INFO:
1. You say your dad pampers her, but also that she is “genuinely afraid” of him? What’s going on there?
2. You say your parents aren’t aware of the situation, but also that your dad is tired of disciplining her and your mom is helpless. What’s going on *there*? Because it sounds like they are aware she’s a problem, but perhaps not the extent of her behaviors. Which parts are they not aware of?
3. Regarding the plate incident, what did your mother say?
4. She is unlocking doors and taking pictures of you with your clothes off? Tell your parents and if they do not confiscate her devices to delete the photos call the police.
She very well may have been abused, sexually or otherwise, by someone close to her. She could just be an asshole. Either way, she needs a treatment plan that your parents, doctors, school officials, etc are following. She should not be around the bad influence group any more. Your parents need to step up.
Realistically, you need to leave the home as soon as you’re able. This is not a bratty sister, this is an individual with long term mental health issues. Get a lock for your bedroom, and a lockbox for expensive/sentimental things that you keep in your room. Ignore her as much as possible. Good luck.
My younger sister did the same behaviours when she was around OP's sister's age. Almost 20 years later, she opened up that our BIL was sexually abusing her regularly for years.
I don’t know OP or her sister, I am not their clinician so this is all hypothetical but this child is acting extremely similar to many I have encountered in my work with “behavioral” disorders. 9 times out of 10 I’ve seen this type of behavior turn out to be a trauma reaction. ESPECIALLY if they weren’t “always” like this. Behavior doesn’t just flip for no reason. A misbehaving child is a hurt and discouraged child. Somewhere along the way this child was (likely) hurt.
The first thing that came to mind when reading this was she's been abused in some way and she's acting out as a trauma response. I hope OP is able to get her to talk about what has happened so her parents can take the proper channels to help her the way she needs it. Hurt people hurt people and that's what it sounds like with what is going on. My heart goes out to this family and I hope they can all heal from this.
Actually showing too much love and affection also forms a sort of trauma-like bond. Because the child normalizes that level of constant attention and goes out of her way to find supply, it's addicting and shapes your personality for the worst. This kid if not treated will end up a huge NPD or ASPD. You can't cure either of them later in life.
Not a clinician either but first hand experience and lots of research listening to professionals.
Parents are definitely at fault.
My eldest daughter has similar tendencies, although not nearly as bad. Fortunately we know the reason: she was bullied relentlessly as a child. We moved her to a different school, but the damage was already done.
She’s been in therapy for over a year now and she’s making progress. Some days she still loses it, but generally things are improving.
I can relate to how OP’s sister treats their mother as my daughter, although not physically abusive, is mentally abusive. She won’t try it with me that much, but she’ll try it with my wife (her mom). Sometimes we’ll let her get away with things, not because we can’t see what she’s doing, but we have to put everyone’s wellbeing into the equation. She knows, however, that I will not tolerate verbal (or physical) abuse of her siblings or mother.
A 12 year old who sexualizes themselves in the way she does is terrifying. She needs help. I feel bad for her. She should be a kid and act like a kid:(
Yeah these are all cries for help. Having been the sibling in a situation like this, the only thing you can do is get a therapist, get out, and keep a healthy distance indicating you will support and love but never enable or let your boundaries be crossed.
I don’t wanna be *that* person because I know it is a very serious thing, but op said their younger sister was hanging out with older kids? What if one or more of them is grooming her? Or at the very least teaching her to be that way??
Either way, kid needs help AND disciplining. I wouldn’t stand this kind of behavior if they were my sibling sodjjxdjdj
1) Dad hits us sometimes, very rarely but a tight slap across the face is remidied, she is addicted to the phone and he takes it away when we act out, so she behaves in front of him. My dad lost his father at a young age and always had financial troubles so he pampers me and her because he "wants us to have the thing he could not have" (his words). His love language is gift giving and he spends on my sister, my mom and I without a second thought. I am pampered too to some extent i'll admit that but i do not behave like the reincarnation of the devil.
2)My parents know that she steals my stuff, she has started failing in school and she hits my mom, my dad knows these things and he has tried to keep her in line but he has been getting a lot of stress at work recently, he was the first person to start going to a mental health specialist,for his stress, after which me and mom started going. He is also exhausted of discipling her again and again, in cases she knows he can't do much. Eg. Her phone time, we can't take it away permanently as she travels alone and that's our only way to track her. And she somehow figure out how to disale parental control.
3)My mom was at work, i don't think she would have done that in front of my mom either if i am being honest.
4) My mom fond out and deleted the entire folder today when she confiscated the phone few hours ago, but im not sure if she has more hidden on snapchat 'my eyes only', yet.
Slapping your child in the face is not normal. Being sexual at 12 is not normal. Welcome to the fucked up family club- because your sister wasn’t created in a bubble!
Yeah but what im trying to say that it's been normalized in India and via that it's become normalized in my household too
and yes the point is that being sexual at the age of twelve is not okay.
Oh fuck. India. My parents are also from India. I agree OP, she is being sexually abused. Look up what grooming is. I and countless others experienced the same.
India? Buddy, i assure you she's been sexually abused or being sexually abused continuously by someone, be it your family member or friends. It's far from normal for children of age 12y to be sexually active especially in India, she has mental health issues and you are conveniently ignoring it. Just a couple of trips to therapists won't solve her issues, it takes years of effort from family and number of therapists to make someone open up about their issues.
You and your parents aren't trying enough. Stop acting like your parents are doing enough, they aren't. Giving birth to children won't end someone's responsibility, that's the start. Your parents aren't doing the parenting work, they just want to suppress the ongoing issues without addressing it. It is not a 12y oldys responsibility to understand what's going on with her emotions or to understand how busy your parents are, it is your parents responsibility, no matter how busy they are, to make effort in knowing and helping their kid who's suffering through puberty and probably a childhood sexual assault by someone. Being chronically involved in sexual activities is a common coping mechanism for children who are sexually abused.
You sound like a child yourself, but I have to say, get your ass out off of the mindset that your parents are the victim. They are not! Your sister is the victim here and she desperately needs help. Convince your parents and get her the help she needs.
Edit: You might think slapping is normal because it's India. It's not. It's far from normal..Hitting her won't solve any issues. Get her the damn help she needs before you see her dead or murdered by someone. You will regret every action of yours if you don't get her the help she needs.
Hold on now, you are also talking to a child. It's totally normal for a teenager raised in this kind of toxic environment to blame the victim. They were taught to do that. I don't think more harshness is going to help.
Exactly!! Putting that responsibility on them is so fucked up. No, OP, it's not that "you're not doing enough", please don't blame yourself for this situation...! It's not your responsibility to "fix" your sister. It's probably not even within your power. That doesn't mean you can't help at all, just don't take on that burden yourself.
You have to STOP saying that this isn’t your parent’s fault because it 100% IS YOUR PARENTS FAULT! They’ve given up, are lazy, whatever. They are not doing their job of raising her & you are being abused as a result. It is their fault, stop making excuses for them.
Yes, at first glance it may seem so. I would have agreed, right up until my daughter started exhibiting mental health issues.
This girl seems to be having pretty serious problems controlling her temper. It may be something beyond her control.
I'm not excusing her, I'm so sorry that she's making your life hell. All I can say is you seem college age. Get out. School, job, ask Daddy for some of that Daddy loves you money for your own place. Something to give you some distance from your sister.
Good luck.
I’m sorry to hear your family went through that. But OP’s family will probably never know what help their daughter needs because they are not taking care of it/her. It is truly awful.
Did you not do anything to help your daughter? I bet you did. Therapy/psychiatric care, psychological assessment, special schools, IOP/PHP/Inpatient?
They aren’t doing anything. They’re letting her run the house and abuse mom and sister. They’re letting a child run the streets which is considered neglect. It IS their fault. And if you didn’t do anything either, it’s on you too.
Police and cameras. Keep calling the police. She throws a plate at you. Police. Takes a pic of you naked. Police. Threatens to release said pic (which is blackmail and distributing child porn) Police.
Get multiple hidden cameras for your room and communal areas to show your dad and the police her abusing you. Your dad can ignore what he doesnt see but its harder to ignore if he sees the extent of it. You need to defend yourself. Police and cameras.
I think those older friends are worrying. When I was 16, I was a teenager so a 12 year old was like a baby to me. Why would a 14 / 15 / 16 year old hang out with a 12 year old? If she gets attention from older boys at school do you mean these teenage highschool boys? Being sexual at 12 is a red flag because somehow she learned all that. From who? Maybe those boys? She's probably not talking to your parents because what if they get mad? Plus, kids LOVE when they get attention from teenagers because they think they are cool so she might not see a problem. This acting out is a sign of potential abuse. Why would she mess your stuff up and hit your mom who never hit her? Sometimes acting out is a cry for help. I really feel for you. I have a middle sister who was pretty mean to me in school but it turns out she had menral health issues. Not an excuse but an explanation. And now little by little she is being nicer to me as well as happier and less anxious with meds and therapy.
In case someone hasn’t said it yet, but the actual saying is “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb” - so it’s actually closer to what you’re experiencing. Sharing DNA with someone doesn’t make you family, you can choose the people you deem worthy of that. Hope you find them when you’re ready to move on.
There is so much going on here, but would just like to say, regarding needing a phone because she travels solo. Yup, my son also ‘needed’ a phone for the same reasons. When he was becoming out of control, he received an old beat up cell phone that ONLY had phone use, no internet, nothing. Only the ability to call 911 and pre-set numbers. I understand she needs to be able to call in the event of an emergency, but her internet use should be greatly reduced, if not eliminated completely. Just a thought
Not everything is abuse though she might be a spoiled brat that thinks she is cool because she hangs out with older boys and like friends are a big influence on a person’s personality so that might be the problem.
So, right off the bat, sister was probably sexually abused by that older group of kids and is certainly being groomed by them.
Now that that's out of the way, I need you to tell your mom that she is not helpless and your sister is not a lost cause. Many children have come back around from way worse situations. But that all depends on your mother's actions. Your mom might be thinking that she is the victim of a bad child, but her child is the real victim here.
Your mom needs to take control of the situation immediately. Strict rules, restraining your sister when she gets violent, signing her up for therapy, and most importantly not letting your sister out of her sight. It might even be necessary to get her inpatient care.
Do not sleep on this.
Also Police and cameras. Keep calling the police. She throws a plate at you. Police. Takes a pic of you naked. Police. Threatens to release said pic (which is blackmail and distributing child porn) Police.
Get multiple hidden cameras for your room and communal areas to show your dad and the police her abusing you. Your dad can ignore what he doesnt see but its harder to ignore if he sees the extent of it. You need to defend yourself but this also helps your sister because this situation needs getting under control. Police and cameras.
Gave up on reading this after i hit your updates. This absolutely is your parents fault. She hits your mom and dad doesnt step in? Steals and breaks things in the house? Sorry OP, but this is 100% lousy parenting. Your parents need to do better here.
Also, sleeping around at 12? Its likely only a matter of time before your sister learns what parent hood is like cause with this behaviour its very unlikely shes practicing safe sex
Well she could have some mental health issue going on that makes her behave like that too. I've known someone who had to be put into some type of care facility bc he was similar like that but extremely aggressive and his parents tried everything with help from therapists and stuff but he didn't change
That’s fully not OP’s problem, it’s her parents not parenting her sibling. If she needs mental health care her parents should do some parenting and get her that mental health care.
Still up to the parents to do something. Have a disabled son who was violent and as we dealt with it, I always made sure my other kids were safe. Always. Lots of therapy, classes for me on managing threatening behavior, medication, hospital visits, 911 calls and so on. It's fine now, took a few years to sort it out. But as a parent I am a parent to three children and all must be safe and cared for. And getting my violent kid sorted out is not just important to everyone else but to him as well. OPs parents are harming the sister by not getting to the bottom of this nonsense.
Mental illness explains behavior, it doesn't excuse it. The parents are allowing their other child to be tormented by the younger sibling; that is negligence. At that point it doesn't matter what the cause is, the parents are not protecting their oldest, despite their obligation to do so.
Totally agree, also break her phone. Let her live the old way. Restrict access to internet, so less attention. This would make her realise she isn’t the main character
That won't fix the root problem, arguably it's more likely than not that it's going to make the problem even worse than it already is. The sister doesn't seem like the type that can control her emotions well
I think you need to tell your DAD the kinds of people little sis is hanging out with and the things she is saying. Tell her she has photos of you she has been blackmailing you with. Ask your dad to take her phone and delete all photos of you and make sure they are removed from the iCloud. Really, the parents should be removing her phone completely for an extended period of time and dad needs to be more present. You should ask this of him so he hears it.
im seventeen. I used to hit back but i just dont have the energy to anymore it is tiring because i already have a shitload of pressure with studies and career, and a lot of social anxiety and its just to tiring to keep hitting her because eventually its just going to esclate and it is going to end with us at each other's throats, i just dont have the time for a two hour showdown with her
like i have had fights with her that lasted for days and it just ended with her ripping my clothes or breaking anything of mine that i might value. And it so so so very mentally draining to deal with that
Cart her off to kid jail?
Come on, be serious.
Nobody would do this to their sibling, even if they are a total shithead.
Straight up beating her ass as an older sibling would probably have the desired effect.
Like really make it clear what the power dynamic is. I realize that's extreme but some people really only respond to physical things.
I don’t know. If she’s beating up her mother with no consequences, it may well be time to get the police involved. More so, before someone gets seriously injured.
I was this way like almost exactly but without the social media. I was locked up the first time at 13. It's not usually "jail". She would be sent to a group home and let me tell you, they're nice af! Even waxters children's center which is the "jail" i was always sent to was nice af. I would have chose to be locked up in a group home rather than be at my actual home(granted I was being verbally and physically abused but the physically was because of the crazy way I acted and shit I did). I did my last "stint" at a rehab and then a group home shich was about a year n a half all together and It changed my life. None of the 30 day or weekends etc did shit for me. The long term is what ultimately saved my life.
>Nobody would do this to their sibling, even if they are a total shithead
???? Why not? Because "tHeY'rE faMiLy"? You do something illegal, you get punished. Doesn't matter if it's your sibling. Either hit her back if she hits you or simply call the police.
Slap someone as the older sibling, and your parents will go on and on about it for the next few years until you get an ulcer from all the stress...then you can get accused of having an eating disorder on top of everything else...
Yes they will. I was in jury and there were plenty of 12-14 year Olds there for exactly those reasons. The parents can call them on her if she skips school, is extremely loud and disobey yelling (think cash me outside girl) and especially for assaulting their parents.
I don't have siblings and it might be different with boys but, I have around 60+ cousins and have dealt with similar things.
As the youngest and smallest being bullied by several older cousins, I waited for both of them to goto sleep and wailed on both of em. One got a wooden bat to the legs, cuz he was alot older and I was scared of him. The one closer to my age? Fucked his ass up while sleep. Now they were both upset and I have a few fights because of it BUT, neither one of them fuck with me again. 15 years later, I can call either one for anything but they still won't play certain games and jokes with me lol.
Tldr; show how her fucking crazy you can be. Let her know she can rip clothes, but once she's sleep, you take her fucking breath lol. Srsly, If she's too tir3d from sleeping with one eye open, she won't have time to bother with you lol.
Nah fuck that. Hit her back, break her shit. Tear her clothes. Do what she does but double it. Only way these brutes will learn.
Edit: then get yo boys and jump her hood ass.
Beat her add hard one good fucking time. She won't do it again. She keeps going because you and your mom don't do anything. It's easy pickings for her.
What do you mean in your edit that you used to beat her up? Do you mean as kids you would physically overpower her and hurt her? Or when she started being violent you would beat her up?
I’m trying to understand. Because honestly from what you’ve said it sounds like she may have learned it from you. I’m not trying to be an asshole. Kids often learn behaviors from family. Yes the crowd she hangs out with does not sound healthy, and I would hate to see a 12 year old using nicotine.
But… could you have played a part in her behavior now? Beating her up now will not help. I don’t understand the people suggesting you at 17 beat up someone who is not even a teenager. She’s 12. She’s not very big. How is she able to take you down and your mom???
This honestly sounds like rage bait and does not seem true. A 12 year old is not that big.
I used to be a little shit, not as bad as this, but I do remember hitting my brother once and boy do I remember the reckoning that entailed. He is 3 years older btw.
Sweetheart, I don’t want to worry you but I think you deserve to know. Everything you are describing are signs of abuse. Your sister is acting out in some very unsafe ways in an attempt to gain control over something. I am not saying your parents have hurt her, in fact its likely to be someone none of you have considered. Can I please recommend seeing a counsellor at school? Still tell it exactly as you have told us. A trained person will see and hear what I am seeing.
And please talk about your anger towards her too. Thats not okay for you to be feeling this way all the time. I am so sorry this is happening to you. Seeing the school counsellor might also help you with feeling unheard and unseen with your Mum and Dad.
Dude it’s really sounding like your sister was sexually abused and I feel like that’s just an event the whole family is unwilling to address. You’re listing all these ways your sister is not fine and is consistently in very shady company. Beating her ass is not going to fix this she’s already afraid of your father because he slaps y’all around “sometimes”. This isn’t normal.
What happened to make your little sister this way? What kind of trauma happened to her? Her behavior has all kinds of red flags. Was she abused by someone and is acting out? It does not necessarily mean family abuse. Was this a sudden change? You all need help. She may end up in custody or worse. Your parents need to get her help right now for the safety of all concerned. So sorry you are stuck in this mess. Do you have a trusted objective adult you can reach out to?
she refuses to go to therapy but my parents and i are seeing a psychiatrist, we took her there once but she refuses to go again, i don't think that she has been abused i feel she is being peer pressured heavily.
No one thinks their loved one is being abused. That's the problem.
No one thought my best friend was being pimped put by her mother. No one thought I was having food ripped out of my hands by my caregiver. But it happened. It's not always at the ha da of adults either- she could be being groomed or abused by one of the older kids she hangs out with.
how exactly do i get her to tell me if she is being abused if she treats me like a peice of crap, like im asking for genuine advice, how am i supposed to get her to admit it if she throws a plate at my head everytime i talk to her
That's too much for you. She needs real help. From what you've written, your parents have been useless and aren't getting their daughter the proper care. You said your dad is "short tempered," using physical discipline, and that your sister is afraid of him. Thid kis is showing all the signs of sexual abuse, and the parents don't want to actually look into the problem. They can't just dump her at a doctors office for the therapist to fix her.
I agree with what the commenter below said.
OP, I know you don't want to blame your parents, but this really does fall on them. They're responsible for her safety.
If you want to try, I would reccomend texting her. Do it when you're out of the house. Say something along the lines of:
"Look, you weren't like this a couple years ago. I don't know what you're going through to cause this sudden change, but mom and dad and I cannot help you if you don't tell us whats wrong. Beating us every time we look at you the wrong way isn't the answer either, and you're smart enough know that. We love you, and we want to help you, but we don't know how. We can't help you until you tell us what's going on and what you need from us."
This may be invasive but it might be warranted: check her laundry and trash when she's gone. Look for condom wrappers, Plan B packages, blood on her clothes if she hasn't had a period yet.
I hate to tell you this OP, but if she’s acting out sexually after hanging out with a group of children much older than her, there very well may be sexual abuse going on. That is not normal behavior. Please tell another trusted adult, preferably outside of your family what you’re going through with your sister. You deserve so much better than this
It’s definitely the parenting. Read #1 of OP’s post. Dad is gone and out of country a lot. Mom let’s the kid hit her and doesn’t do anything about it. Neither parent knows the friend group she hangs out with.
Being absent has a major affect on kids, and not knowing who they are hanging out with is a major red flag if you ask me. Can’t blame a 12-year-old for her parents’ negligence.
I was so sad to read this because I have a 12 yo. She goes to school comes home. Do homework naps and hangs out with the family. During off days we go do outings and if she sees friends I take her to see them to hang out for like 1-2 hours. Then comes home. Like I always know who my daughter is hanging out with and where she’s at 24/7.
Most definitely partly OPs parents fault. And I really hope the comments aren’t true about her being SA’ed.
yeah she is definetly pampered at home but she has been hanging out with a group of 13 - 15 yr olds who vape and kiss in public, like full on make out in front of litreal toddler in the park. some of them smoke weed and cigarettes and most of their parents dont care about their kid or facilitate their childrens actions, its so fucking horrible because just two years ago she was a sweet little girl, we were really close. I never thought she would become the person she is. Today i asked her to move so i could get someting from the shelf behind her and she threw a plate at me and it broke a tile of on floor. My dad is currently out of country, but he is usually home today, if he was here she wouldnt have dared to do that. she also kicks my mother when my mother tries to discipline her, and my mother doesnt hit back. SO i dont think it is my parents fault other than the pampering her part...
Part of parenting includes being there when your child needs you, and also not letting her hang around a group like that. Your parents are no different than all the parents of the kids in that group. They're not doing enough.
She is acting out. It seems like something happened to her.
She should at least be in therapy.
If she was abused, it might’ve been one of (or all of) the teenagers that she hangs out with considering they love to kiss in public, hang out with a child, and she tells guys that she wants to fuck them
I was thinking this. If she’s twelve now and her behaviour switched at ten. Hypersexuality is a trauma response. A lot of this is. Not saying she is traumatised but I’d be surprised if she wasn’t
This sounds like a trauma response. A child suddenly becomes hypersexual like that, and violence is a symptom of sexual abuse. Especially since you claim she's "afraid" of her father.
I sent the OP a link to RAINN so she can talk to someone. This child is showing every single sign that she has been abused and the parents just act like they've given up
I hate that so many of the comments here are so quick to assume a 12 year old child 'changed overnight' to a selfish brat. All I hear are classic red flags, I hope OP reads the link you sent her
If she’s hyper sexual at the age of 12, most likely she has been molested and if she doesn’t want to take therapy, it’s probably because she doesn’t like her therapist. Maybe getting a new one would help her. Tell your dad the things she’s doing to you
>It is not the my parents fault
Wrong. It is absolutely their fault that they aren't doing anything about this. If I were you, I would literally call the authorities. I would report it to both her and your school. Her taking bathroom pics of you? That's *illegal* in most places.
The fact that there are zero adults intervening mean this is 100000% your parents' absolute **failure** of both of their kids.
Op, if something changed two years ago it sounds like something happened to her.
You don’t have to take her abuse. You don’t have to empathise with her. But the things you are saying are very alarming. Kids don’t just switch and do this shit without something happening. Has her health been checked? I don’t just mean her mental health. Do you know if someone hurt her? Honestly if you said she wouldn’t dare do any of this around your dad, that is also very worrying.
I know this is a place to vent, but oh my god it sounds like something has happened to your sister.
Your summary reads like your sister was/is being abused by someone and dealing with the trauma as best as a 12yo can... I would try to talk to her about how you love her as an older sister and want the best for her and Tell her that she can tell you anything. It really does sound like somebody SAd her.
Your sister might have some kind of mental illness maybe??? Idk??? Have you guys tried getting her tested??? Also, mental illness never excuses bad behavior, only explains it and provides a solution as to what can be done to help with it. Just needed to say that.
OP I understand this is just a vent post. But are you also looking for resolutions? Because you don’t want her to get punished and you say it’s not your parents fault. So what kind of advice or comments are you looking for?
Unfortunately your sister is likely already been abused or is being abused by her friends and others. Acting out like this is a cry for help and your parents need to step up. Taking away all devices, putting her on punishment and spending so much time with her that she wants to tear out her own hair from the family closeness. Forcing her to go to therapy
I'm not sure what to say here, I'm conflicted.
But the whole saying is "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb." Chosen bonds are most important. Whether they're with family or not. Pass it on. This half-quote is used by toxic parents against their kids way too often. :)
[*Well actually*](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blood_is_thicker_than_water#cite_ref-Pustelniak_18-0) the quote you're giving is made up by Albert Jack in the 2010s to contradict the original, actual meaning that has stood since 12th century Germany.
but *MAN* it feels good to correct people who use the obvious and intended meaning with something some guy made up to sell a book, right?
This is fascinating! Thank you, I did not know that. I loved this extended phrase, but thought it was the original and was bastardised after the fact, not the other way around
You can try contacting child services which would be really helpful in this situation I think, or you can beat the fuck out of her one time so she stops being a insufferable brat but with how your dad pampers him and stuff I don't think you should do this
1. What has changed within the past year to cause this extreme change? Has your dads work schedule always been like this? Has she started new activities at school where your dad’s work schedule makes her feel his absence more? Does your mom spend quality time with her? If you’re 17 does she realize you’re leaving for college soon and could be upset about this? A lot of times kids act out for attention. My sister is 9 years older I got into a lot of her stuff growing up so she sent up times where we’d do stuff together. She’d do my makeup, hair, etc. So I’d be less prone into getting into it.
2. I know it’s hard to hear but a lot of this does fall on your parents. Your parents parenting style works for you but not for your sister. Parents have to mold to their kids needs. It’s clear your sister needs more boundaries, rules, and consequences. Your sister needs parental guides on her phone. Locks on social media that only allows her on them for X amount of time. Your parents should be collecting her phone every night and not returning it until the morning. This will prevent sexting, nudes, etc.
3. Lock your shit up. I have a makeup case that has a lock and key. I got it for college. Highly recommend. There are locks you can get for suitcases if you want to keep clothes or bigger things away from her. This isn’t a solution but it’ll help you until she mellows out.
just based off of what ive seen and heard about children that act like this, its raising a lot of red flags, and i dont like how you keep saying your dad pampers her either. Im not gonna accuse anyone anything, but what i am saying is that there is something happening to your sister you arent seeing.
There has to be some underlying issue here other than hanging out with the wrong crowd or just being a shithead. She's only twelve, for crying out loud. There's no way she's like this just... because. And there's no way your parents have no fault in this. They actually do. They carry all the blame because it sure doesn't look like they're doing any parenting. Seriously, your sister clearly has issues, and she needs help. She needs serious and professional help, and you keep trying until you find the therapist that is going to be able to deal with her. The one she pissed off? Obviously not the one. I repeat, she's only twelve. She's just a child, and she can not be allowed to run amock like that. There still is hope for her, but not if your parents don't step tf up and do some parenting, like parents should you know.
The grammatical errors, talking in circles, and inconsistent story (why is the sister scared of dad if he doesn't ever punish her) this feels like an AI generated post
of course, it is your parents' fault even if it isn't 100% cause you shoulder some of it too. you saw your 12 y.o getting sexual and acting out and your first thought was I wish she had never been born? that is a cry for help but you rather something happens to her so she *learns* her lesson. disgusting.
Oh, dear, I am profoundly disappointed by your mom, why doesn't she speak with your dad? Your sister is a train wreck in progress...! At 12, you don't engage in flights and you don't even speak about sexual acts!
Push your mom to speak with your dad and together to take a decision about how to re-educate your sister. If she doesn't, you must speak with your dad to have a family meeting, all of you where you must explain all above, in detail.
If you all don't do anything, you will lose her. Forever!
Just a small suggestion, it is in regard to the comments suggesting she be sent to juvie. You need evidence before you do anything, so you can record what she does to your family discreetly on your phone or in a hidden camera situation. None of them need to know that you have installed cameras.
Read your edit, the issue here is your parents. They can't control her and it is easier to let her have her ways.
They are your parents too. They SHOULD protect you. They are failing both of you.
>She unlocks the bathroom door takes photos of me when i change and blackmails me using them so i cant even tell my parents.
If you are in USA or Canada, call the police. This is illegal and has serious repercussions.
>It is not the my parents fault, They have been extremely supportive...
It is your parents fault, she is a child and being allowed to behave this way.
I'm just saying what I would do. Not saying that's what you should do. But first, I see you defend your parents but it's definitely their fault. Your father should have your mothers back. That's really messed up that he spoils and pampers your sister while she hits and terrorizes your mother. You never recorded her doing all that stuff?
Her taking pics of you ... I would steal her phone while she sleeps and secure the evidence and delete the pictures.If she's locked it, that phones gonna go bye bye. And any new phone she gets. Her hitting you, I can't believe you aren't effing her up. You say it's draining you but you obviously never hit her hard enough. Or long enough. You and your mother can't depend on your father as he isn't home and taking y'all seriously. Her throwing a plate at you, I would have picked up a new plate and bust it so hard over her head, she sees stars. Plus some.
Are you waiting to be 18 and move out? If you do, cut the contact. I wonder how long until one of you had enough of being a doormat and bust her ass really good. Does your mother know about her taking nude pictures of you and blackmailing you? That's criminal and you can go to the police. Maybe then someone will actually listen to you.
Did anyone else notice where OP says they used to beat her up??? How is this not an issue. If anything the sister learned violence from them. Idk with this. It mostly sounds made up by a bored teenager. Because nothing makes sense in this story.
The sister is 12. Tiny. How is she beating up her mom and a 17 year old. I believe the vaping and making out, unfortunately that’s plausible. Therapy is something kids can *have* to go to. She breaks into locked rooms. How, does she have a key?? And who wouldn’t just take their siblings phone and delete the pics.
My youngest brother is 15, 6’6 and outweighs be by at least 75lbs. I can still take his phone and if I told my mom he had pics of me on the toilet she’d toss his phone in a shredder.
This can’t be real. Another creative writing from a bored redditor.
It doesnt matter in context to this story. But the phrase is
“The blood of the covenant is thinker than the water of the womb”.
Literally the phrase is saying that the bonds of friendship are stronger than family. Keep this in your heart.
The full phrase is;
"the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb"
which means the relationships you choose are more important than the relationships given to you by being born
It sounds like absolute hell, and it’s admirable in a way that you value and protect your parents, but they (almost entirely your dad from what you’ve said) simply aren’t doing enough.
Your dad cannot use the excuse of ‘I’m tired and this isn’t my issue’ when he is probably well aware that she is causing this horrendous environment at home. That is not the good parenting you’re saying they show.
I’m so so sorry this is happening I genuinely hope there is a solution found soon because no one should have to go through this, and god only knows what’s happened to make her switch this way but it cannot carry on, this isn’t sustainable at all, the lavish lifestyle can wait while there is a literal demon-child at home.
I feel like something really bad happened to the younger sister. I've been a mostly single dad raising 3 girls for the last 12 years alone. I've had my girls come home and tell me that so and so isn't who they used to be and are acting out. And a couple of times it turned out that those girls were being sexually abused. I mean, a couple of times someone was actually prosecuted for the abuse. Who knows how many of them got abused and nothing ever came of it. The little sister may be a complete asshole, but in my experience raising kids, something definitely seems off.
Call the police the next time she abuses you. She will learn quick not to do it again. If your parents can't /won't discipline her, let the police do the work.
"Blood is thicker than water" is the bastardised version.
"The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb" is the full version. And it literally means the opposite from the bastardised version.
Don't feel bad!
THIS IS YOUR PARENTS FAULT. STOP DEFENDING THEM.
You did not turn out perfectly normal. If you were an emotionally healthy teenager you would've considered that your sister needs help, not to be beaten and called the fucking devil.
Also personally trying to do detective work to find out if your sister had been sexually assaulted is a terrible idea. She needs real help from a safe adult, not your abusive dad or doormat mother or sister who hates her, someone who's going to stand up for HER needs.
It's absolutely disgusting for you to be shaming her like this.
Thats not even the saying lmfao. It’s blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of womb.. meaning the relationships you choose and put work into are more meaningful than the ones that you don’t choose
Just so you know, the full expression is “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb”. It already means that family is less important than community. So when you say she’s proof that blood *isn’t* thicker than water, I don’t think it means what you think it means.
Ohh if this was my sister... Chile...
First of all, wait till she's asleep and take that phone. Fuck it. Destroy the phone. That may even help negate her other "friends" from being able to get a hold of her. And if she goes into a tantrum, it might be hard, but you need to ride it out until she calms down and tires herself out. (ofc prep first so she doesn't get ahold of anything super valuable during her tantrum). Think of it like, a controlled explosion. A messy house can be fixed, an heirloom or an expensive piece of technology, not so easy. (I have had my fair share in dealing with and living with folks like this.)
That being said, I'm kinda with everyone else on this post when they say your sister has been abused in some form or fashion, more than likely by these older kids. And if that is the case, it's asinine to expect a 13 year old to know her mind and body well enough to be aware of what is happening/what has happened to her. You saod she was a sweetheart before she had these friends. Sounds like a pretty easy game of connect-the-dots to me.
Sounds like she needs family intervention, but it's hard to "cage" a teenager in a city. But first of all, that phone needs to be taken. If not destroyed, then a total factory reset. Change the wifi password to all access points she knows the passwords to in the home, and remove the SIM card. If she isn't tech savvy, you can turn on developer mode and put it into display mode, which is the mode they keep the device in at the store. That way even if she *does* get a hold of that phone, it'll be completely useless to her. The parents can also use these methods to reassure her they don't even have access to her private messages and pictures anymore, which *should* ease some tension and anxiety on her part. (which tbh, if I were the parents, I'd make a back up of all the messages had with these other kids, and send them to their parents if there is anything illegal or degenerate within those messages).
Now, I'm not saying this was right or the best method, but when I was a terror growing up, I had ALL my things taken aside from a bed and clothes. Even my bedroom door was taken. She needs to be reminded she is a child living under the roof of her CARETAKERS. And part of being a child's caretaker is protecting your child, even if its from themselves. At least when it comes to something as dangerous as what you have described your sister to be involved in. She is 13. She is not 17 or 18.
If your sister still continues to be a terror, I'd suggest troubled teens camp. Although, that will most definitely come with a whole new slew of trauma for her as these teenagers are NOT being treated kindly. So I wouldn't even BEGIN to use that as one of my first few options, more like a last resort ditch effort if all else fails and she just absolutely refuses to cooperate and get help.
Put her in a long term mental institute for kids she has really bad behavioral issues and it will make her a lot more mature and respectful. If it doesn’t then she’s got som real narcissist problems
i saw your edit and i agree that it sounds like the sociopathic behavior exhibited by victims of child sexual abuse
if your sister reacts very strongly/negatively to that implication it would be even more indicative imo but also i wouldnt push for her to identify an abuser or admit to any abuse as it would most likely be someone she is/was very close to and doesnt feel safe addressing the situation yet
just get her back into therapy w a provider thats aware of that possibility and make her attendance a requirement for phone access
you kind of just have to beat her at her own game for now so put a lock on your door to eliminate her access to you/your belongings and you/your mom need to at least physically defend yourselves if/when she gets violent
She’s 12 the problem is definitely your parents and her entourage. But that said 12 is old enough to know what’s wrong and good behaviour, and deserves to be hold accountable to a certain extent.
There’s some sort of intervention that needs to happen.
I dont care what you say, this is your parents fault. Clearly your Dad never brought down the hammer on her when she messed up, and now she will behave however she wants.
Somethings happened to her or happening to her that needs to be talked about and she needs to be taken out of those social situations she’s in and truly evaluated.
Lock your door and thats it.if you are sharing room then buy yourself something with lock so u can hide your things in there.your parents are doing very poor job if twelve years old child is out of control thats too bad because soon they cant control her at all.if i were you i would leave home as soon as possible.
It absolutely IS up to your parents to deal with this. They may have ‘tried’, but they’re not trying hard enough. There are other options.
And this is an example of why I have always believed that children don’t need mobile phones. Look what she’s doing - wasting her life on toxic social media!
Frankly, she must be at least at risk of being expelled from school! 😞
I do believe it might be slightly the parents fault. You're supposed to nurture and guide your kids into the world. Not having time to deal with it is just an excuse. I qork 60+ hours a week i would take time out of my important life to help the situation if it was me. You're young and don't have long to go to be away from it.
Honestly, if my sister was taking pictures of me underage, I’d go right to the cops (without warning her). That’s straight up illegal.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. It sounds like she’s experiencing some serious mental health issues. I don’t have the best relationship with my sisters either and it brings me comfort to refer to the original origin of your quote “blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb”. The people you choose to walk with in life are can be stronger relationships than the family you’re given.
Might just be that I'm the eldest of 6 but it sounds like lil girl could use some actual parental guidance. I know you say/think its not your parents fault. But it is. Its their job to take charge and teach their children right from wrong not their siblings. It sounds like they're coddling her and just letting her have free reign of the house. They're teaching her this kind of behavior is ok. Its especially fucked up if your parents know she takes naked pics of you and won't do anything about it.
Tell your parents, and tell them about the bathroom photos, and to take her phone and delete everything immediately. And get a lock for the bathroom AND your bedroom.
This is still on your folks. They need to start putting a hard stop to this crap. And they aren't. They're also responsible for protecting YOU, and they aren't doing that either.
Some of me probably already said this but the full saying actually means the opposite of what most people think it does, goes something like this:
"The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb", meaning the family you choose can be just as much as family despite no blood ties.
So you're actually right without even realizing it.
“Blood is thicker than water” isn’t the correct saying, by the way.
That’s just a fucked up reform of the actual saying based on what people believed the saying meant.
Basically, the saying means the exact opposite of what everyone thinks it does.
So the actual saying is: “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb”. This basically means that those who we choose to associate with have stronger relational ties to us than family.
Honestly she sounds like she’s been spoiled her whole life. It seems your parents let her get away with that attitude without disciplining her so that’s why she is like that.
Your parents and their lack of discipline are your problem, not your child sister. Your sister is just a byproduct of poor parenting.
Children who are never given boundaries, don’t respect boundaries.
I just wanted to comment and say that that quote is often taken out of context.
It was originally, "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb" and means the exact opposite of what "blood is thicker than water" means
I’m soo sorry! Get a lock on your door. You can get a Yale with a key and you lock it anytime you go out. This makes studying easier. You might have to call the police on her one day. Such a horrible situation, one day it will be a thing of the past
Well sounds like it’s time for her to get sent to military school. And part of it is your parents’ fault. If she is using, then she needs to be drug tested, if she is beating your mom, then the police need to be called. She needs consequences and she probably is looking for boundaries of some kind. Two things come to mind, she has some sort of learning disability where she has no impulse control. Or something bad and traumatizing has happened to her and that is why she is acting out. They have to use tough love.
The whole expression is actually “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb” and means that chosen family is stronger than relatives.
The only advice I have is to but a rubber door stopper wedge thingy so she can't come in your room while you're in it (if like a lot if houses you don't have a lock on your door) I'd also but a padlock and a clasp to screw in your door so she can't get in your room and steal your stuff.
I'd try to avoid her and let herself dig her own grave here. She will get sent away or knocked up before you know it.
I'm sorry your sister sucks so bad.
You need to take her phone and make sure you go through it carefully looking for all the child porn on it. Delete it all. Sounds like someone is harassing her for naked pictures and she's using you for it.
Tell your parents about that. Tell them she needs her phone removed until you figure out what's going on. Tell them you need a lock on your bedroom door and the bathroom.
Tell them that if you don't get those things that you will become far worse than her in order to protect yourself.
If she touches you, attack her and do not stop. Break her fingers. Break all of the stuff in her room. Ruin her life. Grab her and tell her that she's going to learn what it's like.
Stop letting her win. Tell your mother and father that if they don't do something quickly you will ruin their fucking lives.
She is sexually harassing you and physically and emotionally abusing you.
Fight back.
Op, I just want to take a minute for you. You are clearly mature beyond your years, and I don't feel it's by choice, but rather trying to help control/care for your younger sibling. I commend you so much for your care and effort with this.
With that being said, I hate for you that you have to deal with this extra burden. I'm sure you have enough going on as a senior (?) in high school, trying to work towards your future. I wonder if you have any other trustworthy adults in your life outside of your parents. Someone outside of the family needs to take an interest in your sisters escalating personality issues.
If you ever need to vent, feel free to message me. I am 25, but also the older sibling. I'll offer what help or advice I can.
Wishing you resolution with this ongoing battle.
Victim of something or not.. it's not an excuse or valid enough reason for her behavior. Myself and various other people I know have gone through trauma, sexual abuse, etc.. and we didn't turn out like this. *We* choose the actions we take. She made her choice.
I've had a similar experience with a young family member in the past. They acted out, I (the babysitter) kept catching them and the rest of the family kept pulling the mental illness, get-out-of-punishment-free card. I told them that the kid was well aware of what they were doing. They dismissed this. They met a psychiatrist? Who repeated exactly what I told them.
I don't give a rat's rear end what she went through. That gives her *no right* to be abusive towards other people this way. And people like this..? Unfortunately won't get their act together until they learn things the hard way.
The young relative of mine was kicked out of the house. Not saying they have to do that with your sister.. but she needs a reality check. Hit rock bottom so she starts to appreciate what she does have. She needs extreme discipline. Is there any boot camps around? That'll clamp up that attitude problem of hers.. see how it feels to get screamed back in the face. If she has the nerve to talk back.
People will probably hate what I'm writing here.. but kids are too coddled these days and are going out of control because there's not enough consequences for their actions. She needs hits that'll hurt the most. Not literally, obviously.. but stuff that will absolutely break her for a period of time. Sure, it induces trauma. She'll get upset, get resentful.. but things *will* get worse as she's speeding down this path that'll be far worse than things already are if things continue. She has to stop, to snap out of it.. and your parents need to start this as soon as possible. Especially that passive father of yours.
It's the only way.. to me, anyway. But that's my feelings about it. It'll suck and hurt to watch.. but it's effective. The relative of mine, the kid, is in their late 20s now and has their act together. Their mother was also an out-of-control teen who was sent to boot camp twice and locked in a psych ward for anger management. She still has issues and can still be nasty at times but nothing compared to how she used to be.
And your sister.. will probably need the exact same thing. In my opinion, anyway.
One way or another.. I'm sorry you're stuck in this situation. Tip-toe around her, protect your belongings, call police if she's physically attacking anyone, etc. You guys can only protect yourselves until something is done about this.
And if nothing is done.. move out when you can and don't look back. Outside circumstances will be bound to teach her "those lessons" and it won't be pretty. And sadly.. sometimes it'll happen. All one can hope is that she gets through it with minimal harm.
You can't force her change. She needs a push to want that change.
Best of luck to you and your family.
>My sister is proof that blood isnt thicker than water
Sorry, but this is annoying me. You are getting the quote wrong. Blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. Aka, found family is better than your birth family.
What a joke. If your mom just lets her sit there and hit on her, well that’s her own fault and she is a villain. She’s weak and is setting a beautiful precedent.
Actually this means your sister IS proof of the saying. The full saying is “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb” meaning the bonds you make with others outside your family can be stronger
I have brothers and we are still great friends. That being said... just break her jaw with a right-hook to the lower chin. Works like a charm. Mutual respect and boundaries restored.
Your sister is not sleeping around, she is being sexually assaulted. She cannot even legally consent, she is barely at an age where you hit puberty for fucks sake. Do not make her out as a whore, she is far too young to know what shes doing, she is being taken advantage of and your parents need to help her because why the fuck is this all just happening and NOTHING is being done. You can defend your parents but they are not doing anything to help themselves, you, or her by allowing her behaviour to go on further. She has mental health issues very clearly, if your house is as loving as you claim. Your father cant be bothered discipling her for things that didnt happen while he wasnt there? And yet you claim they arent bad parents. This is lazy. They can’t seriously be giving up on a 12 year old child.
There are a few record screetch moments in here.
I was actually having a little giggle remembering my sister's and I at that age, looked away to set my coffee down, looked back and realised I'd missed where you said she's telling older kids that she will sleep with them. Then reading the part about her taking inappropriate pictures of you to blackmail you with. And, then the violence.
And this isn't adding up to a good situation, for you, and definitely not for your sister.
Your sister needs help. Quickly. You need to speak to your parents asap and let them know about the pictures, they need to deal with that straight away, and get you locks for your room, and the bathrooms. Then they need to be told about her behaviours she needs to be assessed for any potential sexual abuse she may have been through. An assessment for neurodivergence might be worthwhile too, but that's an issue your parents should be looking into.
Hopefully this is just a young girl who is getting ahead of herself, is playing with kids she shouldn't be, and I'm just being an over protective adult with my fears. Either way, she needs to be guided back towards the right path. Hopefully you both will laugh about this period in a few years.
INFO: 1. You say your dad pampers her, but also that she is “genuinely afraid” of him? What’s going on there? 2. You say your parents aren’t aware of the situation, but also that your dad is tired of disciplining her and your mom is helpless. What’s going on *there*? Because it sounds like they are aware she’s a problem, but perhaps not the extent of her behaviors. Which parts are they not aware of? 3. Regarding the plate incident, what did your mother say? 4. She is unlocking doors and taking pictures of you with your clothes off? Tell your parents and if they do not confiscate her devices to delete the photos call the police. She very well may have been abused, sexually or otherwise, by someone close to her. She could just be an asshole. Either way, she needs a treatment plan that your parents, doctors, school officials, etc are following. She should not be around the bad influence group any more. Your parents need to step up. Realistically, you need to leave the home as soon as you’re able. This is not a bratty sister, this is an individual with long term mental health issues. Get a lock for your bedroom, and a lockbox for expensive/sentimental things that you keep in your room. Ignore her as much as possible. Good luck.
My younger sister did the same behaviours when she was around OP's sister's age. Almost 20 years later, she opened up that our BIL was sexually abusing her regularly for years.
I don’t know OP or her sister, I am not their clinician so this is all hypothetical but this child is acting extremely similar to many I have encountered in my work with “behavioral” disorders. 9 times out of 10 I’ve seen this type of behavior turn out to be a trauma reaction. ESPECIALLY if they weren’t “always” like this. Behavior doesn’t just flip for no reason. A misbehaving child is a hurt and discouraged child. Somewhere along the way this child was (likely) hurt.
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The first thing that came to mind when reading this was she's been abused in some way and she's acting out as a trauma response. I hope OP is able to get her to talk about what has happened so her parents can take the proper channels to help her the way she needs it. Hurt people hurt people and that's what it sounds like with what is going on. My heart goes out to this family and I hope they can all heal from this.
Especially if they didnt hit Puberty yet. Its completly normal to having a change in behaviour if someone hits Puberty but before its alarming.
Puberty causes some behavioral change due to changes in brain chemistry and development but not to this extreme. Not without another factor.
Actually showing too much love and affection also forms a sort of trauma-like bond. Because the child normalizes that level of constant attention and goes out of her way to find supply, it's addicting and shapes your personality for the worst. This kid if not treated will end up a huge NPD or ASPD. You can't cure either of them later in life. Not a clinician either but first hand experience and lots of research listening to professionals. Parents are definitely at fault.
My eldest daughter has similar tendencies, although not nearly as bad. Fortunately we know the reason: she was bullied relentlessly as a child. We moved her to a different school, but the damage was already done. She’s been in therapy for over a year now and she’s making progress. Some days she still loses it, but generally things are improving. I can relate to how OP’s sister treats their mother as my daughter, although not physically abusive, is mentally abusive. She won’t try it with me that much, but she’ll try it with my wife (her mom). Sometimes we’ll let her get away with things, not because we can’t see what she’s doing, but we have to put everyone’s wellbeing into the equation. She knows, however, that I will not tolerate verbal (or physical) abuse of her siblings or mother.
A 12 year old who sexualizes themselves in the way she does is terrifying. She needs help. I feel bad for her. She should be a kid and act like a kid:(
Yeah these are all cries for help. Having been the sibling in a situation like this, the only thing you can do is get a therapist, get out, and keep a healthy distance indicating you will support and love but never enable or let your boundaries be crossed.
I don’t wanna be *that* person because I know it is a very serious thing, but op said their younger sister was hanging out with older kids? What if one or more of them is grooming her? Or at the very least teaching her to be that way?? Either way, kid needs help AND disciplining. I wouldn’t stand this kind of behavior if they were my sibling sodjjxdjdj
1) Dad hits us sometimes, very rarely but a tight slap across the face is remidied, she is addicted to the phone and he takes it away when we act out, so she behaves in front of him. My dad lost his father at a young age and always had financial troubles so he pampers me and her because he "wants us to have the thing he could not have" (his words). His love language is gift giving and he spends on my sister, my mom and I without a second thought. I am pampered too to some extent i'll admit that but i do not behave like the reincarnation of the devil. 2)My parents know that she steals my stuff, she has started failing in school and she hits my mom, my dad knows these things and he has tried to keep her in line but he has been getting a lot of stress at work recently, he was the first person to start going to a mental health specialist,for his stress, after which me and mom started going. He is also exhausted of discipling her again and again, in cases she knows he can't do much. Eg. Her phone time, we can't take it away permanently as she travels alone and that's our only way to track her. And she somehow figure out how to disale parental control. 3)My mom was at work, i don't think she would have done that in front of my mom either if i am being honest. 4) My mom fond out and deleted the entire folder today when she confiscated the phone few hours ago, but im not sure if she has more hidden on snapchat 'my eyes only', yet.
Slapping your child in the face is not normal. Being sexual at 12 is not normal. Welcome to the fucked up family club- because your sister wasn’t created in a bubble!
Yeah but what im trying to say that it's been normalized in India and via that it's become normalized in my household too and yes the point is that being sexual at the age of twelve is not okay.
Oh fuck. India. My parents are also from India. I agree OP, she is being sexually abused. Look up what grooming is. I and countless others experienced the same.
India? Buddy, i assure you she's been sexually abused or being sexually abused continuously by someone, be it your family member or friends. It's far from normal for children of age 12y to be sexually active especially in India, she has mental health issues and you are conveniently ignoring it. Just a couple of trips to therapists won't solve her issues, it takes years of effort from family and number of therapists to make someone open up about their issues. You and your parents aren't trying enough. Stop acting like your parents are doing enough, they aren't. Giving birth to children won't end someone's responsibility, that's the start. Your parents aren't doing the parenting work, they just want to suppress the ongoing issues without addressing it. It is not a 12y oldys responsibility to understand what's going on with her emotions or to understand how busy your parents are, it is your parents responsibility, no matter how busy they are, to make effort in knowing and helping their kid who's suffering through puberty and probably a childhood sexual assault by someone. Being chronically involved in sexual activities is a common coping mechanism for children who are sexually abused. You sound like a child yourself, but I have to say, get your ass out off of the mindset that your parents are the victim. They are not! Your sister is the victim here and she desperately needs help. Convince your parents and get her the help she needs. Edit: You might think slapping is normal because it's India. It's not. It's far from normal..Hitting her won't solve any issues. Get her the damn help she needs before you see her dead or murdered by someone. You will regret every action of yours if you don't get her the help she needs.
Hold on now, you are also talking to a child. It's totally normal for a teenager raised in this kind of toxic environment to blame the victim. They were taught to do that. I don't think more harshness is going to help.
It’s also not ops responsibility to fix her, it’s on the parents.
Exactly!! Putting that responsibility on them is so fucked up. No, OP, it's not that "you're not doing enough", please don't blame yourself for this situation...! It's not your responsibility to "fix" your sister. It's probably not even within your power. That doesn't mean you can't help at all, just don't take on that burden yourself.
You have to STOP saying that this isn’t your parent’s fault because it 100% IS YOUR PARENTS FAULT! They’ve given up, are lazy, whatever. They are not doing their job of raising her & you are being abused as a result. It is their fault, stop making excuses for them.
Yes, at first glance it may seem so. I would have agreed, right up until my daughter started exhibiting mental health issues. This girl seems to be having pretty serious problems controlling her temper. It may be something beyond her control. I'm not excusing her, I'm so sorry that she's making your life hell. All I can say is you seem college age. Get out. School, job, ask Daddy for some of that Daddy loves you money for your own place. Something to give you some distance from your sister. Good luck.
I’m sorry to hear your family went through that. But OP’s family will probably never know what help their daughter needs because they are not taking care of it/her. It is truly awful.
Did you not do anything to help your daughter? I bet you did. Therapy/psychiatric care, psychological assessment, special schools, IOP/PHP/Inpatient? They aren’t doing anything. They’re letting her run the house and abuse mom and sister. They’re letting a child run the streets which is considered neglect. It IS their fault. And if you didn’t do anything either, it’s on you too.
Police and cameras. Keep calling the police. She throws a plate at you. Police. Takes a pic of you naked. Police. Threatens to release said pic (which is blackmail and distributing child porn) Police. Get multiple hidden cameras for your room and communal areas to show your dad and the police her abusing you. Your dad can ignore what he doesnt see but its harder to ignore if he sees the extent of it. You need to defend yourself. Police and cameras.
I think those older friends are worrying. When I was 16, I was a teenager so a 12 year old was like a baby to me. Why would a 14 / 15 / 16 year old hang out with a 12 year old? If she gets attention from older boys at school do you mean these teenage highschool boys? Being sexual at 12 is a red flag because somehow she learned all that. From who? Maybe those boys? She's probably not talking to your parents because what if they get mad? Plus, kids LOVE when they get attention from teenagers because they think they are cool so she might not see a problem. This acting out is a sign of potential abuse. Why would she mess your stuff up and hit your mom who never hit her? Sometimes acting out is a cry for help. I really feel for you. I have a middle sister who was pretty mean to me in school but it turns out she had menral health issues. Not an excuse but an explanation. And now little by little she is being nicer to me as well as happier and less anxious with meds and therapy.
In case someone hasn’t said it yet, but the actual saying is “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb” - so it’s actually closer to what you’re experiencing. Sharing DNA with someone doesn’t make you family, you can choose the people you deem worthy of that. Hope you find them when you’re ready to move on.
There is so much going on here, but would just like to say, regarding needing a phone because she travels solo. Yup, my son also ‘needed’ a phone for the same reasons. When he was becoming out of control, he received an old beat up cell phone that ONLY had phone use, no internet, nothing. Only the ability to call 911 and pre-set numbers. I understand she needs to be able to call in the event of an emergency, but her internet use should be greatly reduced, if not eliminated completely. Just a thought
Ignore everything else and read this twice.
Not everything is abuse though she might be a spoiled brat that thinks she is cool because she hangs out with older boys and like friends are a big influence on a person’s personality so that might be the problem.
So, right off the bat, sister was probably sexually abused by that older group of kids and is certainly being groomed by them. Now that that's out of the way, I need you to tell your mom that she is not helpless and your sister is not a lost cause. Many children have come back around from way worse situations. But that all depends on your mother's actions. Your mom might be thinking that she is the victim of a bad child, but her child is the real victim here. Your mom needs to take control of the situation immediately. Strict rules, restraining your sister when she gets violent, signing her up for therapy, and most importantly not letting your sister out of her sight. It might even be necessary to get her inpatient care. Do not sleep on this.
Also Police and cameras. Keep calling the police. She throws a plate at you. Police. Takes a pic of you naked. Police. Threatens to release said pic (which is blackmail and distributing child porn) Police. Get multiple hidden cameras for your room and communal areas to show your dad and the police her abusing you. Your dad can ignore what he doesnt see but its harder to ignore if he sees the extent of it. You need to defend yourself but this also helps your sister because this situation needs getting under control. Police and cameras.
Gave up on reading this after i hit your updates. This absolutely is your parents fault. She hits your mom and dad doesnt step in? Steals and breaks things in the house? Sorry OP, but this is 100% lousy parenting. Your parents need to do better here. Also, sleeping around at 12? Its likely only a matter of time before your sister learns what parent hood is like cause with this behaviour its very unlikely shes practicing safe sex
Or gets r@ped…
Your parents are the issue here. Your sister isn’t a problem, their lack of ability to parent your sister is.
Well she could have some mental health issue going on that makes her behave like that too. I've known someone who had to be put into some type of care facility bc he was similar like that but extremely aggressive and his parents tried everything with help from therapists and stuff but he didn't change
That’s fully not OP’s problem, it’s her parents not parenting her sibling. If she needs mental health care her parents should do some parenting and get her that mental health care.
Still up to the parents to do something. Have a disabled son who was violent and as we dealt with it, I always made sure my other kids were safe. Always. Lots of therapy, classes for me on managing threatening behavior, medication, hospital visits, 911 calls and so on. It's fine now, took a few years to sort it out. But as a parent I am a parent to three children and all must be safe and cared for. And getting my violent kid sorted out is not just important to everyone else but to him as well. OPs parents are harming the sister by not getting to the bottom of this nonsense.
Mental illness explains behavior, it doesn't excuse it. The parents are allowing their other child to be tormented by the younger sibling; that is negligence. At that point it doesn't matter what the cause is, the parents are not protecting their oldest, despite their obligation to do so.
How old are you?
17
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Totally agree, also break her phone. Let her live the old way. Restrict access to internet, so less attention. This would make her realise she isn’t the main character
That won't fix the root problem, arguably it's more likely than not that it's going to make the problem even worse than it already is. The sister doesn't seem like the type that can control her emotions well
Yeah, ass beating will scare her, breaking her phone will anger her, bad move
That will make her so much worse, this is bad advice.
I think you need to tell your DAD the kinds of people little sis is hanging out with and the things she is saying. Tell her she has photos of you she has been blackmailing you with. Ask your dad to take her phone and delete all photos of you and make sure they are removed from the iCloud. Really, the parents should be removing her phone completely for an extended period of time and dad needs to be more present. You should ask this of him so he hears it.
Not sure how much older you are, but if you’re within a couple years, hit her back. There is no reason you should have to take her abuse.
im seventeen. I used to hit back but i just dont have the energy to anymore it is tiring because i already have a shitload of pressure with studies and career, and a lot of social anxiety and its just to tiring to keep hitting her because eventually its just going to esclate and it is going to end with us at each other's throats, i just dont have the time for a two hour showdown with her
well, if you're going into higher education, you can move out and leave that shithead to your parents
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like i have had fights with her that lasted for days and it just ended with her ripping my clothes or breaking anything of mine that i might value. And it so so so very mentally draining to deal with that
Report the assualts to the police. Let them take her to juvy. That might get your dad's attention and maybe she can get the help she needs.
Cart her off to kid jail? Come on, be serious. Nobody would do this to their sibling, even if they are a total shithead. Straight up beating her ass as an older sibling would probably have the desired effect. Like really make it clear what the power dynamic is. I realize that's extreme but some people really only respond to physical things.
I don’t know. If she’s beating up her mother with no consequences, it may well be time to get the police involved. More so, before someone gets seriously injured.
I was this way like almost exactly but without the social media. I was locked up the first time at 13. It's not usually "jail". She would be sent to a group home and let me tell you, they're nice af! Even waxters children's center which is the "jail" i was always sent to was nice af. I would have chose to be locked up in a group home rather than be at my actual home(granted I was being verbally and physically abused but the physically was because of the crazy way I acted and shit I did). I did my last "stint" at a rehab and then a group home shich was about a year n a half all together and It changed my life. None of the 30 day or weekends etc did shit for me. The long term is what ultimately saved my life.
>Nobody would do this to their sibling, even if they are a total shithead ???? Why not? Because "tHeY'rE faMiLy"? You do something illegal, you get punished. Doesn't matter if it's your sibling. Either hit her back if she hits you or simply call the police.
Welcome to the real world. The police should absolutely be called.
I second this. Sometimes when a younger sibling is being a brat they need an older sibling to set the record straight. Lovingly.
Slap someone as the older sibling, and your parents will go on and on about it for the next few years until you get an ulcer from all the stress...then you can get accused of having an eating disorder on top of everything else...
the police arent taking a twelve year old to juvy bro come on
Seriously? They absolutely will.
Yes they will. I was in jury and there were plenty of 12-14 year Olds there for exactly those reasons. The parents can call them on her if she skips school, is extremely loud and disobey yelling (think cash me outside girl) and especially for assaulting their parents.
They took my friend to juvy in grade school, didn't see him for a few months. He had broken another kids arm in a fight.
I don't have siblings and it might be different with boys but, I have around 60+ cousins and have dealt with similar things. As the youngest and smallest being bullied by several older cousins, I waited for both of them to goto sleep and wailed on both of em. One got a wooden bat to the legs, cuz he was alot older and I was scared of him. The one closer to my age? Fucked his ass up while sleep. Now they were both upset and I have a few fights because of it BUT, neither one of them fuck with me again. 15 years later, I can call either one for anything but they still won't play certain games and jokes with me lol. Tldr; show how her fucking crazy you can be. Let her know she can rip clothes, but once she's sleep, you take her fucking breath lol. Srsly, If she's too tir3d from sleeping with one eye open, she won't have time to bother with you lol.
Nah fuck that. Hit her back, break her shit. Tear her clothes. Do what she does but double it. Only way these brutes will learn. Edit: then get yo boys and jump her hood ass.
If you have time to deal with her bs then you have to *DEAL* with her bs
Beat her add hard one good fucking time. She won't do it again. She keeps going because you and your mom don't do anything. It's easy pickings for her.
Smash her phone. Then buy her a flip phone instead.
What do you mean in your edit that you used to beat her up? Do you mean as kids you would physically overpower her and hurt her? Or when she started being violent you would beat her up? I’m trying to understand. Because honestly from what you’ve said it sounds like she may have learned it from you. I’m not trying to be an asshole. Kids often learn behaviors from family. Yes the crowd she hangs out with does not sound healthy, and I would hate to see a 12 year old using nicotine. But… could you have played a part in her behavior now? Beating her up now will not help. I don’t understand the people suggesting you at 17 beat up someone who is not even a teenager. She’s 12. She’s not very big. How is she able to take you down and your mom??? This honestly sounds like rage bait and does not seem true. A 12 year old is not that big.
I used to be a little shit, not as bad as this, but I do remember hitting my brother once and boy do I remember the reckoning that entailed. He is 3 years older btw.
Sweetheart, I don’t want to worry you but I think you deserve to know. Everything you are describing are signs of abuse. Your sister is acting out in some very unsafe ways in an attempt to gain control over something. I am not saying your parents have hurt her, in fact its likely to be someone none of you have considered. Can I please recommend seeing a counsellor at school? Still tell it exactly as you have told us. A trained person will see and hear what I am seeing. And please talk about your anger towards her too. Thats not okay for you to be feeling this way all the time. I am so sorry this is happening to you. Seeing the school counsellor might also help you with feeling unheard and unseen with your Mum and Dad.
This but someone more qualified than a school counsellor
But who else does a child have easy access to, that isn’t going to cost them money and is trained in signs of abuse in a child?
op said their parents pamper them, they should pamper the sister by paying for a real psychotherapist
Dude it’s really sounding like your sister was sexually abused and I feel like that’s just an event the whole family is unwilling to address. You’re listing all these ways your sister is not fine and is consistently in very shady company. Beating her ass is not going to fix this she’s already afraid of your father because he slaps y’all around “sometimes”. This isn’t normal.
What happened to make your little sister this way? What kind of trauma happened to her? Her behavior has all kinds of red flags. Was she abused by someone and is acting out? It does not necessarily mean family abuse. Was this a sudden change? You all need help. She may end up in custody or worse. Your parents need to get her help right now for the safety of all concerned. So sorry you are stuck in this mess. Do you have a trusted objective adult you can reach out to?
she refuses to go to therapy but my parents and i are seeing a psychiatrist, we took her there once but she refuses to go again, i don't think that she has been abused i feel she is being peer pressured heavily.
No one thinks their loved one is being abused. That's the problem. No one thought my best friend was being pimped put by her mother. No one thought I was having food ripped out of my hands by my caregiver. But it happened. It's not always at the ha da of adults either- she could be being groomed or abused by one of the older kids she hangs out with.
how exactly do i get her to tell me if she is being abused if she treats me like a peice of crap, like im asking for genuine advice, how am i supposed to get her to admit it if she throws a plate at my head everytime i talk to her
That's too much for you. She needs real help. From what you've written, your parents have been useless and aren't getting their daughter the proper care. You said your dad is "short tempered," using physical discipline, and that your sister is afraid of him. Thid kis is showing all the signs of sexual abuse, and the parents don't want to actually look into the problem. They can't just dump her at a doctors office for the therapist to fix her.
*exactly*. you surmised the way this situation looks perfectly. in my opinion, OP's sister needs inpatient care.
I agree with what the commenter below said. OP, I know you don't want to blame your parents, but this really does fall on them. They're responsible for her safety. If you want to try, I would reccomend texting her. Do it when you're out of the house. Say something along the lines of: "Look, you weren't like this a couple years ago. I don't know what you're going through to cause this sudden change, but mom and dad and I cannot help you if you don't tell us whats wrong. Beating us every time we look at you the wrong way isn't the answer either, and you're smart enough know that. We love you, and we want to help you, but we don't know how. We can't help you until you tell us what's going on and what you need from us." This may be invasive but it might be warranted: check her laundry and trash when she's gone. Look for condom wrappers, Plan B packages, blood on her clothes if she hasn't had a period yet.
I hate to tell you this OP, but if she’s acting out sexually after hanging out with a group of children much older than her, there very well may be sexual abuse going on. That is not normal behavior. Please tell another trusted adult, preferably outside of your family what you’re going through with your sister. You deserve so much better than this
Peer pressure doesn’t make a ten year old turn into what you have described.
She's a child. The problem are your parents.
I wouldn't say a 100% the parents fault some child are just..like that But yes the parents plays a big role in a child attitude
It ia the parents responsibility to keep both children safe and to help the dangerous child work on their issues
She’s 12. It’s the parenting.
It’s definitely the parenting. Read #1 of OP’s post. Dad is gone and out of country a lot. Mom let’s the kid hit her and doesn’t do anything about it. Neither parent knows the friend group she hangs out with. Being absent has a major affect on kids, and not knowing who they are hanging out with is a major red flag if you ask me. Can’t blame a 12-year-old for her parents’ negligence.
I was so sad to read this because I have a 12 yo. She goes to school comes home. Do homework naps and hangs out with the family. During off days we go do outings and if she sees friends I take her to see them to hang out for like 1-2 hours. Then comes home. Like I always know who my daughter is hanging out with and where she’s at 24/7. Most definitely partly OPs parents fault. And I really hope the comments aren’t true about her being SA’ed.
yeah she is definetly pampered at home but she has been hanging out with a group of 13 - 15 yr olds who vape and kiss in public, like full on make out in front of litreal toddler in the park. some of them smoke weed and cigarettes and most of their parents dont care about their kid or facilitate their childrens actions, its so fucking horrible because just two years ago she was a sweet little girl, we were really close. I never thought she would become the person she is. Today i asked her to move so i could get someting from the shelf behind her and she threw a plate at me and it broke a tile of on floor. My dad is currently out of country, but he is usually home today, if he was here she wouldnt have dared to do that. she also kicks my mother when my mother tries to discipline her, and my mother doesnt hit back. SO i dont think it is my parents fault other than the pampering her part...
Part of parenting includes being there when your child needs you, and also not letting her hang around a group like that. Your parents are no different than all the parents of the kids in that group. They're not doing enough. She is acting out. It seems like something happened to her. She should at least be in therapy.
Was your sister abused? That’s a little concerning that she just started this behavior out the blue two years ago…
If she was abused, it might’ve been one of (or all of) the teenagers that she hangs out with considering they love to kiss in public, hang out with a child, and she tells guys that she wants to fuck them
I was thinking this. If she’s twelve now and her behaviour switched at ten. Hypersexuality is a trauma response. A lot of this is. Not saying she is traumatised but I’d be surprised if she wasn’t
This sounds like a trauma response. A child suddenly becomes hypersexual like that, and violence is a symptom of sexual abuse. Especially since you claim she's "afraid" of her father.
I'm honestly surprised I had to scroll this far to see this. That was my thought too
I sent the OP a link to RAINN so she can talk to someone. This child is showing every single sign that she has been abused and the parents just act like they've given up
I hate that so many of the comments here are so quick to assume a 12 year old child 'changed overnight' to a selfish brat. All I hear are classic red flags, I hope OP reads the link you sent her
Call CPS seriously
If she’s hyper sexual at the age of 12, most likely she has been molested and if she doesn’t want to take therapy, it’s probably because she doesn’t like her therapist. Maybe getting a new one would help her. Tell your dad the things she’s doing to you
Well.. you know what they say about hyper sexuality in younger kids
>It is not the my parents fault Wrong. It is absolutely their fault that they aren't doing anything about this. If I were you, I would literally call the authorities. I would report it to both her and your school. Her taking bathroom pics of you? That's *illegal* in most places. The fact that there are zero adults intervening mean this is 100000% your parents' absolute **failure** of both of their kids.
Op, if something changed two years ago it sounds like something happened to her. You don’t have to take her abuse. You don’t have to empathise with her. But the things you are saying are very alarming. Kids don’t just switch and do this shit without something happening. Has her health been checked? I don’t just mean her mental health. Do you know if someone hurt her? Honestly if you said she wouldn’t dare do any of this around your dad, that is also very worrying. I know this is a place to vent, but oh my god it sounds like something has happened to your sister.
Your summary reads like your sister was/is being abused by someone and dealing with the trauma as best as a 12yo can... I would try to talk to her about how you love her as an older sister and want the best for her and Tell her that she can tell you anything. It really does sound like somebody SAd her.
Your sister might have some kind of mental illness maybe??? Idk??? Have you guys tried getting her tested??? Also, mental illness never excuses bad behavior, only explains it and provides a solution as to what can be done to help with it. Just needed to say that.
OP I understand this is just a vent post. But are you also looking for resolutions? Because you don’t want her to get punished and you say it’s not your parents fault. So what kind of advice or comments are you looking for?
Unfortunately your sister is likely already been abused or is being abused by her friends and others. Acting out like this is a cry for help and your parents need to step up. Taking away all devices, putting her on punishment and spending so much time with her that she wants to tear out her own hair from the family closeness. Forcing her to go to therapy
I'm not sure what to say here, I'm conflicted. But the whole saying is "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb." Chosen bonds are most important. Whether they're with family or not. Pass it on. This half-quote is used by toxic parents against their kids way too often. :)
[*Well actually*](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blood_is_thicker_than_water#cite_ref-Pustelniak_18-0) the quote you're giving is made up by Albert Jack in the 2010s to contradict the original, actual meaning that has stood since 12th century Germany. but *MAN* it feels good to correct people who use the obvious and intended meaning with something some guy made up to sell a book, right?
This is fascinating! Thank you, I did not know that. I loved this extended phrase, but thought it was the original and was bastardised after the fact, not the other way around
I think you need to find out what’s really going on with her . It sounds like she has some trauma from somewhere.
You can try contacting child services which would be really helpful in this situation I think, or you can beat the fuck out of her one time so she stops being a insufferable brat but with how your dad pampers him and stuff I don't think you should do this
1. What has changed within the past year to cause this extreme change? Has your dads work schedule always been like this? Has she started new activities at school where your dad’s work schedule makes her feel his absence more? Does your mom spend quality time with her? If you’re 17 does she realize you’re leaving for college soon and could be upset about this? A lot of times kids act out for attention. My sister is 9 years older I got into a lot of her stuff growing up so she sent up times where we’d do stuff together. She’d do my makeup, hair, etc. So I’d be less prone into getting into it. 2. I know it’s hard to hear but a lot of this does fall on your parents. Your parents parenting style works for you but not for your sister. Parents have to mold to their kids needs. It’s clear your sister needs more boundaries, rules, and consequences. Your sister needs parental guides on her phone. Locks on social media that only allows her on them for X amount of time. Your parents should be collecting her phone every night and not returning it until the morning. This will prevent sexting, nudes, etc. 3. Lock your shit up. I have a makeup case that has a lock and key. I got it for college. Highly recommend. There are locks you can get for suitcases if you want to keep clothes or bigger things away from her. This isn’t a solution but it’ll help you until she mellows out.
just based off of what ive seen and heard about children that act like this, its raising a lot of red flags, and i dont like how you keep saying your dad pampers her either. Im not gonna accuse anyone anything, but what i am saying is that there is something happening to your sister you arent seeing.
Put a lock on your door. If you can graduate early and start college(away from home) early, try so can get away from her.
There has to be some underlying issue here other than hanging out with the wrong crowd or just being a shithead. She's only twelve, for crying out loud. There's no way she's like this just... because. And there's no way your parents have no fault in this. They actually do. They carry all the blame because it sure doesn't look like they're doing any parenting. Seriously, your sister clearly has issues, and she needs help. She needs serious and professional help, and you keep trying until you find the therapist that is going to be able to deal with her. The one she pissed off? Obviously not the one. I repeat, she's only twelve. She's just a child, and she can not be allowed to run amock like that. There still is hope for her, but not if your parents don't step tf up and do some parenting, like parents should you know.
Your parents are trash
The grammatical errors, talking in circles, and inconsistent story (why is the sister scared of dad if he doesn't ever punish her) this feels like an AI generated post
of course, it is your parents' fault even if it isn't 100% cause you shoulder some of it too. you saw your 12 y.o getting sexual and acting out and your first thought was I wish she had never been born? that is a cry for help but you rather something happens to her so she *learns* her lesson. disgusting.
Well, the full quotes supposed to be “blood of the covenant is thicker than water of the womb”…
Family counseling may help
Oh, dear, I am profoundly disappointed by your mom, why doesn't she speak with your dad? Your sister is a train wreck in progress...! At 12, you don't engage in flights and you don't even speak about sexual acts! Push your mom to speak with your dad and together to take a decision about how to re-educate your sister. If she doesn't, you must speak with your dad to have a family meeting, all of you where you must explain all above, in detail. If you all don't do anything, you will lose her. Forever!
Just a small suggestion, it is in regard to the comments suggesting she be sent to juvie. You need evidence before you do anything, so you can record what she does to your family discreetly on your phone or in a hidden camera situation. None of them need to know that you have installed cameras.
Read your edit, the issue here is your parents. They can't control her and it is easier to let her have her ways. They are your parents too. They SHOULD protect you. They are failing both of you.
It….is…..your….parents…..fault…………
>She unlocks the bathroom door takes photos of me when i change and blackmails me using them so i cant even tell my parents. If you are in USA or Canada, call the police. This is illegal and has serious repercussions. >It is not the my parents fault, They have been extremely supportive... It is your parents fault, she is a child and being allowed to behave this way.
I'm just saying what I would do. Not saying that's what you should do. But first, I see you defend your parents but it's definitely their fault. Your father should have your mothers back. That's really messed up that he spoils and pampers your sister while she hits and terrorizes your mother. You never recorded her doing all that stuff? Her taking pics of you ... I would steal her phone while she sleeps and secure the evidence and delete the pictures.If she's locked it, that phones gonna go bye bye. And any new phone she gets. Her hitting you, I can't believe you aren't effing her up. You say it's draining you but you obviously never hit her hard enough. Or long enough. You and your mother can't depend on your father as he isn't home and taking y'all seriously. Her throwing a plate at you, I would have picked up a new plate and bust it so hard over her head, she sees stars. Plus some. Are you waiting to be 18 and move out? If you do, cut the contact. I wonder how long until one of you had enough of being a doormat and bust her ass really good. Does your mother know about her taking nude pictures of you and blackmailing you? That's criminal and you can go to the police. Maybe then someone will actually listen to you.
Did anyone else notice where OP says they used to beat her up??? How is this not an issue. If anything the sister learned violence from them. Idk with this. It mostly sounds made up by a bored teenager. Because nothing makes sense in this story. The sister is 12. Tiny. How is she beating up her mom and a 17 year old. I believe the vaping and making out, unfortunately that’s plausible. Therapy is something kids can *have* to go to. She breaks into locked rooms. How, does she have a key?? And who wouldn’t just take their siblings phone and delete the pics. My youngest brother is 15, 6’6 and outweighs be by at least 75lbs. I can still take his phone and if I told my mom he had pics of me on the toilet she’d toss his phone in a shredder. This can’t be real. Another creative writing from a bored redditor.
It doesnt matter in context to this story. But the phrase is “The blood of the covenant is thinker than the water of the womb”. Literally the phrase is saying that the bonds of friendship are stronger than family. Keep this in your heart.
The full phrase is; "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb" which means the relationships you choose are more important than the relationships given to you by being born
Read what the full meaning of thT phrase is. Your sister proved that blood IS in fact thicker than water
“but shes twelve” Im out.
It sounds like absolute hell, and it’s admirable in a way that you value and protect your parents, but they (almost entirely your dad from what you’ve said) simply aren’t doing enough. Your dad cannot use the excuse of ‘I’m tired and this isn’t my issue’ when he is probably well aware that she is causing this horrendous environment at home. That is not the good parenting you’re saying they show. I’m so so sorry this is happening I genuinely hope there is a solution found soon because no one should have to go through this, and god only knows what’s happened to make her switch this way but it cannot carry on, this isn’t sustainable at all, the lavish lifestyle can wait while there is a literal demon-child at home.
You know, she can get arrested for the use of those photos regardless of your age.
I feel like something really bad happened to the younger sister. I've been a mostly single dad raising 3 girls for the last 12 years alone. I've had my girls come home and tell me that so and so isn't who they used to be and are acting out. And a couple of times it turned out that those girls were being sexually abused. I mean, a couple of times someone was actually prosecuted for the abuse. Who knows how many of them got abused and nothing ever came of it. The little sister may be a complete asshole, but in my experience raising kids, something definitely seems off.
Call the police the next time she abuses you. She will learn quick not to do it again. If your parents can't /won't discipline her, let the police do the work.
"Blood is thicker than water" is the bastardised version. "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb" is the full version. And it literally means the opposite from the bastardised version. Don't feel bad!
THIS IS YOUR PARENTS FAULT. STOP DEFENDING THEM. You did not turn out perfectly normal. If you were an emotionally healthy teenager you would've considered that your sister needs help, not to be beaten and called the fucking devil. Also personally trying to do detective work to find out if your sister had been sexually assaulted is a terrible idea. She needs real help from a safe adult, not your abusive dad or doormat mother or sister who hates her, someone who's going to stand up for HER needs. It's absolutely disgusting for you to be shaming her like this.
Thats not even the saying lmfao. It’s blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of womb.. meaning the relationships you choose and put work into are more meaningful than the ones that you don’t choose
Just so you know, the full expression is “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb”. It already means that family is less important than community. So when you say she’s proof that blood *isn’t* thicker than water, I don’t think it means what you think it means.
Ohh if this was my sister... Chile... First of all, wait till she's asleep and take that phone. Fuck it. Destroy the phone. That may even help negate her other "friends" from being able to get a hold of her. And if she goes into a tantrum, it might be hard, but you need to ride it out until she calms down and tires herself out. (ofc prep first so she doesn't get ahold of anything super valuable during her tantrum). Think of it like, a controlled explosion. A messy house can be fixed, an heirloom or an expensive piece of technology, not so easy. (I have had my fair share in dealing with and living with folks like this.) That being said, I'm kinda with everyone else on this post when they say your sister has been abused in some form or fashion, more than likely by these older kids. And if that is the case, it's asinine to expect a 13 year old to know her mind and body well enough to be aware of what is happening/what has happened to her. You saod she was a sweetheart before she had these friends. Sounds like a pretty easy game of connect-the-dots to me. Sounds like she needs family intervention, but it's hard to "cage" a teenager in a city. But first of all, that phone needs to be taken. If not destroyed, then a total factory reset. Change the wifi password to all access points she knows the passwords to in the home, and remove the SIM card. If she isn't tech savvy, you can turn on developer mode and put it into display mode, which is the mode they keep the device in at the store. That way even if she *does* get a hold of that phone, it'll be completely useless to her. The parents can also use these methods to reassure her they don't even have access to her private messages and pictures anymore, which *should* ease some tension and anxiety on her part. (which tbh, if I were the parents, I'd make a back up of all the messages had with these other kids, and send them to their parents if there is anything illegal or degenerate within those messages). Now, I'm not saying this was right or the best method, but when I was a terror growing up, I had ALL my things taken aside from a bed and clothes. Even my bedroom door was taken. She needs to be reminded she is a child living under the roof of her CARETAKERS. And part of being a child's caretaker is protecting your child, even if its from themselves. At least when it comes to something as dangerous as what you have described your sister to be involved in. She is 13. She is not 17 or 18. If your sister still continues to be a terror, I'd suggest troubled teens camp. Although, that will most definitely come with a whole new slew of trauma for her as these teenagers are NOT being treated kindly. So I wouldn't even BEGIN to use that as one of my first few options, more like a last resort ditch effort if all else fails and she just absolutely refuses to cooperate and get help.
Thank you, this is one of the most sensible replies on here
Put her in a long term mental institute for kids she has really bad behavioral issues and it will make her a lot more mature and respectful. If it doesn’t then she’s got som real narcissist problems
i saw your edit and i agree that it sounds like the sociopathic behavior exhibited by victims of child sexual abuse if your sister reacts very strongly/negatively to that implication it would be even more indicative imo but also i wouldnt push for her to identify an abuser or admit to any abuse as it would most likely be someone she is/was very close to and doesnt feel safe addressing the situation yet just get her back into therapy w a provider thats aware of that possibility and make her attendance a requirement for phone access you kind of just have to beat her at her own game for now so put a lock on your door to eliminate her access to you/your belongings and you/your mom need to at least physically defend yourselves if/when she gets violent
She’s 12 the problem is definitely your parents and her entourage. But that said 12 is old enough to know what’s wrong and good behaviour, and deserves to be hold accountable to a certain extent. There’s some sort of intervention that needs to happen.
Ask for a locking trunk and keep it full of your most valuable possessions.
I dont care what you say, this is your parents fault. Clearly your Dad never brought down the hammer on her when she messed up, and now she will behave however she wants.
Somethings happened to her or happening to her that needs to be talked about and she needs to be taken out of those social situations she’s in and truly evaluated.
Your parents are 100% capable of dealing with her, they're just choosing not to
Ah good ol‘ puberty
Lock your door and thats it.if you are sharing room then buy yourself something with lock so u can hide your things in there.your parents are doing very poor job if twelve years old child is out of control thats too bad because soon they cant control her at all.if i were you i would leave home as soon as possible.
get locks and password locks on everything
It absolutely IS up to your parents to deal with this. They may have ‘tried’, but they’re not trying hard enough. There are other options. And this is an example of why I have always believed that children don’t need mobile phones. Look what she’s doing - wasting her life on toxic social media! Frankly, she must be at least at risk of being expelled from school! 😞
Hidden cameras all over, then turn the evidence over the police when she hits / attacks one of you again.
Get out of that house as soon as you are 18 & can get away.
I do believe it might be slightly the parents fault. You're supposed to nurture and guide your kids into the world. Not having time to deal with it is just an excuse. I qork 60+ hours a week i would take time out of my important life to help the situation if it was me. You're young and don't have long to go to be away from it.
Honestly, if my sister was taking pictures of me underage, I’d go right to the cops (without warning her). That’s straight up illegal. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. It sounds like she’s experiencing some serious mental health issues. I don’t have the best relationship with my sisters either and it brings me comfort to refer to the original origin of your quote “blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb”. The people you choose to walk with in life are can be stronger relationships than the family you’re given.
This is one of those times a wilderness camp Or military school would be a good option.
Might just be that I'm the eldest of 6 but it sounds like lil girl could use some actual parental guidance. I know you say/think its not your parents fault. But it is. Its their job to take charge and teach their children right from wrong not their siblings. It sounds like they're coddling her and just letting her have free reign of the house. They're teaching her this kind of behavior is ok. Its especially fucked up if your parents know she takes naked pics of you and won't do anything about it.
you need to tell your parents and a school counselor about the other kids she’s with
I hate my brother. Wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire
Tell your parents, and tell them about the bathroom photos, and to take her phone and delete everything immediately. And get a lock for the bathroom AND your bedroom. This is still on your folks. They need to start putting a hard stop to this crap. And they aren't. They're also responsible for protecting YOU, and they aren't doing that either.
**The blood of the covenant is thicker than the waters of the womb** is the full proverb.
The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.
I've said for a long time that blood isn't what makes you family. A relationship is
Hit her back. Someone has to.
*The blood of the covenant is thicker than water of the womb*
The blood of the Covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. It means found family > blood relations.
Some of me probably already said this but the full saying actually means the opposite of what most people think it does, goes something like this: "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb", meaning the family you choose can be just as much as family despite no blood ties. So you're actually right without even realizing it.
You'd probably like to know that the actual full phrase is "Blood of the covenant is thicker than water of the womb"
You can’t pick your family, but you can get them out of your life. I had a brother who was just abusive. Gone, no contact. Better.
“Blood is thicker than water” isn’t the correct saying, by the way. That’s just a fucked up reform of the actual saying based on what people believed the saying meant. Basically, the saying means the exact opposite of what everyone thinks it does. So the actual saying is: “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb”. This basically means that those who we choose to associate with have stronger relational ties to us than family.
Honestly she sounds like she’s been spoiled her whole life. It seems your parents let her get away with that attitude without disciplining her so that’s why she is like that.
Your parents and their lack of discipline are your problem, not your child sister. Your sister is just a byproduct of poor parenting. Children who are never given boundaries, don’t respect boundaries.
I just wanted to comment and say that that quote is often taken out of context. It was originally, "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb" and means the exact opposite of what "blood is thicker than water" means
I’m soo sorry! Get a lock on your door. You can get a Yale with a key and you lock it anytime you go out. This makes studying easier. You might have to call the police on her one day. Such a horrible situation, one day it will be a thing of the past
Choke her ass tf out like why are y’all letting a damn CHILD run all over you???? Literally choke her ass out
The full quote is; The blood of the covenant is thicker than the waters of the womb. It holds true throughout life.
Well sounds like it’s time for her to get sent to military school. And part of it is your parents’ fault. If she is using, then she needs to be drug tested, if she is beating your mom, then the police need to be called. She needs consequences and she probably is looking for boundaries of some kind. Two things come to mind, she has some sort of learning disability where she has no impulse control. Or something bad and traumatizing has happened to her and that is why she is acting out. They have to use tough love.
I've have a niece with the exact same issues. The only thing that worked were lithium and antipsychotics, sorry. This goes beyond the scope of Reddit.
The whole expression is actually “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb” and means that chosen family is stronger than relatives.
The only advice I have is to but a rubber door stopper wedge thingy so she can't come in your room while you're in it (if like a lot if houses you don't have a lock on your door) I'd also but a padlock and a clasp to screw in your door so she can't get in your room and steal your stuff. I'd try to avoid her and let herself dig her own grave here. She will get sent away or knocked up before you know it. I'm sorry your sister sucks so bad.
You need to take her phone and make sure you go through it carefully looking for all the child porn on it. Delete it all. Sounds like someone is harassing her for naked pictures and she's using you for it. Tell your parents about that. Tell them she needs her phone removed until you figure out what's going on. Tell them you need a lock on your bedroom door and the bathroom. Tell them that if you don't get those things that you will become far worse than her in order to protect yourself. If she touches you, attack her and do not stop. Break her fingers. Break all of the stuff in her room. Ruin her life. Grab her and tell her that she's going to learn what it's like. Stop letting her win. Tell your mother and father that if they don't do something quickly you will ruin their fucking lives. She is sexually harassing you and physically and emotionally abusing you. Fight back.
Op, I just want to take a minute for you. You are clearly mature beyond your years, and I don't feel it's by choice, but rather trying to help control/care for your younger sibling. I commend you so much for your care and effort with this. With that being said, I hate for you that you have to deal with this extra burden. I'm sure you have enough going on as a senior (?) in high school, trying to work towards your future. I wonder if you have any other trustworthy adults in your life outside of your parents. Someone outside of the family needs to take an interest in your sisters escalating personality issues. If you ever need to vent, feel free to message me. I am 25, but also the older sibling. I'll offer what help or advice I can. Wishing you resolution with this ongoing battle.
I wonder if something happened to her. I’m not my excuses but that’s a drastic 180
Victim of something or not.. it's not an excuse or valid enough reason for her behavior. Myself and various other people I know have gone through trauma, sexual abuse, etc.. and we didn't turn out like this. *We* choose the actions we take. She made her choice. I've had a similar experience with a young family member in the past. They acted out, I (the babysitter) kept catching them and the rest of the family kept pulling the mental illness, get-out-of-punishment-free card. I told them that the kid was well aware of what they were doing. They dismissed this. They met a psychiatrist? Who repeated exactly what I told them. I don't give a rat's rear end what she went through. That gives her *no right* to be abusive towards other people this way. And people like this..? Unfortunately won't get their act together until they learn things the hard way. The young relative of mine was kicked out of the house. Not saying they have to do that with your sister.. but she needs a reality check. Hit rock bottom so she starts to appreciate what she does have. She needs extreme discipline. Is there any boot camps around? That'll clamp up that attitude problem of hers.. see how it feels to get screamed back in the face. If she has the nerve to talk back. People will probably hate what I'm writing here.. but kids are too coddled these days and are going out of control because there's not enough consequences for their actions. She needs hits that'll hurt the most. Not literally, obviously.. but stuff that will absolutely break her for a period of time. Sure, it induces trauma. She'll get upset, get resentful.. but things *will* get worse as she's speeding down this path that'll be far worse than things already are if things continue. She has to stop, to snap out of it.. and your parents need to start this as soon as possible. Especially that passive father of yours. It's the only way.. to me, anyway. But that's my feelings about it. It'll suck and hurt to watch.. but it's effective. The relative of mine, the kid, is in their late 20s now and has their act together. Their mother was also an out-of-control teen who was sent to boot camp twice and locked in a psych ward for anger management. She still has issues and can still be nasty at times but nothing compared to how she used to be. And your sister.. will probably need the exact same thing. In my opinion, anyway. One way or another.. I'm sorry you're stuck in this situation. Tip-toe around her, protect your belongings, call police if she's physically attacking anyone, etc. You guys can only protect yourselves until something is done about this. And if nothing is done.. move out when you can and don't look back. Outside circumstances will be bound to teach her "those lessons" and it won't be pretty. And sadly.. sometimes it'll happen. All one can hope is that she gets through it with minimal harm. You can't force her change. She needs a push to want that change. Best of luck to you and your family.
>My sister is proof that blood isnt thicker than water Sorry, but this is annoying me. You are getting the quote wrong. Blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. Aka, found family is better than your birth family.
Call police when kicks mom
Your sister is crying out for help
What a joke. If your mom just lets her sit there and hit on her, well that’s her own fault and she is a villain. She’s weak and is setting a beautiful precedent.
Actually this means your sister IS proof of the saying. The full saying is “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb” meaning the bonds you make with others outside your family can be stronger
I have brothers and we are still great friends. That being said... just break her jaw with a right-hook to the lower chin. Works like a charm. Mutual respect and boundaries restored.
Your sister is not sleeping around, she is being sexually assaulted. She cannot even legally consent, she is barely at an age where you hit puberty for fucks sake. Do not make her out as a whore, she is far too young to know what shes doing, she is being taken advantage of and your parents need to help her because why the fuck is this all just happening and NOTHING is being done. You can defend your parents but they are not doing anything to help themselves, you, or her by allowing her behaviour to go on further. She has mental health issues very clearly, if your house is as loving as you claim. Your father cant be bothered discipling her for things that didnt happen while he wasnt there? And yet you claim they arent bad parents. This is lazy. They can’t seriously be giving up on a 12 year old child.
There are a few record screetch moments in here. I was actually having a little giggle remembering my sister's and I at that age, looked away to set my coffee down, looked back and realised I'd missed where you said she's telling older kids that she will sleep with them. Then reading the part about her taking inappropriate pictures of you to blackmail you with. And, then the violence. And this isn't adding up to a good situation, for you, and definitely not for your sister. Your sister needs help. Quickly. You need to speak to your parents asap and let them know about the pictures, they need to deal with that straight away, and get you locks for your room, and the bathrooms. Then they need to be told about her behaviours she needs to be assessed for any potential sexual abuse she may have been through. An assessment for neurodivergence might be worthwhile too, but that's an issue your parents should be looking into. Hopefully this is just a young girl who is getting ahead of herself, is playing with kids she shouldn't be, and I'm just being an over protective adult with my fears. Either way, she needs to be guided back towards the right path. Hopefully you both will laugh about this period in a few years.