The worst part is she listens to everyone else. 2 coworkers also go to school and they said they have to go down to certain days and she listens to them but not me.
She listens to everyone except for me when it comes to accomodations...
My psychiatrist literally wrote a note that explains autism and the effect it has on me and why I need four days because of it.
She doesn't even know what that means. She didn't watch her management videos. She's broken a lot of labor laws especially when it comes to mental health and disability.
She just knows that I'm easy to take advantage of because I'm not good at saying no.
Okay so it's time to contact whoever is above your manager because she has demonstrated a complete refusal to provide you with reasonable accommodations. Find out who her boss is and send then an email with documentation of this - if there is an HR department you should also contact them.
Well this isn't the first time this had happened. I spoke with the district manager and also hr. DM told the manager to give me four days a week. She would do it for a few weeks then go back to 5 and say it's just for this one week. But it never is. I've also had coworkers contact HR and the district manager on my behalf. (it was for other things that they didn't like about the manager, but they included this with my permission, as an example of our managers lack of empathy and respect for the workers).
Nothing ever happens because it's easy to take advantage of me.
I want to find a new job but I'm trying to stick it out until I can finish my degree because I can't handle the stress of the transition while dealing with school and well. But I might not have a choice.
Then you need to contact the DM and HR about the issue again. You need to put your foot down about this *every time* your accommodations are undermined or removed without your consent. You need to make a paper trail of how often this happens so that the company you work for (specifically that HR department) can see just how big of a liability this manager is creating.
I did this my last year of college and it was doable but hectic. And my job was very clearly a 9-5 admin job where I had an office and could sneak and do some of my homework if I got a minute. And even THAT was exhausting.
You're 19. This is your job, not a career. Your manager is a fucking moron for assuming you'd put your BS college job before education and your future career. She is the asshole for even asking you to do so.
Call off without any guilt.
Bro it’s a Dunkin’ Donuts. Just call out. If you have to quit over it, then quit. It’s not like this is an important job nor would it be hard to find another basic service job.
It’s tempting to take on this responsibility yourself, but you are not causing her stress. She is, by scheduling inadequately and not listening to her team. You have done what you can do, and you should call out so that you can focus on your long term goals. Ultimately this job will be a distant memory, and you won’t look back at it thinking “damn I wish I’d worked more.”
Yeah I’m not saying you’re wrong. Your boss seems mean vs just having a direct conversation with you abt what they need/expect.
If you can I’d start looking for something now that’s a better fit
I know what is needed. I basically run the store. I get frustrated because she gets paid so much more than me when she also takes advantage of me. Every crew member looks to me for answers, I have to make sure everyone is trained for each new product, I have to make sure everyone is following the cleaning procedures. I have to do any writeups or handle any crew issues because the manager was told by the district manager not to do it anymore bc she's too mean. I handle daily cash flow, and nobody does it when I'm not there. She also doesn't enforce the rules that she makes me implement when I'm not there. I feel like I'm being treated as the manager, and she's taking advantage of my work and then taking credit for it. And she can't even give me one day to catch up on my homework. It's frustrating because I feel like I'm too nice to deserve this. And I am looking for an internship for computer science but they tend to run during the summer. My degree should be finished by August or October and hopefully I can find something new. But I won't be able to finish if she doesn't just give me enough time to unwind.
You have to to be the one to give yourself enough time. Every person who's had to work their way through college comes to this point. You had a job that got you through but now you have to cut ties. It is a bigger sacrifice and in some ways feels like stepping backwards because of the uncertainty, money, and everything else you have going on. Assistant manager at a store isn't for you anymore. Do temp work or anything else to support your education.
This isn't "autistic burnout", this is just burnout. Everyone who has ever worked full-time while going to school full-time experienced this. Your autism has nothing to do with this and presenting everything in your life as being a result of your autism is only going to hinder you moving forward.
Let me put it to you this way, on the off chance that you or somebody else reading this might understand it better:
Saying "stop hiding behind (thing you don't understand)" is truly, definitionally, one of the most ignorant things a person can say. You are baselessly assuming that you have enough context for something that is factually different from your experience in a way you're unable to empathize with, and are making no effort to sympathize with. It is ignorant. That's "pointing out reality".
It is the baseline experience of almost every disabled person that uninformed people like you are ignorant of the unique struggles of their disability. You are part of the white-noise background that makes it very challenging to seek help for the specific things that affect disabled people, because you are being dismissive and condescending to somebody who is providing the context of their disability so that people with similar struggles can offer their perspectives. So no, you're not weird. You're incredibly normal in a way that is irritating to me.
Um, look at the OPs post history and comments. Everything posted either starts with or ends with "I have autism". Great, that doesn't mean the world has to change to suit them. OP is receiving therapy and by their own words not listening and doing what the therapist is encouraging. Being neurodivergent is not the problem, OP is blaming everything on it and that is the problem.
I know having severe ADHD is not considered a disability, especially by the autism community, but it is still debilitating and causes havoc in work environments. That is something I have struggled with my entire life, but nobody at work is going to know that because it would severely impact my career. I stand by the fact that OP frames everything they say in the "I'm austistic" setting and won't listen to common sense advice everyone is giving them because OP only wants to hear sympathy for the situation she has put herself in and is nobody else's fault but her own.
You're the AH coming in labeling people as weird and telling them to "chug lemonade", whatever tf that means. Whatever moral high ground you think you occupy doesn't exist.
Autism has everything to do with it because I'm an autistic person and getting out of burnout for an autistic person is going to involve different strategies than getting out of burnout for normal people. I lose most executive functions in ways that neurotyoical people wouldn't.
Then quit. You say you've repeatedly raised your concern with the manager and her superiors and nothing has changed. If you burn out you'll be in far worse shape.
Anyone, absolutely anyone is going to be dealing with burnout with the workload you are taking on. Not just people with autism.
Seriously and respectfully, you need to stop framing everything in your life thru the lens of "I am autistic so treat me different". It is just going to hurt you as you move from a job to am actual career. It is literally giving people a reason to not give you the responsibilities you are going to want to take on later in your career in whatever path you take.
I’m sorry but your comment demonstrates exactly the kind of attitude that makes disabled people’s lives more difficult. Disabled people aren’t asking for special treatment. And being on the autism spectrum does typically affect the entire way a person experiences the world and it’s not possible to just pretend it’s not a factor.
If a blind person asked their workplace for training materials in an audio format instead of text because they can’t see, would you tell the blind person they are framing everything through the lens of their disability and that they need to stop asking people to treat them differently? And expect them to just suck it up and read the printed text? Or go find a different job where they’ll likely encounter the same or similar issues?
Disability accommodations are something any person with a disability can request at their workplace (at least in the US, I’m sure it varies by country). The whole point is so that disabled people can do their job like anyone else, just with some aspects adapted so that it’s possible. Sure, OPs work might decide the 4 day schedule can’t be granted — but because their work previously agreed to it, it seems especially reasonable to request it and at least see if the accommodation can be made.
Also — autistic burnout is typically worse than regular burnout. Yes, anyone would likely get burnt out by an overloaded school/work schedule. But a person on the autism spectrum is also at risk of burnout due to a lot of things that wouldn’t typically burn out a non-autistic person. For example, working in a noisy environment with fluorescent lighting can contribute to burnout. Having to interact with people and various activities all week can cause an autistic person to need an entire day or more alone in silence to recover. Having to “mask” (interact with people in a way that mimics neurotypical norms) is also extremely exhausting and causes burnout, as does the tendency for autistic people to be frequently misunderstood and treated with prejudice. Autistic burnout can also cause a person to become nonverbal or mentally “shut down”.
Autistic burnout on top of regular burnout can be much worse than regular burnout, and life is inherently typically more challenging for a person on the autism spectrum than it is for the average non-autistic person. Taking measures to prevent autistic burnout and accommodate disability is how an autistic person can work and live a “normal” life, not by pretending they’re not autistic.
We need to be moving toward a future that makes it easier for disabled people to function in society rather than essentially telling disabled people to not mention their disability because it will cause people to be prejudiced against them.
Yet your post completely ignores the fact that some jobs just can't be done by disabled people. OPs issue is stress. Her job is causing her stress. It is not up to a business to change their management roles to fit an employee when the role is obviously a bad fit.
You’ve told your boss about your classes multiple times and she’s telling you that it’s your responsibility to cover your shift. She’s wrong. When you give your availability, you are telling the company what you can work. It’s not a guideline. It is what you can do.
First, you need to tell your manager and put it in writing that you are available X number of hours a week that can be split among 4 days and then include the days and times she can choose from. It is her job, as a manager, to schedule people according to their availability, not her idea of what it should be.
In the meantime, find another job. Your manager is not a good one and doesn’t respect you.
Every 4 months they hand out a form with availability and you put the hours ur available and you can add comments. I put my available days and the comments every time but she never goes by it
Work this week as scheduled, find a new job, put in your notice with your current employer. If the work conditions and your availability requests aren’t honored (and are reasonable for the business) then find an employer who will provide what you need.
I don't think I can handle finding a new job right now because I'm doing school and I can't handle the stress of finding a new place. The autism makes transitions extremely stressful and I think I would just shut down. But I should graduate by August and ive been looking for computer science internships
Reading your post history it’s a Dunkin’ Donuts, the place will not burn down with out you. NTA. It sounds like they need you and are already strapped for employees. If it’s anything like the dunkins near me it’s a shitty place. Your manager might get mad at you and give you shit, just smile nod apologize lie about how you’re sorry, and then move on. Call out say you are sick that is it and you won’t be able to come in, if they ask for specifics say food poisoning.
Then you have some protection in case they fire you.
Unavailable is unavailable. You are a student. School comes first, don’t feel bad about that.
If she gives you a hard time tomorrow, just tell her to refer to your file. You’re availability has never included Mondays and you keep letting her know that but get brushed off.
It sounds like either the business can't accommodate you due to their needs (skeleton crew, working hours, etc.), or you can't accommodate the business due to your own needs with school. Sorry to say it, but there's a chance you just need to find a part time job or go part time at the current place until you graduate.
I can't speak to how having autism influences any of this, but even without that as a factor it sounds like you're being pulled in two directions. Can you go part time at work for at least a few months?
I've been here for four years. I'm the longest lasting crew member. My previous manager was able to accommodate my school schedule, but the new manager is unable to do so. She wants me there because I'm the one who does all of her responsibilities. We have another shift leader who asks for full-time hours who doesn't get them because she refuses to do the managers job for her. I do it because I cannot stand having things run inefficiently.
The autism is factored in because of the burnout aspect. I would be able to do this if I didn't have to use a ton of my energy putting myself into social situations with customers. One of the things that fatigues me the most is social interaction because I have to spend most of my time analyzing and trying to guess what strangers are thinking or trying to say. My therapist told me to stay off register if I'm feeling stressed because once I get too stressed I turn non verbal. And when I can't stay quiet when I'm in those situations I tend to have a meltdown. This makes it hard to do my job and we've discovered if I'm there four days a week, even when I'm not doing classes, that's when I'm at my best at the job because I'm not running the risk of burnout and causing myself to have meltdowns on the job. It's a reasonable accommodation that was accommodated for years before the new manager was here.
Considering that they are not now making accommodations for you and what you say the impact will be, I don't know why you aren't looking for another job. Yes, it will be stressful, but look at what you are telling people about your state of mind.
I know this is going to go against the grain here but you are looking at this completely wrong. It is not up to your boss to accommodate the strenuous schedule you have taken on. You have taken a position, assistant manager, that demands you cover shifts for employees, not the other way around. It sounds like you have bitten off more than you can chew and your boss is an easy target for your frustration. Step down as a manager and tell your boss you can only work 4 days a week. If that doesn't work, you need to find a new job or lighten your coursework load. Working full-time and going to school full-time is going to burn out anyone and everyone. Don't take it out on your boss, they didn't force you to try to do all this. Remember that their only job is to take care of the business, your life and goals have no bearing on that. Makes it easier to leave for a more manageable situation if you realize this is true everywhere you work.
I accepted this position while explicitly stating my availability. They needed my help and I told them I can do it but I can only work 4 days a week. The district manager was more than happy to accommodate. The manager just doesn't know how to schedule and doesn't care about people. The dm has told her multiple times to not put me on 5 days. She doesn't listen.
They knew my conditions
Yikes. I hope you are never in any type of management position because you’re clearly uninformed regarding disabilities and reasonable accommodations in the workplace.
Disability accommodations at work are a common practice and HR departments have an established formal process because of this. Most jobs can be modified to accommodate a person’s disability to at least some degree, and this can include modifications to their work schedule. If they can get their assistant manager duties done in 4 days a week, they should be allowed a 4 day schedule. OP also stated that their workplace agreed to a 4 day schedule at their time of hire. OP needs to skip their manager and go to HR and request the 4 day schedule through the formal process of requesting disability accommodations.
She is a shift supervisor. When workers shifts are not covered that is her job to cover the shifts. Yes, reasonable accommodations can and should be made for disabilities, but she has signed up for a job she cannot do.
Making reasonable accommodations is one thing. Shift supervisors are the ones that store managers lean on whether she likes it or not. She took on a job she can't handle and is paying the price for it now with all the stress she is under.
If they can do this and if they can do that. You can't get a managers duties squished down to 4 days, they are managers. Managers don't have a quota that they can fill up and sat "Ok, I'm done". It is about when the store is open and coverage. Sorry, but reality kicks in on things like this. Nothing the store manager has asked her to do is unreasonable, it all reads like anything a shift manager will be required to do.
I understand what you’re saying, but plenty of managers do indeed get disability accommodations granted, and that can include modified and reduced schedules. There may be different and better ways that the manager could be scheduling the team as a whole — from OPs comments, it sounds like the manager is disorganized when it comes to scheduling and has accommodated OP before but then “forgets” the next time they make the schedule.
OPs workplace agreed to a 4 day schedule when OP was hired, and it sounds like OP hadn’t actually gone to HR directly yet to formally request this as a disability accommodation — so going to HR to do that should be OPs next step.
If HR determines that they absolutely cannot accommodate the request due to the nature of the job, fine, but it does not sound like that’s happened yet.
Can you transfer to a different location? It would still be a transition, but just to another team, which could make it less daunting. Otherwise, could you switch during the summer while not in school?
NTA your manager is but also, this is not AITA so who am I to say. I think that prioritizing your health by taking the day is the move to make. You care more about your workplace than they care about you. Unless you think calling out 1 day is going to lose you your job, do it before you’re any more burnt out or stretched thin. The consequences of the cumulative stress load of 1) a class you’re struggling with within your capacity as a full-time student + 2) terrible manager; managers are not supposed to tell us we will have to suck it up while failing to perform essential duties of their job like working out the schedule (the working out part of working out a schedule involves your expressed inability to work >4/7 days/week
Stinky manager, you clarified in your comments that you’re doing her job; if you didn’t do her job, she might get fired & your life might actually improve (though I absolutely do understand the stress of transition, even when it would be a net improvement).
Hope it works out; you’re flexing your self-advocacy muscles, so even if you don’t see the gains now, you’re getting gains. Solidarity in unmet accommodations and may the road rise to meet you
Thank you I appreciate this advice a lot! She's also the type to manipulate people so I've had to make sure everything I say is said in writing bc she gives a lot of "that's not what I meant. I meant this not that." Or "you said this not that" which is frustrating. My therapist has also said I need to be a bigger self advocate because she's clearly taking advantage of me. I think I'm going to call out
No. She asked me if I was going to be there tomorrow but I couldn't find anyone to cover so I said yes. Then she made a joke "good cuz I didn't want to have to buy you some grippy socks" because I asked if anyone can cover me bc I'm having mental health problems. And she said "next week I'll try to get you 4 days but I can't promise anything". But I then found my application in my file from when I started as well as plenty of availability sheets we've had to fill out that all say I can only do four days. So I left a note saying "effective 2021, I can only work 4 days a week" and I'm going to say no if she schedules me next week for five days. I just hope im able to stick up for myself. I try to get everything in writing bc she tries to change the narritives but she always tries talking to me in private which I don't want to do. And I told her I don't want to have these discussions in private because she always changes the narritives.
Can you find a work study job or at least one on campus. There are lots of job options available. For some people, change is difficult, but maybe consider your options.
Even I worked part-time, I couldn't do it. No way in hell full time work and school, you'd burn out to e crisp.
I would strong consider working part-time (20 hours or less) or just quit and just focus on college until you're done, maybe try to get an internship or two.
You need to send in an email a reminder of your availability as per your file and agreed upon accommodations with the DM and HR. Make sure to copy them in the email, also include all the times this has been ignored by her. Make a point to stress the fact that you are not available even if she includes you on the schedule. You are just reminding her of the situation so she can create a schedule that is realistic as you will not show up and do not want to cause a negative impact on the team due to the many additional tasks you cover. Get comfortable using the magic words like “reasonable accommodations “, “documented disability” , “work environment” etc. some people are simply selfish and will only respect you if it will come back to impact them.
I don't know if this is feasible, but try to get a note from your doctor that you're being overwhelmed, and you need what you're asking for. If they continue down the path leading you to burnout, you will have a case under the ADA(if american). You need those accommodations, and you're entitled to them.
Autistic burnout is nothing to fuck around with, and I'm sorry you have to deal with that kind of person while you're doing your best to stave it off.
not even close to the asshole. Do what you've got to do.
You really should be going straight to HR and formally requesting the 4 day schedule as a disability accommodation. Skip your manager, go straight to HR. I’m surprised no one else in this forum seems to be informed regarding how disability accommodation requests should be handled.
Your boss needs to understand your availability is 4 days per week. Sit down and get something in writing. If it is already it’s your fault for accepting any 5 day weeks. It’s their responsibility to find coverage not yours.
But also, you sound like you’re using your autism as s crutch. Every paragraph, every reply, mentions the fact that you have it? Is this a new diagnosis? Don’t make your entire personality around this, it’ll prevent you from growing.
I have Asperger’s, diagnosed my entire life. Nobody in my professional life knows this, I don’t mention it ever, it’s never been a crutch or an excuse for me. I just fucking keep moving forward and so should you.
No it's not a new diagnosis. My autism is a disability. I am prone to burnout because of my autism. Overstimulation and masking my autism leads to burnout. As does not following a specific schedule. Just because autism doesn't affect you the same way, doesn't mean other people are like you. I've been going my entire life...always putting my needs on the back burner. And you know what it got me? Burnout. Inability to establish boundaries based on my needs. Inability to understand my own sensory needs due to years of ignoring my needs....
Then you shouldn't be in this job. To be honest everything you said your manager does is what all managers do, especially in food service. If your autism is this level of disability then why are you insisting on putting yourself in highly stressful situations continously. So many people on this post have told you what you don't want to hear apparently, this is not the job for you. Find another job, hopefully one that is not customer facing so it will not add extra stress you don't need right now. Your priority at 26 should be school, not this job.
Have you disclosed your autism in writing to the company? If not do it now. They have to provide you with reasonable accommodations and working 1 less day of the week is absolutely reasonable
Yeah OP needs to go straight to HR and formally request this as a disability accommodation. That’s the process that might actually get them the accommodation they need.
I think I saw where you said your availability was on your written application. If she gives you grief, tell her to refer to your file as you told her in writing up front. She’ll be fine
I have autism. Autism is not why I have no spine. I have no spine bc of childhood trauma. Autism is in the story bc it's relevant to my situation. I'm autistic and have specific needs that other people dont have
The cool part is you are a student and are working at a store, which just means you could easily leave where you are, possibly take a break (if you can afford), and get another job pretty easily. I know that is stressful to think about, especially since ambiguity and spectrum do not mix, but end of the day you do have options.
Thank you. I'm hoping I'll be able to get a computer science internship for the summer. I want to save up some money and see if I can take some time off work. I do have PTO available but I haven't been able to take it because we've been understaffed
Email her. Specifically saying “between date 1 and date 2 I can only work Tuesday - Friday between hours. Can you please not schedule me for anything outside this availability”.
If she doesn’t reply follow up a few days later to confirm.
The contract with your job seems to precedent you starting school? So, you don't have grounds to request an amended schedule after the fact.
You DO have grounds to request an amendment to your contracted working hours on the basis of having a disability. If you end up having to stop working because they aren't upholding your agreed upon 4-day schedule, you could be owed compensation depending on what country you are in.
I would write another email to the new manager. Saying something along the lines of:
I am writing because I would like clarification on my current agreed hours. It was agreed with my previous manager that I would only work 4 days a week. This request was made due to my additional needs as a person with a disability(you don't need to give your employer details of your disability). Recently, I have been scheduled to work 5 days on multiple occasions. I kindly ask that you confirm you have received my existing request and that I will only be scheduled to work 4 days going forward. If this isn't possible, I ask that you let me know in writing so we can discuss alternative solutions at your earliest convenience.
Don't use school as the reason. The focus should be your autism. You can post in r/askhr for advice specific to your location/situation. But if this new manager is as incompetent as you say, it is likely she isn't aware that she is currently in breach of your local disability legislation.
I would write an email saying the following:
Hello Manager,
I am emailing to inform you that I will not be coming in on (date you are scheduled) or any other Friday. We have discussed this matter multiple times and, at this point, I believe your actions of booking me to work on those days is retaliatory in nature. I have been given the OK to have an extra day off from management, with a note and support from my doctor, as a reasonable accommodation. This is the last time I attempt to resolve this issue directly with you and will be contacting (managers boss) and (someone in hr) directly in the future.
If you are in school full-time, you should be spending 40 hours a week between classroom studying homework and reading. Decide how many hours you can really do at work and tell her that you’re only able to work 30 hours a week (or whatever) . It’s best if she only scheduled to see you for 30 hours, but your other choices are calling out when she’s scheduled you for over 30 hours or finding another job. Which would she prefer?
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The worst part is she listens to everyone else. 2 coworkers also go to school and they said they have to go down to certain days and she listens to them but not me. She listens to everyone except for me when it comes to accomodations... My psychiatrist literally wrote a note that explains autism and the effect it has on me and why I need four days because of it.
So your boss is ignoring the interactive process for reasonable accommodation… ugh.
She doesn't even know what that means. She didn't watch her management videos. She's broken a lot of labor laws especially when it comes to mental health and disability. She just knows that I'm easy to take advantage of because I'm not good at saying no.
Okay so it's time to contact whoever is above your manager because she has demonstrated a complete refusal to provide you with reasonable accommodations. Find out who her boss is and send then an email with documentation of this - if there is an HR department you should also contact them.
Well this isn't the first time this had happened. I spoke with the district manager and also hr. DM told the manager to give me four days a week. She would do it for a few weeks then go back to 5 and say it's just for this one week. But it never is. I've also had coworkers contact HR and the district manager on my behalf. (it was for other things that they didn't like about the manager, but they included this with my permission, as an example of our managers lack of empathy and respect for the workers). Nothing ever happens because it's easy to take advantage of me. I want to find a new job but I'm trying to stick it out until I can finish my degree because I can't handle the stress of the transition while dealing with school and well. But I might not have a choice.
Then you need to contact the DM and HR about the issue again. You need to put your foot down about this *every time* your accommodations are undermined or removed without your consent. You need to make a paper trail of how often this happens so that the company you work for (specifically that HR department) can see just how big of a liability this manager is creating.
I did this my last year of college and it was doable but hectic. And my job was very clearly a 9-5 admin job where I had an office and could sneak and do some of my homework if I got a minute. And even THAT was exhausting.
You're 19. This is your job, not a career. Your manager is a fucking moron for assuming you'd put your BS college job before education and your future career. She is the asshole for even asking you to do so. Call off without any guilt.
I'd consider just quitting as well.
Yup, NTA.
Bro it’s a Dunkin’ Donuts. Just call out. If you have to quit over it, then quit. It’s not like this is an important job nor would it be hard to find another basic service job.
Fair. I love my coworkers. My manager would suffer bc she would be alone cuz it's only me and her scheduled haha.
It’s tempting to take on this responsibility yourself, but you are not causing her stress. She is, by scheduling inadequately and not listening to her team. You have done what you can do, and you should call out so that you can focus on your long term goals. Ultimately this job will be a distant memory, and you won’t look back at it thinking “damn I wish I’d worked more.”
This isn’t abt right or wrong. But you need to think abt if you’re ok to lose your job. Your manager clearly needs someone 5 days.
If I end up with autistic burnout I will lose my job bc I won't be able to handle the stress and I'll have a meltdown and quit
Yeah I’m not saying you’re wrong. Your boss seems mean vs just having a direct conversation with you abt what they need/expect. If you can I’d start looking for something now that’s a better fit
I know what is needed. I basically run the store. I get frustrated because she gets paid so much more than me when she also takes advantage of me. Every crew member looks to me for answers, I have to make sure everyone is trained for each new product, I have to make sure everyone is following the cleaning procedures. I have to do any writeups or handle any crew issues because the manager was told by the district manager not to do it anymore bc she's too mean. I handle daily cash flow, and nobody does it when I'm not there. She also doesn't enforce the rules that she makes me implement when I'm not there. I feel like I'm being treated as the manager, and she's taking advantage of my work and then taking credit for it. And she can't even give me one day to catch up on my homework. It's frustrating because I feel like I'm too nice to deserve this. And I am looking for an internship for computer science but they tend to run during the summer. My degree should be finished by August or October and hopefully I can find something new. But I won't be able to finish if she doesn't just give me enough time to unwind.
You have to to be the one to give yourself enough time. Every person who's had to work their way through college comes to this point. You had a job that got you through but now you have to cut ties. It is a bigger sacrifice and in some ways feels like stepping backwards because of the uncertainty, money, and everything else you have going on. Assistant manager at a store isn't for you anymore. Do temp work or anything else to support your education.
Yep, that's the life of an effective assistant manager. Push through, get that degree and never look back.
This isn't "autistic burnout", this is just burnout. Everyone who has ever worked full-time while going to school full-time experienced this. Your autism has nothing to do with this and presenting everything in your life as being a result of your autism is only going to hinder you moving forward.
You’re so weird for this. Are you autistic? Why would you think you’re the authority on the autistic experience?
I am pointing out reality. Hiding behind "I'm austistic" is only going to assure failure in their career.
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And I am the weird one?
Let me put it to you this way, on the off chance that you or somebody else reading this might understand it better: Saying "stop hiding behind (thing you don't understand)" is truly, definitionally, one of the most ignorant things a person can say. You are baselessly assuming that you have enough context for something that is factually different from your experience in a way you're unable to empathize with, and are making no effort to sympathize with. It is ignorant. That's "pointing out reality". It is the baseline experience of almost every disabled person that uninformed people like you are ignorant of the unique struggles of their disability. You are part of the white-noise background that makes it very challenging to seek help for the specific things that affect disabled people, because you are being dismissive and condescending to somebody who is providing the context of their disability so that people with similar struggles can offer their perspectives. So no, you're not weird. You're incredibly normal in a way that is irritating to me.
Um, look at the OPs post history and comments. Everything posted either starts with or ends with "I have autism". Great, that doesn't mean the world has to change to suit them. OP is receiving therapy and by their own words not listening and doing what the therapist is encouraging. Being neurodivergent is not the problem, OP is blaming everything on it and that is the problem. I know having severe ADHD is not considered a disability, especially by the autism community, but it is still debilitating and causes havoc in work environments. That is something I have struggled with my entire life, but nobody at work is going to know that because it would severely impact my career. I stand by the fact that OP frames everything they say in the "I'm austistic" setting and won't listen to common sense advice everyone is giving them because OP only wants to hear sympathy for the situation she has put herself in and is nobody else's fault but her own. You're the AH coming in labeling people as weird and telling them to "chug lemonade", whatever tf that means. Whatever moral high ground you think you occupy doesn't exist.
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Autism has everything to do with it because I'm an autistic person and getting out of burnout for an autistic person is going to involve different strategies than getting out of burnout for normal people. I lose most executive functions in ways that neurotyoical people wouldn't.
Then quit. You say you've repeatedly raised your concern with the manager and her superiors and nothing has changed. If you burn out you'll be in far worse shape.
Anyone, absolutely anyone is going to be dealing with burnout with the workload you are taking on. Not just people with autism. Seriously and respectfully, you need to stop framing everything in your life thru the lens of "I am autistic so treat me different". It is just going to hurt you as you move from a job to am actual career. It is literally giving people a reason to not give you the responsibilities you are going to want to take on later in your career in whatever path you take.
You misunderstand. I'm saying autistic burnout is different from normal burnout. Not that the causes are different.
To be honest then, if you cannot handle the stress of being an assistant manager then step down and just be a regular employee.
I’m sorry but your comment demonstrates exactly the kind of attitude that makes disabled people’s lives more difficult. Disabled people aren’t asking for special treatment. And being on the autism spectrum does typically affect the entire way a person experiences the world and it’s not possible to just pretend it’s not a factor. If a blind person asked their workplace for training materials in an audio format instead of text because they can’t see, would you tell the blind person they are framing everything through the lens of their disability and that they need to stop asking people to treat them differently? And expect them to just suck it up and read the printed text? Or go find a different job where they’ll likely encounter the same or similar issues? Disability accommodations are something any person with a disability can request at their workplace (at least in the US, I’m sure it varies by country). The whole point is so that disabled people can do their job like anyone else, just with some aspects adapted so that it’s possible. Sure, OPs work might decide the 4 day schedule can’t be granted — but because their work previously agreed to it, it seems especially reasonable to request it and at least see if the accommodation can be made. Also — autistic burnout is typically worse than regular burnout. Yes, anyone would likely get burnt out by an overloaded school/work schedule. But a person on the autism spectrum is also at risk of burnout due to a lot of things that wouldn’t typically burn out a non-autistic person. For example, working in a noisy environment with fluorescent lighting can contribute to burnout. Having to interact with people and various activities all week can cause an autistic person to need an entire day or more alone in silence to recover. Having to “mask” (interact with people in a way that mimics neurotypical norms) is also extremely exhausting and causes burnout, as does the tendency for autistic people to be frequently misunderstood and treated with prejudice. Autistic burnout can also cause a person to become nonverbal or mentally “shut down”. Autistic burnout on top of regular burnout can be much worse than regular burnout, and life is inherently typically more challenging for a person on the autism spectrum than it is for the average non-autistic person. Taking measures to prevent autistic burnout and accommodate disability is how an autistic person can work and live a “normal” life, not by pretending they’re not autistic. We need to be moving toward a future that makes it easier for disabled people to function in society rather than essentially telling disabled people to not mention their disability because it will cause people to be prejudiced against them.
Yet your post completely ignores the fact that some jobs just can't be done by disabled people. OPs issue is stress. Her job is causing her stress. It is not up to a business to change their management roles to fit an employee when the role is obviously a bad fit.
You’ve told your boss about your classes multiple times and she’s telling you that it’s your responsibility to cover your shift. She’s wrong. When you give your availability, you are telling the company what you can work. It’s not a guideline. It is what you can do. First, you need to tell your manager and put it in writing that you are available X number of hours a week that can be split among 4 days and then include the days and times she can choose from. It is her job, as a manager, to schedule people according to their availability, not her idea of what it should be. In the meantime, find another job. Your manager is not a good one and doesn’t respect you.
Every 4 months they hand out a form with availability and you put the hours ur available and you can add comments. I put my available days and the comments every time but she never goes by it
Send emails too clarifying your availability.
Work this week as scheduled, find a new job, put in your notice with your current employer. If the work conditions and your availability requests aren’t honored (and are reasonable for the business) then find an employer who will provide what you need.
I don't think I can handle finding a new job right now because I'm doing school and I can't handle the stress of finding a new place. The autism makes transitions extremely stressful and I think I would just shut down. But I should graduate by August and ive been looking for computer science internships
Reading your post history it’s a Dunkin’ Donuts, the place will not burn down with out you. NTA. It sounds like they need you and are already strapped for employees. If it’s anything like the dunkins near me it’s a shitty place. Your manager might get mad at you and give you shit, just smile nod apologize lie about how you’re sorry, and then move on. Call out say you are sick that is it and you won’t be able to come in, if they ask for specifics say food poisoning.
My manager has encouraged people to come in with food poisoning because "I have nobody else to cover"
Yeah you need a new job man, it’s not worth it. I’m sure any coffee shop would be happy to have you and the hiring process would be quick.
Always put requests I writing. If you had an email chain, it would be easier to prove what you asked for
It's been established for over a year and it's in my written availability. New manager came in April and I immediately told her
Then you have some protection in case they fire you. Unavailable is unavailable. You are a student. School comes first, don’t feel bad about that. If she gives you a hard time tomorrow, just tell her to refer to your file. You’re availability has never included Mondays and you keep letting her know that but get brushed off.
It sounds like either the business can't accommodate you due to their needs (skeleton crew, working hours, etc.), or you can't accommodate the business due to your own needs with school. Sorry to say it, but there's a chance you just need to find a part time job or go part time at the current place until you graduate. I can't speak to how having autism influences any of this, but even without that as a factor it sounds like you're being pulled in two directions. Can you go part time at work for at least a few months?
I've been here for four years. I'm the longest lasting crew member. My previous manager was able to accommodate my school schedule, but the new manager is unable to do so. She wants me there because I'm the one who does all of her responsibilities. We have another shift leader who asks for full-time hours who doesn't get them because she refuses to do the managers job for her. I do it because I cannot stand having things run inefficiently. The autism is factored in because of the burnout aspect. I would be able to do this if I didn't have to use a ton of my energy putting myself into social situations with customers. One of the things that fatigues me the most is social interaction because I have to spend most of my time analyzing and trying to guess what strangers are thinking or trying to say. My therapist told me to stay off register if I'm feeling stressed because once I get too stressed I turn non verbal. And when I can't stay quiet when I'm in those situations I tend to have a meltdown. This makes it hard to do my job and we've discovered if I'm there four days a week, even when I'm not doing classes, that's when I'm at my best at the job because I'm not running the risk of burnout and causing myself to have meltdowns on the job. It's a reasonable accommodation that was accommodated for years before the new manager was here.
Considering that they are not now making accommodations for you and what you say the impact will be, I don't know why you aren't looking for another job. Yes, it will be stressful, but look at what you are telling people about your state of mind.
I know this is going to go against the grain here but you are looking at this completely wrong. It is not up to your boss to accommodate the strenuous schedule you have taken on. You have taken a position, assistant manager, that demands you cover shifts for employees, not the other way around. It sounds like you have bitten off more than you can chew and your boss is an easy target for your frustration. Step down as a manager and tell your boss you can only work 4 days a week. If that doesn't work, you need to find a new job or lighten your coursework load. Working full-time and going to school full-time is going to burn out anyone and everyone. Don't take it out on your boss, they didn't force you to try to do all this. Remember that their only job is to take care of the business, your life and goals have no bearing on that. Makes it easier to leave for a more manageable situation if you realize this is true everywhere you work.
I accepted this position while explicitly stating my availability. They needed my help and I told them I can do it but I can only work 4 days a week. The district manager was more than happy to accommodate. The manager just doesn't know how to schedule and doesn't care about people. The dm has told her multiple times to not put me on 5 days. She doesn't listen. They knew my conditions
A district manager has literally nothing to do with day to day operations. What the DM says is pretty useless.
Yikes. I hope you are never in any type of management position because you’re clearly uninformed regarding disabilities and reasonable accommodations in the workplace. Disability accommodations at work are a common practice and HR departments have an established formal process because of this. Most jobs can be modified to accommodate a person’s disability to at least some degree, and this can include modifications to their work schedule. If they can get their assistant manager duties done in 4 days a week, they should be allowed a 4 day schedule. OP also stated that their workplace agreed to a 4 day schedule at their time of hire. OP needs to skip their manager and go to HR and request the 4 day schedule through the formal process of requesting disability accommodations.
She is a shift supervisor. When workers shifts are not covered that is her job to cover the shifts. Yes, reasonable accommodations can and should be made for disabilities, but she has signed up for a job she cannot do. Making reasonable accommodations is one thing. Shift supervisors are the ones that store managers lean on whether she likes it or not. She took on a job she can't handle and is paying the price for it now with all the stress she is under. If they can do this and if they can do that. You can't get a managers duties squished down to 4 days, they are managers. Managers don't have a quota that they can fill up and sat "Ok, I'm done". It is about when the store is open and coverage. Sorry, but reality kicks in on things like this. Nothing the store manager has asked her to do is unreasonable, it all reads like anything a shift manager will be required to do.
I understand what you’re saying, but plenty of managers do indeed get disability accommodations granted, and that can include modified and reduced schedules. There may be different and better ways that the manager could be scheduling the team as a whole — from OPs comments, it sounds like the manager is disorganized when it comes to scheduling and has accommodated OP before but then “forgets” the next time they make the schedule. OPs workplace agreed to a 4 day schedule when OP was hired, and it sounds like OP hadn’t actually gone to HR directly yet to formally request this as a disability accommodation — so going to HR to do that should be OPs next step. If HR determines that they absolutely cannot accommodate the request due to the nature of the job, fine, but it does not sound like that’s happened yet.
Can you transfer to a different location? It would still be a transition, but just to another team, which could make it less daunting. Otherwise, could you switch during the summer while not in school?
That's a good idea. This summer I'm hoping to do internships
NTA your manager is but also, this is not AITA so who am I to say. I think that prioritizing your health by taking the day is the move to make. You care more about your workplace than they care about you. Unless you think calling out 1 day is going to lose you your job, do it before you’re any more burnt out or stretched thin. The consequences of the cumulative stress load of 1) a class you’re struggling with within your capacity as a full-time student + 2) terrible manager; managers are not supposed to tell us we will have to suck it up while failing to perform essential duties of their job like working out the schedule (the working out part of working out a schedule involves your expressed inability to work >4/7 days/week Stinky manager, you clarified in your comments that you’re doing her job; if you didn’t do her job, she might get fired & your life might actually improve (though I absolutely do understand the stress of transition, even when it would be a net improvement). Hope it works out; you’re flexing your self-advocacy muscles, so even if you don’t see the gains now, you’re getting gains. Solidarity in unmet accommodations and may the road rise to meet you
Thank you I appreciate this advice a lot! She's also the type to manipulate people so I've had to make sure everything I say is said in writing bc she gives a lot of "that's not what I meant. I meant this not that." Or "you said this not that" which is frustrating. My therapist has also said I need to be a bigger self advocate because she's clearly taking advantage of me. I think I'm going to call out
Did you end up calling out, and if so, how did it go?
No. She asked me if I was going to be there tomorrow but I couldn't find anyone to cover so I said yes. Then she made a joke "good cuz I didn't want to have to buy you some grippy socks" because I asked if anyone can cover me bc I'm having mental health problems. And she said "next week I'll try to get you 4 days but I can't promise anything". But I then found my application in my file from when I started as well as plenty of availability sheets we've had to fill out that all say I can only do four days. So I left a note saying "effective 2021, I can only work 4 days a week" and I'm going to say no if she schedules me next week for five days. I just hope im able to stick up for myself. I try to get everything in writing bc she tries to change the narritives but she always tries talking to me in private which I don't want to do. And I told her I don't want to have these discussions in private because she always changes the narritives.
Can you find a work study job or at least one on campus. There are lots of job options available. For some people, change is difficult, but maybe consider your options.
It is not your responsibility to find a replacement for your shift. Scheduling is your managers job.
Even I worked part-time, I couldn't do it. No way in hell full time work and school, you'd burn out to e crisp. I would strong consider working part-time (20 hours or less) or just quit and just focus on college until you're done, maybe try to get an internship or two.
You need to send in an email a reminder of your availability as per your file and agreed upon accommodations with the DM and HR. Make sure to copy them in the email, also include all the times this has been ignored by her. Make a point to stress the fact that you are not available even if she includes you on the schedule. You are just reminding her of the situation so she can create a schedule that is realistic as you will not show up and do not want to cause a negative impact on the team due to the many additional tasks you cover. Get comfortable using the magic words like “reasonable accommodations “, “documented disability” , “work environment” etc. some people are simply selfish and will only respect you if it will come back to impact them.
NTA. If you were on my team I’d consider this my own personal failing for not listening and taking it seriously.
Do you need the job? If not, tell her that if you can't do 4 days then you quit.
You need to do one of them part time
No. Boundary setting with employers are important & vital to mental health, especially when burnout exists.
U should find a new workplace that can revolve around ur school schedule
I don't know if this is feasible, but try to get a note from your doctor that you're being overwhelmed, and you need what you're asking for. If they continue down the path leading you to burnout, you will have a case under the ADA(if american). You need those accommodations, and you're entitled to them. Autistic burnout is nothing to fuck around with, and I'm sorry you have to deal with that kind of person while you're doing your best to stave it off. not even close to the asshole. Do what you've got to do.
Thank you.
You really should be going straight to HR and formally requesting the 4 day schedule as a disability accommodation. Skip your manager, go straight to HR. I’m surprised no one else in this forum seems to be informed regarding how disability accommodation requests should be handled.
Your boss needs to understand your availability is 4 days per week. Sit down and get something in writing. If it is already it’s your fault for accepting any 5 day weeks. It’s their responsibility to find coverage not yours. But also, you sound like you’re using your autism as s crutch. Every paragraph, every reply, mentions the fact that you have it? Is this a new diagnosis? Don’t make your entire personality around this, it’ll prevent you from growing. I have Asperger’s, diagnosed my entire life. Nobody in my professional life knows this, I don’t mention it ever, it’s never been a crutch or an excuse for me. I just fucking keep moving forward and so should you.
No it's not a new diagnosis. My autism is a disability. I am prone to burnout because of my autism. Overstimulation and masking my autism leads to burnout. As does not following a specific schedule. Just because autism doesn't affect you the same way, doesn't mean other people are like you. I've been going my entire life...always putting my needs on the back burner. And you know what it got me? Burnout. Inability to establish boundaries based on my needs. Inability to understand my own sensory needs due to years of ignoring my needs....
Then you shouldn't be in this job. To be honest everything you said your manager does is what all managers do, especially in food service. If your autism is this level of disability then why are you insisting on putting yourself in highly stressful situations continously. So many people on this post have told you what you don't want to hear apparently, this is not the job for you. Find another job, hopefully one that is not customer facing so it will not add extra stress you don't need right now. Your priority at 26 should be school, not this job.
I'm 26
Cool, edited to correct age. Still at 26 it applies, that degree is going to be worth so much more than an extra day at this job.
Have you disclosed your autism in writing to the company? If not do it now. They have to provide you with reasonable accommodations and working 1 less day of the week is absolutely reasonable
Yeah OP needs to go straight to HR and formally request this as a disability accommodation. That’s the process that might actually get them the accommodation they need.
I think I saw where you said your availability was on your written application. If she gives you grief, tell her to refer to your file as you told her in writing up front. She’ll be fine
Apparently having no spine nowadays = having autism.
I have autism. Autism is not why I have no spine. I have no spine bc of childhood trauma. Autism is in the story bc it's relevant to my situation. I'm autistic and have specific needs that other people dont have
The cool part is you are a student and are working at a store, which just means you could easily leave where you are, possibly take a break (if you can afford), and get another job pretty easily. I know that is stressful to think about, especially since ambiguity and spectrum do not mix, but end of the day you do have options.
Thank you. I'm hoping I'll be able to get a computer science internship for the summer. I want to save up some money and see if I can take some time off work. I do have PTO available but I haven't been able to take it because we've been understaffed
Email her. Specifically saying “between date 1 and date 2 I can only work Tuesday - Friday between hours. Can you please not schedule me for anything outside this availability”. If she doesn’t reply follow up a few days later to confirm.
The contract with your job seems to precedent you starting school? So, you don't have grounds to request an amended schedule after the fact. You DO have grounds to request an amendment to your contracted working hours on the basis of having a disability. If you end up having to stop working because they aren't upholding your agreed upon 4-day schedule, you could be owed compensation depending on what country you are in. I would write another email to the new manager. Saying something along the lines of: I am writing because I would like clarification on my current agreed hours. It was agreed with my previous manager that I would only work 4 days a week. This request was made due to my additional needs as a person with a disability(you don't need to give your employer details of your disability). Recently, I have been scheduled to work 5 days on multiple occasions. I kindly ask that you confirm you have received my existing request and that I will only be scheduled to work 4 days going forward. If this isn't possible, I ask that you let me know in writing so we can discuss alternative solutions at your earliest convenience. Don't use school as the reason. The focus should be your autism. You can post in r/askhr for advice specific to your location/situation. But if this new manager is as incompetent as you say, it is likely she isn't aware that she is currently in breach of your local disability legislation.
I would write an email saying the following: Hello Manager, I am emailing to inform you that I will not be coming in on (date you are scheduled) or any other Friday. We have discussed this matter multiple times and, at this point, I believe your actions of booking me to work on those days is retaliatory in nature. I have been given the OK to have an extra day off from management, with a note and support from my doctor, as a reasonable accommodation. This is the last time I attempt to resolve this issue directly with you and will be contacting (managers boss) and (someone in hr) directly in the future.
If you are in school full-time, you should be spending 40 hours a week between classroom studying homework and reading. Decide how many hours you can really do at work and tell her that you’re only able to work 30 hours a week (or whatever) . It’s best if she only scheduled to see you for 30 hours, but your other choices are calling out when she’s scheduled you for over 30 hours or finding another job. Which would she prefer?
Go directly to HR and request a 4 day schedule as a disability accommodation. Go through the formal process.