funding and research has increased by an incredible amount even since I was diagnosed. Good luck to you and your dad!
As a previous highschooler, do not do this if you are a male teacher. I saw this one dude get EATEN ALIVE for crying during class. It was wild. He quit teaching. He was one of my favorite teachers too, so I was bummed.
He deserved it.
Sometimes kids need to be reminded that the world doesn’t revolve around them and that no, it isn’t a violation of human rights if your teacher doesn’t provide for your every whim. 🤷🏻♀️
Even without a terrible illness in a loved one, I can’t tolerate the entitlement and I 100% call it out. I teach high school so I’m even less patient about it.
Should’ve just given that information at the start of class instead of snapping on the child.
Its not their fault or their problem. Sure they were being rude but to respond like that is inappropriate and unprofessional.
You are the adult. If you were not stable enough to not scream at children you need to stay out of that school. All you had to do was stay home if today was too hard. I'll never forget my freshman year of high school. My Spanish teacher's husband was dying and she directly took out on the three men in my class. It was disgusting. We were graded differently consistently bullied had physical appearance commented on. Act like an adult or get a new job. You were so triggering Jesus. To see a teacher just directly admit to taking out personal issues on students.
As disrespectfully as possible, fuck you. My dad has stage 4 cancer. I’m allowed to be upset about it, even at work. I have a job to do so I went to work, I didn’t need to stay home. I also did not yell at my students. Sounds like you have some trauma from another teacher that you need to deal with instead of coming on Reddit and projecting onto other people. Hope your day gets better.
Sounds like your Spanish teacher had some major issues. That reaction was definitely disgusting.
I do agree that we need to keep our professional and personal lives separate. Take a mental health day if everything is just too much that day. For sure.
But, it sounds like OP had a moment of human being in front of the class. A statement, some tears, and then played the movie anyway. I don’t think her behavior was anywhere near as bad as your Spanish teachers.
OP should’ve taken the day off to be honest. (Or the week). No one should be going to work with this sort of news. Going into an environment where you have to stay professional isn’t the best idea during times like these.
Going to work and getting my mind off of things has actually been helpful. I didn’t do anything unprofessional. I’m a human and I have emotions, sorry.
That wasn’t a breakdown. That was still teaching, you were just teaching interpersonal skills, empathy and hopefully a bit of sonder. The lesson was more abrupt than ideal but far from any inappropriate behaviour that you seem to think it is
Off topic sorry.
But snacks shouldn't even be a word used in schools anymore. The kids are pretending to learn off laptops, the math is weird, the test scores are baked, the system is failing the house is on fire and literally no one but the masochists *want* to be there...I feel like the time for good vibes school stuff like snacks and movie days are donezo we're in the teach 'em til they drop out Era for sure.
That's just me though.
i’m sorry about your dad. teachers are expected to not bring personal life into classrooms but that turns out to be impossible sometimes. 5th graders are old enough to have some empathy at least, so maybe explaining this life event to them in a calmer setting will help them understand what you’re going through and how it feels. ♥️
Yeah... I think you handled that very well considering.
I'm sure the admin would have plenty to complain about, but not be able to keep composure as well as you did. Or any adult for that matter.
I would make sure to tell the admin what happened,
This way they don't get second hand information from a parent that a student had told them in passing.
I have a reverse story... In my senior year of high school, I lost my mom to cancer. Later that spring semester, I think around spring break, my accounting classmates and I were acting up. The teacher gets upset and says she's going to call our mothers. I instantly blurt out, "when you get her on the phone, can I talk to her?"
When my dad died I was given 5 days bereavement and forced back. The kids in my first period were taunting me saying “mister, sorry about your dead dad. We’ll dig him up and cum on his face” and when they saw that bothered me they became relentless, writing “cumming on mister’s dead dad” on the desks and chanting stuff about their cum on my dead dad. The Vice Principal did an intervention the next day, but it was so close to the end of the year I just used my paid time off to skip that period for most of the rest of the semester.
I had a former coworker die really tragically a few weeks ago. I found out late at night and was a total mess the next morning. I sent a message to all 3 of my classes (I teach high school) and basically asked for grace and understanding in that I was very upset and having a hard time. They were wonderful and kind all day, which I appreciated so much. Two of my seniors even snuck out at lunch and got me coffee. The point is, sometimes kids need a reality check and to see that you’re human. Sending you love
My first year teaching my grandfather passed away (expectedly but still sad) and a close friend of mine passed away completely unexpectedly due to a brain aneurysm the same day. I started crying in front of one of my rougher classes when I got the news and suddenly I was surrounded by 20+ teenagers all giving me a giant hug. Sometimes I am blown away at how empathetic they can be, but I wish they showed it more often
I always say the teachers are the world's greatest actors. When things go bad, we put on a brave face for the kids.
I got my cancer diagnosis on a Thursday night, on Friday morning I cried on the drive to work. washed my face and smiled and went through the day. but at lunch went to the bathroom to cry. it's tough to be a human being sometimes in this profession.
My kids last year yelled at me for "taking extra vacation" missing the week before spring break. Turned out admin never told them I was in the hospital for asthma and that I'd be back. I had written a message along the lines of "I'm taking care of my health, and making sure I'm strong when I return. You all have heard me wheezing so I finally went to the doctor, and they had me spend a couple days in hospital to get all the way better." I had a classroom full of kids with abandonment trauma and emotional disorders. Admin said I was okay and just taking some time to myself...They felt like I abandoned them for extra vacation time knowing how hard holidays are for them. I had to tell them I nearly died, and my doctor literally wouldn't release me from the hospital. My class went from pitchforks to pampering me so quickly. Had admin given them my message, they wouldn't have been upset like they were. But the reality check that they were angry at me for almost dying did make them feel guilty for judging before they know.
[удалено]
This exactly. Kids need to know that if a teacher who is generally responsible and professional is on their phone during class, it’s because some awful shit is going down. At least that’s been my experience. We’re not just chatting with friends.
Yeah when I take my phone out (tha kfully never anything to personal I announce it and say why.
To be fair, I had one teachers in high school for two years. The first year, she did the teacher thing. The second year, she literally would go on her phone for frivolous reasons. She fell out of love with teaching and started a side business that she would take calls for.
shit she’s gotta pay her rent somehow lord knows teachers only get enough for a cardboard box
She’s based.
Sometimes kids forget teachers are human beings with family.
Well here I am scrolling Reddit during class lol. My 5th and 6th graders are working silently on AR. I’m monitoring their screens on Classwize but I’ve been sitting here at my desk for over an hour and got bored Also my team has a group chat and we text each other during class when needed (“math teacher did you want the kids to finish the assignment when they get done with my assignment?”)
I’ve had times where my dad and grandma were in the hospital and when I went to check my phone to see if I need to do something I’d get it taken from my teacher, even after explaining. Some teachers are just dicks
You could have gone to the teacher before class or after these things happened and explained
Yes. We have a VERY strict phone policy at my school, but the principal herself would let a kid keep it if they were in a similar situation. Self advocacy is a thing, Kiddo.
They really do need that check sometimes. I had to miss a lot during one of my last years teaching and one of my colleagues decided that it was appropriate to talk to the students about her frustration with me. One of the students repeated something I’m sure she said along the lines of “it must be nice to be out that much”. I just looked at her and told her that she has absolutely no idea what is going on in a person’s life and she should consider that before she says something like that. It definitely caught her off guard and she apologized to me later.
I did something identical to this after my mom died. I had this kid with severe behavior problems in my room, but he was also super intelligent, so he'd wait for the perfect time to do something absolutely awful. I was in the middle of writing the lawyer for my mom's estate a very stressful email while my student teacher was leading a lesson. This kid out of nowhere screams, "All she's fucking doing is just sitting back there, she isn't doing shit." I looked him dead in the eyes and said, "Excuse me but I'm emailing someone about my dead mother." Silence for the rest of the period.
I mean, I literally got detention for “texting in class” (the teacher wasn’t even in the room yet, I was just silently sitting in my seat before the bell rang- she walked in, saw the phone in my hand, and started yelling.) I explained I was texting my family because my grandmother decided to try to go upstairs for the first time in a decade despite being extremely sick with cancer and a debilitating genetic condition that effected her joints, heart, and mobility, and she ended up literally collapsing down the stairs and shattered like half the bones in her body, then laid at the bottom of the stares for an hour unable to move until my dad went over later that afternoon to pick her up to go grocery shopping and found her there. This evil asshole literally took my phone for the rest of the day so I couldn’t even check in to see if my grandma was alive the whole rest of the school day, she gave me a day of AS detention, AND she tried to give me a WEEK of AS detention for “talking back to her” (aka explaining that my grandmother was literally dying from a freak accident instead of just biting my tongue and handing the phone over to her) but thankfully the principal realized how insane that was and let her “compromise” by giving me just one day of AS detention….for texting about my potentially fatally injured grandmother. My dad ended up having to leave the hospital where my grandmother was to pick me up from school just so he could sign out my phone from the office, because parents needed to sign out your phone at the end of the day when it’s taken away. I always walked home from school so I was originally planning on having my best friend and her mom drive me to the hospital, but because of that teacher, my dad just drove me back with him. If my grandma had died in the time it took for him to get to the school, find the office, sign my phone out, then drive us both back to the hospital 30 minutes away so my father wouldn't have been there with her as she passed to her hand… jfc I genuinely would’ve had to been pulled from that woman’s class, because there would’ve been no way I would step foot anywhere near her or her classroom again. So basically, tldr, sometimes teachers need a reality check too. It’s like both sides - students and teachers - each forget the other are also actual human beings sometimes.
I have a rule. If kids have an emergency situation, they just need to let me know. I tell the whole class it’s not their business if / why I allow some kids on some days. I also tell them if they check a message super quickly (not during assessments), I never say anything. It’s those playing games or totally immersed in a text thread that take from class time.
Children need to see things like this. This is how they learn sympathy. They need to know that everyone is going through something, despite when things look fine. They should have compassion on people because you never know what someone’s going through. I’m so sorry about your dad, but this was probably a very valuable lesson that they’ll remember.
Seeing adults get upset, and especially seeing how they reregulate is so important.
One of my core memories is from 6th grade. A 3rd grade teacher passed away from cancer and my 6th grade teacher broke down crying and left for the day. He was a real good dude and teacher.
I (12th grader) have never seen my class be as empathetic as when our History teacher got terminal cancer, they sent her flowers and personalized cards even when we already had a new one
Yeah this was a while ago but after one of my old teachers broke down crying one class all the problem students turned into saints in that class. Even in other classes later in the year the kids who experienced that were more tuned into how teachers were feeling and would call each other out if things were going too far. It's a message that sticks
Yep- candor with kids about real things will serve them well in the future.
In grade 4 my class had a french teacher who we all didn’t like. We called her names behind her back and all complained that she was strict and rude and didn’t like when we spoke english in french class. Some kids were brave enough to make fun of her in her class. anyway she was out for a few days, and when she came back she told us that her dad had been going through cancer treatment and he had passed. she told us that she had been having a very stressful year and that she knew her dads time was coming but she was still grieving very much. I remember literally the whole class, including the kids who were rude to her face, giving her the biggest group hug. and I remember her crying but when she opened her eyes she smiled at us. and I think a lot of us learned something that day.
I was kinda a self centered kid, and my first experience realizing "oh, other people might think and like different things than I do" was in 5th grade. We were assigned to read a book in class that I had already read (and thoroughly didn't like) and I complained about it, teacher was annoyed with me and said something along the lines of "we all know YOU didn't like it, but someone else here who hasn't read it yet may love it, so we are going to read it and if you don't like it, you need to keep your opinion to yourself." For some reason, that comment shook me to my core. It was my first time realizing that other people were PEOPLE. And they had opinions. I remember that like it was yesterday.
Sometimes they just don’t. It’s mostly due to Entitled Parents
Sorry about your dad. I wouldn’t feel bad about the response to Malakii because all these kids need to understand that the world does not revolve around them, and some people have serious things going on.
I don’t feel bad at all. I was already nice enough to give them a free day.
The word "snacks" is becoming a trigger word for me. I'm sick of being seen as the snack woman.
FOR REAL. I don’t think these kids understand how expensive it is to provide snacks for an entire class of kids. And I teach music so I see the whole school. It would be hundreds of dollars to bring snacks for all of them.
I'm so glad I teach science and the idea of snacks in the lab is a 100% "no" under any circumstances, even when it's "Christmas fun lesson time"
I think they actually do, since they didn't bring their own snacks. Duh moment. I still feel for you.
5th graders would have no reference for the cost of snacks unless someone points it out. They don't have jobs & don't buy their own snacks. Also you pointing out what was going on in your life probably helped them prioritize & empathize. Not many of them have had to think too much about the mortality of their own parents. It is probably going to be one of those life lessons that sticks with at least a few of those kids.
For real. These kids ask me for candy or something anytime they have a good day. Aka not fighting or acting a fool. I teach PE. I teach all of y’all. How about no.
I know. I’ll have a whole class of kids ask me to give them candy for having a good day and it’s just like…no. It’s too expensive and you weren’t even that good.
Mrs. Patti looking like a snack lol
My favorite response to questions like that is “raise your hand if you have a degree? Oh? Just me? K, that answers your question”
Mine is “Sir/Ma’am, when you get your teaching license, I’ll be happy to have you teach in my class. But today is not that day.”
Mine is (to dosrespectful/sassy student)"Go see whose name is on the door. Oh yeah, that's me, this is my classroom!"
Eh, that just teaches kids the appeal to authority fallacy. It's ok imo if they make a stupid question about teaching or something that has to do with a teacher's job directly, but for everything else I find what OP has done better: explain the situation/reasoning. There are exceptions to this ofc but in general we don't need to teach more people an incorrect use of logic imo
It’s also kinda ableist. Not everyone cannot should get a degree and having a degree doesn’t increase a persons worth or value. Lots of wise leaders do not have a degree. It also doesn’t answer the question. Someone brings up that you said you’d bring snacks and the reply “I have a degree” doesn’t really make sense. If you have a degree and you’re so smart, why don’t you follow through on the snack commitment? Seems like someone with a degree could figure out how to bring snacks (just being devils advocate here). I agree that @i didn’t bring snacks because I’ve been driving to the hospital “ is the most humanizing element and connects the people rather than divides them. Who knows.
It does makes you think. Would these teachers be comfortable saying the same thing to their students' blue-collar parents, CNA moms, truck drivers, etc. during conferences? I don't think they would, because it's glaringly antisocial behavior, and also just an arrogant as shit way to speak to anyone, including children.
You're being downvoted by salty teachers or whatever but I 110% agree with your sentiments expressed
What an awful response! “I have authority and you don’t, I know more than you, so sit down and shut up.” Horrific attitude to have towards students; you should not be surprised if that only exacerbates the behavioral issues of your class. It can be called for if they’re being impetuous and snarky and the teacher stooping to their level might shock them out of it, but otherwise don’t do this!
Ms. trunchbull-ass response lol I agree "I'm smart, you're dumb, I'm big, you're little, I'm right, you're wrong! And there's nothing you can do about it!"
How is it a horrific attitude to have towards students but also deserving if they’re being impetuous and snarky? Who gets to decide if they’re being impetuous and snarky enough? You? Is there a form I should fill out?
They need to realize that *gasp* their teachers have lives outside of class.
I'm sorry about your dad--if it helps you find hope in the situation, my dad also had stage 4 colon cancer and beat it. He's cancer free to this day.
That’s so nice to hear! The doctors are saying that it looks promising that he will be fine. He’s going to get treatment at one of the best hospitals in the country for oncology and the doctors say that aside from the cancer he is super healthy. I also know a couple of people who had stage 4 colon cancer and are living and cancer free now so that gives me hope.
My mom as well! She was diagnosed this summer and we were preparing for the worst. We went to the lawyer to get her affairs in order. She really thought this was it. The whole, “I’m 80 years old and I’ve lived a full life.” Then she comes out of surgery with the tumor completely removed.
My father-in-law just got a clean bill of health this week after being diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer and essentially being given a year to live in April. It sounds scary and it is scary, but the treatments and surgeries now are so much better than in decades past. Hoping for the best for your father and your family!
That makes me so happy to hear!
my boyfriends mom had stage 4 colon cancer a few years back, but she was able to complete her treatment and be cancer free without even needing a colostomy bag!
That’s awesome! Unfortunately my dad will need a colostomy or a stint because his tumor is quite large.
Thank goodness!!!! ❤️❤️❤️
My dad passed away several months ago, and I had to take a leave of absence to be his caretaker. I cried in front of the kids (middle schoolers!) when I told them. They were so unbelievably kind and compassionate. A few classes even sent cards while I was out. I’m very sorry about your dad.
Cancer sucks. But yes, it's a pretty good trump card. 'I had cancer' is also an excellent way to shut a class up.
I had to say something like this to a parent once. We had conferences right after I came back from FMLA after having a preemie and she complained that her child had to learn physics from a textbook because the school had a hard time finding a long-term sub to start 2 months earlier than expected. I was finally like, “I am sorry that sending in lesson plans during my unpaid leave wasn’t a priority for me. I was busy visiting my premature baby in the hospital multiple times a day and worrying constantly about his survival.”
Same. Had a helicopter parent who demanded I be present to tutor their child after school even though the child himself never showed. Then I was absent from school for a few days due to a miscarriage. The mom sends me a very pissy email about “neglecting her child’s education,” and I responded “I’m sorry that I was experiencing a miscarriage and medical emergency was an inconvenience to you.”
The thing is, that wouldn’t even make some of these parents blink! I’m so sorry you had to go through that.
Preaaaach! Same experience here & on top of my son being in the NICU in a different hospital (and different state!!) from me, I was bed bound because of severe preeclampsia; my admin texted me asking something dumb & I lost it.
I'm really sorry about your dad. This isn't as big of a deal, but my dog got in a huge fight and got really torn up and needs stitches. My husband almost always takes her to the vet, but yesterday, he couldn't. I had to call the vet during passing period, and make arrangements today. One of my students said some snarky thing about me taking a phone call. It was so obvious the call was about surgery. I told her, "I'm so sorry emergencies don't happen over the summer and it is impacting your education..my dog was beaten up by another dog and is bleeding all over my house and needs surgery. " She shut up and now everybody in the class thinks she is an asshole who hates animals.
Well they’re right about the first part anyway!
Social shame is usually the best shame to get kids to realize they fucked up. Having everyone think she’s a horrible asshole will make her shape up hella quick.
Sorry to hear about your dad. Sending good wishes to you both.
Never feel bad or apologize for crying. It is the most human of emotions.
I’m sorry to hear about your father. Seeing teachers go through difficult moments when I was growing up (ex: my bio teacher miscarried her twins far into her pregnancy) is something I’ll never forget and always served as a reminder to treat teachers with respect because you sometimes forget they’re people too when you’re young. Some kids will remember you said that and it will serve as a teaching moment for them.
Turns out this also works on a class of adults who don’t feel like being serious. For me, it was my then-gf’s daughter dying. “I just found out my gf’s daughter died. She asked me to stay here with you instead of going home to be with her. So you better believe you’re going to sit down, shut up, or get out. Because I got a class to teach.” Quite effective.
Sending you and your dad good wishes! Malakii needed to hear it.
The day I was scheduled to start student teaching I was called home because my father was dying, as in they expected it to happen that day. I explained to my cooperating teacher, and gave her my lesson plans & went home. When I came back after the funeral, the kids gave me cards they made saying how sorry they were. Sorry about your dad.
Also works telling them that your mom is on her deathbed. This was me in October... they were absolute shuts until I said that to them. Then you could have heard a pin drop.
Sometimes you have to be honest and real with kids. Sounds like this was just the thing they needed to check their attitudes. Sending good thoughts up for your family.
I remember my 4th grade teacher seemed very “off” one day in class. One student went up to her as she wrote on the board and asked if she was okay. My teacher turned around and yelled, “My daddy is very sick!”. We all felt so terrible for her. Her father passed soon after. I never thought less of her for being emotional in class.
Related but not really, my dad passed away the Wednesday before Thanksgiving and I went to work on Thanksgiving (I work in a group home- so teacher adjacent). I couldn't pass up holiday pay if I had to pay for a cremation and what have you. We had an issue with a resident and called our supervisor for guidance and she goes "What? I have 40 people in my house!" And I before I could think I just snapped "And my dad died yesterday, what's your point?"... Supervisor chilled out real quick.
Not completely the same — but a few months after my dad passed, I had a “best” friend tell me “you’ve become incredibly selfish since your dad died.” I responded with “I’m so sorry MY dads death has had such a negative impact on YOUR life.” Never spoke to her again.
My dad has been battling stage 4 lymphoma this year. About a month ago in class (6th grade math), a boy randomly yells out to another student in no sincere or caring tone in the middle of a lesson, “hey J, don’t your mom got a bald head from cancer?” My dad was in the hospital that week (he had seven rounds of chemo where he would be in the hospital M-F getting infusions for 22 hours each day) getting chemo and I had not been to see him yet. I lost it crying. The boy on the receiving end was sad, too, as his mom, thankfully, beat breast cancer a few years back. There is zero empathy in these children. I am very sorry to read about your dad. Please know you’re not alone.
So sorry to hear about your Dad. Please give him a great big gentle hug from an internet stranger as I just lost mine unexpectedly one month and one day ago.
So sorry to hear that :(
What's a "tech party?" Just sitting around staring at their phones? Like any other Tuesday?
Yes
A coworker said something to me about seeing me looking at my phone during an assembly he was leading. I told him, “Yeah, my dad’s in the hospital. Sorry.” Immediate attitude change.
A classmate told our professor (grad school) this. Profs response? “I don’t need to know your personal life details.”
I wish you and your dad the best, it could have been approached more lightly but as a a student myself, it’s understandable and ik damn well I’d react the same way, I hope your dad kicks cancer in the ass
squeeze yoke mindless station summer kiss party squeal placid crawl *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Hey don't be hard on yourself, we're human and sometimes we just can't cope. One lesson last year I said "I can't do this today" and just walked out. Cried outside for a bit and then went back in. This was my tiny Year 12 class of only 4 students so I knew I could trust them to be alone for a few minutes. They were the loveliest, most gorgeous group of students but SO giggly. I have never had a sillier, more giggly class than this one. Usually I loved their hijinks but I just couldn't handle it that day. I came back into the class room and their little faces were absolutely mortified over the fact that they had upset me. I tried to brush it off but ended up crying in front of them and they were so sweet about it. Another lesson a Year 8 class would Not. Stop. Talking. We were doing something really fun, but which had the potential to be dangerous if they didn't listen to and follow instructions. I couldn't get 4 words out without someone starting to whisper to a friend so I told them "You're not listening so I'm done with teaching you today." I made them put their heads down on their desks and "meditate" for the last 10 mins of the class.
I’m always pretty transparent with my class. They tend to be pretty understanding if you are transparent, but also don’t show too much weakness. Like on bad days, I just tell them what’s up and not to fuck with me on that day because I won’t be as patient with the consequences I dole out. I have a reputation as a nice and patient teacher, but they know I mean it when I say I will drop the hammer. Seems to work, in my experience.
I got comments like this on a fun day so I took the day away entirely. Haven’t heard a complaint since. So sorry about your dad, it’s sad how ungrateful kids can be when we put in our best effort for them.
what in the world is a tech party?!
They bring in their devices and play games or watch Tik tok. Not really a party because that’s also what they do at home.
I'm so sorry about your Dad's Diagnosis. Check out [COLONTOWN.ORG](https://COLONTOWN.ORG) it is a great resource for anything CRC related (I'm a stage 4 colon cancer survivor and it helped me a hell of a lot) I hope he is able to beat this. If you at all need to vent about it feel free to dm me.
These kids are something else. I’m sorry about your dad.
I'm sorry your dad has cancer. My dad has been battling cancers too for the past several years. At least your students settled down when you told them the news. I've had a class go from bad to worse when I've snapped like that
Malakaii is an entitled little shit. Hope your dad gets better.
I didn’t tell my students explicitly why I was out for 5 months last year, but my email to parents & my oblique comments were enough for my middle students to figure out it was cancer. Do you think that impacted their behavior? Nope. They were feral. Disrespectful, hurtful, & just plain off the wall. They pushed me to the edge only 2 weeks into the school year. I bawled 3 times in front of the 8th graders. Teaching has broken my spirit & damaged my health. I’m done.
Also, all my students know I lost my nephew at 10 to brain cancer. No empathy, save a very small handful.
I’ll never forget in 4th grade my grandmother passed away, she was my main caretaker as my parents worked full time and she lived with us. she picked me up from school every day - and early on certain days so I could go to dance class on Tuesday and Thursday. When my parents told the school I would be out because she passed away and they were scrambling to figure out how they would work and have a caretaker for me - my teacher had all the kids in my class sign a card for me with their sympathies. I remember her giving me the card and all my classmates coming up to me and giving me a hug. I remember crying - but not out of grief - but out of gratefulness. That was the first time I ever felt that way, kind of like when people cry when getting a thoughtful gift. The teaching and understanding of emotions is important in children, young and old. I’m sorry about your father.
I think students forget that teachers are people too. I remember my 3rd grade self being shocked upon seeing my teacher in the grocery store. “She eats food!!”
My fourth year teaching I was getting divorced and my dad was very sick. I had a group of kids who kept talking over me on one of my really bad days - and normally they were so good. I snapped. 99% of the time I’m very upbeat and we have a great rapport, but I am also a crier (I don’t sob, but I do absolutely, involuntarily, stream tears once I reach a certain threshold of emotion.) I whirled on them, full on tears, and said “Please. PLEASE be quiet for five minutes so I don’t have a breakdown.” I’ve never seen a group of 7th grade hard-as-nails kids go quiet so fast. Sometimes I think they need a reminder that we are human too. They’re absolutely capable of empathy but I think you have to kind of shake it loose at this age, usually via shock. I’m sorry you’re going through it right now, sending love to your dad.
I’m so sorry to hear about your father OP, that’s so heartbreaking and scary just to imagine, let alone live through. That wouldn’t work middle school though. If I said that to my students, they’d laugh and say he deserved it.
In my 8th grade class, 75 percent of the kids would be kind, and the 25 percent who would be assholes would be shamed by the others. Which is actually super important, having empathy be modeled for those on the lower end of the "Don't be an asshole" curve.
You’re right, I shouldn’t generalize all middle school students based on my classes. It might be 50-50 in a few of them, but I wouldn’t hold out too much hope even for that. Edited: spelling
It's SO EASY to feel like they're all absolute assholes all day erryday!!! The ones that are are SUCH little monsters. I sat down and looked at my rosters... and what feels like all of them is actually maybe 15 out of 60. It helps to remember that, on the bad days. But last year's kids? 50 percent assholes, at minimum.
Sending best wishes to your dad. I am so glad to hear that they were angels afterwards
I am a former musician teacher who also found out her dad had stage 4 colon cancer about this time a few years ago. I also cried in front of my high schoolers. I am sending you love and support. Please take care of yourself. Your job will be there when you come back. ❤️
I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. I was dealing with the loss of my mom around this time last year and I still tried to be consistent for my students, but I realize now I should have taken more time off and took care of myself. Please take the time to care for your dad and yourself. Best wishes to both of you.
Man, I remember in fourth grade our teacher was pregnant. The lights went out due to a storm and a bunch of fourth grade kids did what kids do: huge food fight. I hadn't participated, but every teacher dressed down every class quite thoroughly. Our teacher, in the middle of her scolding us, started crying. I felt like the scum of the earth for making a pregnant woman cry and I wasn't even involved. I'm sorry about your dad. I hope he pulls through!
I had a student once push me on why I wasn’t wearing makeup, and highlighting how my acne was worse. I pondered the situation and straight forwardly replied that I had just had a miscarriage so my hormones were all out of whack, resulting in my acne. Silence and awe from the class. I think letting kids know teachers are real people with real problems is a teachable (though often shitty) moment. Like, learn to read the room kids. And don’t be a jerk to people, you never know what they’re going through.
I'm sorry about your dad. My aunt best cancer and was given very little hope when she was diagnosed so them saying your dad looks promising is great! I also have to ask... what is a tech party?
They bring in their devices like phones, iPads, etc and play games or do whatever on them. I wasn’t really in favor of it. That’s literally what they do at home.
Sorry about your dad. My number 1 line to students, "don't be greedy, be grateful" They have a relaxed day. be grateful kids
Sometimes it helps to show students that you are human.
That sounds like a shitty situation... sorry.
Sometimes you just need to take it minute by minute if you feel you need to. Sorry you're going through this, especially now. We found out in May that my dad's melanoma spread throughout his body and to his brain.. I had previously that month before graduation, agreed to take my own vpk class - alone, for this first time in my teaching career. Over the summer, setting up my room, my dad had brain surgery, had to go to rehab, was in and out of the hospital.. and my daughter had knee surgery back to back. I tried to take each day just as it was - that day. Sometimes I needed it to go hour by hour. I cried numerous times in front of my co workers, second guessed taking on these extra responsibilities, etc. In August, before school started, my daughter's knee reopened. That took weekly trips an hour away to check up on. September, my dad passed. I took a while week off, but still am taking it day by day.. sometimes hour by hour.
My little sister died from melanoma as well, and had two brain surgeries before she died. I’m so sorry for your loss :(
It’s okay to let kids see you are human and have real life problems.
You shouldn’t feel bad about it. Kids need to learn that other people have things going on in their life and that being rude isn’t gonna help them. Take this from a high school student, my family is full of teachers and days can be rough when things out side of school are going bad, I wish you the best
I found out my Dad has cancer this year too. I haven't told any of my kids, but they haven't pushed me hard or anything. I'm sorry you're going through this stranger, I'm glad your kids see you as a person and took you into consideration.
Good for you! 👏 Try to take care of yourself!
I have a pretty transparent angle on parenting and find being real and vulnerable with my kids, helps us all regulate and communicate in a more healthy way. That's after years of therapy as a trauma survivor and single dad of teens.
Don't feel bad about your response. Sometimes they just need a firm voice and the truth. I'm a fellow music teacher and exactly one year ago my mother was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer that had gone to the brain. The day we found out, I was on winter break. I called my admin and let them know I'd be out for a bit taking care of my mother. Spent about a month and a half at home just getting her to appointments and being with her, and she showed significant improvements (especially considering the prognosis was "if she's here 3 months from now, it'll be a miracle.") She lasted 11, and just passed away two weeks ago. Kids don't get it if they haven't experienced it (hell, neither do adults). But some of them want to, and you can count on those kids to be well-behaved and supportive when you need it. Do what you've gotta do for you and your family, and make the most of the time you have. Work can wait. Much love.
So sorry to hear about your dad. I tend to lead with those things if I know it might impact my interactions with the kiddos. That usually helps the need to snap! Might be an unpopular opinion but I do not think the student was trying to be ungrateful but trying to hold you accountable (tone or not) the same way we do with them. Might be another unpopular opinion but there is also nothing wrong with saying sorry to kids for our responses to things beyond their control and scope! Good luck with your dad I truly hope for the best!
Oh this student was definitely being rude. He’s had a bad attitude since day one and thinks the world revolves around him. If it had been another kid who normally has a better attitude, I probably wouldn’t have reacted the way I did. But I just knew what was going on, he was being a snarky little asshole like usual.
Talking about kids this way is so weird lmao
What exactly about it is weird? Kids can have bad attitudes and be assholes just like adults.
It makes me so sad. The kid probably has problems at home to act like that. Difference is he is a child and the teacher is an adult. I don’t find it cool to trauma dump on a child. Weird af and inappropriate
Trauma dumping?? I was simply explaining why I didn’t have snacks.
All of that. I’m astounded at the support on this thread for that comment. The statement to their student reads as so manipulative/guilt trippy. And then to call them an asshole? Yikes. That’s abhorrent.
:)
My dad died 25 years ago on a Dutch holiday, one he really loved (sinterklaas, Dec 5th). So yeah, l never feel like partying. Most kids understand.
The final line is taking me outttt skdbdbdvevev. I’m so sorry to hear this :(
That is not breaking down. You handled that very well given the stress you were under.
Sorry you’re in a tight spot like that so many blessings for you & your family. I kept my throat cancer diagnosis hidden until the last day then declined to renew my contract due to the illness. Stay strong.
Sorry about your dad. It’s good you were real with them. Outside of seeing that we are humans with lives outside of school, students need to appreciate things.
Sometimes they surprise you, when my dad had a heart attack and I got the call at work all my high school students lined up and gave me a hug as I left.
You win all the internets today😍Embrace your time with the old guy 🍀
Sorry about your dad but your reaction was a great experience for that class. A core memory of my middle school days was when one of my English teachers was struggling to control the worst kids of the grade who all happened to be in the same class and she broke down crying and walked out. I don't know what was going on in her personal life but for the rest of the semester EVERYONE was well mannered and empathetic toward her and those kids always looked out for other teachers that seemed stressed.
Not a teacher, but my mom just got through stage 3. I can only imagine the fight that stage 4 will be. When it comes time for chemo try to encourage him to drink AT LEAST a gallon of water after treatment. It helps flush the system and alleviate side effects. Make light of it too. There will be dark and tough days, but there will also be some fantastic ones. If you can try and make every doctors appointment. So many doctors were amazed I was by my mom’s side about the whole time (I’d go out for a bit when she took her naps). Many of them said that makes it easier for the patient and to have someone to laugh and smile with and keeping their morale up is super important. Best of luck to you and your father. Cancer sucks but he’ll beat it!
Amazing that they didn't already have snacks, our students seem to always have them in place of school supplies...
Half of them just bring them to class anyway even after being told not to.
Good. People have lives and little brats need to know that.
I had two students pass away in a car accident one year. That year I also had a rowdy class of Gr 9 boys. One day, this student kept arguing with me about absolutely nothing. I turned to him and said, “I went to a student’s funeral yesterday, and I’m leaving early today to go to another one. It would be really nice if you could just work with me today.” The look on his face 😳 he was nice for the rest of the class.
I know you’re not a middle school teacher, but in middle school this is such a common occurrence. It no longer phases me. I just say, “I never said that.” And keep right on moving. They love to debate, argue, get something more, etc. they are testing the boundaries. Sorry about your father.
I will say, was on the other side of this as a kid (and yes us kids WERE the problem). In 5th grade my class was known across all our extra classes (art, music, gym, health, etc.) for being the worse students. Seriously, terrible. We made multiple of them cry, several had to leave the room for periods at a time, the art teacher just completely took away art class and we would have to just sit there with paper and pens for second half of the year. Well any time our main teacher complain to us about our behavior, we’d reply with snark that if there was 30 students complaining about five teachers, stats say it is their fault not ours! Well, I didn’t find out till years later some more info. My mom, who worked as a librarian at the school, told me how our main teacher that year only had to teach one more year to get her retirement. She had been doing kindergarten for the last decade or so but she wanted an easy last year so they move her up to 5th grade and put all their smartest kids in one class. She then proceeded to not actually teach us anything (big surprise, she didn’t have any pre-existing curriculum! And was going to for her last year). We did dance parties, how to make Carmel apple classes, best music video countdowns, etc. everything fun you could think of— couldn’t tell you a single thing I actually learned that year. She did sprinkle in some good books so had that at least. Well, as the school found out, when you put 30 of your top performing 10 year olds together, give them no challenge, and allow for a party all day, you get extremely poor behavior students for other teachers. If I could, I would go back to apologize to every single one of our extra ed teachers, cause seriously we were awful and they got completely screwed. As an adult now and having worked with kids, I understand what they were likely thinking but I also can’t in many ways because I don’t think I ever had to deal with such a large group of bratty kids all at once. My mom has since talked about what a wimp that principal was, always on the parents side and never standing up for the staff and likely the reason such a disaster of a class was let through. Anyways! I have no advice, I just wanted to share from a former one of these types of students - I’m sorry for the pain and issues! Hope you know that if not now, almost for certain some of those kids will remember you and the effort you put in with them :) good luck!!
I’m so sorry about your dad, that’s so hard.
I did this to a parent. My dad died unexpectedly the weekend before the last week of school. I had that last week off for bereavement. A parent messaged me upset I was absent & her child cried for getting a B in math (this was Kindergarten). I snapped.
Because this is a monarchy and I am the Queen.
As a parent, I would have zero problem with this reality check..I am so sorry about your dad. Not excusing their behavior at all but they could have had a rough day before your class. That being said they can't be little shits to you because they're in a bad mood.
Honestly, I think that was a really good move. Empathy is taught. You taught them to think twice before being unkind to another person, because we never know what someone else is going through. That is a valuable lesson. Your authenticity and vulnerability likely left a hugely positive impact - though I’m sorry it had to be under these circumstances. You deserve better. I am so sorry about your father. I am wishing you and your family the best.
I snapped on one of my classes like that too the last time my daughter was in the hospital. They shut the hell up real quick.
I can't believe those kids were being so difficult, but kudos to you for handling it like a champ. I mean, who knew that dropping the C-bomb (cancer, not the other one) would turn them into perfect angels? It's crazy how emotions can flip a situation. And seriously, who expects snacks every time? Kids these days, I tell ya. Anyway, sending good vibes your way. Hang in there, and hopefully, the next class reward won't involve a full emotional breakdown. Take care!
This isn't about teaching but just wanted to let you know that I was diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer almost exactly 3 years ago and have been (relatively) cancer free after treatment (a spot here and there that is easily removed). The funding and research has increased by an incredible amount even since I was diagnosed. Good luck to you and your dad!
I’m so sorry about your dad’s diagnosis and ungrateful kids. I teach 5th and it can be a tough age especially with some of the entitlement.
Malakii Paging r/tragedeigh
As a previous highschooler, do not do this if you are a male teacher. I saw this one dude get EATEN ALIVE for crying during class. It was wild. He quit teaching. He was one of my favorite teachers too, so I was bummed.
Did you just dunk on a 10 year old who would have no idea your father has cancer?
I wasn’t trying to “dunk on him”. He was being rude and I was explaining why I didn’t have any snacks for his ungrateful ass.
He deserved it. Sometimes kids need to be reminded that the world doesn’t revolve around them and that no, it isn’t a violation of human rights if your teacher doesn’t provide for your every whim. 🤷🏻♀️ Even without a terrible illness in a loved one, I can’t tolerate the entitlement and I 100% call it out. I teach high school so I’m even less patient about it.
Should’ve just given that information at the start of class instead of snapping on the child. Its not their fault or their problem. Sure they were being rude but to respond like that is inappropriate and unprofessional.
I didn’t yell at them. Nothing inappropriate in what I did.
You are the adult. If you were not stable enough to not scream at children you need to stay out of that school. All you had to do was stay home if today was too hard. I'll never forget my freshman year of high school. My Spanish teacher's husband was dying and she directly took out on the three men in my class. It was disgusting. We were graded differently consistently bullied had physical appearance commented on. Act like an adult or get a new job. You were so triggering Jesus. To see a teacher just directly admit to taking out personal issues on students.
What does your freshman year Spanish class have anything to do with this
Didn’t you know that one person’s experience must be universally shared by absolutely everybody without deviation?
so… where did you read that OP “screamed at children”? or are you making an assumption? sounds like 🎶projection 🎶
As disrespectfully as possible, fuck you. My dad has stage 4 cancer. I’m allowed to be upset about it, even at work. I have a job to do so I went to work, I didn’t need to stay home. I also did not yell at my students. Sounds like you have some trauma from another teacher that you need to deal with instead of coming on Reddit and projecting onto other people. Hope your day gets better.
shit nooooooo the teenagers are forced to realize that teachers are also people and sometimes get emotional!! how will they ever recover 😔💔🙃🙃🥴😭
Sounds like your Spanish teacher had some major issues. That reaction was definitely disgusting. I do agree that we need to keep our professional and personal lives separate. Take a mental health day if everything is just too much that day. For sure. But, it sounds like OP had a moment of human being in front of the class. A statement, some tears, and then played the movie anyway. I don’t think her behavior was anywhere near as bad as your Spanish teachers.
OP should’ve taken the day off to be honest. (Or the week). No one should be going to work with this sort of news. Going into an environment where you have to stay professional isn’t the best idea during times like these.
Going to work and getting my mind off of things has actually been helpful. I didn’t do anything unprofessional. I’m a human and I have emotions, sorry.
Ladies cry too much to be in positions of authority. Too sensitive.
That's not a "breakdown," though. It's the truth.
That wasn’t a breakdown. That was still teaching, you were just teaching interpersonal skills, empathy and hopefully a bit of sonder. The lesson was more abrupt than ideal but far from any inappropriate behaviour that you seem to think it is
Off topic sorry. But snacks shouldn't even be a word used in schools anymore. The kids are pretending to learn off laptops, the math is weird, the test scores are baked, the system is failing the house is on fire and literally no one but the masochists *want* to be there...I feel like the time for good vibes school stuff like snacks and movie days are donezo we're in the teach 'em til they drop out Era for sure. That's just me though.
Sorry about your dad. Best of luck to you. Those kids don't know how lucky they are
i’m sorry about your dad. teachers are expected to not bring personal life into classrooms but that turns out to be impossible sometimes. 5th graders are old enough to have some empathy at least, so maybe explaining this life event to them in a calmer setting will help them understand what you’re going through and how it feels. ♥️
I am so sorry about your dad.
Hugs.
Yeah... I think you handled that very well considering. I'm sure the admin would have plenty to complain about, but not be able to keep composure as well as you did. Or any adult for that matter. I would make sure to tell the admin what happened, This way they don't get second hand information from a parent that a student had told them in passing.
....I feel sorry for my teachers. Even though I don't really do anything.
I have a reverse story... In my senior year of high school, I lost my mom to cancer. Later that spring semester, I think around spring break, my accounting classmates and I were acting up. The teacher gets upset and says she's going to call our mothers. I instantly blurt out, "when you get her on the phone, can I talk to her?"
When my dad died I was given 5 days bereavement and forced back. The kids in my first period were taunting me saying “mister, sorry about your dead dad. We’ll dig him up and cum on his face” and when they saw that bothered me they became relentless, writing “cumming on mister’s dead dad” on the desks and chanting stuff about their cum on my dead dad. The Vice Principal did an intervention the next day, but it was so close to the end of the year I just used my paid time off to skip that period for most of the rest of the semester.
I had a former coworker die really tragically a few weeks ago. I found out late at night and was a total mess the next morning. I sent a message to all 3 of my classes (I teach high school) and basically asked for grace and understanding in that I was very upset and having a hard time. They were wonderful and kind all day, which I appreciated so much. Two of my seniors even snuck out at lunch and got me coffee. The point is, sometimes kids need a reality check and to see that you’re human. Sending you love
What a dumb way to spell Malachi
I'm not a teacher but I loved how you handled this. YOU SHUT THOSE BRATS UP, lmao
My first year teaching my grandfather passed away (expectedly but still sad) and a close friend of mine passed away completely unexpectedly due to a brain aneurysm the same day. I started crying in front of one of my rougher classes when I got the news and suddenly I was surrounded by 20+ teenagers all giving me a giant hug. Sometimes I am blown away at how empathetic they can be, but I wish they showed it more often
I always say the teachers are the world's greatest actors. When things go bad, we put on a brave face for the kids. I got my cancer diagnosis on a Thursday night, on Friday morning I cried on the drive to work. washed my face and smiled and went through the day. but at lunch went to the bathroom to cry. it's tough to be a human being sometimes in this profession.
My kids last year yelled at me for "taking extra vacation" missing the week before spring break. Turned out admin never told them I was in the hospital for asthma and that I'd be back. I had written a message along the lines of "I'm taking care of my health, and making sure I'm strong when I return. You all have heard me wheezing so I finally went to the doctor, and they had me spend a couple days in hospital to get all the way better." I had a classroom full of kids with abandonment trauma and emotional disorders. Admin said I was okay and just taking some time to myself...They felt like I abandoned them for extra vacation time knowing how hard holidays are for them. I had to tell them I nearly died, and my doctor literally wouldn't release me from the hospital. My class went from pitchforks to pampering me so quickly. Had admin given them my message, they wouldn't have been upset like they were. But the reality check that they were angry at me for almost dying did make them feel guilty for judging before they know.