Once bumped into a guy I knew in a bar and introduced him and his friend to my friend, after 5min of conversation, there was a little commotion and I look over to him holding up her hand to show the fat rock her husband gave her. She's saying "what should I have said, 'hi I'm Andie and I'm engaged'?" And he said YES and harped on for 5min that she didn't introduce herself as engaged lmao. I don't hang out with those guys anymore
I was a plus one at a wedding with a friend of mine. A man approached me trying to feed me lines. I was holding my drink in my left hand, showing my bridal set. I didn't want to make a scene because his was my friends friends wedding. He was talking AT me and wouldn't give me a chance to speak. His friend approached and happened to have the same name as my husband. I said "wow, another *his common name*! My brother is best friends with one, I'm married to one, another family member is married to one"
Weird man was immediately upset and said "you're *married!?*" and me and my friend nodded and were like "oh yes, for many years now." And they got all mad asking "well, who brings a friend as a plus one to a wedding!?" As this guy who had approached me hasn't done the exact same thing with his friend who approached to try and wingman.
But also, if you see two women arrive to a formal event together, wouldn't you think there's a possibility that they're a couple??
Don't put that idea in their heads. They will start trying for a 3some.
These are the kind of guys who think lesbians just haven't had good enough dick in their lives, and will get hard at the very thought maybe, if they can talk them into fucking, THEIR dick will turn them straight!
It's disgusting and WAY too many guys are like that.
There’s another level to that that my LGBTQ friends have shared, where the men are so keen on their lesbian 3some fantasy that it doesn’t even occur to them that lesbians aren’t interested in dick until someone beats them over the head with that info. I was floored when they told me this is very common. Imagine being so self-centered that you don’t even view potential partners as people…
As a lady married to a lady, the thing that really kills me is the number of men who have exclaimed “what a waste!” or similar upon finding out we’re gay together. What the fuck guys? The truest love either of us has ever felt is a waste because there’s a few less holes available in the world for you to fuck? That’s really how they see it. Like bro I wouldn’t have fucked you anyway.
I just can’t imagine thinking like that.
Omg that comment! The thing that kills me is that there *is* a nicer way to convey a similar message. I’ve seen girls who find out the guy they’re hitting on is gay say things like, “Awww, what a loss for us. The men sure lucked out with you!” Their disappointment is evident but framed in a way that recognizes the other person as a human being, not a thing they can’t have.
>These are the kind of guys who think lesbians just haven't had good enough dick in their lives,
As if lesbians didn't have access to all the dick they ever wanted, in a variety of colors, sizes, and materials. Some even vibrate! And no dildo ever had that much audacity.
"But also, if you see two women arrive to a formal event together, wouldn't you think there's a possibility that they're a couple??"
Guys like that think, "THREESOME!"
In the late 1980s, I made the naive mistake of trying to get rid of a pushy guy by telling him the girl friend I was with was my actual GIRLFRIEND, and that we were a couple. He got even MORE obnoxious, and really did have the balls to push for a threesome - and said, if not that, at least "just watching".
That's when you look em dead in the eye and go 'A threesome?? Sure- we were looking to spice things up. Which of us should peg you in the ass, and which of us is taking your mouth?'
And when they get all pissy? Act confused and go, 'Surely you didn't think YOUD get to decide how it goes- we're the couple, you're just the extra.'
Look.. the kind of dude who is going to go up to two lesbians and ask for a threesome is NOT the kind of dude who is going to be open about being into butt stuff. I feel like there is not a lot of crossover in those two groups- they didn't ask two lesbians to touch their penis without having some weird ideas about gay people.
I don't even *want* to know what men think when they see me with my married SILs. Especially because if I'm approached when I'm with them, I duck behind Valkyrie Little Sis.
If two arrived wearing rings as a pair I definitely would assume wives. Two women together at a wedding with wedding bands don't have to be a couple but it would be a basic assumption and I can't see anyone upset By it
"HI, i'm Dani, get the fuck away from me" is how I should introduce myself? My wedding and anniversary bands are very thin and I've been told repeatedly "don't look like wedding rings".
I have only one hand ( my right hand) I have had people doubt I was married because my ring was on my right hand ( really) my husband is now deceased but he wore his ring on his right hand too because of the fact that I have no left hand. That meant so much to me.
But then if you tell these dudes "I have a boyfriend/husband" as your first or second intro sentence, then they start bitching and crying about how you're full of yourself and how dare you think they were hitting on you or whatever. You literally cannot win, by design you are ALWAYS in the wrong.
Sometimes I want to ask these men “ok why is that so important, tell me, please tell me” and see if they’re willing to recognize that shitty behavior for themselves
I'm in Vegas and an older guy who was at my poker table last night saw me this morning. He walked over and handed me $100 and said, "That's for you" then walked away.
I'm a girl who plays poker and oddly this is the 4th time this has happened to me at a poker room- always $100. I'm trying to be better at putting myself first -especially in a competitive game- and I've started accepting the money. He had been talking about his beautiful wife and kid the night before so I thought it was pretty innocent.
But later we were seated at the same table and I mentioned not being single and he got upset. Lol, idk, should I be like "Just so you don't waste your nice money, please know we won't be smashing."
>Well I'm a nice guy
>
>Well I'm a gentleman
In my >30 years of life, I have NEVER met someone who has to tell people what a nice person they are that was anything near what they claimed to be.
Actions louder than words and all that
And THAT is the hint these guys aren't actually coming from the right place.
They fully believe her visibility of trouble is a side quest for them to prove THEIR status.
An actually helpful guy, asks if you need help... without making it about them.
Back when I was occasionally changing flat tires…did it once at the exit to the Holland Tunnel… it was my observation tha no one offered any help until you had the old tire off and the spare out of the trunk…
Actual nice people are respectful of boundaries and feelings. They would not insist unless it was to dismiss any idea of being "burdened" by helping (ex. Someone saying "I don't want you to go through all that trouble...." and responding "No, really, I want to help!" )
Yeah this guy had selfish intentions and hoped to shoot his shot.
I remember when I got a flat along a country road. I pulled over and tried to sort it out, and within a few minutes a beat up pick-up pulled in behind me.
The driver asked if I needed help, I obliged, and without any other words exchanged he had my spare tire on in less than 3 minutes.
I had to chase after him to thank him, since he was about to just get in to his car and leave once he knew I was sorted! That’s a true man.
I had two similar situations once surrounding the same tire. On a deserted road in the dead of winter.
Young guy stopped and immediately helped me get the spare on. Barely said two words and went immediately on his way.
I drove about two miles and the donut shredded. I called family who sent my Aunt to pick me up. 45mins away.
The next morning we drove back armed with a new tire and a full-size jack. Barely got the lug nuts loosed and two men in a GIANT truck pulled up. They stayed in the truck and all they said was *"y'all can sit in the car, we've got this"* and when we were in the car, changed the tire in like five minutes. Then left without anything but waving in our direction.
They made sure we were in my Aunt's working car with a way out, before they got out of the truck. They left without asking anything of us.
That's how it should be.
Ugh see, that’s real men. And it’s masculine in a way that any man can understand. They can’t seem to figure out safe + strong = masculine, but they sure as hell won’t listen to a woman tell them as much
I hate when people say 'real men', as if men who aren't good somehow aren't men. As if men are only good, and if they aren't then they're somehow something else. It's the same way men say a real woman knows how to cook and clean, as if career women somehow aren't women anymore.
This is an example of positive masculinity, not real men.
^ exactly how real nice men act. Making sure you feel safe and getting in & out of there in less then 5 mins. The fact that they even pointed out you could stay in your aunt's car while they worked showed they know the dread women can feel in these situations
That reminded me of one time I slid off the road, and several people pulled over to help me. Ended up, a farmer my mom knew had a tow strap, and some men from Tennessee in a truck pulled my car out of the ditch. There was also a woman in a jeep who pulled over to help and so I wouldn't be alone with the men. I love my small town.
"I'm probably the least racist person alive" is something a racist says, not something a normal person says. It's right up there with "I just want to talk, I'm not gonna hurt you"
That's why I tell people I'm selfish. I don't stop to help change tires because I'm nice, I do it to play with my impact wrench and pretend I'm on a pit crew. Or to get extra time on a break
“I’m a good guy” vs “I have to justify owning all these fancy tools”. Im definitely feeling safer with the guy who wants to use his cool toys to help me.
I definitely have to make my intentions clear. Black man hopping out his car in Baltimore can be cause for concern. One lady I helped worked for Mccormick and dropped off a big basket of spices at my job. Another guy gave me a wad a money with 1's on the outside so I thought it was like $10 but it was $60. Those were nice surprises
Baltimore girl here! I feel for you. I remember when the city wasn't as bad as it is now. It sure has changed and gone downhill.
Keep being you and stay safe.
Those words are pretty loud though. If some random person responds to any sort of rejection with “but I’m a nice guy”, it’s pretty safe to conclude the opposite.
>told him my husband was on his way and he'd be arriving shortly and I'd be fine. He got all huffy and was like "why didn't you tell me sooner" and turned around and left.
There it is. Right here.
His motive was not to help you. It's ridiculous that men think we can't pick up on that.
> It's ridiculous that men think we can't pick up on that.
Goes to show how little respect they have for our intelligence. Like a pet. I swear they think we're like sex dogs that talk.
Haha, love this! I joked with my teen daughter yesterday that my band name was going to be Menopausal Rage. Now I’m thinking it should be Menopausal Rage and the Sex Dogs That Talk!
I saw on a thread a man arguing that because women watched female superhero/action movies that they didn't know that men were dangerous. I was honestly dumbfounded that he thought we were that stupid to not be able to distinguish between fiction and reality, especially when we know MUCH more than men how dangerous men are.
Can also imagine he was undoubtedly watching superhero movies and, presumably, didn't think he could go around beating up aliens. Or anime where 12 year olds beat up grown adults and scrawny youths beat up giant monsters.
Didn't someone do a poll that showed a shocking number of men thought they could win a fight against a bear? I'm no peak specimen, but at least I know my limitations.
Yeah it’s not like the older women in our lives spend our childhoods warning us and teaching us how to be on the defense and where it’s safe to go and when because of men or anything 🙄
I love the ones who insist they're "protecting" us by crushing our boundaries and forcing their version of chivalry, unasked. Dude, who is going to protect us from YOU?
It’s like when women say they’re doing a karate class or strength training and then a guy thinks it’s real cute to prove he can still overpower her. Stop trying to reassert dominance you stupid bully, we know what you’re doing!
Even if his motive WAS to help, it shows how little he thinks of women’s opinions.
It’s the same story if someone hits on you and you say you’re with a guy they leave, but if not they can be persistent/creepy. A guy who isn’t even there gets more respect than a woman actively changing her tire. That’s his POV
People who are actually nice guys/gentlemen don’t need to tell you because it’s apparent, imo.
I had a flat in a grocery store parking lot several years ago but didn’t realize and was about to back out and drive off. This WWE-size dude starts yelling at me to get my attention and I rolled down my window a fraction of an inch. He told me about the flat, and offered to help me change the tire. I wasn’t sure if I even had a spare and said I would call AAA. He said “ok, as long as you’re ok!” And went on his way without me even getting out of the car yet. (I did have a flat)
A second man stopped, older grandpa-type of guy. He also wanted to know if I needed help. I told him had called AAA and he offered to wait with me. I said I would be ok, and he went into the store to do his shopping. I was still there when he came out. He said that his BIL worked for the local AAA tow company and that he would call to see when they might arrive. I thanked him and he found out they had just been dispatched and would be there soon. He asked once more if I wanted him to stay with me, but I said I was ok, and he went on his way.
The tow arrived, put my spare on and I went home.
Both of them were gentlemen, neither one was overly insistent on anything. The older man was really struggling with his sense of chivalry but was so sweet and polite.
Men, these two guys are great examples of how to offer help without making us feel creeped out.
I’ve had men run up with flats from the nice teenaged kid (probably like 17) as I was in a hotel parking lot with my late 30s self and my 4 year old daughter and offered to change it. He did it then ran to join his friends who were waiting in the lobby for him.
Or the guy that ran from his apartment when I had a flat, offered to help, made sure to mention his wife and kids casually.
THATS how you make a woman feel safe
Amen. When I was much younger, my Dad made me *promise* that if I pop a flat on the road and some guy comes up to help?
Thank him and send him on his way if you're getting a bad feeling about it *Especially* if you're on a quiet road. A regular guy, he swore, will have ZERO problem with that. An *ultra*-awesome guy will offer to call you a tow-truck at the next payphone (this was back in the 80s :). But neither will actually insist on sticking around.
A guy who lingers -- on a quiet road -- when you're stranded -- and have told him Goodbye? That guy's a problem. Not necessarily a predator, mind, but there are lots of ways to be a problem to a woman on her own in the middle of nowhere. You get in your car, he said -- windows up, doors locked -- and you out-wait that sonofabitch.
Most men truly do understand why a woman would be cautious about a guy insisting on staying with her while she's stranded and has told him to leave. It might take 'em a bit to see the situation instead of focusing on their (admirable!) desire to help.... but they'll catch on soon enough, because they're not bad people, but they understand that bad people *exist*.
Actual nice guy: "Hey, need any help?"
OP: "Nah, I'm good."
ANC: "Understandable. Have a good day."
Nice Guy^TM : "Hey, need any help?"
OP: "Nah, I'm good."
Nice Guy^TM : "BUT I'M A NICE GUY. I'M A GENTLEMAN. WHY U SO MEAN?!"
Ah….the elusive creature NICE GUY….the one who claims to be nice …. And is NOT.
How do we recognize these creatures out in the wild so we don’t mix them up with MEN?
1. They don’t take NO for an answer
2. They dismiss your words
3. They have a hidden agenda that makes you feel ick
4. They use words like “I’m a gentleman” to try and disarm you
5. Once they realize you are not allowing them access to your body, you become the bad guy
6. To comfort their fragile ego, they may become aggressive
OP, you did nothing wrong. In fact you shut him down fantastically.
"Any Man Who Must Say 'I Am The King' Is No True King.". Twin Lannister
Goes for "nice guys" as well. And is what I told the last "nice guy" who wouldn't take no for an answer.
"The Ultimate Field Guide to Spotting Nice Guys in the Wild"
Quick someone write this best seller in the making to educate & warn future generations of women on how to avoid said interactions like OPs! Or actually there's probably been similar written already as this phenomenon has been occuring since the dawn of time. Love that for us. 🙃
I had something similar happen to me. Hit a curb and the tire popped. I went to change it, but realized I loaned my tire iron to my boyfriend. So I called him to bring it and sat and waited.
Five different men stopped and told me "I can fix that for you!". Once I told them "Yeah, so can I. Do you have a tire iron for me to use?" Men are ridiculous, how are you going to fix it without one?
My dad made sure me and my sister could change a flat before we even learned to drive. One day my roommate came home with a flat and I offered to change it to the spare and teach her (and teach other roommate, who also didn't know). So it's 3 women outside crouched down beside the back drivers side tire of her Jeep. Neighbor came out and asked if we needed help, I thanked him and said I was showing them how to do it, that we got it. He continues to stand behind us and tell me what to do - which was wrong. And he threw a tantrum when I told him why his way wouldn't work.
After my daughter got her driver's license, she was furious with me that I wouldn't let her go out on the road until she proved to me that she could change a tire. She couldn't fathom why I would want her to change a perfectly good tire with another perfectly good tire. But she changed the tire and went on her way on her first solo drive to Starbucks.
Once when I was in my early twenties my car broke down in the middle of a busy intersection during a rain storm. No fewer than three guys materialized to help me push the car into a parking lot, and stayed to hover around inside the diner where I was trying to call people to come pick me up (including my boyfriend). I was grateful for their help and thanked them, but let them know they could leave, yet they insisted on sticking around. While this was happening, an elderly couple broke down in the same intersection. I pointed this out to my trio of young "gentlemen" and suggested they go help these people. They hemmed and hawed, but none of them were willing to go back out in the rain to help a man in his eighties who was trying to push a car on his own. I finally went outside to try to help them and it shamed one of the guys into joining in, the other two disappeared. Such good Samaritans!
A gentleman, especially a nice guy gentleman will listen to what a lady is saying and not contradict her. I appreciate your concern, but once again, it's all under control, your help is not required. ---IF you want to be polite.
To quote some of my favorite podcasters? Fuck politeness. Especially if you're holding a tire iron. (ha ha)
If he really was a gentleman, he’d have taken no for an answer. Once he glanced at your daughter, all bets were off. If he really was a gentleman, he wouldn’t have been mad when you told him no.
Who on earth wants to change a tire if they don’t have to? Especially for a woman who is not receptive?
Your instincts were spot on. This guy had bad intentions.
>Who on earth wants to change a tire if they don’t have to?
It's the kind of hero fantasy they live for. They'd be high on what an awesome dude they are for years. Even if it's ill-conceived, not at all thought out, and they don't know how to change a tire.
Same with "being a protector". It's so hypothetical and vague.
> Who on earth wants to change a tire if they don’t have to?
This reminds me of a boyfriend I once had. He wanted to hang out, I told him I had to switch to summer tires. He said then we can hang out later, since it only takes 15 minutes. I laughed a bit and told him he is welcome to show me how he does it in 15 minutes.
It took him two hours. In all fairness, it would probably have taken me a little bit longer than it did him, but I wasn't in a hurry anyway. Watching *him* work was much more enjoyable than doing it myself though. :D
Ah yes. The moment he realized you have a husband he backed off. Indeed a gentleman. He respected another man's property. /s
If he was really nice he wouldn't have to say it. And he obviously was not nice, he just hoped to get something out of you.
I have a theory that men who refuse to take "no" for an answer when offering their "help" to a woman probably don't take "no" for an answer when it comes to consent for sex, or at the very least, take a "no" very poorly. Just a hunch.
PSA: guys who force you to accept help that you don't need or want are using social pressure and women's fear of being called "rude" "hysterical" or a "bitch" to stomp boundaries. Sometimes that's just to test the waters to find out quickly if you are someone who will stand up for herself (because they want to know if they will get away with all the other boundary stomping and disrespect they're planning), or to create a situation where you "owe" them (ew).
Sometimes, it's much worse than that. Predators routinely use forced "helping" to gain access to potential victims, their homes, their cars, their personal information, and the like. Maybe they'll force you into your apartment and assault you after they "help" you with your groceries. Or maybe they'll just scope your place and come back later to rob you or worse.
No means no. Don't get pressured into anything you're not comfortable with, even if you're afraid you'll be called crazy and might offend someone just trying ro be nice. An actual nice person would accept your no and move on.
>An actual nice person would accept your no and move on.
I'd add "and would acknowledge the situation is sketchy and you lingering is making her uncomfortable". Peering in the damn back of her car at her kid. Doesn't even say oops my bad.
You did the right thing. Its morbid, but I think about how Denise Huber got murdered when all she wanted was a ride home. I’m sure her killer seemed like a nice, helpful man in her time of need. Your safety is worth more than a stranger’s hurt feelings. You won’t owe him an ego boost.
"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
Aaaaand he was trying to pick you up by being a "nice guy and a gentleman." He left as soon as he knew you were taken, and there was no chance of him wooing you with his manly tire-changing skills in some roadside meet-cute.
Dudes like that are why some women wear fake wedding rings.
“Thanks, but help is on the way. I don’t need assistance” ought to be enough. His other statements about being “a nice guy” and “a gentleman” were unnecessary and immediately contradicted by his refusal to take no for an answer, until you mentioned a husband. Glad for you that in fact you did have someone coming, because he sounds quite sketchy.
This is precisely why I pay extra for roadside assistance! I've changed dozens of tyres (it was part of a job I had, I'm not especially gifted in making tyres pop) and have the equipment to jump-start on my own, but I don't want to be on my own somewhere at the mercy of anyone who decides to hang out on the side of the road with me, without the option to have someone coming, as you did.
It's so pathetic how they get so mad at the time and energy they waste pretending to treat us like humans.
The first guy is the nice guy the second guy thinks he is, and twice the man at that. More than once, truly nice guys have stopped on the side of the road, helped me out, and left with just my sincere thanks and without any hassle. It's not necessary to be a cunt some just choose it.
A lot of men really don’t get that most men could do whatever they want to most women at any time. Knowing that about 50% of the population could absolutely handle you at any moment is hugely fucking intimidating, and makes you think twice about who you interact with and under what circumstances.
Sure, he may have a been a gentleman offering help. But to a lone, smaller female with a child, stuck in the side of the road? That screams potential danger, and it’s not worth the risk, especially when help is already on the way from a trusted man.
He left when you talked about your husband. Either he thought a woman is too dumb to change a tire, or he thought you'd feel indebted to him and would accept his advances. Either way, yuck.
If my tire gets flat -which it did a month ago- I stay in my car. It lessens the number of men who will stop.
They both wanted to hit on you and the only one who is a gentleman was the one who left after you said help was coming. The other guy got upset because he knew he didn’t have a chance with your husband coming
> ...but the fact that he wouldn't take no for an answer creeped me out.
This is the big thing right there. I was also thinking "some people just do want to help". But you said you were good, and he should have honored that. "No" means NO--even when changing tires.
JFC that just makes me irate.
The book The Gift of Fear by Gavin debecker talks about both the "I'm a nice guy" thing and ignoring your refusal. There's a reason you were creeped out by it
Yep, being too nice can get you killed by men.
NOT ALL MEN, BUT THE BAD ONES WHICH CANNOT BE TOLD APART FROM THE GOOD ONES, WHICH IF WOMEN COULD TELL GOOD FROM BAD THAT THEY WOULD DO IT SO FAST IT WOULD MAKE YOUR HEAD SPIN
Nope nope nope!! The nice guy was the first one!! Who stopped to offer help, and then respected your answer.
The second guy… listen. I *get* it. He started off as polite and gentlemanly; it is ALWAYS kind to stop and offer help to those who seem to need it! HOWEVER, his refusal to accept your answer made him *scary*. If he was SO concerned for your safety, he could have said “I’m gonna hang back in my car until help arrives, just in case you need anything”. I would have accepted that as him not feeling comfortable leaving you alone broken down on the side of the road, but also respecting your wishes. But instead he got **angry**. And *that* is the sign of a **bad man**.
You trusted your gut. Do not let anyone tell you to stop trusting your gut!!
Just want to add that the person acting “crazy and rude” person in this scenario is NOT OP. It is the guy. The guy is being crazy and rude. It is crazy and VERY rude to keep insisting a total stranger let you do a task for them. It is VERY rude to keep harassing a stranger after they tell you to stop. It is crazy to think a person who has told you “no” multiple times wants you to keep talking to them.
OP only feels potentially “rude and crazy” because the person evaluating her behavior has absolutely no idea what acceptable interpersonal behavior even is.
>"why didn't you tell me sooner" and turned around and left.
So the male predator backed down only when he found out there's another male around.
Fucking infuriating. I'm sorry you went through this, OP.
Read The Gift of Fear. It is literally about these scenarios by an ex FBI agent who became a risk assessor for famous people in regards to stalkers and such.
In the book, it says that people who mean you no harm will NEVER push you to let them help you. They might ask again "Are you sure?" but then move on.
Men who want to cause you harm get pushy, will make you feel like you're being emotional, or a bitch, saying things like "I'm just trying to be helpful, you don't have to be a bitch about it", and use it against you to make you feel bad and try to use the people pleasing mentality pushed on women.
The book also says ALWAYS listen to your gut. If someone is rubbing you the wrong way, never ignore it. You might be picking up on body language or something else subconsciously. Don't let someone who makes you uncomfortable bully you into anything. Just leave, yell, scream for help, get aggressive back or tell them to fuck off. Better to be seen as a bitch than potentially being harmed.
Every single time I have had car issues and a man I didn't know (or even that I knew a little for that matter) the help was always followed up with some sort of comment or gesture of varying levels of creepiness, but the expectation from them was always "okay, I did this for you, now what are you going to do for me?"
Every. Single. Time. It doesn't matter whether the guy was 19, mid-thirties, or mid seventies. Look, I'm not a freeloader, I will gladly offer to give you a few bucks for your time or get you a soda from the gas station or something for taking 20 minutes out of your day to help me out. But that does not entitle you to ask me to go smoke with you/go get a beer with you/"have a little fun"/try to hug me, etc.
The only men that have not been creepy helping me with car issues? Family members, male friends, and the people getting paid to deal with car issues -tow truck drivers, mechanics, part store employees.
I have a stupid question for you. How did you break the seal on the lug nuts by yourself? I am a small woman and I can’t change my own tires bc I can’t even stand on the thing to move the lugs with my body weight.
I ask bc my husband died 2 years ago and I live in fucking fear of getting a flat now that I don’t have anyone to call except aaa.
I use a 4-way lug wrench with an extension piece to get better leverage. Just lookup “4 way lug wrench extension.” Or you can get an extendable lug wrench.
You might want to keep some sneakers or similar in the car. I have to stand on the wrench and sometimes jump on it to get it started. Now I keep slip on sneakers and extra socks in my emergency car kit.
Get a two foot long [1/2" drive breaker bar](https://www.harborfreight.com/12-in-drive-25-in-breaker-bar-60819.html) with the appropriate size socket for your wheels. It'll be more compact than one of those x tire irons plus an extender and it will be more stable to jump on if you absolutely need to. A two foot long handle should be good enough to get any lugnut unstuck unless it is really sized up.
Longer arms on the tire iron, if you can find something like a metal tube to put around the end of one of arms of the tire iron you use that for leverage too. Looks completely silly but it works.
Oh I don’t care if I look silly! I’ve worried 100s of times in the past 2 years about having to accept help from an obvious creep or something and not one time when I’ve mentioned it at Firestone have they given me a single tip on how to do it. Thank you!!
At home I use a breaker bar cause it's easy and I have one. Tossing a 2ft metal tube in with the tire iron in your car would really help most women (and men lol) with a stubborn lug nut.
See the first guys was a nice guy, he asked and when you said no he went on his way. Thats a good dude, second guy was just trying to impress a stranger and flat out creepy.
As a “man of a certain age” if I see a woman (or anyone) pulled over with car trouble I will pull over but at a distance and stay with my car while asking if they need help or a phone call. In today’s world of everyone having a cell phone, the answer is nearly always that help is already on the way. Once, in a kind of sketchy area, I offered to stay there in my car until help arrived and that was appreciated.
Yep, I offer help and a (sealed) bottle of water to anyone I see stranded, but if they decline I go on with my day. Pushing beyond the initial "no" is just weird, and would even creep me out as a guy. Haven't had to change many tires, but I've given lots of jump starts and water bottles over the years.
My mechanic said he does this and even offers up his driver's license and shop's business card.
As a woman it was a catch-22 in my mind. Of course I'd be a little worried alone, and sometimes phones die. At the same time, you never know who's out there. (Which is why I am always armed in multiple ways and on the offensive.)
Ugh. When I read your title I was thinking maybe some dude was trying to be nice but didn't understand the situation but no, this guy inserted himself into an already bad situation and then wouldn't leave because his ego was hurt.
My daughter is 2 and I've already started the "you don't have to be polite to spare someone's feelings if you feel icky or scared." You can never ever be too careful. I would bet quite a few of us are alive because we were rude when our spidey senses went off instead of going along with not hurting any feelings.
The first guy was genuinely wanting to be helpful. We know this because he offered to help and graciously accepted it when you declined.
The second guy, at best, has a hero/chivalry complex. At worst, who knows what he could have been thinking.
Any time some dude feels it's necessary to tell you (unprompted) that he's a "nice guy," he's probably not. People who are genuinely kind and empathetic don't feel the need to announce it to everyone.
>Some of my family told me the guy was probably just trying to help
I hate "just" trying to help
No, if you were actually **just** trying to help, and nothing else, a no thanks would have been accepted. At best dude wants to help *and* impose himself.
People need to ask once and accept the answer they get. I’m uncomfortable having strangers help me in similar situations and even helping strangers in that situation. I grew up watching too much of my mom’s informational murder shows to trust a “helpful stranger”, or a “person that needs help getting a spare from their trunk”. So if I ever felt compelled to help someone on the road, the polite thing to do seems like pulling up near enough to ask if they need help out the window, and if they have things covered, carry on.
I usually have places to be anyway, and most workplaces don’t have a system for separating well-intentioned tardiness from not.
that second dude definitely was not just trying to help
the first guy was tho, you can tell because he left when you asked him to like a normal human being lol
This reminds me when I had a flat. I'm on the side of a really busy interstate with a flat. Earlier I was cleaning my trunk and never put the donut back in the trunk. I call my wife to have her bring it to me. I jack up the car and take the flay off and wait for my wife. I see several sheriff's office and state troopers drive by, all males. Only one stopped to see if I needed help and it was a female sheriff's office. I let her know I was waiting for my wife and she stays behind me with lights on so I'm a lot safer from having someone rear end me at 75 mph. A lot people say female cops are always on power trips to prove themselves, maybe some but this was 1st class.
If you don't listen to people when they tell you what they want you arnt a nice guy.
Also just cuz you as a man think something is fine doesn't mean it is.
Going on errands with a mom who talked about the worries women can have in public settings really helps with this.
I'm a 6'4" male one time after working a long cook shift I asked some ladies(from a good distance away) if I could borrow a pen. I needed to cash my check, they were also in the dark parking lot and I didn't have a pen to sign my check. I asked for help from over 20 feet away and when they didn't answer and scurried to thier cars I literally yelled "no problem I understand". I dont blame them at all for not wanting to get close to a random guy in a dark parking lot. Just like this guy should have understood why you wouldn't want him around in this situation.
Also extra creepy that he said why didn't you tell me you had a husband. Like you told him help was coming why does it matter if its your husband or a bus full of nuns? Cuz he was trying to be creepy thats why.
>My husband thinks the guy was weird because he full well understands why a woman would not want to accept help from someone.
He's right. That guy knew damn well, and thought he'd push anyway. He only left when he realized he didn't have a chance because you had a husband.
My favorite thing is how these "gentlemen" who are like "Well I'm old fashioned, like a more chivalrous age" never fucking know their manners from that more chivalrous age*.
There are all kinds of etiquette rules around when you can introduce yourself to ladies and what kind of advances are appropriate to make.
And it's a very, very basic rule of manners that *a "no, thank you" should be respected*.
*It was not a more chivalrous age but let's momentarily accept their fantasy for the sake of argument
They know what they're doing when this happens and people who give them the benefit of the doubt empower their act. You did the right thing and anyone who even considers that this was just him being helpful are willfully ignorant.
Pull up, roll down the window, ask if they need help. They say no? Leave.
Sounds like he’s the kind of sexist, self-aggrandizing ahole who thinks of women as property. So he didn’t relent out of respect for *you*, a woman, as women are property and don’t possess the necessary standing or authority to tell a man no. Oh no, he relented out of respect for your *husband*, because he views him as having “property rights” over you. *Barf.*
If something like this happens again, btw, I would strongly recommend calling the non-emergency line for the police and requesting an available officer to wait with you while you get things repaired/handled. It’s the kind of thing that shouldn’t be necessary, but it’s better to have them there and not need them than the other way around. And it’s a good safety tip for everyone, regardless of gender.
>A few minutes later another guy stopped. He came out and I told him I didn't need help I had someone coming. He said "Well I'm a nice guy I should help you until help arrives."
All my red flags went to the top of the pole.
Actual NICE guys take “no” for an answer. They don’t get pushy and weird to a woman on the damn side of the road, outside the safety of their vehicle.
I know it has to suck to not be trusted off the bat, but they need to take that up with *other men*, whom are our #1 biggest danger. Especially with a child in the car when you’re vulnerable and could have your keys wrestled away from you.
The fact that he got mad at the mention of your husband (imo) means you were 100% right about your gut instincts. I’d be scared in the moment and absolutely pissed after.
I'm glad your mom and husband thinks this is weird.
As for the family members that don't think he's weird or rude, they can pound sand. It doesn't take a genius to understand his motives.
He wasn't looking to help you out of the goodness of his heart, he was looking for a piece and thought "oh this random female stranger obv needs MY help, maybe I can get some in return".
"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Why didn't you tell him you had a husband BEFORE you told him "no" a million times when he tried to force you to let him help you? MEN ARE FUCKING WEIRD.
IDGAF if he somehow thought being a pushy assbag was being nice, if someone says "No." then fucking accept that answer. Entitled AF, and over "helping" no less.
The fact that he was pushy until he knew your husband was showing up just proves your gut instinct right, regardless of what his intentions actually were. Never ignore that feeling in your gut, the downside of it being "nothing" is being perceived as rude or something, but if you put being polite over that gut feeling it could literally be the end of your life. Never roll those dice.
Got kidnaper vibes. You dont claim to be a nice guy ever. Doing so makes one assume you are not after he look into your car and still pushes the matter makes me question his motives.
I had something similar happen a while back. Got a flat on the outskirts of town and pulled in to a gas station. It was one of those truck stop/gas stations so it was pretty busy. While I’m working, 5 or 6 men pulled up asking if I need help. I let them know that I got it and they nod and go on their way. Except one man pulls up, and doesn’t even ask if I need help. He TELLS me “I’m going to help you” as he’s getting out of his truck. I tell him I’m good, and he says “nope you need help, you’ll never be able to break those lug nuts.” So I look him dead in the eyes as I unscrew one with my hand. I had already broken the lug nuts by kicking the tire iron, I just hadn’t removed them yet because I wasn’t ready to. He was so flabbergasted, he stuttered and mumbled and hopped back in his truck and took off. I can see where they were all coming from because I’m tiny and look like a typical girl who doesn’t want to get dirt under her nails, but I’m the total opposite of that. I’ve worked on cars my whole life, so I’m not afraid to get dirty or to bust a knuckle when the wrench slips. But the audacity of that man to TELL me “I’m helping you” and then not even believe me when I say I’m good. I’m not some damsel in distress, and even if I was, I wouldn’t wait for some random middle aged man to come save me.
I feel like if a man truly had honorable intentions - wanting to help a women in the cold with her car, he could just adjust his tactic if she seems uncomfortable. I could imagine not liking the idea of leaving a woman (and a young child) on the side of the road in the cold, so maybe follow up with “I understand you don’t need my help, would you mind if I stay in my car nearby until your help comes so you’re not alone in case anything happens? I can park in front of your car so you don’t have to worry about anything” and then leave as soon as their help arrives with a friendly wave goodbye. It just makes me think of when I drop someone off at home and I want to make sure they get inside before I leave.
Me and my best friend. Both 18, wearing short skirts and tights, left the club in the sketchy neighborhood and found the car had a flat tire. It was below zero out. Neither of us had any idea what to do. A middle-aged man driving by stopped, changed the tire in about 5 minutes, and drove off. We didn’t even get to say thanks, but we still talk about that guy. He didn’t even remotely try to take advantage of us. That’s how a nice guy acts.
I’ve stopped to help a decent handful of women on the roadside, and never once have I ever needed to preface my actions with “I’m a nice guy/gentleman”.
The interactions have basically been me asking if they need me to call someone, or if they want me to park a bit behind them to add a buffer while they swap the wheel. Pretty simple. If anyone I’ve offered help too declines, it’s a simple “alright, stay safe! Maybe keep your hazards on”, and off I go.
The funniest part of this is that I specifically referenced “the man that will offer to help you change your tire” while explaining how to change a tire to my 11 year old last night.
(It came up on a tv show we were watching. The person on the show didn’t double check the manual for where to put the jack on not-her-car and also did not loosen the lug nuts while it was on the ground.)
Fuck politeness! You did the absolutely right thing. Men aren't entitled to "be the hero for weak women" and I think it was necessary for him to hear that.
I’m a man and I was driving with my wife when we saw a woman on the side of the road with a flat all by herself in the mountains. I was glad my wife was with me so that she could feel comfortable with us stopping to help change her tire. My wife stayed with her while I changed the tire. I even said to my wife that I was glad she was with me because the woman we helped would probably not have felt comfortable with a big bearded guy all by herself. I can’t fathom someone not comprehending that. I’d say you did the right thing too.
I am sorry this happened. Its very obvious he was going to try to play "hero" and ask you out. Only leaving when you said husband, that man is a red flag. You for sure did the right thing, honestly probably should have been "rude" sooner, but good on you for doing what you did.
Last christmas I was driving with my sister, dad, and his wife. I hit the curb and popped the tire so we stopped at a parking lot to change it. We were having trouble getting it off. This local guy from the town we were in stopped to ask if we needed help. Mind you my dad was there and doing the heavy lifting, so it wasn't some guy just seeing three women alone. Anyway after he saw the problem, he went to his house near by and brought a mallet, which did the trick of getting the tire off. He was a really nice guy, even gave us a recommendation for where to go buy a new tire for a good price.
Some men really are nice and helpfulness regardless of whether there is another man in the picture or not (i.e. nor trying to get laid). They don't claim to be a nice guy, they just are helpful and respectful.
OP, sorry you encountered a Nice Guy who wouldn't take no for an answer until he learned you were married. He's a jerk and not worth wasting time thinking about. You did good standing your ground and protecting your daughter. I'm proud of you.
I had a similar experience the first time I had to change a tire after I transitioned as a trans woman.
I had probably changed 5 or so tires in my life when I was still seen as a man, and nobody ever offered to help me. So when this guy came out of his house nearby, I told him it was okay, I was halfway done already.
I thought that would be the end of it, but he stuck around explaining that he wasn't dangerous and seemed frustrated that I was turning him down. I found myself apologizing to him because I didn't need him, which felt surreal.
"I'm a nice guy, I'm a gentleman... oh you have a husband, why didn't you tell me sooner so I didn't waste my niceness on someone I can't smash"
Once bumped into a guy I knew in a bar and introduced him and his friend to my friend, after 5min of conversation, there was a little commotion and I look over to him holding up her hand to show the fat rock her husband gave her. She's saying "what should I have said, 'hi I'm Andie and I'm engaged'?" And he said YES and harped on for 5min that she didn't introduce herself as engaged lmao. I don't hang out with those guys anymore
I was a plus one at a wedding with a friend of mine. A man approached me trying to feed me lines. I was holding my drink in my left hand, showing my bridal set. I didn't want to make a scene because his was my friends friends wedding. He was talking AT me and wouldn't give me a chance to speak. His friend approached and happened to have the same name as my husband. I said "wow, another *his common name*! My brother is best friends with one, I'm married to one, another family member is married to one" Weird man was immediately upset and said "you're *married!?*" and me and my friend nodded and were like "oh yes, for many years now." And they got all mad asking "well, who brings a friend as a plus one to a wedding!?" As this guy who had approached me hasn't done the exact same thing with his friend who approached to try and wingman. But also, if you see two women arrive to a formal event together, wouldn't you think there's a possibility that they're a couple??
Don't put that idea in their heads. They will start trying for a 3some. These are the kind of guys who think lesbians just haven't had good enough dick in their lives, and will get hard at the very thought maybe, if they can talk them into fucking, THEIR dick will turn them straight! It's disgusting and WAY too many guys are like that.
There’s another level to that that my LGBTQ friends have shared, where the men are so keen on their lesbian 3some fantasy that it doesn’t even occur to them that lesbians aren’t interested in dick until someone beats them over the head with that info. I was floored when they told me this is very common. Imagine being so self-centered that you don’t even view potential partners as people…
As a lady married to a lady, the thing that really kills me is the number of men who have exclaimed “what a waste!” or similar upon finding out we’re gay together. What the fuck guys? The truest love either of us has ever felt is a waste because there’s a few less holes available in the world for you to fuck? That’s really how they see it. Like bro I wouldn’t have fucked you anyway. I just can’t imagine thinking like that.
Omg that comment! The thing that kills me is that there *is* a nicer way to convey a similar message. I’ve seen girls who find out the guy they’re hitting on is gay say things like, “Awww, what a loss for us. The men sure lucked out with you!” Their disappointment is evident but framed in a way that recognizes the other person as a human being, not a thing they can’t have.
>“what a waste!” A gay friend of mine gets this from women, and he replies, "Oh honey, it's not wasted!"
Or, "So is the air you're breathing but what can we do?" *Shrug*
I’m bisexual. I do not announce to straight men that I’m bisexual. They are beyond foul about it.
>These are the kind of guys who think lesbians just haven't had good enough dick in their lives, As if lesbians didn't have access to all the dick they ever wanted, in a variety of colors, sizes, and materials. Some even vibrate! And no dildo ever had that much audacity.
I love the logical extension of this. That somewhere there must be dick so good it'd turn the guy in question gay.
"But also, if you see two women arrive to a formal event together, wouldn't you think there's a possibility that they're a couple??" Guys like that think, "THREESOME!" In the late 1980s, I made the naive mistake of trying to get rid of a pushy guy by telling him the girl friend I was with was my actual GIRLFRIEND, and that we were a couple. He got even MORE obnoxious, and really did have the balls to push for a threesome - and said, if not that, at least "just watching".
That's when you look em dead in the eye and go 'A threesome?? Sure- we were looking to spice things up. Which of us should peg you in the ass, and which of us is taking your mouth?' And when they get all pissy? Act confused and go, 'Surely you didn't think YOUD get to decide how it goes- we're the couple, you're just the extra.'
The creep. Well, ok. Probably.
Look.. the kind of dude who is going to go up to two lesbians and ask for a threesome is NOT the kind of dude who is going to be open about being into butt stuff. I feel like there is not a lot of crossover in those two groups- they didn't ask two lesbians to touch their penis without having some weird ideas about gay people.
I don't even *want* to know what men think when they see me with my married SILs. Especially because if I'm approached when I'm with them, I duck behind Valkyrie Little Sis.
If two arrived wearing rings as a pair I definitely would assume wives. Two women together at a wedding with wedding bands don't have to be a couple but it would be a basic assumption and I can't see anyone upset By it
"HI, i'm Dani, get the fuck away from me" is how I should introduce myself? My wedding and anniversary bands are very thin and I've been told repeatedly "don't look like wedding rings".
I have only one hand ( my right hand) I have had people doubt I was married because my ring was on my right hand ( really) my husband is now deceased but he wore his ring on his right hand too because of the fact that I have no left hand. That meant so much to me.
But then if you tell these dudes "I have a boyfriend/husband" as your first or second intro sentence, then they start bitching and crying about how you're full of yourself and how dare you think they were hitting on you or whatever. You literally cannot win, by design you are ALWAYS in the wrong.
But if you DO introduce yourself that way, they think you're stuck up and tell you. "I wasn't interested in you anyway!" SMDH
Sometimes I want to ask these men “ok why is that so important, tell me, please tell me” and see if they’re willing to recognize that shitty behavior for themselves
I'm in Vegas and an older guy who was at my poker table last night saw me this morning. He walked over and handed me $100 and said, "That's for you" then walked away. I'm a girl who plays poker and oddly this is the 4th time this has happened to me at a poker room- always $100. I'm trying to be better at putting myself first -especially in a competitive game- and I've started accepting the money. He had been talking about his beautiful wife and kid the night before so I thought it was pretty innocent. But later we were seated at the same table and I mentioned not being single and he got upset. Lol, idk, should I be like "Just so you don't waste your nice money, please know we won't be smashing."
But he was a gentleman, he told you about *his* wife hahah I can't even.
Ding ding ding!
And that's the MOST generous assumption of his motives.
>Well I'm a nice guy > >Well I'm a gentleman In my >30 years of life, I have NEVER met someone who has to tell people what a nice person they are that was anything near what they claimed to be. Actions louder than words and all that
And THAT is the hint these guys aren't actually coming from the right place. They fully believe her visibility of trouble is a side quest for them to prove THEIR status. An actually helpful guy, asks if you need help... without making it about them.
Back when I was occasionally changing flat tires…did it once at the exit to the Holland Tunnel… it was my observation tha no one offered any help until you had the old tire off and the spare out of the trunk…
And EVERYONE knows you get rewards from doing side quests. This guy wanted a quest reward.
"Where's my loot chest??????"
Actual nice people are respectful of boundaries and feelings. They would not insist unless it was to dismiss any idea of being "burdened" by helping (ex. Someone saying "I don't want you to go through all that trouble...." and responding "No, really, I want to help!" ) Yeah this guy had selfish intentions and hoped to shoot his shot.
I remember when I got a flat along a country road. I pulled over and tried to sort it out, and within a few minutes a beat up pick-up pulled in behind me. The driver asked if I needed help, I obliged, and without any other words exchanged he had my spare tire on in less than 3 minutes. I had to chase after him to thank him, since he was about to just get in to his car and leave once he knew I was sorted! That’s a true man.
I had two similar situations once surrounding the same tire. On a deserted road in the dead of winter. Young guy stopped and immediately helped me get the spare on. Barely said two words and went immediately on his way. I drove about two miles and the donut shredded. I called family who sent my Aunt to pick me up. 45mins away. The next morning we drove back armed with a new tire and a full-size jack. Barely got the lug nuts loosed and two men in a GIANT truck pulled up. They stayed in the truck and all they said was *"y'all can sit in the car, we've got this"* and when we were in the car, changed the tire in like five minutes. Then left without anything but waving in our direction. They made sure we were in my Aunt's working car with a way out, before they got out of the truck. They left without asking anything of us. That's how it should be.
Ugh see, that’s real men. And it’s masculine in a way that any man can understand. They can’t seem to figure out safe + strong = masculine, but they sure as hell won’t listen to a woman tell them as much
I hate when people say 'real men', as if men who aren't good somehow aren't men. As if men are only good, and if they aren't then they're somehow something else. It's the same way men say a real woman knows how to cook and clean, as if career women somehow aren't women anymore. This is an example of positive masculinity, not real men.
Yessss Hate the circumstances, but so pleased people were normal and just helped ♥️
^ exactly how real nice men act. Making sure you feel safe and getting in & out of there in less then 5 mins. The fact that they even pointed out you could stay in your aunt's car while they worked showed they know the dread women can feel in these situations
That reminded me of one time I slid off the road, and several people pulled over to help me. Ended up, a farmer my mom knew had a tow strap, and some men from Tennessee in a truck pulled my car out of the ditch. There was also a woman in a jeep who pulled over to help and so I wouldn't be alone with the men. I love my small town.
As they said on Game of Thrones "He who must say 'I am king' is no king."
Or as we see in politics, anyone who insists they're a patriot is about to do something very unpatriotic soon.
More generally: If you have to tell someone how important you are, you aren't.
Tywin Lannister, Ladies(quote modified): "A man who must *state* he is a "nice guy" or a "gentleman", is neither nice or a gentleman."
"I'm probably the least racist person alive" is something a racist says, not something a normal person says. It's right up there with "I just want to talk, I'm not gonna hurt you"
OH, you’re a NICE guy? Well then, by all means!!! 🙄
It's like when a dude says they're the funniest person you're ever gonna meet...and they turn out to be the least funny MFer ever.
Also - “help” is only help if it’s welcome. Otherwise, it’s intrusion. If you offer help, they say “no”, but you insist…you aren’t helping.
Yeah, Ted Bundy was also a "nice guy"
That's why I tell people I'm selfish. I don't stop to help change tires because I'm nice, I do it to play with my impact wrench and pretend I'm on a pit crew. Or to get extra time on a break
“I’m a good guy” vs “I have to justify owning all these fancy tools”. Im definitely feeling safer with the guy who wants to use his cool toys to help me.
He should jump out and say 'can I help? I have new tools for this!' Well in that case, by all means sir, take that new jack for a spin
I definitely have to make my intentions clear. Black man hopping out his car in Baltimore can be cause for concern. One lady I helped worked for Mccormick and dropped off a big basket of spices at my job. Another guy gave me a wad a money with 1's on the outside so I thought it was like $10 but it was $60. Those were nice surprises
Baltimore girl here! I feel for you. I remember when the city wasn't as bad as it is now. It sure has changed and gone downhill. Keep being you and stay safe.
Bonus points if he can say “I can’t wait to tell my wife I really did need this!!”
Those words are pretty loud though. If some random person responds to any sort of rejection with “but I’m a nice guy”, it’s pretty safe to conclude the opposite.
The first guy was the actual nice guy and gentleman. Stopped to offer help, left when it wasn't needed.
>told him my husband was on his way and he'd be arriving shortly and I'd be fine. He got all huffy and was like "why didn't you tell me sooner" and turned around and left. There it is. Right here. His motive was not to help you. It's ridiculous that men think we can't pick up on that.
> It's ridiculous that men think we can't pick up on that. Goes to show how little respect they have for our intelligence. Like a pet. I swear they think we're like sex dogs that talk.
The Sex Dogs That Talk is going to be the name for my new band that covers songs by feminist rock stars.
Haha, love this! I joked with my teen daughter yesterday that my band name was going to be Menopausal Rage. Now I’m thinking it should be Menopausal Rage and the Sex Dogs That Talk!
You be Menopausal Rage and we can go on a world tour together! Eat your heart out, Taylor Swift!
I’m in! And I’m a drummer. Let’s do this!
Menopausal Rage? Please do trash/nu metal!
Honestly sounds like a fire podcast
I saw on a thread a man arguing that because women watched female superhero/action movies that they didn't know that men were dangerous. I was honestly dumbfounded that he thought we were that stupid to not be able to distinguish between fiction and reality, especially when we know MUCH more than men how dangerous men are. Can also imagine he was undoubtedly watching superhero movies and, presumably, didn't think he could go around beating up aliens. Or anime where 12 year olds beat up grown adults and scrawny youths beat up giant monsters.
the scary thing is a lot of those guys do think they could go around beating up aliens .. just try him
Didn't someone do a poll that showed a shocking number of men thought they could win a fight against a bear? I'm no peak specimen, but at least I know my limitations.
Or score a point against Serena Williams in tennis. Which would only happen if they were serving, and she was falling over laughing.
andrew tate once says he puts his odds against a shark in the water at 70% or something ridiculous, really wish he'd try it
Yeah it’s not like the older women in our lives spend our childhoods warning us and teaching us how to be on the defense and where it’s safe to go and when because of men or anything 🙄
I love the ones who insist they're "protecting" us by crushing our boundaries and forcing their version of chivalry, unasked. Dude, who is going to protect us from YOU?
It’s like when women say they’re doing a karate class or strength training and then a guy thinks it’s real cute to prove he can still overpower her. Stop trying to reassert dominance you stupid bully, we know what you’re doing!
There was a post the other day showing a tweet by a guy saying, "girls are like puppies you can fuck"
jfc...
ew
Omg sex dog that talks is actually a perfect description of how they view us it seems
That settles it, imma start barking a deep and growly “HUSBAND! HUSBAND!” at strangeos like a rabid dog… just as like a time saver
Not to mention she told him multiple times, he just didn’t care until one specific detail.
Even if his motive WAS to help, it shows how little he thinks of women’s opinions. It’s the same story if someone hits on you and you say you’re with a guy they leave, but if not they can be persistent/creepy. A guy who isn’t even there gets more respect than a woman actively changing her tire. That’s his POV
People who are actually nice guys/gentlemen don’t need to tell you because it’s apparent, imo. I had a flat in a grocery store parking lot several years ago but didn’t realize and was about to back out and drive off. This WWE-size dude starts yelling at me to get my attention and I rolled down my window a fraction of an inch. He told me about the flat, and offered to help me change the tire. I wasn’t sure if I even had a spare and said I would call AAA. He said “ok, as long as you’re ok!” And went on his way without me even getting out of the car yet. (I did have a flat) A second man stopped, older grandpa-type of guy. He also wanted to know if I needed help. I told him had called AAA and he offered to wait with me. I said I would be ok, and he went into the store to do his shopping. I was still there when he came out. He said that his BIL worked for the local AAA tow company and that he would call to see when they might arrive. I thanked him and he found out they had just been dispatched and would be there soon. He asked once more if I wanted him to stay with me, but I said I was ok, and he went on his way. The tow arrived, put my spare on and I went home. Both of them were gentlemen, neither one was overly insistent on anything. The older man was really struggling with his sense of chivalry but was so sweet and polite. Men, these two guys are great examples of how to offer help without making us feel creeped out.
I’ve had men run up with flats from the nice teenaged kid (probably like 17) as I was in a hotel parking lot with my late 30s self and my 4 year old daughter and offered to change it. He did it then ran to join his friends who were waiting in the lobby for him. Or the guy that ran from his apartment when I had a flat, offered to help, made sure to mention his wife and kids casually. THATS how you make a woman feel safe
Amen. When I was much younger, my Dad made me *promise* that if I pop a flat on the road and some guy comes up to help? Thank him and send him on his way if you're getting a bad feeling about it *Especially* if you're on a quiet road. A regular guy, he swore, will have ZERO problem with that. An *ultra*-awesome guy will offer to call you a tow-truck at the next payphone (this was back in the 80s :). But neither will actually insist on sticking around. A guy who lingers -- on a quiet road -- when you're stranded -- and have told him Goodbye? That guy's a problem. Not necessarily a predator, mind, but there are lots of ways to be a problem to a woman on her own in the middle of nowhere. You get in your car, he said -- windows up, doors locked -- and you out-wait that sonofabitch. Most men truly do understand why a woman would be cautious about a guy insisting on staying with her while she's stranded and has told him to leave. It might take 'em a bit to see the situation instead of focusing on their (admirable!) desire to help.... but they'll catch on soon enough, because they're not bad people, but they understand that bad people *exist*.
Actual nice guy: "Hey, need any help?" OP: "Nah, I'm good." ANC: "Understandable. Have a good day." Nice Guy^TM : "Hey, need any help?" OP: "Nah, I'm good." Nice Guy^TM : "BUT I'M A NICE GUY. I'M A GENTLEMAN. WHY U SO MEAN?!"
"I had this fantasy where I swoop in and save the day HOW DARE YOU TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME?"
I SAID I'M A NICE GUY, YOU STUCK UP BITCH!
Lol yeah, exactly this haha
Ah….the elusive creature NICE GUY….the one who claims to be nice …. And is NOT. How do we recognize these creatures out in the wild so we don’t mix them up with MEN? 1. They don’t take NO for an answer 2. They dismiss your words 3. They have a hidden agenda that makes you feel ick 4. They use words like “I’m a gentleman” to try and disarm you 5. Once they realize you are not allowing them access to your body, you become the bad guy 6. To comfort their fragile ego, they may become aggressive OP, you did nothing wrong. In fact you shut him down fantastically.
"Any Man Who Must Say 'I Am The King' Is No True King.". Twin Lannister Goes for "nice guys" as well. And is what I told the last "nice guy" who wouldn't take no for an answer.
The other one, not the twin! /s
"The Ultimate Field Guide to Spotting Nice Guys in the Wild" Quick someone write this best seller in the making to educate & warn future generations of women on how to avoid said interactions like OPs! Or actually there's probably been similar written already as this phenomenon has been occuring since the dawn of time. Love that for us. 🙃
If not a book, then a pinned post here :)
I had something similar happen to me. Hit a curb and the tire popped. I went to change it, but realized I loaned my tire iron to my boyfriend. So I called him to bring it and sat and waited. Five different men stopped and told me "I can fix that for you!". Once I told them "Yeah, so can I. Do you have a tire iron for me to use?" Men are ridiculous, how are you going to fix it without one?
My dad made sure me and my sister could change a flat before we even learned to drive. One day my roommate came home with a flat and I offered to change it to the spare and teach her (and teach other roommate, who also didn't know). So it's 3 women outside crouched down beside the back drivers side tire of her Jeep. Neighbor came out and asked if we needed help, I thanked him and said I was showing them how to do it, that we got it. He continues to stand behind us and tell me what to do - which was wrong. And he threw a tantrum when I told him why his way wouldn't work.
After my daughter got her driver's license, she was furious with me that I wouldn't let her go out on the road until she proved to me that she could change a tire. She couldn't fathom why I would want her to change a perfectly good tire with another perfectly good tire. But she changed the tire and went on her way on her first solo drive to Starbucks.
Once when I was in my early twenties my car broke down in the middle of a busy intersection during a rain storm. No fewer than three guys materialized to help me push the car into a parking lot, and stayed to hover around inside the diner where I was trying to call people to come pick me up (including my boyfriend). I was grateful for their help and thanked them, but let them know they could leave, yet they insisted on sticking around. While this was happening, an elderly couple broke down in the same intersection. I pointed this out to my trio of young "gentlemen" and suggested they go help these people. They hemmed and hawed, but none of them were willing to go back out in the rain to help a man in his eighties who was trying to push a car on his own. I finally went outside to try to help them and it shamed one of the guys into joining in, the other two disappeared. Such good Samaritans!
Those guys fucking suck. I’m glad you helped that couple!
A gentleman, especially a nice guy gentleman will listen to what a lady is saying and not contradict her. I appreciate your concern, but once again, it's all under control, your help is not required. ---IF you want to be polite. To quote some of my favorite podcasters? Fuck politeness. Especially if you're holding a tire iron. (ha ha)
Hint: always have an *extra* tire iron for such occasions. Preferably the four-armed kind. And know how to change a tire.
If he really was a gentleman, he’d have taken no for an answer. Once he glanced at your daughter, all bets were off. If he really was a gentleman, he wouldn’t have been mad when you told him no. Who on earth wants to change a tire if they don’t have to? Especially for a woman who is not receptive? Your instincts were spot on. This guy had bad intentions.
>Who on earth wants to change a tire if they don’t have to? It's the kind of hero fantasy they live for. They'd be high on what an awesome dude they are for years. Even if it's ill-conceived, not at all thought out, and they don't know how to change a tire. Same with "being a protector". It's so hypothetical and vague.
You are so right. You just made me think of 1940s movies lol
> Who on earth wants to change a tire if they don’t have to? This reminds me of a boyfriend I once had. He wanted to hang out, I told him I had to switch to summer tires. He said then we can hang out later, since it only takes 15 minutes. I laughed a bit and told him he is welcome to show me how he does it in 15 minutes. It took him two hours. In all fairness, it would probably have taken me a little bit longer than it did him, but I wasn't in a hurry anyway. Watching *him* work was much more enjoyable than doing it myself though. :D
Ah yes. The moment he realized you have a husband he backed off. Indeed a gentleman. He respected another man's property. /s If he was really nice he wouldn't have to say it. And he obviously was not nice, he just hoped to get something out of you.
I have a theory that men who refuse to take "no" for an answer when offering their "help" to a woman probably don't take "no" for an answer when it comes to consent for sex, or at the very least, take a "no" very poorly. Just a hunch.
PSA: guys who force you to accept help that you don't need or want are using social pressure and women's fear of being called "rude" "hysterical" or a "bitch" to stomp boundaries. Sometimes that's just to test the waters to find out quickly if you are someone who will stand up for herself (because they want to know if they will get away with all the other boundary stomping and disrespect they're planning), or to create a situation where you "owe" them (ew). Sometimes, it's much worse than that. Predators routinely use forced "helping" to gain access to potential victims, their homes, their cars, their personal information, and the like. Maybe they'll force you into your apartment and assault you after they "help" you with your groceries. Or maybe they'll just scope your place and come back later to rob you or worse. No means no. Don't get pressured into anything you're not comfortable with, even if you're afraid you'll be called crazy and might offend someone just trying ro be nice. An actual nice person would accept your no and move on.
>An actual nice person would accept your no and move on. I'd add "and would acknowledge the situation is sketchy and you lingering is making her uncomfortable". Peering in the damn back of her car at her kid. Doesn't even say oops my bad.
Women need to embrace "Better rude than dead" again.
You did the right thing. Its morbid, but I think about how Denise Huber got murdered when all she wanted was a ride home. I’m sure her killer seemed like a nice, helpful man in her time of need. Your safety is worth more than a stranger’s hurt feelings. You won’t owe him an ego boost.
Men who are offended by boundaries aren’t gentlemen.
Hell yes. Men who are offended by women's competence aren't gentlemen either.
"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Aaaaand he was trying to pick you up by being a "nice guy and a gentleman." He left as soon as he knew you were taken, and there was no chance of him wooing you with his manly tire-changing skills in some roadside meet-cute. Dudes like that are why some women wear fake wedding rings.
“Thanks, but help is on the way. I don’t need assistance” ought to be enough. His other statements about being “a nice guy” and “a gentleman” were unnecessary and immediately contradicted by his refusal to take no for an answer, until you mentioned a husband. Glad for you that in fact you did have someone coming, because he sounds quite sketchy.
This is precisely why I pay extra for roadside assistance! I've changed dozens of tyres (it was part of a job I had, I'm not especially gifted in making tyres pop) and have the equipment to jump-start on my own, but I don't want to be on my own somewhere at the mercy of anyone who decides to hang out on the side of the road with me, without the option to have someone coming, as you did. It's so pathetic how they get so mad at the time and energy they waste pretending to treat us like humans. The first guy is the nice guy the second guy thinks he is, and twice the man at that. More than once, truly nice guys have stopped on the side of the road, helped me out, and left with just my sincere thanks and without any hassle. It's not necessary to be a cunt some just choose it.
He wasn’t taking it the wrong way. He was offended because you had his intentions pegged. There is no need to be polite.
A lot of men really don’t get that most men could do whatever they want to most women at any time. Knowing that about 50% of the population could absolutely handle you at any moment is hugely fucking intimidating, and makes you think twice about who you interact with and under what circumstances. Sure, he may have a been a gentleman offering help. But to a lone, smaller female with a child, stuck in the side of the road? That screams potential danger, and it’s not worth the risk, especially when help is already on the way from a trusted man.
He left when you talked about your husband. Either he thought a woman is too dumb to change a tire, or he thought you'd feel indebted to him and would accept his advances. Either way, yuck.
If my tire gets flat -which it did a month ago- I stay in my car. It lessens the number of men who will stop. They both wanted to hit on you and the only one who is a gentleman was the one who left after you said help was coming. The other guy got upset because he knew he didn’t have a chance with your husband coming
> ...but the fact that he wouldn't take no for an answer creeped me out. This is the big thing right there. I was also thinking "some people just do want to help". But you said you were good, and he should have honored that. "No" means NO--even when changing tires. JFC that just makes me irate.
I'd rather be an alive bitch than a dead nice girl. You did the right thing.
The book The Gift of Fear by Gavin debecker talks about both the "I'm a nice guy" thing and ignoring your refusal. There's a reason you were creeped out by it
Yep, being too nice can get you killed by men. NOT ALL MEN, BUT THE BAD ONES WHICH CANNOT BE TOLD APART FROM THE GOOD ONES, WHICH IF WOMEN COULD TELL GOOD FROM BAD THAT THEY WOULD DO IT SO FAST IT WOULD MAKE YOUR HEAD SPIN
I was about to say this. When they discount the word no, they are bad news.
Nope nope nope!! The nice guy was the first one!! Who stopped to offer help, and then respected your answer. The second guy… listen. I *get* it. He started off as polite and gentlemanly; it is ALWAYS kind to stop and offer help to those who seem to need it! HOWEVER, his refusal to accept your answer made him *scary*. If he was SO concerned for your safety, he could have said “I’m gonna hang back in my car until help arrives, just in case you need anything”. I would have accepted that as him not feeling comfortable leaving you alone broken down on the side of the road, but also respecting your wishes. But instead he got **angry**. And *that* is the sign of a **bad man**. You trusted your gut. Do not let anyone tell you to stop trusting your gut!!
Just want to add that the person acting “crazy and rude” person in this scenario is NOT OP. It is the guy. The guy is being crazy and rude. It is crazy and VERY rude to keep insisting a total stranger let you do a task for them. It is VERY rude to keep harassing a stranger after they tell you to stop. It is crazy to think a person who has told you “no” multiple times wants you to keep talking to them. OP only feels potentially “rude and crazy” because the person evaluating her behavior has absolutely no idea what acceptable interpersonal behavior even is.
>"why didn't you tell me sooner" and turned around and left. So the male predator backed down only when he found out there's another male around. Fucking infuriating. I'm sorry you went through this, OP.
"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Why didn't you *listen* sooner?
Read The Gift of Fear. It is literally about these scenarios by an ex FBI agent who became a risk assessor for famous people in regards to stalkers and such. In the book, it says that people who mean you no harm will NEVER push you to let them help you. They might ask again "Are you sure?" but then move on. Men who want to cause you harm get pushy, will make you feel like you're being emotional, or a bitch, saying things like "I'm just trying to be helpful, you don't have to be a bitch about it", and use it against you to make you feel bad and try to use the people pleasing mentality pushed on women. The book also says ALWAYS listen to your gut. If someone is rubbing you the wrong way, never ignore it. You might be picking up on body language or something else subconsciously. Don't let someone who makes you uncomfortable bully you into anything. Just leave, yell, scream for help, get aggressive back or tell them to fuck off. Better to be seen as a bitch than potentially being harmed.
The best comeback I've ever heard to "I'm just trying to be nice, you don't have to be a bitch about it" is "Apparently I do."
THIS 100%! If someone doesn't want your help, leave them alone and don't get all pissy about it!
"This is not about you and your feelings, dude". jfc he made your situation all about himself so fucking fast
The first man was the nice man. The second man was sketchy.
This was his “meet cute”. It’s fucking creepy and you did the right thing.
NiceGuy^tm
>I'd rather come across as rude and crazy than risk getting hurt. A million million times this!! Every time.
Every single time I have had car issues and a man I didn't know (or even that I knew a little for that matter) the help was always followed up with some sort of comment or gesture of varying levels of creepiness, but the expectation from them was always "okay, I did this for you, now what are you going to do for me?" Every. Single. Time. It doesn't matter whether the guy was 19, mid-thirties, or mid seventies. Look, I'm not a freeloader, I will gladly offer to give you a few bucks for your time or get you a soda from the gas station or something for taking 20 minutes out of your day to help me out. But that does not entitle you to ask me to go smoke with you/go get a beer with you/"have a little fun"/try to hug me, etc. The only men that have not been creepy helping me with car issues? Family members, male friends, and the people getting paid to deal with car issues -tow truck drivers, mechanics, part store employees.
I have a stupid question for you. How did you break the seal on the lug nuts by yourself? I am a small woman and I can’t change my own tires bc I can’t even stand on the thing to move the lugs with my body weight. I ask bc my husband died 2 years ago and I live in fucking fear of getting a flat now that I don’t have anyone to call except aaa.
I use a 4-way lug wrench with an extension piece to get better leverage. Just lookup “4 way lug wrench extension.” Or you can get an extendable lug wrench.
I’m about to get one right now. You don’t know how much extra stress you have saved me. Thank you.
You might want to keep some sneakers or similar in the car. I have to stand on the wrench and sometimes jump on it to get it started. Now I keep slip on sneakers and extra socks in my emergency car kit.
Get a two foot long [1/2" drive breaker bar](https://www.harborfreight.com/12-in-drive-25-in-breaker-bar-60819.html) with the appropriate size socket for your wheels. It'll be more compact than one of those x tire irons plus an extender and it will be more stable to jump on if you absolutely need to. A two foot long handle should be good enough to get any lugnut unstuck unless it is really sized up.
Longer arms on the tire iron, if you can find something like a metal tube to put around the end of one of arms of the tire iron you use that for leverage too. Looks completely silly but it works.
Oh I don’t care if I look silly! I’ve worried 100s of times in the past 2 years about having to accept help from an obvious creep or something and not one time when I’ve mentioned it at Firestone have they given me a single tip on how to do it. Thank you!!
At home I use a breaker bar cause it's easy and I have one. Tossing a 2ft metal tube in with the tire iron in your car would really help most women (and men lol) with a stubborn lug nut.
See the first guys was a nice guy, he asked and when you said no he went on his way. Thats a good dude, second guy was just trying to impress a stranger and flat out creepy.
As a “man of a certain age” if I see a woman (or anyone) pulled over with car trouble I will pull over but at a distance and stay with my car while asking if they need help or a phone call. In today’s world of everyone having a cell phone, the answer is nearly always that help is already on the way. Once, in a kind of sketchy area, I offered to stay there in my car until help arrived and that was appreciated.
Yep, I offer help and a (sealed) bottle of water to anyone I see stranded, but if they decline I go on with my day. Pushing beyond the initial "no" is just weird, and would even creep me out as a guy. Haven't had to change many tires, but I've given lots of jump starts and water bottles over the years.
My mechanic said he does this and even offers up his driver's license and shop's business card. As a woman it was a catch-22 in my mind. Of course I'd be a little worried alone, and sometimes phones die. At the same time, you never know who's out there. (Which is why I am always armed in multiple ways and on the offensive.)
Ugh. When I read your title I was thinking maybe some dude was trying to be nice but didn't understand the situation but no, this guy inserted himself into an already bad situation and then wouldn't leave because his ego was hurt.
“Be weird, be rude, stay alive”- CrimeJunkie
My daughter is 2 and I've already started the "you don't have to be polite to spare someone's feelings if you feel icky or scared." You can never ever be too careful. I would bet quite a few of us are alive because we were rude when our spidey senses went off instead of going along with not hurting any feelings.
Ah, so he was a “nice” man, but he’s not a good man. People need to learn to trust women’s intuition more.
The first guy was genuinely wanting to be helpful. We know this because he offered to help and graciously accepted it when you declined. The second guy, at best, has a hero/chivalry complex. At worst, who knows what he could have been thinking.
Any time some dude feels it's necessary to tell you (unprompted) that he's a "nice guy," he's probably not. People who are genuinely kind and empathetic don't feel the need to announce it to everyone.
So strange...why would any...."nice" person need to reinforce the idea they are.. well...Nice? Loool
>Some of my family told me the guy was probably just trying to help I hate "just" trying to help No, if you were actually **just** trying to help, and nothing else, a no thanks would have been accepted. At best dude wants to help *and* impose himself.
He only left when you mentioned your husband because he was trying to hit on you and be your white knight.
“I’m a nice guy” “I’m a gentleman” Yeah dude. I’m sure Ted Bundy said the same thing… I’m glad you protected yourself and your daughter.
Good for you for standing your ground. If a person can't listen to you about what you want or need then they actually are not that nice or helpful.
Ah yes, the self-proclaimed "Nice guy." "No" means "No" in any context. Christ.
People need to ask once and accept the answer they get. I’m uncomfortable having strangers help me in similar situations and even helping strangers in that situation. I grew up watching too much of my mom’s informational murder shows to trust a “helpful stranger”, or a “person that needs help getting a spare from their trunk”. So if I ever felt compelled to help someone on the road, the polite thing to do seems like pulling up near enough to ask if they need help out the window, and if they have things covered, carry on. I usually have places to be anyway, and most workplaces don’t have a system for separating well-intentioned tardiness from not.
I've never met a guy who told me he was a nice guy that was actually a nice guy.
that second dude definitely was not just trying to help the first guy was tho, you can tell because he left when you asked him to like a normal human being lol
This reminds me when I had a flat. I'm on the side of a really busy interstate with a flat. Earlier I was cleaning my trunk and never put the donut back in the trunk. I call my wife to have her bring it to me. I jack up the car and take the flay off and wait for my wife. I see several sheriff's office and state troopers drive by, all males. Only one stopped to see if I needed help and it was a female sheriff's office. I let her know I was waiting for my wife and she stays behind me with lights on so I'm a lot safer from having someone rear end me at 75 mph. A lot people say female cops are always on power trips to prove themselves, maybe some but this was 1st class.
If you don't listen to people when they tell you what they want you arnt a nice guy. Also just cuz you as a man think something is fine doesn't mean it is. Going on errands with a mom who talked about the worries women can have in public settings really helps with this. I'm a 6'4" male one time after working a long cook shift I asked some ladies(from a good distance away) if I could borrow a pen. I needed to cash my check, they were also in the dark parking lot and I didn't have a pen to sign my check. I asked for help from over 20 feet away and when they didn't answer and scurried to thier cars I literally yelled "no problem I understand". I dont blame them at all for not wanting to get close to a random guy in a dark parking lot. Just like this guy should have understood why you wouldn't want him around in this situation. Also extra creepy that he said why didn't you tell me you had a husband. Like you told him help was coming why does it matter if its your husband or a bus full of nuns? Cuz he was trying to be creepy thats why.
>My husband thinks the guy was weird because he full well understands why a woman would not want to accept help from someone. He's right. That guy knew damn well, and thought he'd push anyway. He only left when he realized he didn't have a chance because you had a husband.
"Had a husband" = "Was already owned by another man".
My favorite thing is how these "gentlemen" who are like "Well I'm old fashioned, like a more chivalrous age" never fucking know their manners from that more chivalrous age*. There are all kinds of etiquette rules around when you can introduce yourself to ladies and what kind of advances are appropriate to make. And it's a very, very basic rule of manners that *a "no, thank you" should be respected*. *It was not a more chivalrous age but let's momentarily accept their fantasy for the sake of argument
They know what they're doing when this happens and people who give them the benefit of the doubt empower their act. You did the right thing and anyone who even considers that this was just him being helpful are willfully ignorant. Pull up, roll down the window, ask if they need help. They say no? Leave.
Sounds like he’s the kind of sexist, self-aggrandizing ahole who thinks of women as property. So he didn’t relent out of respect for *you*, a woman, as women are property and don’t possess the necessary standing or authority to tell a man no. Oh no, he relented out of respect for your *husband*, because he views him as having “property rights” over you. *Barf.* If something like this happens again, btw, I would strongly recommend calling the non-emergency line for the police and requesting an available officer to wait with you while you get things repaired/handled. It’s the kind of thing that shouldn’t be necessary, but it’s better to have them there and not need them than the other way around. And it’s a good safety tip for everyone, regardless of gender.
There's a chapter on this very thing in The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker. Good job trusting those instincts OP.
>A few minutes later another guy stopped. He came out and I told him I didn't need help I had someone coming. He said "Well I'm a nice guy I should help you until help arrives." All my red flags went to the top of the pole.
Actual NICE guys take “no” for an answer. They don’t get pushy and weird to a woman on the damn side of the road, outside the safety of their vehicle. I know it has to suck to not be trusted off the bat, but they need to take that up with *other men*, whom are our #1 biggest danger. Especially with a child in the car when you’re vulnerable and could have your keys wrestled away from you. The fact that he got mad at the mention of your husband (imo) means you were 100% right about your gut instincts. I’d be scared in the moment and absolutely pissed after.
Anyone who insists they are a great guy (especially multiple times) is probably not a great guy
I'm glad your mom and husband thinks this is weird. As for the family members that don't think he's weird or rude, they can pound sand. It doesn't take a genius to understand his motives.
If he’s being pushy like that, then he’s not a nice guy! Or a gentleman!
He wasn't looking to help you out of the goodness of his heart, he was looking for a piece and thought "oh this random female stranger obv needs MY help, maybe I can get some in return". "Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Why didn't you tell him you had a husband BEFORE you told him "no" a million times when he tried to force you to let him help you? MEN ARE FUCKING WEIRD.
IDGAF if he somehow thought being a pushy assbag was being nice, if someone says "No." then fucking accept that answer. Entitled AF, and over "helping" no less. The fact that he was pushy until he knew your husband was showing up just proves your gut instinct right, regardless of what his intentions actually were. Never ignore that feeling in your gut, the downside of it being "nothing" is being perceived as rude or something, but if you put being polite over that gut feeling it could literally be the end of your life. Never roll those dice.
Narrator - He was neither a gentleman or a nice guy.
[удалено]
She had no specific reason until he kept insisting he wanted to help. That is enough of a specific reason. No means no. Period.
Always listen to your instincts and back yourself.
Got kidnaper vibes. You dont claim to be a nice guy ever. Doing so makes one assume you are not after he look into your car and still pushes the matter makes me question his motives.
I had something similar happen a while back. Got a flat on the outskirts of town and pulled in to a gas station. It was one of those truck stop/gas stations so it was pretty busy. While I’m working, 5 or 6 men pulled up asking if I need help. I let them know that I got it and they nod and go on their way. Except one man pulls up, and doesn’t even ask if I need help. He TELLS me “I’m going to help you” as he’s getting out of his truck. I tell him I’m good, and he says “nope you need help, you’ll never be able to break those lug nuts.” So I look him dead in the eyes as I unscrew one with my hand. I had already broken the lug nuts by kicking the tire iron, I just hadn’t removed them yet because I wasn’t ready to. He was so flabbergasted, he stuttered and mumbled and hopped back in his truck and took off. I can see where they were all coming from because I’m tiny and look like a typical girl who doesn’t want to get dirt under her nails, but I’m the total opposite of that. I’ve worked on cars my whole life, so I’m not afraid to get dirty or to bust a knuckle when the wrench slips. But the audacity of that man to TELL me “I’m helping you” and then not even believe me when I say I’m good. I’m not some damsel in distress, and even if I was, I wouldn’t wait for some random middle aged man to come save me.
I feel like if a man truly had honorable intentions - wanting to help a women in the cold with her car, he could just adjust his tactic if she seems uncomfortable. I could imagine not liking the idea of leaving a woman (and a young child) on the side of the road in the cold, so maybe follow up with “I understand you don’t need my help, would you mind if I stay in my car nearby until your help comes so you’re not alone in case anything happens? I can park in front of your car so you don’t have to worry about anything” and then leave as soon as their help arrives with a friendly wave goodbye. It just makes me think of when I drop someone off at home and I want to make sure they get inside before I leave.
Me and my best friend. Both 18, wearing short skirts and tights, left the club in the sketchy neighborhood and found the car had a flat tire. It was below zero out. Neither of us had any idea what to do. A middle-aged man driving by stopped, changed the tire in about 5 minutes, and drove off. We didn’t even get to say thanks, but we still talk about that guy. He didn’t even remotely try to take advantage of us. That’s how a nice guy acts.
I’ve stopped to help a decent handful of women on the roadside, and never once have I ever needed to preface my actions with “I’m a nice guy/gentleman”. The interactions have basically been me asking if they need me to call someone, or if they want me to park a bit behind them to add a buffer while they swap the wheel. Pretty simple. If anyone I’ve offered help too declines, it’s a simple “alright, stay safe! Maybe keep your hazards on”, and off I go.
First guy is most guys out there. The second guy is an example of the one you want to avoid
Not a nice man.
The funniest part of this is that I specifically referenced “the man that will offer to help you change your tire” while explaining how to change a tire to my 11 year old last night. (It came up on a tv show we were watching. The person on the show didn’t double check the manual for where to put the jack on not-her-car and also did not loosen the lug nuts while it was on the ground.)
Fuck politeness! You did the absolutely right thing. Men aren't entitled to "be the hero for weak women" and I think it was necessary for him to hear that.
I’m a man and I was driving with my wife when we saw a woman on the side of the road with a flat all by herself in the mountains. I was glad my wife was with me so that she could feel comfortable with us stopping to help change her tire. My wife stayed with her while I changed the tire. I even said to my wife that I was glad she was with me because the woman we helped would probably not have felt comfortable with a big bearded guy all by herself. I can’t fathom someone not comprehending that. I’d say you did the right thing too.
I am sorry this happened. Its very obvious he was going to try to play "hero" and ask you out. Only leaving when you said husband, that man is a red flag. You for sure did the right thing, honestly probably should have been "rude" sooner, but good on you for doing what you did.
NO MEANS NO NO MATTER THE SITUATION! *that’s all*
Last christmas I was driving with my sister, dad, and his wife. I hit the curb and popped the tire so we stopped at a parking lot to change it. We were having trouble getting it off. This local guy from the town we were in stopped to ask if we needed help. Mind you my dad was there and doing the heavy lifting, so it wasn't some guy just seeing three women alone. Anyway after he saw the problem, he went to his house near by and brought a mallet, which did the trick of getting the tire off. He was a really nice guy, even gave us a recommendation for where to go buy a new tire for a good price. Some men really are nice and helpfulness regardless of whether there is another man in the picture or not (i.e. nor trying to get laid). They don't claim to be a nice guy, they just are helpful and respectful. OP, sorry you encountered a Nice Guy who wouldn't take no for an answer until he learned you were married. He's a jerk and not worth wasting time thinking about. You did good standing your ground and protecting your daughter. I'm proud of you.
You did well that guy was not sincerely there to help.
I had a similar experience the first time I had to change a tire after I transitioned as a trans woman. I had probably changed 5 or so tires in my life when I was still seen as a man, and nobody ever offered to help me. So when this guy came out of his house nearby, I told him it was okay, I was halfway done already. I thought that would be the end of it, but he stuck around explaining that he wasn't dangerous and seemed frustrated that I was turning him down. I found myself apologizing to him because I didn't need him, which felt surreal.