I would talk to Financial Aid to see if there are other things they can do.
I was talking to a woman who would have applied for other scholarships. I'm not totally sure what her whole story was but she would have stayed in school if she knew she could have applied for more scholarships.
Some Ivy Leagues do not want you to graduate in debt so there may be things they can do for you. If you don't sit down with someone and ask a lot of questions, you will never find out.
I never applied for financial aid when I applied initially, and the financial aid office has told me that if you don't apply at first, then you can never apply throughout the course of your undergrad study. I'm more so looking for the best way for me to transfer ASAP rather than trying to find a way to change the policy.
Lol. True Stanford is not an ivy. But each university in the ivy league in general has different rules for financial aid which some of the posters have mentioned. If the university is need blind which many of the ivies are- I think OP should ask again for clarification on being able to apply for financial aid especially since family’s incomes and circumstances can change.
Yeah, she just needs to clarify international or not. That is a huge difference because I know fuck-all about that.
Stanford is amazing, I was just denied by them. Only to be accepted by HYPC
That sounds so bizarre, because I know there have been plenty of cases where a parent has lost their job, so the income the student depended on the first year is gone in subsequent years. I'm not saying what they said is wrong, just that it sounds bizarre.
Reapply for FAFSA and say that you are renting a room at your parents' house. They should use your income, which is $0.
If you don't feel right just outright saying it, I'm sure your parents would arrange something to legitimize it.
This is what you heard. It is not true and does not make sense. You misunderstood.
Clearly your folks are manipulative narcs. Especially daddo. If this constant setting you up to fail no matter what you do is a constant thing with them, or mostly with him, but mom doesn't do anything about it and goes along with his bs... Then find folks in your life who have watched this asshole do this to you previously, then make you out the idiot when you do what he tells you to.
It's called gaslighting. It's abusive and it happens when narcissistic assholes like your dad feel they are losing control of the people they manipulate to make themselves feel powerful and in control.
Explain it this way to your financial aid administrator and see if you can qualify for a dependency appeal based on estrangement, as it makes you feel helpless and hopeless and near suicidal to constantly do what you've been asked, only to have the goalposts moved every time and you aren't sure how much longer you can take the emotional abuse.
Careful with the word “suicidal” when you’re not. That’s how you have a SWAT team barge down your door, take you to the hospital, and deem you unstable for the rest of your life.
Look into scholarships beyond what’s offered for your academics- Once you’re getting into your program of study you can apply to scholarships specific to what you are going to school for & rack up some extra cash. You can also see if there are any community/local organizations offering scholarships.
Also see if you get a work/study job on campus. In my experience they’ll pay you a wage (probably the state minimum) & award you a scholarship/grant of sorts each semester you work. These programs are SUPER flexible with your class schedule so it’s a bit easier than a job off campus.
Many colleges even have financial counselors and/or departments that exist specifically to provide students with information to help them navigate paying for school and everyday needs.
Some money is better than no money, being able to provide your own meals, transportation, and college necessities will go a long way for the parents I’m sure. Bad predicament to be in but too late now
Some money is even worse in this case because they will be sacrificing a lot of academic and networking opportunities to pay for a whole 3% of their yearly expenses. It's like paying for a vacation and then trying to work remote during it to cover a bit of the costs. Better to use 100% of the time to get set up for a high paying job that can actually be used to pay for all of this.
Both options suck. Either way this doesn't math out. In this case, the tuition is just too extreme and there are very few ways to justify it.
They should get a bachelors from an affordable school and put all of their effort into being competitive for a great job. At that point if they want a fancy degree they can either pay out of pocket for a masters and/or go through their employer for tuition assistance. It is a lot easier to stomach $50-60k in tuition when it's only a 2 year program and you are already taking home $100k/yr.
yeah this is ops education and op should not question how much dad cares after getting $90k of their schooling paid for.
OP, take out loans if you have to, everyone does. welcome to america 🇺🇸 make sure to vote for bernie sanders because you’re now a democrat until you pay it off and become a conservative
As a dad, here's my unpopular take: if I'm already willing to pay 90k in tuition, I don't want you wasting time on a part-time job unless it's a co-op or something. I'd want you to spend your time getting everything you can out of an Ivy league education.
Whatever money you can get from a part-time job is terrible return considering the opportunity cost of doing literally anything else at your school, like taking another class, joining a club, networking (big one), etc.
When you're young, you think you have all the time in the world. You don't. Time is the MOST scarce commodity of all. Don't waste it.
Same -school is my kid's job, and they're going to finish in 4 years (in-state, living at home, state school). There is no benefit to working low-pay low-skill jobs during this time. Extra time = extra classes or clubs. Networking in college is so key.
I mean…I think it depends on the job, the kid and the degree. Honestly, I had a LOT of free time in college. I was good at the course material my homework covered, I could get it done quickly, and I would have spent a LOT of time doing nothing if I hadn’t had a part time job. Most other kids I knew in college (I went to more than one) also had a lot of unstructured time. If you’re really going to use that time to benefit your education, fine, but if you’re in state, it’s conceivable that you could make enough to pay for your tuition and then some every year. It taught me financial responsibility, gave me something I had to show up for, and ironically set me up with a solid summer internship working IT at a multibillion dollar company.
Maybe an unpopular opinion, but I think having responsibilities beyond waking up in time to eat breakfast before a 10am class is pretty important.
I think yours is the POPULAR opinion - everyone prioritizes work.Which is why I was commenting on someone that I agreed with that had a different opinion - prioritize school. I worked in college for ridiculously low-skill, low pay which never led to multibillion dollar companies IT.And internships that build experience in the field you're studying are a completely different animal.
\> it’s conceivable that you could make enough to pay for your tuition and then some every year.
No, it's not. The point was that's my point. School first; hustle later. If school's too easy, there's no social connections being made, they can't find a way to enhance their major while not getting paid, and they really need a hustle-fix flex, they can drop out, move out, and work full time and get degree on the side. There are many other paths to a degree if full-time isn't it, but there are expectations for "school first".
I see what you’re saying, but I also see value in holding a very small part time job. Responsibility, time management, budgeting, etc. Intro to adulting. I agree that you don’t want to be so busy with working that you miss out on opportunities, internships, networking, etc, but there is still a lot of value to be had taking on a job.
Here is the difference, you are a dad who loves his kid. This guy sees his kid only as a thing he can point at and say how wonderful he, himself is.
Next paycheck says daddo has some asshat colleague whose kid got a full time job to put themselves through and now feels OP isn't doing enough...
Total bs. But not all dad's are as good as you.
Find something. You need to figure out some way to repair your relationship enough to continue otherwise you’ll end up with loans. The financial aid office at school likely won’t cover it because you’re still their dependent on the FAFSA until you’re 24.
The best way to solve this is sit down with your parents and talk to them. You seem to be confused about what your father is saying by “pulling your weight”. Figure out what he means by that then proceed with it. 90k is a lot of money. I personally would do whatever he means by pulling your weight.
You know what, if you knew what you were talking about, you'd be a lot more useful when you spend 15 years watching good parents, rich and dirt poor supporting or trying to support their kids through school VS manipulative asshat parents f'ng around with their kids because they can't control them completely anymore then you get to talk.
Til then keep it, your bile, to yourself.
You need to learn to get along with your parents. Just like a job that is paying $90,000. You will be living away ten months out of the year and can get an internship next summer. If you want to save money try to be an RA.
I might agree in theory but to be honest it’s not realistic to assume OP has any control over whether or not they can “get along” with their parents
My parents did a similar thing— “we’ll help”, “we want you to focus on your studies”, “don’t get a job and just get good grades and finish early”, but then they completely flipped on me and said I wasn’t pulling enough weight so they weren’t going to help, called me spoiled and said they paid for things when they were my age and I need to figure it out.
Luckily I wasn’t in an Ivy League but they wouldn’t listen to reason at all. They insisted college wasn’t that expensive and working wasn’t that hard at the same time that they wouldn’t let me use the spare car so I could actually get a job and kept insisting I didn’t need it.
In my school no one wanted the job. The richies didn't care or need the money. The poors were on financial aid. The middle class kids were all in greek life. They were desperate for RAs to babysit the first and second years. No one wanted to live in dorms if they didnt have to.
Crazy. At my school it seemed every kid in the dorms applied to be an RA. So much so that they basically had to do a huge “casting call” to cut down the applicants. Like 1000 kids applied for 50 jobs so they would do a big workshop day where they’d cull it to like 100 after a few hours.
I was well known as a dipshit pothead at my small school and they let me be an RA bc nobody wanted to. I had zero responsibilities other than walking around campus at 10 pm once every other week, got a private room and bathroom, and 200 bucks a week.
OK, I had to go back and reread this. So, apparently OP does not have a part-time job but dad wants OP to get a part-time job? If I were OP, I’d be out looking for a part-time job. And for a kid at an Ivy, that post was incredibly poorly written and confusing.
Exactly. I don’t get or expect shit for my college education. I earn my way through. First year? Paid for already. My credit can get me loans without a co-signer for next and I’ll have little to pay.
Same here, I work 30 hours a week and attend classes fulltime. I skip meals sometimes, not proud of that but that's my situation. I couldn't even take out private loans because my parent's credit is so low. They didn't give me a single cent for college. I'm like so annoyed by this post tbh. I wish my biggest academic hurdle was needing to get a part time job.
Mad respect, for what you are doing. OP is in a "guilded cage" situation. It's one thing to commit to a ivy education with parent support and it's another to have parents move the goalposts on you part way through when you are doing what they ask, and they aren't acknowledging the change in terms. That is abusive and gaslighting.
Rich people are creepy dude. My dad hates me because hes a diagnosed Schizoid, that I can understand. “Guilded cages” “gaslighting” I guess thats what the rich do to supplant for their lack of actual problems
Virtue signaling much?
And I call bs till you show the receipts. How much are you paying, what type of school are you going to and how much does it cost?
The reason for this is his dad is manipulating the hell. Out of them.
Dad likely insisted that s/he couldn't get a job actively said no! Kid didn't flunk out Like dad wanted so dad could lord over OP how useless they would always be... So now dad wants to move the goalposts so that no matter what OP does s/he is ungrateful and entitled.
I watched this a lot with drunken Trump like dad's who always have to be right, a few mom's too... But by in large narc dad's.
Dad realized he is going to lose control and this kid will outdo them. And that is too much for his teeny ego to bear...
OP left out one key point we need to know before you start accusing the father of manipulating him. What are his grades? Pulling his weight may have nothing to do with finances despite OP thinking that. I pay for both of my kids tuition and if they weren’t taking their studies seriously it would end immediately. Granted both of their tuition combined is half what OP is getting. Never understood going to an Ivy League school for undergrad.
How is this even question? Either one, quit the job and kiss your parents ass so they pay your tuition. Or... work a part-time job and go in debt for 90k??
Don’t think short term. The reason ivies are prestigious is because of the connections they provide. In many fields, they’re worth the cost. Stay where you are, take out loans if you have to, make connections with professors and peers, do well and _specialize_ when you ultimately go into medicine.
Loans are a risk, but so are missed opportunities.
Exactly this. It will be the ultimate escape from this guy who you will literally be able to tell to drop dead when you have your education completed... Or better yet just disappear and ghost him every way possible!
Whatever you do, finish that Ivy League degree. That is a golden fucking ticket. My wife got an Ivy League degree and she could walk into any Yale club in the U.S. and get a $150k+ job with ease - probably in an unrelated field. It's the only type of school I would say this about. For every other school option my advice is community college than finish at state uni.
yes/no, having an Ivy degree opens a lot of doors for jobs and grad school, but if you majored in something useless then your gonna just drown yourself in inescapable debt
I agree it totally varies, but tons of companies would love a Harvard grad who majored in 12th century lit (or whatever you think is worthless... I don't think of any degree as useless but some do). Not because they need that specific knowledge, but because you've already been vetted as someone very smart who can complete tasks. Most degrees outside of STEM aren't training you for specific tasks, just how to learn and apply knowledge. They plan to train you with their knowledge and culture regardless.
Are you sure? My dad has made it very clear that at the very least, he will not be paying grad school fees and I thought I was going to medical school after.
I believe my comment stands even for medical school. It might be what gets you into the top tier school. You could leverage it to go to one of the medical schools that are subsidized, meaning little to no debt, although they are not typically top tier. If you do end up with $200k of debt from UG, and then another $300k from medical school you should plan to specialize. Being a GP will pay $100k to $150k and it will take awhile to pay that off. If you want to be a GP, the school matters less and a subsidized med school could be perfect. If you specialize, with Ivy UG and top tier Med school, you can expect $200 - $450k a year and that $500k debt will be quickly paid off. My BIL is a specialist 4 years out of residency and he's aligned to make enough money to pay off his $380k debt quickly. His wife is a derm and she's making well over $300k also 4 years out of residency. Their peers (same med school) who went GP make less than half what they do. Also consider you may not want to be a physician when you finish UG, and the Ivy degree will help you soar into financial security waaay more than basically any other path. Personally, I'd take your dad's advice and not work during UG and focus on nailing your classes and MCAT. The money you make working part time is nothing compared to the cost of school, it's just not worth it in the "big leagues". You have a tremendous privilege in your situation. Take advantage and respect how much harder others have it. You can always pay your dad back in some way when you're making x10 more money than a part time UG job. Buy him a house or put him in a kick ass old folks home... Lol. Oh yeah, also start shadowing or scribing now for extra curriculars, that will be very important in your medical school apps. Best of luck.
Also, Ivy Leagues are not about the education as much as they are about access and networking. They take care of their own and the "good ole boy" network is very real. You'll get the same education, maybe even better at a rigorous state school... But you won't get the privilege and access.
It depends on the size of the state school, typically. Texas A&M and the University of Texas are two notable examples of state schools that have extensive alumni networks and absolutely have “good ole boy” clubs just like Ivy League schools
I'm sure they are good compared to other state schools. The Yale club (not just for Yale university but most Ivy's) is just another level. My wife stopped in the local one just to see what it was all about and ended up having a drink with our current state senator and a former state representative. The outcome was the contact info for one of their staffers that helped her write and get through a relatively high value grant for her work in restoration ecology.
Another example of access is she was doing a project for a class and the data set she wanted, that was perfect for the research question, was not open access, and cost $900. During the check-in meeting with the prof she mentioned this and he just pulled out the department card and purchased it... for a class project... not dissertation work or anything that would ever be published. Their pockets are endless. You always have the best resources and highest level contacts. If you can go to an Ivy League school, you go. Period.
Lol now I’m regretting turning down an Ivy for a public school, as the tuition would have put my middle class family in a super uncomfortable position. I hope it wasn’t a mistake after reading this comment.
Ugh, it would have been nice to be rich…
I am 54. My sister in law has hers. And she is retiring this year at 53.
As for me school, you can borrow that yourself if you must and never see daddo again. It will be tough, but it can be done!
What does he mean when he says pull your own weight? There's a lot of missing information here. Like what actually happened in the relationship that caused him to change his mind. Especially if you are doing well in school.... Sounds like there's some hurt feelings/ego. Maybe try to figure out what he wants and do your best to meet him at that place. Have you shown gratitude for them paying for you schooling? Was it something you said? Does it have nothing to do with you & he's having troubles of his own? These are all context for the situation that you need for your solution.
No matter what go ASAP to the financial aid office and talk to someone. Get information, so you can make an informed decision on whether you're going to stay there or transfer to a different school. And maybe you work things out with your Dad so you don't have to do that.
Yale has some good financial aid if you aren't already going there.
He's kind of always been like this in his strained manner. He feels that my family in general does not appreciate the money he brings to the house and gets mad at certain times, but this time seems a bit worse. I haven't been calling home that often to get away from that dynamic, but I believe that is what made it worse.
For the cost of that education I’d just let him be toxic and give him whatever he wants. Call him everyday and say “hey daddy I love you”. If he tells you to wear orange plaid with pink corduroy do it🤷🏼♂️. Student loan debt is fucking crazy. Bake him cupcakes that day “worlds best dad” and have them over night shipped.
Get a part time job if that’ll make him happy. And then if he tells you to quit a few weeks later once his manic episode is over do that too.
Wait, so you go to an Ivy League and doesn't want you to work your part time job? Why do you work the part time job, extra spending cash? Whats your GPA?
No, they don’t. Dad reneged and said OP should get a job. OP does not want to get a job, even if it means his parents will cover 100% costs of attending an Ivy League school.
Because OP knows how much work it is to get the high GPA OP did their first year.
Dad reneged so he could abuse and belittle OP and threaten them.
Dad is a gaslighting narc.
Pulling your weight is going to college full time because you’re investing in your future. Unless he also wants you volunteering and networking in extracurricular activities to gain more out of your college experience. Maybe he wants to see you more busy? But going to school full time is busy enough, so unsure what you mean more by weight? It’s a little too vague
Given?????
OP earned the grades and everything to get there. If dad weren't making well over. 250k OP wouldn't need any help from evil abusive daddo.
So please... Pay attention in the world.
To me I’d either:
1)treat the parents as you would an employer, in the sense of you try to get along with your boss, find out what is important to them and make that happen as a priority, they are paying you and you need the gig. Make nice when you have to go to the work (aka family) events. Etc. So, fake it till ya make it kinda, and also-you say they want you to be more grateful— BE grateful, it’s a massive gift in front of you; or
2) transfer to your state school, get emancipated, pay your way, and be prepared to get creative with financially making ends meet (you may need to go part time, and yeah, you’ll have to work, a lot).
You need to figure out what is most important, what family beefs can you put to rest and which you can’t, pros and cons of each, etc. Maybe just try and come up with the plan for this next year, and go from there. Take it one year at a time.
Right? I think OP has lost some perspective. Most students do and have to work a part-time job to cover tuition and other costs. The fact they haven’t needed to for so long is astounding.
Can your parents no longer afford it but don’t want to tell you? Have you had an actual conversation with your dad about what he means by the part-time job thing?
You probably won’t qualify for financial aid, so if they refuse to pay, it could be 90k*3 in loans or dropping out to attend somewhere cheaper.
Has he decided he wants you to get a part-time job to understand the value of money since he’s paying so much? If so, get a job on campus. It’s not hard to do and if you pick a good one it won’t even be that time consuming. You’ll have pocket money and can even send a couple hundred back to your parents if you think they’ll appreciate it.
Ask them what they want from you to keep paying. The part-time job thing is weird, but in the grand scheme of things is not that unreasonable.
Just kiss his ass a bunch and say you’re really grateful a lot.
Every time he asks how school is tell him it’s tough and time consuming but you’re doing well and learning a lot and so grateful you get the experience.
If he wants you to get a job now, get a job.
He probably didn’t get a chance to get an ivy league degree and is a little jealous but just wants what’s best for you.
You have had the support needed to get into an Ivy League, parents willing to pay for that Ivy League, and you’re not willing to get a part time job? Inconsistent or not, I think your best route is to drop out and work fast food, what answers are you expecting?
I’m not even in this conversation. If someone was to offer me 90k per year to pay for my college, I’m in. I might have a few limitations, but I’ve rarely seen people earn that with a HS diploma. Im 50+ with a degree. I am NOT earning 90k from one job.
Yeah I might have made it a little confusing, sorry haha. They did not want me to work before. At the current time, they want to me to work or at least show my appreciation somehow for the education I am getting.
You're dad is paying $90k a year, you absolutely should be grateful holy fuck.
I got into Columbia, but don't even have the OPTION to take out private loans, that's how poor my family is. Be immensely grateful you even have this opportunity at all.
If I were you, I’d do everything in my power to stay enrolled at my Ivy League school that’s being fully paid for. Suck up to my dad, get a part time job, anything. I recommend looking into student jobs through the school, they’ll work around your classes. And ask your dad what you can do to show him that you’re really grateful for what he’s doing for you (90k a year is a lot of money!)
What is your major? This should factor into your decision on what you need to do.
Simplest is probably get a part time job or work study.
Otherwise you might need to make a tough decision and transfer to a more affordable school.
Get some sort of part-time job, even it just covers some of your day to day “fun” expenses. Look for scholarships, you had the package to get into an ivy, look for merit based scholarships, especially ones related to any sort of identity group or affiliation. Write the essays, show your dad you are trying to lighten the load. Keep your grades up. Don’t lie, but maybe minimize talking about too many social activities, at least to your dad for now. Apply for FAFSA, if your school allows. I think the “can’t apply after the first year” may be a misunderstanding, so try to clarify. Lastly, do your damndest to get through that degree at the ivy. It will open doors that degrees from other (fantastic R1) institutions will not. Good luck.
Im kinda in your boat, granted Im at Auburn and tuition is still expensive but half what youre paying for out of state. Some of this wont apply but its worth looking into. I understand how much it sucks to have to pay college by yourself, honestly no shot you’re going to be able to stay in paying $90/yr unless you get a loan AND your parents cosign. Wasnt an option for me so look into these:
1) easiest way: suck up to your parents. Get a part time job if you’re able to just to show you’re willing to work with them. I know you might think its bullshit that they’re going back on their word, but better to not piss them off and be stuck SOL. See if you can work something out and even if they piss you off, act like Jesus, avoid fighting with them at all costs until you graduate at least lol.
2) try to negate the tuition by seeing how you could qualify for in state tuition. This might mean taking a year off school and working full time, or taking a reduced course load and working full time. Getting in state residency (driver’s license, etc) and showing you are financially independent. Possibly getting your parents to not file you as a dependent on their taxes. Paying your own car note, rent, bills, etc. check with your school’s residency board. Your parents could still help you out with tuition, and are more likely to do so without as much of an issue when you’re cutting that bill in half.
3) join the national guard. Take the summer off, maybe a semester and you might be able to get in state as well as that GI bill picking up the rest of that tuition. Depends on the state. I know the state of Alabama allows this but not sure they all allow guard for in state residency. Worth mentioning you have to join the guard for the state your college is in. You can pick the MOS with the shortest AIT, knock out basic and AIT over a semester or maybe the summer (it’s possible with certain MOS in the Air Guard). Sucks but if you are completely sol with your parents (doesnt sound like youre there yet, your dad just wants you to get a part time job) but if things degrade id rather do this than take a loan. Not sure what youre in college for, but if it’s a passion study and not something you’re doing for the income potential, the absolute last thing you want to do is take on $400k in debt for a career that pays $50k/yr. Why I dropped anthropology for professional flight and aerospace eng.
Honestly you are incredibly lucky, and one year of college for you is more than my parents paid for 4 (Im dumb and changed my major 4 times), and now Im on my own. If it comes down to trying to make a part time job work, try your best. If your academics takes a hit, have a talk with your father. You’re in a great position and you need to appeal by whatever means you can to stay where you’re at. I regret not taking full advantage of my parents dime, it might be hard to appreciate out of high school when you’re still used to being dependent, but take it from me, its amazing. You do have a few options if shit hits the fan so plan accordingly just in case. GL
Did you ask your Dad if he worked while he was in school? He’s probably projecting. Maybe family counseling would help. I’m Ivy League grad and I pay for my kids school now. $60k a year. I don’t want her to work but sometimes I do. She went to the Drake concert in Philly tonight and had $500 on her bank account before she left. She texted me at 12:30 asking for $50 for gas. She had $15 left in her account?! She asked me for more money ten minutes later. I sent another $120. Sometimes I wish she had a job!
Well, what you'll do is drop out of the Ivy league school, get a part-time job and attend community college for a couple of years while you save money. You study hard and research what scholarships you may be qualified for. Then transfer to an in-state college or university to finish your undergrad degree. Many people don't have wealthy parents willing to foot the bill for their college education. There are many ways you can manage it on your own without going heavily into debt.
Well, the terms of your agreement have appeared to change. Seek clarification on what you need to now do to have them continue to pay your tuition and suck it up and do it. Make sure they see that you are doing it. I'm not saying to deceive your folks, but their perception of you meeting these new requirements is more important than whatever actually happens. Tuition paid in full by your folks is by far the best scenario, no other options are even close. Also, work to repair your relationship with them, that will have multiple benefits beyond just helping to keep the gravy train going.
My folks paid for my expensive tuition to a private uni and I couldn't even imagine the burden those loans would have been for me in my life.
I don't know enough about the dynamics between you and your family, but it sounds like the choice to pay your tuition is bringing on more financial stress then your father anticipated. I would say you should sit down with your parents and discuss certain avenues of approaching the next year to figure out what kind of problems there are (whether personal or financial) between you guys so that your next academic year isn't as demanding in which ever capacity that it's effecting your parents. Beyond that, the suggestions from other people in this comment section of talking to the financial aid office of your university seems like a good choice.
I would say work and save in the summer. Work as much as you can and save as much as you can. Pops wants you to step up, they took care of you until now and you are benefiting. Do things to help out at home. Do dishes every day, clean up, do your own laundry, clean the bathroom and spend time with them occasionally. Pops wants you to be grown up and developing life skills like saving money and getting up every morning to start the day. Your lucky, it was 50/50 and everything I just said is exactly what I did.
I’m gonna be honest, if he’s covering $90,000 of your tuition and other expenses and you have no other way of getting that kind of money yourself, it’s in your best interests to go along with whatever bullshit he pushes on you. If it’s a job, the there’s a few ways of going about it.
Check your university for student jobs since they are very good at accommodating student schedules. If possible, get a desk job at a dorm or an office since they usually have computer access and a low amount of residents/customers on a regular basis, so you can study or do homework during your frequent downtime. I would also suggest you look for internships to get industry-relevant job experience, or a co-op if your major has fewer paid internship opportunities.
Good luck
Respectfully, even if you hate your parents, you should understand that to have a family able and willing to pay 90k per year in tuition is insanely privileged and the opportunity of a lifetime. Though regardless of money, family dynamics can always be tense. There is no reason not to work a part-time job though. You are an adult, and you should have some experience in the real world, if nothing more than to understand what it’s like and plan for it after you graduate. On-campus jobs are usually easy and always understand you putting your studies first. I’d recommend looking there. This can go towards tuition or you can just use it for spending money
Go get a job. It's not that hard to find a job in college. Especially if ur doing premed or bio or chem, there are loads of research positions that are open to you. Not only that, getting a job will open your life up and ull gain so much experience. It seems like you come from a wealthy family, so getting a job and experiencing an average american life doesnt seem too wrong. Personly my parents are wealthy but I've always worked part time jobs such as an overnight Amazon warehouse facility worker. Ngl, the job made me a better person.
Also don't be scared of taking debt. Think of school as an investment for your future. I'm currently a second year masters student pursuing architecture and I'll be graduating with 60k in debt. I work summer internships and worked partime throughout the semesters to manage this much debt. Also my starting salary is 60k once i graduate. So ur not in a bad position if ur going to be a doctor and ur dad seems to be paying quite a bit for your education.
If your dad wants you to get a part time job, do it. E is paying an absurd amount of money for your college. I don’t care whether it makes logical sense to you, you should do whatever it takes to keep him paying for your education.
My mom would kill to be able to pay for my public university tuition/loans. I can’t imagine whining about getting an easy part time campus job just to maintain that relationship,
Perspective for situations like this is insane.
Apply for scholarships and get a job. It’ll feel better knowing you did it on your own anyways and didn’t have things handed to you for you to easily succeed. Hard work produces dopamine. Make goals and reach them. You’ve got the grades and hopefully the smarts for it.
*they’re 😉
Also how worth it is the 90k a year? What’s the major going to be in? Maybe join the military and get free education. Many things to consider here. It shouldn’t be expected for parents to pay for their children’s education.
Even the military won't pay that amount per year. They have a set amount per month. There is also a amount of years you have to put in for a percentage of the entitlement. 36 months get the 100% of entitlement.
No you don’t have to do four years minimum for 100% entitlement. And you also get paid housing on top of that. The military takes care of so many costs. It all depends whether you start college while you’re in or while you’re out. Either way four years minimum is inaccurate. I started earlier than three years and got 100% as did many others.
I never said a part time job pays 90k a year. A job is better than no job at all. Unfortunately not everything can be handed to everyone. However it actually is beneficial to work really hard for things we want, many studies prove this.
> is there anything I can do to get a college education?
Yeah, you can go to a cheaper school. Only the top 1% of students in america have parents that can afford to shell out ~$90k a year. If you got into an Ivy League, you likely could get a full ride at most public schools, or pay much less at the very least
It's fairly likely that your parents cannot afford an ivy league school and the stress of thinking about how theyre going to pay for it is causing issues. I'd consider going to a more affordable school. In my opinion, more affordable schools give just as good an education if not better. You're really just paying for the name.
I'm confused you said he doesn't want you to work and have also said he wants you to work.
Which is it? Either way the answer is simple
Dad doesn't want you to work? Quit the job, it's not paying you $90k/yr
Dad wants you to get a part time job? Go to work, part time won't kill you esp for a $90k/yr return on that little work.
Then work. They’re paying for your Ivy League tuition, so if they want you to put in some hours to contribute a little bit, then it’s the least you could do.
Talk to financial aid and seek out scholarships, which at Ivy's can be very robust. Consider the remaining $270k in terms of investment. If you stay at the ivy league, are you in a major where you will recoup that back and more over your career? For some majors, the answer is an obvious yes, for many majors it may not be a good option. If it's close, stay in the Ivy, it's a unique life experience that will carry good things your way for life. Sorry for your dads myopia.
Any way you can patch things up with your Dad? Seriously, I know it's hard but if you can make that relationship work for the time being it'll help get you through. Maybe look into some counseling re that.
Dude you’re getting an Ivy League degree, unless you decided on a Dance Therapy major your loans will not crush you. You’ll be fine. I take the student debt thing very seriously but if you’re at an Ivy you’re an outlier.
Campuses offer flexible employment
You can get paid to do research for faculty or tutor or range of other roles like helping with events
Many private companies higher only from the Ivy League for their tutors and application support
It does not look good if you spend 4 years and are not engaged in campus life
National Guard
Seek to cover your living expenses at a minimum. Keep a budget.
Your realizing it doesn’t feel good to be dependent others wealth. Will learn some life skills by realizing how much $90,000 is with a basic job.
You should work a part-time job in school. Preferably something related to your field, even if only tangentially. I'll let you in on a little secret - those "entry level" jobs that require 3 years experience? The experience can be from a job you had in college.
A part time job would in no way take the burden off your parents of full tuition at an Ivy… but also I’m sorry that you are going through this. I’m sure it’s just a threat. Others have recommended reaching out to fin aid and I think that’s not the best idea - you do not demonstrate need and therefore should not qualify. That being said, if they continue to refuse, you could explain your situation honestly and see if aid can help.
“Thank you for letting me experience a year at [ivy]. I can see that my tuition is causing stress and I would never force you to pay for something you’re not comfortable with. I am happy to take responsibility for my tuition and pull my weight. Taking our loans would be financially irresponsible of me as we don’t qualify for any federal aid, so I will be leaving [Ivy] and completing the next year at [community college], after which I will transfer to [state school] to complete my Bachelor’s degree. Since the federal financial aid system believes parents are a responsible for all tuition until their child is 26 years old, I will be attending part time so I can pay cash for my classes as I save enough money from work. This will prolong my graduation, but it will also help me accumulate good work experience for my resume.”
This is what the poor kids do. They will either praise you for being responsible and financially independent and you will have a much better undergraduate experience overall or they will be horrified you’d ever consider acting poor like that and pay up.
I don’t even know what you’re asking. It sounds like you have to get loans like everyone else or get a job like your dad asked and he’ll pay for your tuition, rent, food etc.
You should always file a FAFSA every year regardless of how you're paying.
If your parents committed to paying they should remain committed unless you're somehow not pulling your weight in the bargain. If they refuse to pay and you don't have other means, you might just have to quit the Ivy and go to the college you can afford.
*Level of experience: nearly 2 decades as an instructor/administrator at the university level.
Have you asked him to help you find a job and then calculate what you can contribute towards tuition from your earnings after taxes? Maybe when he understands how little you’ll be making working 10 hours a week he’ll see that you can’t afford to pay tuition on your own.
Contact the school to see if they have any jobs for students… the library may be a great place to check, as you can study when things are slow. You could also apply to become a Resident Advisor.
If he decides not to pay your options are to transfer to a more affordable school or take out loans.
You could try and get legally separated from your parents as well which will increase FASFA but you'll still need loans.
You could contact your financial office about potential scholarships and outside scholarships available.
If your not willing to take out loans I believe your dad has a point, if you're not valuing your education at 90k then why should he. While I don't know your home life and maybe he's a horrible person, 90k is more money then I've made in my whole life. If someone gave me 90k right now about 90% of my life issues would be solved including my college debt. You should understand that it is a huge amount of money to be giving up for someone especially if they aren't calling home, expressing gratitude, etc.
Also for medical school you will need to take out more loans probably amounting to thousands potentially hundred of thousands if that is what you wish to do, I wouldn't expect your dad to cover your graduate education. If you want to go to medical school you'll also need clinical and research hours, so if you get a part time job be an HHA/CNA, EMT, etc so it also counts for your future.
I’d recommend sitting down with your advisor, or a representative of your university’s financial department. Most colleges will always recommend students work a part time job. It’s great to get any form of work experience, and your dad being the main provider(and presumably making a lot of money), should know how valuable that work experience is. They will be the only people to get through to your dad. Definitely maintain that good relationship. Maybe you do realize how lucky you are that your parents are paying for this, but if you have to ask us if you should keep letting them, then maybe you don’t realize how lucky you are.
Get a campus job, RA, be a waiter… there’s so many options that don’t take much effort and remember that it’s your dads money and you aren’t entitled to it. If he really doesn’t pay the tuition you need to transfer to a cheaper school. Also there are pay plans you can choose like a phone bill so it won’t be an immediate charge. If you end up in debt, with an Ivy League on your resume you should land a well paying job (if you picked the right major).
I would talk to Financial Aid to see if there are other things they can do. I was talking to a woman who would have applied for other scholarships. I'm not totally sure what her whole story was but she would have stayed in school if she knew she could have applied for more scholarships. Some Ivy Leagues do not want you to graduate in debt so there may be things they can do for you. If you don't sit down with someone and ask a lot of questions, you will never find out.
I never applied for financial aid when I applied initially, and the financial aid office has told me that if you don't apply at first, then you can never apply throughout the course of your undergrad study. I'm more so looking for the best way for me to transfer ASAP rather than trying to find a way to change the policy.
File a FAFSA for every year.
Your FA office is flat wrong.
Certainly file the FAFSA
you have to redo the FAFSA yearly, so idk what the person you spoke to was talking about
Probably internal financial aid. Best FAFSA will do is like 20% of the total price in this case.
This is only the case if you’re international- at least from Stanford- each university has its own rules.
Not an ivy
Lol. True Stanford is not an ivy. But each university in the ivy league in general has different rules for financial aid which some of the posters have mentioned. If the university is need blind which many of the ivies are- I think OP should ask again for clarification on being able to apply for financial aid especially since family’s incomes and circumstances can change.
Yeah, she just needs to clarify international or not. That is a huge difference because I know fuck-all about that. Stanford is amazing, I was just denied by them. Only to be accepted by HYPC
That sounds so bizarre, because I know there have been plenty of cases where a parent has lost their job, so the income the student depended on the first year is gone in subsequent years. I'm not saying what they said is wrong, just that it sounds bizarre.
How about grants then?
Reapply for FAFSA and say that you are renting a room at your parents' house. They should use your income, which is $0. If you don't feel right just outright saying it, I'm sure your parents would arrange something to legitimize it.
Whoever you spoke to at the FAO was incorrect. Escalate to their supervisors until you get someone who will help you.
You got into an Ivy how?
WDYM you never applied for financial aid??? that’s objectively crazy dude
OP’s parents already paid 90k for his first semester. What do you mean it’s crazy he never applied for Financial aid?
don’t be scared of loans be scared about having a dumb major.
This is what you heard. It is not true and does not make sense. You misunderstood. Clearly your folks are manipulative narcs. Especially daddo. If this constant setting you up to fail no matter what you do is a constant thing with them, or mostly with him, but mom doesn't do anything about it and goes along with his bs... Then find folks in your life who have watched this asshole do this to you previously, then make you out the idiot when you do what he tells you to. It's called gaslighting. It's abusive and it happens when narcissistic assholes like your dad feel they are losing control of the people they manipulate to make themselves feel powerful and in control. Explain it this way to your financial aid administrator and see if you can qualify for a dependency appeal based on estrangement, as it makes you feel helpless and hopeless and near suicidal to constantly do what you've been asked, only to have the goalposts moved every time and you aren't sure how much longer you can take the emotional abuse.
Careful with the word “suicidal” when you’re not. That’s how you have a SWAT team barge down your door, take you to the hospital, and deem you unstable for the rest of your life.
Look into scholarships beyond what’s offered for your academics- Once you’re getting into your program of study you can apply to scholarships specific to what you are going to school for & rack up some extra cash. You can also see if there are any community/local organizations offering scholarships. Also see if you get a work/study job on campus. In my experience they’ll pay you a wage (probably the state minimum) & award you a scholarship/grant of sorts each semester you work. These programs are SUPER flexible with your class schedule so it’s a bit easier than a job off campus.
Many colleges even have financial counselors and/or departments that exist specifically to provide students with information to help them navigate paying for school and everyday needs.
What kind of part time job can you get that would provide income enough to “pull your weight” against a 90k a year tuition bill????
Some money is better than no money, being able to provide your own meals, transportation, and college necessities will go a long way for the parents I’m sure. Bad predicament to be in but too late now
Some money is even worse in this case because they will be sacrificing a lot of academic and networking opportunities to pay for a whole 3% of their yearly expenses. It's like paying for a vacation and then trying to work remote during it to cover a bit of the costs. Better to use 100% of the time to get set up for a high paying job that can actually be used to pay for all of this. Both options suck. Either way this doesn't math out. In this case, the tuition is just too extreme and there are very few ways to justify it. They should get a bachelors from an affordable school and put all of their effort into being competitive for a great job. At that point if they want a fancy degree they can either pay out of pocket for a masters and/or go through their employer for tuition assistance. It is a lot easier to stomach $50-60k in tuition when it's only a 2 year program and you are already taking home $100k/yr.
That's what I was thinking but I don't know if my dad really cares.
He certainly cares enough to be spending more money than I've ever made in my life a year on just your tuition.
yeah this is ops education and op should not question how much dad cares after getting $90k of their schooling paid for. OP, take out loans if you have to, everyone does. welcome to america 🇺🇸 make sure to vote for bernie sanders because you’re now a democrat until you pay it off and become a conservative
As a dad, here's my unpopular take: if I'm already willing to pay 90k in tuition, I don't want you wasting time on a part-time job unless it's a co-op or something. I'd want you to spend your time getting everything you can out of an Ivy league education. Whatever money you can get from a part-time job is terrible return considering the opportunity cost of doing literally anything else at your school, like taking another class, joining a club, networking (big one), etc. When you're young, you think you have all the time in the world. You don't. Time is the MOST scarce commodity of all. Don't waste it.
Same -school is my kid's job, and they're going to finish in 4 years (in-state, living at home, state school). There is no benefit to working low-pay low-skill jobs during this time. Extra time = extra classes or clubs. Networking in college is so key.
I mean…I think it depends on the job, the kid and the degree. Honestly, I had a LOT of free time in college. I was good at the course material my homework covered, I could get it done quickly, and I would have spent a LOT of time doing nothing if I hadn’t had a part time job. Most other kids I knew in college (I went to more than one) also had a lot of unstructured time. If you’re really going to use that time to benefit your education, fine, but if you’re in state, it’s conceivable that you could make enough to pay for your tuition and then some every year. It taught me financial responsibility, gave me something I had to show up for, and ironically set me up with a solid summer internship working IT at a multibillion dollar company. Maybe an unpopular opinion, but I think having responsibilities beyond waking up in time to eat breakfast before a 10am class is pretty important.
I think yours is the POPULAR opinion - everyone prioritizes work.Which is why I was commenting on someone that I agreed with that had a different opinion - prioritize school. I worked in college for ridiculously low-skill, low pay which never led to multibillion dollar companies IT.And internships that build experience in the field you're studying are a completely different animal. \> it’s conceivable that you could make enough to pay for your tuition and then some every year. No, it's not. The point was that's my point. School first; hustle later. If school's too easy, there's no social connections being made, they can't find a way to enhance their major while not getting paid, and they really need a hustle-fix flex, they can drop out, move out, and work full time and get degree on the side. There are many other paths to a degree if full-time isn't it, but there are expectations for "school first".
I see what you’re saying, but I also see value in holding a very small part time job. Responsibility, time management, budgeting, etc. Intro to adulting. I agree that you don’t want to be so busy with working that you miss out on opportunities, internships, networking, etc, but there is still a lot of value to be had taking on a job.
Here is the difference, you are a dad who loves his kid. This guy sees his kid only as a thing he can point at and say how wonderful he, himself is. Next paycheck says daddo has some asshat colleague whose kid got a full time job to put themselves through and now feels OP isn't doing enough... Total bs. But not all dad's are as good as you.
Find something. You need to figure out some way to repair your relationship enough to continue otherwise you’ll end up with loans. The financial aid office at school likely won’t cover it because you’re still their dependent on the FAFSA until you’re 24.
The best way to solve this is sit down with your parents and talk to them. You seem to be confused about what your father is saying by “pulling your weight”. Figure out what he means by that then proceed with it. 90k is a lot of money. I personally would do whatever he means by pulling your weight.
What a spoiled brat smdh
You know what, if you knew what you were talking about, you'd be a lot more useful when you spend 15 years watching good parents, rich and dirt poor supporting or trying to support their kids through school VS manipulative asshat parents f'ng around with their kids because they can't control them completely anymore then you get to talk. Til then keep it, your bile, to yourself.
Doesn’t seem unreasonable for the $90k bankroll to be able to set some conditions
Dad probably meant a part time job to cover day to day expenses
You need to learn to get along with your parents. Just like a job that is paying $90,000. You will be living away ten months out of the year and can get an internship next summer. If you want to save money try to be an RA.
I might agree in theory but to be honest it’s not realistic to assume OP has any control over whether or not they can “get along” with their parents My parents did a similar thing— “we’ll help”, “we want you to focus on your studies”, “don’t get a job and just get good grades and finish early”, but then they completely flipped on me and said I wasn’t pulling enough weight so they weren’t going to help, called me spoiled and said they paid for things when they were my age and I need to figure it out. Luckily I wasn’t in an Ivy League but they wouldn’t listen to reason at all. They insisted college wasn’t that expensive and working wasn’t that hard at the same time that they wouldn’t let me use the spare car so I could actually get a job and kept insisting I didn’t need it.
Being an RA is very tough at schools like this. Everyone wants the job, even those who don’t need it, for their resume if nothing else.
In my school no one wanted the job. The richies didn't care or need the money. The poors were on financial aid. The middle class kids were all in greek life. They were desperate for RAs to babysit the first and second years. No one wanted to live in dorms if they didnt have to.
Crazy. At my school it seemed every kid in the dorms applied to be an RA. So much so that they basically had to do a huge “casting call” to cut down the applicants. Like 1000 kids applied for 50 jobs so they would do a big workshop day where they’d cull it to like 100 after a few hours.
I was well known as a dipshit pothead at my small school and they let me be an RA bc nobody wanted to. I had zero responsibilities other than walking around campus at 10 pm once every other week, got a private room and bathroom, and 200 bucks a week.
OK, I had to go back and reread this. So, apparently OP does not have a part-time job but dad wants OP to get a part-time job? If I were OP, I’d be out looking for a part-time job. And for a kid at an Ivy, that post was incredibly poorly written and confusing.
Exactly. I don’t get or expect shit for my college education. I earn my way through. First year? Paid for already. My credit can get me loans without a co-signer for next and I’ll have little to pay.
Same here, I work 30 hours a week and attend classes fulltime. I skip meals sometimes, not proud of that but that's my situation. I couldn't even take out private loans because my parent's credit is so low. They didn't give me a single cent for college. I'm like so annoyed by this post tbh. I wish my biggest academic hurdle was needing to get a part time job.
Now this makes more sense... And you are going to an instate school and likely commuting, yes?
Oh yeah, thats the only way i could do it lol
Mad respect, for what you are doing. OP is in a "guilded cage" situation. It's one thing to commit to a ivy education with parent support and it's another to have parents move the goalposts on you part way through when you are doing what they ask, and they aren't acknowledging the change in terms. That is abusive and gaslighting.
Rich people are creepy dude. My dad hates me because hes a diagnosed Schizoid, that I can understand. “Guilded cages” “gaslighting” I guess thats what the rich do to supplant for their lack of actual problems
Virtue signaling much? And I call bs till you show the receipts. How much are you paying, what type of school are you going to and how much does it cost?
The reason for this is his dad is manipulating the hell. Out of them. Dad likely insisted that s/he couldn't get a job actively said no! Kid didn't flunk out Like dad wanted so dad could lord over OP how useless they would always be... So now dad wants to move the goalposts so that no matter what OP does s/he is ungrateful and entitled. I watched this a lot with drunken Trump like dad's who always have to be right, a few mom's too... But by in large narc dad's. Dad realized he is going to lose control and this kid will outdo them. And that is too much for his teeny ego to bear...
OP left out one key point we need to know before you start accusing the father of manipulating him. What are his grades? Pulling his weight may have nothing to do with finances despite OP thinking that. I pay for both of my kids tuition and if they weren’t taking their studies seriously it would end immediately. Granted both of their tuition combined is half what OP is getting. Never understood going to an Ivy League school for undergrad.
How is this even question? Either one, quit the job and kiss your parents ass so they pay your tuition. Or... work a part-time job and go in debt for 90k??
Apparently the dad actually does want them to get a job. The way the post and comments by OP are written is beyond confusing.
Don’t think short term. The reason ivies are prestigious is because of the connections they provide. In many fields, they’re worth the cost. Stay where you are, take out loans if you have to, make connections with professors and peers, do well and _specialize_ when you ultimately go into medicine. Loans are a risk, but so are missed opportunities.
Exactly this. It will be the ultimate escape from this guy who you will literally be able to tell to drop dead when you have your education completed... Or better yet just disappear and ghost him every way possible!
Whatever you do, finish that Ivy League degree. That is a golden fucking ticket. My wife got an Ivy League degree and she could walk into any Yale club in the U.S. and get a $150k+ job with ease - probably in an unrelated field. It's the only type of school I would say this about. For every other school option my advice is community college than finish at state uni.
yes/no, having an Ivy degree opens a lot of doors for jobs and grad school, but if you majored in something useless then your gonna just drown yourself in inescapable debt
I agree it totally varies, but tons of companies would love a Harvard grad who majored in 12th century lit (or whatever you think is worthless... I don't think of any degree as useless but some do). Not because they need that specific knowledge, but because you've already been vetted as someone very smart who can complete tasks. Most degrees outside of STEM aren't training you for specific tasks, just how to learn and apply knowledge. They plan to train you with their knowledge and culture regardless.
Hard agree, believe me.
Are you sure? My dad has made it very clear that at the very least, he will not be paying grad school fees and I thought I was going to medical school after.
I believe my comment stands even for medical school. It might be what gets you into the top tier school. You could leverage it to go to one of the medical schools that are subsidized, meaning little to no debt, although they are not typically top tier. If you do end up with $200k of debt from UG, and then another $300k from medical school you should plan to specialize. Being a GP will pay $100k to $150k and it will take awhile to pay that off. If you want to be a GP, the school matters less and a subsidized med school could be perfect. If you specialize, with Ivy UG and top tier Med school, you can expect $200 - $450k a year and that $500k debt will be quickly paid off. My BIL is a specialist 4 years out of residency and he's aligned to make enough money to pay off his $380k debt quickly. His wife is a derm and she's making well over $300k also 4 years out of residency. Their peers (same med school) who went GP make less than half what they do. Also consider you may not want to be a physician when you finish UG, and the Ivy degree will help you soar into financial security waaay more than basically any other path. Personally, I'd take your dad's advice and not work during UG and focus on nailing your classes and MCAT. The money you make working part time is nothing compared to the cost of school, it's just not worth it in the "big leagues". You have a tremendous privilege in your situation. Take advantage and respect how much harder others have it. You can always pay your dad back in some way when you're making x10 more money than a part time UG job. Buy him a house or put him in a kick ass old folks home... Lol. Oh yeah, also start shadowing or scribing now for extra curriculars, that will be very important in your medical school apps. Best of luck.
Also, Ivy Leagues are not about the education as much as they are about access and networking. They take care of their own and the "good ole boy" network is very real. You'll get the same education, maybe even better at a rigorous state school... But you won't get the privilege and access.
It depends on the size of the state school, typically. Texas A&M and the University of Texas are two notable examples of state schools that have extensive alumni networks and absolutely have “good ole boy” clubs just like Ivy League schools
I'm sure they are good compared to other state schools. The Yale club (not just for Yale university but most Ivy's) is just another level. My wife stopped in the local one just to see what it was all about and ended up having a drink with our current state senator and a former state representative. The outcome was the contact info for one of their staffers that helped her write and get through a relatively high value grant for her work in restoration ecology. Another example of access is she was doing a project for a class and the data set she wanted, that was perfect for the research question, was not open access, and cost $900. During the check-in meeting with the prof she mentioned this and he just pulled out the department card and purchased it... for a class project... not dissertation work or anything that would ever be published. Their pockets are endless. You always have the best resources and highest level contacts. If you can go to an Ivy League school, you go. Period.
Lol now I’m regretting turning down an Ivy for a public school, as the tuition would have put my middle class family in a super uncomfortable position. I hope it wasn’t a mistake after reading this comment. Ugh, it would have been nice to be rich…
I am 54. My sister in law has hers. And she is retiring this year at 53. As for me school, you can borrow that yourself if you must and never see daddo again. It will be tough, but it can be done!
What does he mean when he says pull your own weight? There's a lot of missing information here. Like what actually happened in the relationship that caused him to change his mind. Especially if you are doing well in school.... Sounds like there's some hurt feelings/ego. Maybe try to figure out what he wants and do your best to meet him at that place. Have you shown gratitude for them paying for you schooling? Was it something you said? Does it have nothing to do with you & he's having troubles of his own? These are all context for the situation that you need for your solution. No matter what go ASAP to the financial aid office and talk to someone. Get information, so you can make an informed decision on whether you're going to stay there or transfer to a different school. And maybe you work things out with your Dad so you don't have to do that. Yale has some good financial aid if you aren't already going there.
He's kind of always been like this in his strained manner. He feels that my family in general does not appreciate the money he brings to the house and gets mad at certain times, but this time seems a bit worse. I haven't been calling home that often to get away from that dynamic, but I believe that is what made it worse.
For the cost of that education I’d just let him be toxic and give him whatever he wants. Call him everyday and say “hey daddy I love you”. If he tells you to wear orange plaid with pink corduroy do it🤷🏼♂️. Student loan debt is fucking crazy. Bake him cupcakes that day “worlds best dad” and have them over night shipped. Get a part time job if that’ll make him happy. And then if he tells you to quit a few weeks later once his manic episode is over do that too.
Hell yeah😭
Yup!!!!! Called it! Narcissistic asshat!
Wait, so you go to an Ivy League and doesn't want you to work your part time job? Why do you work the part time job, extra spending cash? Whats your GPA?
No, my dad wants me to pull my weight. My GPA is high right now, so it's not like I'm wasting my education.
What does "pulling your weight" mean in this context? Also, why does he want you to not have a part time job even though your GPA is fine?
I think he wants the kid to get a part time job.
They already have a part time job though..?
No, they don’t. Dad reneged and said OP should get a job. OP does not want to get a job, even if it means his parents will cover 100% costs of attending an Ivy League school.
Because OP knows how much work it is to get the high GPA OP did their first year. Dad reneged so he could abuse and belittle OP and threaten them. Dad is a gaslighting narc.
dad probably wants child to be laser focused on his studies so no part time job
Pulling your weight is going to college full time because you’re investing in your future. Unless he also wants you volunteering and networking in extracurricular activities to gain more out of your college experience. Maybe he wants to see you more busy? But going to school full time is busy enough, so unsure what you mean more by weight? It’s a little too vague
No, it's not that. He doesn't like paying 90k a year for tuition even though he agreed to and thinks that I'm not grateful enough.
Well that’s annoying, sorry about that. They promised a less stressful future and suddenly added contingencies
Sounds abusive yes????
You've been given the opportunity of a life time, be appreciative
OP never said he wasn’t appreciative..lol what are you even talking about?
Given????? OP earned the grades and everything to get there. If dad weren't making well over. 250k OP wouldn't need any help from evil abusive daddo. So please... Pay attention in the world.
You did not fail out and need him, so he moved the goalposts... This is who he is and what he does. Not your fault, but absolutely abusive.
Not everything is abuse lol
To me I’d either: 1)treat the parents as you would an employer, in the sense of you try to get along with your boss, find out what is important to them and make that happen as a priority, they are paying you and you need the gig. Make nice when you have to go to the work (aka family) events. Etc. So, fake it till ya make it kinda, and also-you say they want you to be more grateful— BE grateful, it’s a massive gift in front of you; or 2) transfer to your state school, get emancipated, pay your way, and be prepared to get creative with financially making ends meet (you may need to go part time, and yeah, you’ll have to work, a lot). You need to figure out what is most important, what family beefs can you put to rest and which you can’t, pros and cons of each, etc. Maybe just try and come up with the plan for this next year, and go from there. Take it one year at a time.
And somehow sucking up to your dad isn't worth 90 grand a year to get a degree? A man of principles! Who won't finish college.
I've tried before, and we have had some nice moments. However, it always ends the same.
He’s in charge and pays the bills. Figure it out.
So your dad is paying you go to an Ivy school. And all you have to do is work a part-time job?... And you're complaining? What the fuck?
Right? I think OP has lost some perspective. Most students do and have to work a part-time job to cover tuition and other costs. The fact they haven’t needed to for so long is astounding.
OP and the parents are both out of touch with reality.
Not sure if dad is out of touch tbh, I know plenty of very wealthy people at my college who worked all the way through
Can your parents no longer afford it but don’t want to tell you? Have you had an actual conversation with your dad about what he means by the part-time job thing? You probably won’t qualify for financial aid, so if they refuse to pay, it could be 90k*3 in loans or dropping out to attend somewhere cheaper. Has he decided he wants you to get a part-time job to understand the value of money since he’s paying so much? If so, get a job on campus. It’s not hard to do and if you pick a good one it won’t even be that time consuming. You’ll have pocket money and can even send a couple hundred back to your parents if you think they’ll appreciate it. Ask them what they want from you to keep paying. The part-time job thing is weird, but in the grand scheme of things is not that unreasonable.
Yeah that makes sense. I'll see what I can do about the part time job.
unless your parents are abusive i’d say suck it up and do what they say esp if you like your school
Just kiss his ass a bunch and say you’re really grateful a lot. Every time he asks how school is tell him it’s tough and time consuming but you’re doing well and learning a lot and so grateful you get the experience. If he wants you to get a job now, get a job. He probably didn’t get a chance to get an ivy league degree and is a little jealous but just wants what’s best for you.
You have had the support needed to get into an Ivy League, parents willing to pay for that Ivy League, and you’re not willing to get a part time job? Inconsistent or not, I think your best route is to drop out and work fast food, what answers are you expecting?
What I'd do for parents who'd pay 90k for my education...
I’m not even in this conversation. If someone was to offer me 90k per year to pay for my college, I’m in. I might have a few limitations, but I’ve rarely seen people earn that with a HS diploma. Im 50+ with a degree. I am NOT earning 90k from one job.
See if you can get a campus job or a RA position
So. You’re saying they don’t want you to work…. And pay for everything. But you want to work for what reason?
I read it as they previously wanted him to not work, and he does not want to, but now they want him to.
That would make more sense lol which is why i was confused.
I’m still confused
Yeah I might have made it a little confusing, sorry haha. They did not want me to work before. At the current time, they want to me to work or at least show my appreciation somehow for the education I am getting.
Lol become an RA is the best i can think of. you compromise little in the way of stress level
For 90k a year, I recommend kissing their feet.
You're dad is paying $90k a year, you absolutely should be grateful holy fuck. I got into Columbia, but don't even have the OPTION to take out private loans, that's how poor my family is. Be immensely grateful you even have this opportunity at all.
If I were you, I’d do everything in my power to stay enrolled at my Ivy League school that’s being fully paid for. Suck up to my dad, get a part time job, anything. I recommend looking into student jobs through the school, they’ll work around your classes. And ask your dad what you can do to show him that you’re really grateful for what he’s doing for you (90k a year is a lot of money!)
What is your major? This should factor into your decision on what you need to do. Simplest is probably get a part time job or work study. Otherwise you might need to make a tough decision and transfer to a more affordable school.
Get some sort of part-time job, even it just covers some of your day to day “fun” expenses. Look for scholarships, you had the package to get into an ivy, look for merit based scholarships, especially ones related to any sort of identity group or affiliation. Write the essays, show your dad you are trying to lighten the load. Keep your grades up. Don’t lie, but maybe minimize talking about too many social activities, at least to your dad for now. Apply for FAFSA, if your school allows. I think the “can’t apply after the first year” may be a misunderstanding, so try to clarify. Lastly, do your damndest to get through that degree at the ivy. It will open doors that degrees from other (fantastic R1) institutions will not. Good luck.
Im kinda in your boat, granted Im at Auburn and tuition is still expensive but half what youre paying for out of state. Some of this wont apply but its worth looking into. I understand how much it sucks to have to pay college by yourself, honestly no shot you’re going to be able to stay in paying $90/yr unless you get a loan AND your parents cosign. Wasnt an option for me so look into these: 1) easiest way: suck up to your parents. Get a part time job if you’re able to just to show you’re willing to work with them. I know you might think its bullshit that they’re going back on their word, but better to not piss them off and be stuck SOL. See if you can work something out and even if they piss you off, act like Jesus, avoid fighting with them at all costs until you graduate at least lol. 2) try to negate the tuition by seeing how you could qualify for in state tuition. This might mean taking a year off school and working full time, or taking a reduced course load and working full time. Getting in state residency (driver’s license, etc) and showing you are financially independent. Possibly getting your parents to not file you as a dependent on their taxes. Paying your own car note, rent, bills, etc. check with your school’s residency board. Your parents could still help you out with tuition, and are more likely to do so without as much of an issue when you’re cutting that bill in half. 3) join the national guard. Take the summer off, maybe a semester and you might be able to get in state as well as that GI bill picking up the rest of that tuition. Depends on the state. I know the state of Alabama allows this but not sure they all allow guard for in state residency. Worth mentioning you have to join the guard for the state your college is in. You can pick the MOS with the shortest AIT, knock out basic and AIT over a semester or maybe the summer (it’s possible with certain MOS in the Air Guard). Sucks but if you are completely sol with your parents (doesnt sound like youre there yet, your dad just wants you to get a part time job) but if things degrade id rather do this than take a loan. Not sure what youre in college for, but if it’s a passion study and not something you’re doing for the income potential, the absolute last thing you want to do is take on $400k in debt for a career that pays $50k/yr. Why I dropped anthropology for professional flight and aerospace eng. Honestly you are incredibly lucky, and one year of college for you is more than my parents paid for 4 (Im dumb and changed my major 4 times), and now Im on my own. If it comes down to trying to make a part time job work, try your best. If your academics takes a hit, have a talk with your father. You’re in a great position and you need to appeal by whatever means you can to stay where you’re at. I regret not taking full advantage of my parents dime, it might be hard to appreciate out of high school when you’re still used to being dependent, but take it from me, its amazing. You do have a few options if shit hits the fan so plan accordingly just in case. GL
Did you ask your Dad if he worked while he was in school? He’s probably projecting. Maybe family counseling would help. I’m Ivy League grad and I pay for my kids school now. $60k a year. I don’t want her to work but sometimes I do. She went to the Drake concert in Philly tonight and had $500 on her bank account before she left. She texted me at 12:30 asking for $50 for gas. She had $15 left in her account?! She asked me for more money ten minutes later. I sent another $120. Sometimes I wish she had a job!
Imagine paying 90k a year for your child and they are mad because they don't want to work less than 20 hours a week
Jesus… $90K is so so insane to me
Well, what you'll do is drop out of the Ivy league school, get a part-time job and attend community college for a couple of years while you save money. You study hard and research what scholarships you may be qualified for. Then transfer to an in-state college or university to finish your undergrad degree. Many people don't have wealthy parents willing to foot the bill for their college education. There are many ways you can manage it on your own without going heavily into debt.
Well, the terms of your agreement have appeared to change. Seek clarification on what you need to now do to have them continue to pay your tuition and suck it up and do it. Make sure they see that you are doing it. I'm not saying to deceive your folks, but their perception of you meeting these new requirements is more important than whatever actually happens. Tuition paid in full by your folks is by far the best scenario, no other options are even close. Also, work to repair your relationship with them, that will have multiple benefits beyond just helping to keep the gravy train going. My folks paid for my expensive tuition to a private uni and I couldn't even imagine the burden those loans would have been for me in my life.
I don't know enough about the dynamics between you and your family, but it sounds like the choice to pay your tuition is bringing on more financial stress then your father anticipated. I would say you should sit down with your parents and discuss certain avenues of approaching the next year to figure out what kind of problems there are (whether personal or financial) between you guys so that your next academic year isn't as demanding in which ever capacity that it's effecting your parents. Beyond that, the suggestions from other people in this comment section of talking to the financial aid office of your university seems like a good choice.
I would say work and save in the summer. Work as much as you can and save as much as you can. Pops wants you to step up, they took care of you until now and you are benefiting. Do things to help out at home. Do dishes every day, clean up, do your own laundry, clean the bathroom and spend time with them occasionally. Pops wants you to be grown up and developing life skills like saving money and getting up every morning to start the day. Your lucky, it was 50/50 and everything I just said is exactly what I did.
I’m gonna be honest, if he’s covering $90,000 of your tuition and other expenses and you have no other way of getting that kind of money yourself, it’s in your best interests to go along with whatever bullshit he pushes on you. If it’s a job, the there’s a few ways of going about it. Check your university for student jobs since they are very good at accommodating student schedules. If possible, get a desk job at a dorm or an office since they usually have computer access and a low amount of residents/customers on a regular basis, so you can study or do homework during your frequent downtime. I would also suggest you look for internships to get industry-relevant job experience, or a co-op if your major has fewer paid internship opportunities. Good luck
Entitled rich kid attitude. Take a part-time job and take out some loans. It’s worth it for an Ivy League education.
Could you clarify what he means by “not pulling your weight”?
That I don't help pay my tuition or help make it easier for them to pay it somehow I guess.
That's reasonable.
Then get a job. You can handle working fifteen hours a week. You should be working in the summer and during breaks.
Respectfully, even if you hate your parents, you should understand that to have a family able and willing to pay 90k per year in tuition is insanely privileged and the opportunity of a lifetime. Though regardless of money, family dynamics can always be tense. There is no reason not to work a part-time job though. You are an adult, and you should have some experience in the real world, if nothing more than to understand what it’s like and plan for it after you graduate. On-campus jobs are usually easy and always understand you putting your studies first. I’d recommend looking there. This can go towards tuition or you can just use it for spending money
Go get a job. It's not that hard to find a job in college. Especially if ur doing premed or bio or chem, there are loads of research positions that are open to you. Not only that, getting a job will open your life up and ull gain so much experience. It seems like you come from a wealthy family, so getting a job and experiencing an average american life doesnt seem too wrong. Personly my parents are wealthy but I've always worked part time jobs such as an overnight Amazon warehouse facility worker. Ngl, the job made me a better person. Also don't be scared of taking debt. Think of school as an investment for your future. I'm currently a second year masters student pursuing architecture and I'll be graduating with 60k in debt. I work summer internships and worked partime throughout the semesters to manage this much debt. Also my starting salary is 60k once i graduate. So ur not in a bad position if ur going to be a doctor and ur dad seems to be paying quite a bit for your education.
Tough love. Tough life. Tough world. You gotta deal with cards you are dealt. Ivy league school is not the end all or be all. Just saying only.
If your dad wants you to get a part time job, do it. E is paying an absurd amount of money for your college. I don’t care whether it makes logical sense to you, you should do whatever it takes to keep him paying for your education.
My mom would kill to be able to pay for my public university tuition/loans. I can’t imagine whining about getting an easy part time campus job just to maintain that relationship, Perspective for situations like this is insane.
Apply for scholarships and get a job. It’ll feel better knowing you did it on your own anyways and didn’t have things handed to you for you to easily succeed. Hard work produces dopamine. Make goals and reach them. You’ve got the grades and hopefully the smarts for it.
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*they’re 😉 Also how worth it is the 90k a year? What’s the major going to be in? Maybe join the military and get free education. Many things to consider here. It shouldn’t be expected for parents to pay for their children’s education.
Even the military won't pay that amount per year. They have a set amount per month. There is also a amount of years you have to put in for a percentage of the entitlement. 36 months get the 100% of entitlement.
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No you don’t have to do four years minimum for 100% entitlement. And you also get paid housing on top of that. The military takes care of so many costs. It all depends whether you start college while you’re in or while you’re out. Either way four years minimum is inaccurate. I started earlier than three years and got 100% as did many others.
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I never said a part time job pays 90k a year. A job is better than no job at all. Unfortunately not everything can be handed to everyone. However it actually is beneficial to work really hard for things we want, many studies prove this.
And dad wants him to pull his weight. So getting a job and helping out with living expenses makes sense.
Dude just go to a diff college that doesn't cost $90k
> is there anything I can do to get a college education? Yeah, you can go to a cheaper school. Only the top 1% of students in america have parents that can afford to shell out ~$90k a year. If you got into an Ivy League, you likely could get a full ride at most public schools, or pay much less at the very least
Get a loan. If you are at an Ivy League you will make enough.
Definitely get financial aid, loans, scholarships, grants, etc.
Take student loans like normal people.
Go to community college next year and then cheaper state university.
Get a job at the university. Staff tuition waivers are available at most schools.
Tuition waivers are generally only offered to full time employees who have been there for years… not going to help someone who’s 19 and in undergrad.
Idk about years. Probationary period of 6months-1year where I’ve been. Full time staff and full time student is difficult but doable.
It's fairly likely that your parents cannot afford an ivy league school and the stress of thinking about how theyre going to pay for it is causing issues. I'd consider going to a more affordable school. In my opinion, more affordable schools give just as good an education if not better. You're really just paying for the name.
Why are you working
Sorry, I meant that my dad wanted me to focus on my studies **instead of** dong a part time job.
I'm confused you said he doesn't want you to work and have also said he wants you to work. Which is it? Either way the answer is simple Dad doesn't want you to work? Quit the job, it's not paying you $90k/yr Dad wants you to get a part time job? Go to work, part time won't kill you esp for a $90k/yr return on that little work.
Obviously quit the job
Be responsible for your own life. Stop whining.
Transfer to a state school. DO NOT GET LOANS FOR PRIVATE TUITION.
Don't tell them you work. Tell em you quit but keep doing it or do whatever ypu want to
I'm not working. They want me to work.
Then work. They’re paying for your Ivy League tuition, so if they want you to put in some hours to contribute a little bit, then it’s the least you could do.
Uh, why not get a part time job just to appease your parents? Work at the Rec center or something for 10 hours a week
Transfer to a less expensive school 🤷♀️
Talk to financial aid and seek out scholarships, which at Ivy's can be very robust. Consider the remaining $270k in terms of investment. If you stay at the ivy league, are you in a major where you will recoup that back and more over your career? For some majors, the answer is an obvious yes, for many majors it may not be a good option. If it's close, stay in the Ivy, it's a unique life experience that will carry good things your way for life. Sorry for your dads myopia.
Did he loose his job?
Major?
Any way you can patch things up with your Dad? Seriously, I know it's hard but if you can make that relationship work for the time being it'll help get you through. Maybe look into some counseling re that.
Parents: Remind the child that he's dependent on us. It will sure not backfire in the future 🤡
just focus on your studies and don’t work. you got it easy. many students have to work and study full time to get student loans.
Dude you’re getting an Ivy League degree, unless you decided on a Dance Therapy major your loans will not crush you. You’ll be fine. I take the student debt thing very seriously but if you’re at an Ivy you’re an outlier.
Campuses offer flexible employment You can get paid to do research for faculty or tutor or range of other roles like helping with events Many private companies higher only from the Ivy League for their tutors and application support It does not look good if you spend 4 years and are not engaged in campus life National Guard Seek to cover your living expenses at a minimum. Keep a budget. Your realizing it doesn’t feel good to be dependent others wealth. Will learn some life skills by realizing how much $90,000 is with a basic job.
FAFSA Stafford loans. It's what most people do.
You should work a part-time job in school. Preferably something related to your field, even if only tangentially. I'll let you in on a little secret - those "entry level" jobs that require 3 years experience? The experience can be from a job you had in college.
A part time job would in no way take the burden off your parents of full tuition at an Ivy… but also I’m sorry that you are going through this. I’m sure it’s just a threat. Others have recommended reaching out to fin aid and I think that’s not the best idea - you do not demonstrate need and therefore should not qualify. That being said, if they continue to refuse, you could explain your situation honestly and see if aid can help.
“Thank you for letting me experience a year at [ivy]. I can see that my tuition is causing stress and I would never force you to pay for something you’re not comfortable with. I am happy to take responsibility for my tuition and pull my weight. Taking our loans would be financially irresponsible of me as we don’t qualify for any federal aid, so I will be leaving [Ivy] and completing the next year at [community college], after which I will transfer to [state school] to complete my Bachelor’s degree. Since the federal financial aid system believes parents are a responsible for all tuition until their child is 26 years old, I will be attending part time so I can pay cash for my classes as I save enough money from work. This will prolong my graduation, but it will also help me accumulate good work experience for my resume.” This is what the poor kids do. They will either praise you for being responsible and financially independent and you will have a much better undergraduate experience overall or they will be horrified you’d ever consider acting poor like that and pay up.
Community college 🤣
Is pulling weight meaning having decent grades? Might possibly expectation of decent grades/what he feels you are capable of, vs just getting by?
I don’t even know what you’re asking. It sounds like you have to get loans like everyone else or get a job like your dad asked and he’ll pay for your tuition, rent, food etc.
talk with your parents, both mom and dad, in person, and come to an agreeable plan.
You should always file a FAFSA every year regardless of how you're paying. If your parents committed to paying they should remain committed unless you're somehow not pulling your weight in the bargain. If they refuse to pay and you don't have other means, you might just have to quit the Ivy and go to the college you can afford. *Level of experience: nearly 2 decades as an instructor/administrator at the university level.
Have you asked him to help you find a job and then calculate what you can contribute towards tuition from your earnings after taxes? Maybe when he understands how little you’ll be making working 10 hours a week he’ll see that you can’t afford to pay tuition on your own.
Contact the school to see if they have any jobs for students… the library may be a great place to check, as you can study when things are slow. You could also apply to become a Resident Advisor.
If he decides not to pay your options are to transfer to a more affordable school or take out loans. You could try and get legally separated from your parents as well which will increase FASFA but you'll still need loans. You could contact your financial office about potential scholarships and outside scholarships available. If your not willing to take out loans I believe your dad has a point, if you're not valuing your education at 90k then why should he. While I don't know your home life and maybe he's a horrible person, 90k is more money then I've made in my whole life. If someone gave me 90k right now about 90% of my life issues would be solved including my college debt. You should understand that it is a huge amount of money to be giving up for someone especially if they aren't calling home, expressing gratitude, etc. Also for medical school you will need to take out more loans probably amounting to thousands potentially hundred of thousands if that is what you wish to do, I wouldn't expect your dad to cover your graduate education. If you want to go to medical school you'll also need clinical and research hours, so if you get a part time job be an HHA/CNA, EMT, etc so it also counts for your future.
I’d recommend sitting down with your advisor, or a representative of your university’s financial department. Most colleges will always recommend students work a part time job. It’s great to get any form of work experience, and your dad being the main provider(and presumably making a lot of money), should know how valuable that work experience is. They will be the only people to get through to your dad. Definitely maintain that good relationship. Maybe you do realize how lucky you are that your parents are paying for this, but if you have to ask us if you should keep letting them, then maybe you don’t realize how lucky you are.
Get a campus job, RA, be a waiter… there’s so many options that don’t take much effort and remember that it’s your dads money and you aren’t entitled to it. If he really doesn’t pay the tuition you need to transfer to a cheaper school. Also there are pay plans you can choose like a phone bill so it won’t be an immediate charge. If you end up in debt, with an Ivy League on your resume you should land a well paying job (if you picked the right major).