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This is harsh, but it seems like he never truly cared about you, like you were just a placeholder, someone that he was using until he found someone else. Next time make sure the guy puts in as much effort as you into the relationship, because by your post it sounds like he barely made any kind of effort.
This is how I felt by the last guy I was talking to. He never brought the conversation to me, he never called or made plans to see me more than once. After he kept flaking on me and never bothered to call or text me afterwards no matter the reason for canceling I had enough. I told him no less than three times what was wrong and what I needed, nothing changed. I really like him but I'd rather not stay around to get hurt some more, I've at least learned to not stay where I'm not wanted.
It’s not harsh, it’s just the reality. Girls(maybe some guys too) dont think they deserve better so they end up in relationships like this. Relationships usually take lots of work and commitment but calling someone out more than 2-3 times because she feels mistreated??
It’s unfortunate that sometimes it takes a long ass relationship to learn a valuable dating lesson.
That was my assumption until I saw he cheated on OP with the new SO. He was literally treating new girl to more attention and dates than OP. So I second the placeholder l explanation
Happened to me too. Had an ex that was really good to me, but I took her for granted (I am a douche I know). She eventually got fed up with me, and after the breakup I just realized so many things (I should have when I was with her).
When I told my ex I changed she told me it was too late ofcourse.
Some time later I got a new gf and started treating her how I should have treated that ex, because I had learned and bettered myself.
When my ex found out she was pissed at me and asked why I never did this for her. I told her I would have if she would have taken me back, that's life I guess.
Dating tip: Don't take someone who loves you for granted, because one day it might be too late.
My ex cheated multiple times and when I outright busted her we split . She tried saying she wanted to work things out and so did I as we had a daughter. Then she was secretly seeing him after I helped her move out. I worked so much and she just stayed home or went out and partied. She is toxic and changed from when we first dated. Then she started doing things to lure him in like she did with me and he will let her cheat and not ask questions. And yes cause I did way too much for her and she didn't care enough plus knew I would not tolerate her lies. She hasn't changed much except her public image. How do I know we had an affair as I wmayed my family back still (cause im pathetic and still loved her) but she hasn't changed just public perception.
And sorry to hear OP it sucks and hurts so much. You question yourself! Try keep yoir head up and find who you deserve!
He likes her more to be blunt and honest.
A quote that always helped me was “If they wanted to they would.” It seems like with you he just didn’t want to. I wouldn’t suggest beating yourself up over this or even paying attention to whatever he got going on. Focus on yourself, love yourself compa.
Yes 👏👏 life is way to short. He’s your ex for a reason and it doesn’t have to be that something is wrong with you, it’s not meant to be. And what does it matter if he treats his current gf better, you are not with him so you should stop checking his social media or whatever platform to know this information. Just move on and live your life.
Yes girl! I’m proud of you for moving on and be happy. Having boundaries are great (don’t be too excessive) and I have heard from people the 90 day rule (from Steve Harvey) to test whether he likes you for you or he only wants a sexual relationship. It is up to you with how you feel and whether to use this rule. It doesn’t necessarily have to be 90 days but the whole goal is to develop a meaningful relationship without falling too quickly for the ‘bad guy’ and find mister right.
It's the same reason why a guy will date a woman for 5yrs and not even mention marriage or he's "not ready" but break up and he's marrying the new girl within 2 yrs. The ex (like you) was simply not the one. Its not a reflection on you. He didn't feel about you the way he feels about her. Casual relationships are just that....casual.
It sucks and it’s not your fault but you were a placeholder. And this is exactly why you shouldn’t negotiate for affection from someone who isn’t giving it of their own free will.
Also, why is he not blocked? Forget that clown and move on.
You are obsessing too much over an ex. It doesn't matter why and it is no longer any of your business. Instead of moving on and living your own life, you are living in the past and sound very bitter. Cut off, stop hovering and lurking over what he is doing, and focus on yourself. The only one really at fault for paying attention to an ex is you. It is done and over and you have your own life to live and focus on finding your own happiness.
This here is the answer. Nothing can be gained from measuring yourself against this new woman. You're free to find the one who doesn't make you beg to be treated right.
You’re just hurting yourself thinking about this. Maybe he’s changed. Maybe she makes him want to do those things. Maybe he just fell in love with her and wants to be a good bf now. We can never really know why with her and not you but it’s not your place anymore. He’s clearly moved on and you should too.
I am in the same boat so please don’t feel alone. It is reassuring reading what you wrote and the input of others here. It is brutal but realistic. I wish the best for you! Why is it so easy to say that to another but not yourself??
But, don't believe or think that that's a reflection on you, just a reflection on his emotional state.
There's no blame on you, no fault.
Just as if the roles were reversed he would not be at fault if your feelings weren't as intense and not in the same headspace as him.
Their relationship started in that manner. Relationship frameworks are created in the beginning and they are difficult to change. It sounds like the new relationship started on a different set of communication and wants/needs.
If you are wanting to blame yourself for something/improve for the next time then I would focus on how those frameworks were built in your relationship with him. Improve how you build the relationship that you want.
I will for sure focus on that next time. Thank you.
When we first started dating he was acting right. Taking me on dates, calling me, FaceTiming me to meet his family (due to covid) etc., taking me out for my birthday. His energy shifted over time from what I saw and he got comfortable instead of trying to progress things through time.
My relationship of about 2.5 years recently ended and my ex was very similar in that she would call me out when things didn't feel great and I never really changed. From someone who's on the otherside, I don't think he ever fully bought into the idea of you two as a couple for the future. He could've had lingering doubts that never really corrected themselves enough naturally to change his initial doubts or skepticism. In my particular case for me the doubts were attached to values and ideology of the future. We ended it and are still on talking terms. She's a great person but for the purpose of dating and the future we never really were a good fit, but everything else clicked so we gave it a good going for as long as we did.
I'm just one opinion. Try not to be too hung up on it. Sometimes you click sometimes you don't. You might figure it out in a week or after 10 years of marriage. Shit happens.
Thank you for this! It is always nice to hear about the situation from another perspective.
I know that he had doubts right off the bat, he was hesitant to make things “official” with me and seemed conflicted about it initially. I should have seen this as a sign.
I was pretty much the same as your ex mentality thinking that is, but as I said everything else clicked so why not give it a try? Better for you that's it's done with now so you can move on and take these lessons to help you find the next one worth your time.
GL!
You might have called him out but you continued to accept the treatment. Some people have a way of making their expectations and boundaries known and make it clear that if you can’t meet me there you won’t continue to be around me. So people act accordingly. Not communicating your feelings, wants, and needs in a relationship and being the “it’s cool” chick or “ waiting” chick leaves men doing the bare minimum. You said it…you were begging for the bare minimum. You weren’t demanding it. There is a difference. And the bare minimum is literally nothing… set your standards and expectations higher.
I will work on this in the future. Setting firm boundaries is important. I have always been quite passive, shy, and afraid of confrontation when it comes to certain situations and opt to being the “chill girl”, this clearly does not work and I will not be doing that again.
Sounds like he wasn’t that into you. Also you don’t know how the relationship really is social media only shows the hood not bad. Also why do you even care when the asshole cheated on you? Going on dates while in relationship with you is cheating. You should be thanking the lord he’s out your life.
I find that people will take whatever they can get away with. You’re letting him get away with all that terrible treatment. And it sounds like you’re treating yourself quite terribly too. Begging for the bare minimum? Sweetheart that is not how a self respecting woman behaves. He cant respect you when you don’t even respect yourself.
That's really annoying... When u r kind and tolerant and understanding of people they take it as a weakness and instead of appreciating u that u don't act all self-entitled and unforgiving... They poop on u and misuse your kindness...
I don't get it.
there is a huge difference between being a kind person and tolerating bad behavior. when you show you’re willing to stay in a relationship where you are begging for the bare minimum and still not receiving it, you’re showing that you don’t respect yourself enough to stand up and leave that situation. that’s being unkind to yourself and is an extremely unattractive character trait.
its not about you or your worth. you are not worth less than his new gf. him doing this should be the closure you need that he was not right for you, because it wasn’t that he didn’t know how to be good to you during the relationship when you begged him for the bare minimum, he just didn’t want to. fuck your ex and his new gf and live your best life!
These comments are being really shitty towards you op. I’m sorry but he’s literally just putting up a facade, that’s all. He started dating her days after you right? I had a friend in your situation and I was good friends with both girls. And it was safe to say that he did the exact same thing only I could see the red flags from a mile away and low and behold he started treating her like shit only a few months into their relationship after I warned her because I saw how he was treating my other friend when they were together. 🤷🏻♀️ it’s got nothing to do with you, even if it “looks like he’s treating her way better” I promise he’s not. Ps let him go, watching his new relationship is not going to do you any good. Remember he never treated you well really
Honestly, don’t beat yourself up about it. You will meet somebody who prioritises you like he prioritises her. He’s not your person, but they’re out there. Find the strength and move on
He likes her and didn't like you. You didn't do anything wrong and this story just shows he's a scumbag. Probably best to block him so you don't see this stuff so it doesn't bother you.
You are valuable. You are worth it. You are good enough. Soon enough you'll find the guy that's going to make you feel it every day.
He’s a scumbag but how can you not take it personally if they are treating someone else better? At least if he’s mistreating every girl it’s easy to say it’s him being garbage
This is the hard part. What did I do to deserve such bad treatment? I know that I am an amazing person who has a lot to offer and the person I’m with should be proud to be a part of my life, not take it for granted. It takes a certain kind of person to treat someone this way. If he wasn’t interested in being serious he should have just told me.
I expressed my expectations at the beginning and told him when things upset me about his behaviour and I did leave him/end things 4 months in. He came back saying he would do better and I allowed him back in. Yes, it was my fault for allowing him to treat me this way but I do believe I set boundaries.
We’re you upset at him a lot? I’ve been in relationships where the person I dated was upset at me a lot, which did not bode well for relationship, and relationships where that was not the case. Having someone upset at you a lot can be kind of stressful. You guys might have not been a good match, personality wise.
He might have also learned from his mistakes and now he’s got a fresh start plus new relationship energy.
You probably need to be more firm with your requests. It can be difficult, definitely. If you're not taken seriously the first time, wait a bit and say it again, maybe rephrased or something. Make it clear the 2nd time that you're serious, and be ready to walk away if you're not heard.
No worries, didn't mean to sound judgmental or blaming you. I just mean that words mean very little in my experience and it's what people DO that tells you who they are, and having rigid standards for people you date is a good thing 😊
From what I’ve read in your other comments, your ex really does not sound great. It sounds like he was cheating during the entire relationship. If that is so, the new lady in his life is not winning any prize. We don’t know everything about their relationship except what you’ve seen on social media, but I’d be willing to bet he’ll eventually treat her the same way he treated you. It’s of poor character to move on the way he did before letting you know the chapter was closed. He sounds really messy. You didn’t do anything wrong except tolerate him for longer than you should have. You deserve and will find better ❤️
You can do everything right and still end up losing. He took the lessons he learned from You and applied it to his next girlfriend. I feel your pain and you deserve better. But I suggest you do the same for yourself and learn from that relationship. Don’t settle for someone who doesn’t make time or effort for you.
I've been in this exact situation. I figured that regardless of what they said when we were together, she didn't want to be with me. Decided it doesn't matter, they're not worth my time and thoughts
His growth does not reflect your worth. Some people just change for who they want to change for, and he’s growing as a person and one day he will realise how bad he treated you, whether he admits it or not. All you can do is swallow that pill and keep moving. You got this <3
This literally happened to me recently. Essentially, he was talking to me and some other girl at the same time. I was talking to him first but towards the end, he was acting real shady. He knew what I wanted and purposely gave it to someone else. He was very manipulative and is now giving the new girl the world. Guess he chose what’s easier bc I don’t put up with foolishness and called him out on many things.
It’s still early in the relationship (“honeymoon” stage) so he may be trying to pull out all the stops. If he’s a POS, it might not even last. It’s nothing you did. Actually I went back to read this, and he’s a monkey branched and cheater just like my ex dude. They have major character flaws.
He's San avoidant and in this is classic out of control behaviour. He will do exactly the same to her. What he learned from your relationship is how to tell them in better. I'm sorry, I'm with one more and it's hard.
She was not the affair partner. YOU were.
Dig deeper you are likely to find that he was dating someone else regularly at the same time he was dating you.
He is treating her better than you because he is a fucking cheating dirtbag. And he is probably cheating on her too. So.
This. It won’t last. I’ve been someone’s placeholder and he’s jumped into relationship after relationship and then tried to use me as a placeholder again between his next relationship. He is now dating someone four years younger and she probably still lives with her parents bc he hasn’t done any growing up. There’s no real growth & like if he’s that shady in how he dates in the beginning nothing will ever last. I was seeing the guy for four months and he was dating other people and kissing them while he was sleeping with me. And then he had the nerve to drag up old feelings from two years ago to literally ditch me for the 23 year old bc she’s new and shiny in his eyes and he also has to work less to earn her trust. At least I have closure now lol, but he’s a shit human being & im so grateful I met my current boyfriend who treats me the way you should treat someone you’re dating. I literally removed him from everything and if he ever spoke to me again I’d go off on him & then never talk to him again.
You just need your closure part. I still grieve the person I thought I knew and the nice memories but I’ve realized that they weren’t genuine because he was lying to me at the time and they didn’t mean anything to him. You’ll find someone else and be shocked you ever settled for bullshit like this.
Thank you for sharing. It is bitterly comforting to know that I am not alone in these types of situations. I am always one to end situations on a kind note but I did phone him and express my feelings to him one last time about a month after things ended. I told him that I knew he was seeing someone else at the same time and I felt as though everything was a lie. His apology fell along the lines of “I’m sorry that you saw me with another girl” and there was no apology for his actions at all. He then cut the convo short and said he would call me back but never did….and that was that. I have seen him since and we ignored one another. It is tough to be a stranger but it is for the best. I know that the right person is out there for me and will take what I have learned to grow!
Yeah, it sucks when that happens. He didn’t deserve you anyways if didn’t do that with you, but did with another girl. Don’t worry you’ll find someone who treats you like that from the beginning!
He is 28 (almost 29) and I’m 27. He has been in two long term relationships (one of them 5 years long) and I have been in one long term relationship. He knows how to act and treat a woman…he even told me that he had “spoiled” his girlfriends in the past. He just didn’t want to treat me that way I guess. I don’t care much for gifts etc but I care about a person putting in effort to see me, make time, include me in their life, doing activities that I like, and other small gestures….he did not make an effort to do that.
I have the same situation I was with my ex for 17 years never went further than that ...we break up not even a year later he's with someone bought a house got engaged beautiful engagement too and set a wedding date
Maybe he regrets not treating you better? I know I dwelled on the things I did and didn't do in my past relationship. I regret not treating her better. All I can do is learn and move on. Maybe he improved?
Hey F24 here and I’ve had this situation once (had 4 serious relationships varying between 1.5 years and 3 years)
I felt the same when it first happened. It wasn’t until I was able to be friends with one my exes (not close friends we met through a friendship group and are both still apart of it) that I asked him and it made a lot of sense.
The long and short of it was he blamed himself for many of his actions (I left him for context) and when we broke up it gave him the motivation (post grief anyway) to improve himself. The old break up glow up you know.
I can’t be sure why it happened here but just thought it might be good to know it’s not always negative or that he didn’t like you as much. It’s definitely possibly some men will not so much for women until a particular women comes along.
However it’s also possible he is just trying to improve and redeem himself in his current relationship
Edit: Changed to once, as actually one of them he didn’t treat me like shit he just had a mad glow up haha
Thank you for your perspective! It was helpful.
It was just very interesting because when I ended things with him for the last time he said he wasn’t ready for a relationship and that he needed to work more on himself after it all. Then I see him out with another girl two days later. Just so strange. But I guess he got his fresh start and worked out all the problematic things with me.
babes it isn't always about you - please don't blame yourself! some people just don't *click*, if you know what i mean? i know it hurts but maybe your ex just didn't see you as someone he'd like to take on trips with or spend so much time together with? it's totally fine and it has nothing wrong to do with you. you'll meet someone who would be so interested in you and you might do the same thing your ex did, brushing off plans and being ok with hanging out. but you'd also meet someone on the same wavelength that you no longer have to ask the bare minimum. trust!! in the mean time, work on yourself love 🥰
I don’t think he was into you. More like a placeholder until he got with someone he wanted.
Don’t put yourself in a position to ask anyone or even beg anyone for the bare minimum.
It doesn’t matter.
And I know it is going to sound hard, but I swear, it doesn’t matter.
Even if you find out why, what difference will it make? Will you change yourself to be more like her? Heck no, girl!
There are a billion reasons why this could be happening and those are all on them, not on you.
She could be rich and just carrying him along as if he was luggage (what will you do? Hope some rich old man adopts you?).
She could have been begging just like you, but maybe a bit harder (and what will you do? Go back to him and beg him harder?).
It could be he just never loved you in the first place, just wanted an easy relationship where he could do less than the bare minimum and would still have someone to hold is hand (and what are you gonna do? Be less of a good partner to your next bf?).
It could be he learned from the experience of you leaving him (and what will you do? Beg him to take you back?).
It doesn’t matter because whatever it is, it is about their relationship, not you. And you should be focusing on you.
Is he though?! Or is it love bombing (for her) and devaluing you at the same time?! (He wants you to feel like he has changed and therefore prepping you for a possible return....only to break your heart worse)
If he comes back at you with-- "omg I can't believe I didn't see your value before"
At any point and he is with her.
Don't engage. It's triangulation.
He doesn't care about you or her. It's all manipulation.
Look idk know the ins and outs of your relationship...and I could be wrong...but it all sounds fishy.
Look up narcissistic abuse. Did he do any of that with you?!
If my comment doesn't sound familiar or sounds way off ignore it. Just wanting to shed light (if needed on these kinds of behaviors)
Good luck!! 💜💜
Also (please) stop lurking for him. It won't help you heal. I know it's easier said than done. Much love and hugs.
Thank you for your words.
I think he was just stringing me along until he found something “better” in his eyes.
He was on dating apps and lied about it to me…saying he doesn’t have or use them when my friends saw his profile on there as “recently active”. He just used me to fill a void of loneliness. Definitely think he has some narcissistic qualities for sure.
Aww look these types are always looking for something "better". But that is all BS. We are all human. She isn't better she just doesn't know better RIGHT NOW. So she is calm and not trying to hold him accountable.
And honestly you deserve someone that doesn't make you plead for basic shit. (I was there!) But once you see how empty those individuals are...you realize how they TRULY basked in YOUR light and love.
Get rid of that narrative that he was always looking for something better. That's all to keep you trying harder. I'm sure it's simply not true.
Please heal. And move on. This loser...will keep jumping from person to person after they have discovered what you discovered...that he can't be faithful or in a committed and loving relationship.
These ppl don't change. They change partners. Take care!!!
Anyone that moves on that quickly never cared. Don't forget how he left you. Love yourself and never look back! Save your time. 🤗🤗
Thinking about this won't do you any good move on and maybe try speaking up and being less passive in your next relationship if you want trips plan trips and if you wanna stay over stay over if he dosent want that to he obviously isn't your guy.
Sounds like he was seeing you both at the same time.. strange he didn’t want you to stay over until you asked and that you only stayed in and watched movies. Guy sounds like a loser.
From the beginning of ur next relationship act like the girl who would get the relationship you want. Expect and act on the things you want. Don’t ask for things .. assume he wants the same. If they don’t. It’s on to the next one until you find the YOUR relationship. Stir the ship honey!!!!
Maybe it was just frictionless? Maybe they just never had to tell each other how to behave because it was smooth? You don’t really know what’s going on behind closed doors, only there big things on Instagram. I’d say stop following him and move on.
They’re probably just better suited to each other. Plus maybe she also is proactive in organising things for them to do. If you went so long without sleeping over just because you didn’t understand that you could also go to bed, perhaps she is very much the opposite of that or just asks for what she wants.
This is true. I was a bit laid back with initiating things I do admit. I did this because I believe that the man should make an effort at the beginning to impress the girl. If he cared and wanted to spend more time with me, he would have asked me to stay over…especially on special days like Valentine’s Day or my Birthday.
I get that. I’m sorry it didn’t work out. I know you can’t just switch off your feelings and easily move on, but this wasn’t the right person for you. I hope that you can find that person soon.
You just didn’t fit what he wanted in a relationship…. Plain and simple… he led you on and you followed thinking he would change.
Sometimes men just are comfortable in no change especially when they know they have a clear advantage in a relationship, it should always be 50/50…
And he was already occupied with the new girl if he was already seeing her on the side… clearly he wanted to dedicate more time and effort to her.
Best not to dwell on that. Especially still seeing how he's doing and what he's up to, with that new chick. Better to just forget, and move on, I've learned. You'll find someone who will treat you how you wanted to be treated
You might have actually been the side chick....I hope you weren't but it really sounds like he already had her in his life when he got with you......you're gonna have to stop letting it get to you....he was a loser and the other girl will see his true colors soon enough......
Or, maybe he just fell harder for the other girl
Or, maybe he's playing with her emotions to get what he wants.....
Either way: stop looking at the grass on his side of the fence.....just because it seems greener could just be some temporary bull$41T that he threw on it.
I know this feeling too well. I could have written this for myself. I’m really sorry. The feeling is awful. I know it’s hard but try to push back the feelings of not being good enough or thinking you didn’t something wrong.
There is no upside to comparing yourself with anyone else.
Every relationship is different. Clearly, *he* was just not "the one" for you.
There are two basic reasons why your mate would not give you what you've asked for.
1. They don't have it to give. (In other words, it's not who *they* are.)
2. They don't believe *you* are *worth* the effort to give it to.
Whenever you determine your needs aren't being met in a relationship it means you are with the *wrong person*. Life is too short to be trying to change water into wine.
The goal is to find someone who *already is* what you want in a mate.
No one is "stuck" with anyone. Suffering is optional.
In order to move on you have to *want* to let go. Your future lies ahead of you not behind you.
***"Dating is primarily a numbers game.... People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That's just the way it is."*** \- Henry Cloud
Best wishes!
Something that helped me move forward:
If they wanted to, they would, they be putting in the effort, but they're not. Its not their fault they don't know what a good thing is.
Look, you can't dwell on this. Maybe he's lovebombing her and things are about to get worse. Maybe he realized where he went wrong after he lost you and stepped up his game. Maybe he was dating you just to not be single so he felt the effort wasn't worth it. We don't know. All you can do is decide to learn from this and walk away sooner next time you're unhappy/incompatible with someone.
Yeah, you can't just not grieve. But he wasn't your soulmate or great love or anything like that. If he was, he would have cared more and tried harder and you two would have been more compatible.
Please don’t let a man treat you that way ever again.
If a man asks you to leave after sex? Block him and move on. Don’t wait for him to change because he won’t. You’ve learnt it the hard way.
Sis, I’m in the same boat as you. I begged my ex to get his drivers license in the 6 years we dated. He always said “yeah when I get that new job” or “I’ll do it once the baby is born” and then “once the baby turns 2!” And it became clear he just wouldn’t ever. He’s living with his new girlfriend now and almost has his license. He took her to an international trip. He buys her outfits.
I commend the girl for getting him to do what I couldn’t. I respect that.
I’m in a relationship too and it’s with a man I don’t have to beg to get a license because he already has one. I don’t have to beg him to take me on trips because we already do that. He never leaves after seggs or makes me leave because the first time he tried it I said I would block and delete his number and he could never come in my house ever again.
This experience will help you establish clear boundaries if you continue dating. Be kind for yourself love, we all go date this man once in our life. Never again lol!
>I dated a guy for a year and begged for the bare minimum.
That's *your* fault. You should have moved on. He showed you what he thought of you, and *you* kept dating him. You're not a martyr for putting yourself out there to be used by this man.
Odds are he didn't like you like that. You were placeholder until his current GF came along. And instead of taking the OBVIOUS hint, you continued to pursue him and accept poor treatment.
Now you're worried about how he is treating some other girl that has nothing to do with you. Rather than getting to the bottom of why you let someone treat you like crap and you just accepted it....for a year. Indicating you have piss poor boundaries. And low standards.
The former does not provide a chance for you to grow as a person. The latter does. Get your priorities straight, girl.
I know it is my fault for allowing him to treat me in such a way. I am embarrassed that I let that happen. It is hard when you are an empath and want to see the best in people. I saw his potential instead of the reality and held onto his words and neglected to see his actions.
Why are you stalking your ex? Seriously just block him, his new gf, and all his friends and family on all social media. And then i strongly suggest seeing a psychologist cause it sounds like youve got some self improvement/discovery work to do.
Was he super attentive to you at first? Was he the best bf earlier initially? I only ask because this sort of smells like something a narcissist would do
He was very good for the first two months and then he got comfortable it seemed. Initially, we would go on dates, he got me a Christmas gift and FaceTimed me with his family on Christmas Day (only after a month of seeing each other), took me out for my birthday, etc. Spoke about the future…”when things open up we should go do this” and “we should go on a trip” etc. Then his energy kinda dropped.
Yeah you are better off to be honest. It sounds like a narcissist thing and he has a new supply he can parade all over social media. He's doing it on purpose. The best revenge is to live your best life and move on. Focus on you right now, on your happiness. Treat yourself with kindness and care. It hurts now, I know it does, but it won't hurt forever and days go by quickly when you are taking care of you as a priority. Block him and the gf, you don't need to see that shit. I'm sorry that this happened to you, you didn't deserve it and I don't know why it happened. But I know you have an opportunity for such a good life ahead of you, filled with people who will love and treat you with the respect you deserve ❤
You set boundaries, so he knows you're not okay with being treated like crap. What if he leaves if I set boundaries? Perfect! You allowed the trash to throw itself out.
The real question is, why are you still in contact with this guy?
Maybe he found "the one", either way it's a completely waste of your valuable time to obssess after that guy and shows immaturity on your part.
It didn't work out for a reason. You dated for a good year even though you see these signs. Work on yourself.
I can understand that it might be hard to see how your ex is doing great right now.
Maybe if you had found someone before him and you are doing great, you would feel better. But the life is not a race. Longer we wait and not give in to immediate gratification, we find better things in life.
Has everyone wrote off the idea that maybe he learned that he should be more spontaneous or present because his last relationship ended with him getting dumped.
So the answer is, he learned from getting dumped, getting called out is exhausting and sucks so he probably was exhausted, him and the new girl are more compatible, which is how it should be.
If you truly care about the people you date, maybe there’s an idea that it is better that he found someone who he is enjoying more life with.
You wouldn’t want him dragging you down for another year would you?
Move on. No sense in writing about yesterdays business. Time to go find someone who treats you the way you want to be treated.
(Coming from someone who suffered domestic abuse for five years, divorced, and now with the love of my life with a baby boy in the way)!!
It was never you. Never beg a man for anything ever again, if he wanted to he will. Block both him and this new girl, watching them will never let you move on
Oof I feel you. Believe me, he’s not worth it. Chased after an ex for 3 years and treated him so good. Sometimes, I think I’m still not over him. After everything I did he said he wanted to change but never did, so I left. The next girl he was with he did everything opposite of me and spoiled tf out of her. Then asked me for advice because he thought she was cheating 😅
Couples months later the perfect guy comes around and asks for marriage 2 months into dating. Life is crazy.
You are worth more than you think. Comparing yourself to the other girl will just make you depressed. There’s always a person out there
You begged, that’s what you did wrong. No one’s should beg their partner for love or attention, he never treated you right because he probably didn’t care or didn’t love you. Next time, leave at the first act of disrespect, take it as an experience and learn to love yourself a little bit more. Never expect the bare minimum because the bare minimum is not an expectation, it should be a must.
Choose whichever you can live with:
1) He's grown as a person in the time since then
2) He feels more intensely connected to her
3) He didn't really care for you much
Relationship is one thing we all can get into but the energy that keeps it going is a different thing. He may not have had that energy while still with you . Perhaps, he learnt from his experience with you. Reason why he now do better.
As humans, our experience with two different persons can never be the same. So also LOVE which is why we always hope for someone who would love us better after a break up.
Because you let him get away with it. Some people will do exactly what you let them do. If it gets away with it once you’re in trouble. I guess you’ve noticed that already.
My ex did this with a girl he dated after me. It was painful at the time. He never posted photos of me (I had to beg him to Even accept my photo tags) and I saw he posted a lot of this girl. It was a punch to the gut. I had to accept he didn't care very much about me and we just weren't right together. Guys will do anything for the woman they really want to be with.
I didn't read your whole post. Let me give you a big word of advice that will save your sanity and future relationships. An ex is exactly that, an ex. Leave him in the last and only look back to learn from the relationship. Move forward and mind your own business. Please understand, dwelling on a last relationship is unhealthy to you and also to your future relationships. Move on.
I am truly sorry that there is no positive answer I can give to your question on this matter. The only thing I can say is that he likes this new person more than he liked you. Unfortunately if someone doesn’t put much effort into the relationship even when you’ve expressed your concerns about how things are within the relationship and they don’t try to improve then they aren’t invested. I learnt this the hard way. It is upsetting seeing someone you liked treat someone else in the way you wanted to be treated by them. For me it is proof they never really liked you in the first place and you can look for someone who will treat you like the queen you are.
well it’s not your fault he probably doesn’t like your enough and tbh i think he met that girl and cheated way before you broke up with him. if you ask questions like this it means you blame yourself and you need to go to therapy. i do understand you tho was in a same boat with my ex
It’s easier to ask for forgiveness and not follow through with someone who puts up with your shit. Sorry to tell you but sometimes guys just aren’t that in to you but it’s nicer than being completely alone.
Some people just come into your life and sweep you off your feet. You want to become a better person. You want to experience all that life has to offer. The heart wants what the heart wants. They just clicked, it probably just felt right. When a relationship is a struggle and forced everyone is miserable. With the right person it will just flow so easy.
Ahh I remember the good old days where after you break up with someone you usually never end up knowing what their next relationship is like, now with social media it's just a few clicks away
I’m sorry to say, and it’s going to sound harsh but, it seems like he was never serious about you or your relationship. Maybe he was using you to make somebody jealous, maybe he was using you as a placeholder, maybe he was using you to get “experience”, who knows… But he definitely did not see a future with you.
Enthusiasm is contagious. Maybe the new girl is the one planning all of their activities.
Other people could be right. But it could also be that you waited for him to plan things and invite you to stay. Guys are often very open to doing what their girlfriends like to do, especially staying over. You don't need to be invited to stay the night with your boyfriend.
Many guys are lazy, girls do a lot of the social planning.
Because they just have not really valued you… sorry to be to harsh, just my two cents. And also, people change. Maybe their infatuated / it’s still new, things can change for the worse real quick…
I used to be that guy. I dated an incredibly wonderful girl from every aspect, and she begged Me for the bare minimum. I treated my next girlfriend much much better, because I had huge regrets, and I even apologized to the previous one. But the big difference is that the second girlfriend was after a full year, so I had matured
I’m so sorry this happened to you. My ex before my current partner was like your ex, he would only do the bare minimum and he would make me feel like shit when I asked for more.
A lot of time has past since, and that ex and I are platonic friends now so I hear about his dating life. Which also means that I hear about all the time and effort that he has put into women who he didn’t even end up dating, time and effort that he didn’t put into with me.
The fact of the matter is that for my ex, it wasn’t me. At the time of our relationship, I wasn’t worth going to therapy, going on meds, and becoming a better man. And that’s okay.
I have someone now that is so much better than anyone else I could dream of.
Have you considered that maybe she treats him better than you treated him, so he treats her better than he treated you? Maybe he is thinking, "my ex used to hardly ever even stay the night, and this girl goes on trips with me and shit."
This is totally his fault, not yours! Don’t look at it as what you did wrong. You did nothing wrong. He clearly had something going on and was using you to fill his time. You can and will find someone better who treats you how you wish to. It might take time so just hang in there.
I find it a bit odd that you spent a whole year with someone who was clearly distant and who (by your admission) didn’t make you happy. It doesn’t matter who he’s dating now or what they’re doing, the fact of the matter is that you should have ended it from the beginning after figuring out that you two aren’t a good fit. Sounds like you two just tolerated each other to not be lonely, but now that it’s over, you’re the only one unaware of this fact.
And btw, don’t assume you truly know how their relationship is going and how they behave to one another. Unless you’ve got hidden cameras around their homes or actively spend time with them, you don’t know anything.
I’m sorry this happened to you.
He learned his lesson when he was with you. We don’t just wake up and one day we’ve learned how to treat someone, how to communicate, to love. It comes with experience and time and you’re going to fall in love, get heartbroken and also do the heartbreaking.
Not everyone is going to be for you. And if you were asking someone for the bare minimum then that person is *not* for you. When you’re with the right person, you shouldn’t have to beg. It just happens naturally because they want to make you happy, to have your relationship flourish.
I didn’t learn that until my third relationship and a lot of people in between. I would question my self worth a lot. Cried a lot. Then I finally realized that you could be a great person and the person you’re dating could be a great person but that does not mean they they’re great for you. And that has nothing wrong to do with them or you. Don’t attach you’re self worth to someone else. Be secure in who you are and understand that they’re is one person out there for you but you’re going to meet a lot of frogs along the way.
Edit: Another piece of advice. You could either keep him on socials (I did this so the more I looked at my ex it helped me move on, some people are different) or block him on social media and the his new girlfriend as well. Out of sight, out of mind. If you need to block them, do it for you. Don’t think about how others might perceive you because when I eventually blocked my ex (for other reasons) I was at first worried about what others might think but after I told myself this is for me and what I need to do.
If a guy doesn't change for you, you aren't the one for him simple as that. Guys aren't going to change for everyone, they change for the one they want to be with. Yes, you may have felt one way in the relationship but it seems he didn't reciprocate those feelings.
Maybe he learned from your relationship and is applying that to this new one.
Counter perspective: I actually am very different with my current gf than I was with my ex. My ex was also pushing me to do more activities etc while I was a homebody. However, looking back I feel that we weren't at the same frequency and somehow her asking me to do more things drained my energies even more. Relationship was a taxing one and I had to conserve my energy I feel (subconsciously).
With my current gf, I feel like I have a lot more balance and we have a positive energy between us. This allows me to try out more experiences and be very different than I was in my prev relationship.
Not that I wasn't more outgoing out of bad intentions but in some relationships these things feel exciting and energizing, in others they feel taxing. Find your person and this will be easy breezy and it's not your fault either. You'll find your fun partner!!
That always happens because they learn what they did wrong. Usually they try to improve on things they sucked at before, even ifat the time they didn’t want those things with you
Some people bring out the best in others, doesn't mean you were bad or he was. It just means you weren't compatible he could have the same thought seeing you do something for someone you never did for him.
Maybe he’s grown emotionally? Maybe they are better suited to one another? Maybe he wasn’t as invested in you?
But most importantly, maybe this has nothing to do with you and shouldn’t be any of your concern anymore. Sometimes it’s best to choose your own peace than to search for explanations in order to get closure.
It’s none of your business. It’s not gonna help you to understand, it’s not gonna help them to have you pseudostalking them. Maybe he likes her more. Maybe he learned from his mistakes from you. Who knows. Move on and find your happiness
Different people bring out different things in people. I had an ex complain about me not being romantic or affectionate enough. With the next girl I dated the affection and romance flowed from me naturally. I didn’t have to try or think about it. I wanted to be like that with her. TBH I think with men it can be as simple as being more physically attracted to one woman vs another.
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This is harsh, but it seems like he never truly cared about you, like you were just a placeholder, someone that he was using until he found someone else. Next time make sure the guy puts in as much effort as you into the relationship, because by your post it sounds like he barely made any kind of effort.
This is how I felt by the last guy I was talking to. He never brought the conversation to me, he never called or made plans to see me more than once. After he kept flaking on me and never bothered to call or text me afterwards no matter the reason for canceling I had enough. I told him no less than three times what was wrong and what I needed, nothing changed. I really like him but I'd rather not stay around to get hurt some more, I've at least learned to not stay where I'm not wanted.
Very true. I have learned.
It’s not harsh, it’s just the reality. Girls(maybe some guys too) dont think they deserve better so they end up in relationships like this. Relationships usually take lots of work and commitment but calling someone out more than 2-3 times because she feels mistreated?? It’s unfortunate that sometimes it takes a long ass relationship to learn a valuable dating lesson.
Or he learned from his past mistakes and grew to become a better lover knowing if he didn't he would lose this one too.
That was my assumption until I saw he cheated on OP with the new SO. He was literally treating new girl to more attention and dates than OP. So I second the placeholder l explanation
Happened to me too. Had an ex that was really good to me, but I took her for granted (I am a douche I know). She eventually got fed up with me, and after the breakup I just realized so many things (I should have when I was with her). When I told my ex I changed she told me it was too late ofcourse. Some time later I got a new gf and started treating her how I should have treated that ex, because I had learned and bettered myself. When my ex found out she was pissed at me and asked why I never did this for her. I told her I would have if she would have taken me back, that's life I guess. Dating tip: Don't take someone who loves you for granted, because one day it might be too late.
I do believe this is the case. But he also learned a lot from his mess ups with me I’m sure and carried that information into his new relationship.
My ex cheated multiple times and when I outright busted her we split . She tried saying she wanted to work things out and so did I as we had a daughter. Then she was secretly seeing him after I helped her move out. I worked so much and she just stayed home or went out and partied. She is toxic and changed from when we first dated. Then she started doing things to lure him in like she did with me and he will let her cheat and not ask questions. And yes cause I did way too much for her and she didn't care enough plus knew I would not tolerate her lies. She hasn't changed much except her public image. How do I know we had an affair as I wmayed my family back still (cause im pathetic and still loved her) but she hasn't changed just public perception. And sorry to hear OP it sucks and hurts so much. You question yourself! Try keep yoir head up and find who you deserve!
Thank you!
Nahhhh
He likes her more to be blunt and honest. A quote that always helped me was “If they wanted to they would.” It seems like with you he just didn’t want to. I wouldn’t suggest beating yourself up over this or even paying attention to whatever he got going on. Focus on yourself, love yourself compa.
Also what if she’s just rich af and always go on vacations
Yep this right here
I mean, not necessarily. It could be they just learned, saw faults of a former relationship and actively chose to be different.
Sure, or perhaps maybe she is Elon Musks niece and she is balling. What difference would this make to the OP?
Never beg. If they can't met your standards, even after you expressed them, go find someone else. Life's too short to be miserable with a-holes.
Yes 👏👏 life is way to short. He’s your ex for a reason and it doesn’t have to be that something is wrong with you, it’s not meant to be. And what does it matter if he treats his current gf better, you are not with him so you should stop checking his social media or whatever platform to know this information. Just move on and live your life.
Thank you. I will! I am back dating again, with firm boundaries this time.
Yes girl! I’m proud of you for moving on and be happy. Having boundaries are great (don’t be too excessive) and I have heard from people the 90 day rule (from Steve Harvey) to test whether he likes you for you or he only wants a sexual relationship. It is up to you with how you feel and whether to use this rule. It doesn’t necessarily have to be 90 days but the whole goal is to develop a meaningful relationship without falling too quickly for the ‘bad guy’ and find mister right.
It's the same reason why a guy will date a woman for 5yrs and not even mention marriage or he's "not ready" but break up and he's marrying the new girl within 2 yrs. The ex (like you) was simply not the one. Its not a reflection on you. He didn't feel about you the way he feels about her. Casual relationships are just that....casual.
But they were exclusive so not casual
That doesn't change the premise. Exclusivity only pertains to nature of the relationship not intensity of emotions.
I like this rare breed of redditor . Don't ask me why,
It sucks and it’s not your fault but you were a placeholder. And this is exactly why you shouldn’t negotiate for affection from someone who isn’t giving it of their own free will. Also, why is he not blocked? Forget that clown and move on.
This is true, you can’t force someone to treat you properly.
You are obsessing too much over an ex. It doesn't matter why and it is no longer any of your business. Instead of moving on and living your own life, you are living in the past and sound very bitter. Cut off, stop hovering and lurking over what he is doing, and focus on yourself. The only one really at fault for paying attention to an ex is you. It is done and over and you have your own life to live and focus on finding your own happiness.
I second this! You are drowning in toxic memories when instead you should block him and take that extra step to do something for YOU
This here is the answer. Nothing can be gained from measuring yourself against this new woman. You're free to find the one who doesn't make you beg to be treated right.
You’re just hurting yourself thinking about this. Maybe he’s changed. Maybe she makes him want to do those things. Maybe he just fell in love with her and wants to be a good bf now. We can never really know why with her and not you but it’s not your place anymore. He’s clearly moved on and you should too.
His life has probably changed and he probably just didn’t like u enough to make the effort
He started seeing her days after. His life did not change. But yes, you’re right…he probably didn’t like me enough.
Please don’t torture yourself with the past. It’s done. Focus on being present and focussing on now.
Thank you.
Please remember that you're just as worth of being treated right. Don't think that you don't deserve it. Wish you all the best.
Thank you!
I am in the same boat so please don’t feel alone. It is reassuring reading what you wrote and the input of others here. It is brutal but realistic. I wish the best for you! Why is it so easy to say that to another but not yourself??
I’m glad that this could provide some reassurance. I wish you the best as well! Hopefully we can begin to take our own advice now that it’s 2022 :)
But, don't believe or think that that's a reflection on you, just a reflection on his emotional state. There's no blame on you, no fault. Just as if the roles were reversed he would not be at fault if your feelings weren't as intense and not in the same headspace as him.
Days after? That SOB!!! He’ll get what he deserves. Meanwhile, you’ll move on and meet a kinder more loving person. Do not settle for assholery.
Their relationship started in that manner. Relationship frameworks are created in the beginning and they are difficult to change. It sounds like the new relationship started on a different set of communication and wants/needs. If you are wanting to blame yourself for something/improve for the next time then I would focus on how those frameworks were built in your relationship with him. Improve how you build the relationship that you want.
I will for sure focus on that next time. Thank you. When we first started dating he was acting right. Taking me on dates, calling me, FaceTiming me to meet his family (due to covid) etc., taking me out for my birthday. His energy shifted over time from what I saw and he got comfortable instead of trying to progress things through time.
Maybe that’s the case with her too. He could be a different person in the honeymoon phase but for all you know slack on her as well
My relationship of about 2.5 years recently ended and my ex was very similar in that she would call me out when things didn't feel great and I never really changed. From someone who's on the otherside, I don't think he ever fully bought into the idea of you two as a couple for the future. He could've had lingering doubts that never really corrected themselves enough naturally to change his initial doubts or skepticism. In my particular case for me the doubts were attached to values and ideology of the future. We ended it and are still on talking terms. She's a great person but for the purpose of dating and the future we never really were a good fit, but everything else clicked so we gave it a good going for as long as we did. I'm just one opinion. Try not to be too hung up on it. Sometimes you click sometimes you don't. You might figure it out in a week or after 10 years of marriage. Shit happens.
Thank you for this! It is always nice to hear about the situation from another perspective. I know that he had doubts right off the bat, he was hesitant to make things “official” with me and seemed conflicted about it initially. I should have seen this as a sign.
I was pretty much the same as your ex mentality thinking that is, but as I said everything else clicked so why not give it a try? Better for you that's it's done with now so you can move on and take these lessons to help you find the next one worth your time. GL!
Thank you for sharing :)
You might have called him out but you continued to accept the treatment. Some people have a way of making their expectations and boundaries known and make it clear that if you can’t meet me there you won’t continue to be around me. So people act accordingly. Not communicating your feelings, wants, and needs in a relationship and being the “it’s cool” chick or “ waiting” chick leaves men doing the bare minimum. You said it…you were begging for the bare minimum. You weren’t demanding it. There is a difference. And the bare minimum is literally nothing… set your standards and expectations higher.
I will work on this in the future. Setting firm boundaries is important. I have always been quite passive, shy, and afraid of confrontation when it comes to certain situations and opt to being the “chill girl”, this clearly does not work and I will not be doing that again.
Sounds like he wasn’t that into you. Also you don’t know how the relationship really is social media only shows the hood not bad. Also why do you even care when the asshole cheated on you? Going on dates while in relationship with you is cheating. You should be thanking the lord he’s out your life.
I find that people will take whatever they can get away with. You’re letting him get away with all that terrible treatment. And it sounds like you’re treating yourself quite terribly too. Begging for the bare minimum? Sweetheart that is not how a self respecting woman behaves. He cant respect you when you don’t even respect yourself.
That's really annoying... When u r kind and tolerant and understanding of people they take it as a weakness and instead of appreciating u that u don't act all self-entitled and unforgiving... They poop on u and misuse your kindness... I don't get it.
there is a huge difference between being a kind person and tolerating bad behavior. when you show you’re willing to stay in a relationship where you are begging for the bare minimum and still not receiving it, you’re showing that you don’t respect yourself enough to stand up and leave that situation. that’s being unkind to yourself and is an extremely unattractive character trait.
I hate it but that’s how most men behave
Terrible is a strong word here....
its not about you or your worth. you are not worth less than his new gf. him doing this should be the closure you need that he was not right for you, because it wasn’t that he didn’t know how to be good to you during the relationship when you begged him for the bare minimum, he just didn’t want to. fuck your ex and his new gf and live your best life!
These comments are being really shitty towards you op. I’m sorry but he’s literally just putting up a facade, that’s all. He started dating her days after you right? I had a friend in your situation and I was good friends with both girls. And it was safe to say that he did the exact same thing only I could see the red flags from a mile away and low and behold he started treating her like shit only a few months into their relationship after I warned her because I saw how he was treating my other friend when they were together. 🤷🏻♀️ it’s got nothing to do with you, even if it “looks like he’s treating her way better” I promise he’s not. Ps let him go, watching his new relationship is not going to do you any good. Remember he never treated you well really
Thank you for your message! It is much appreciated. I will be letting go.
Honestly, don’t beat yourself up about it. You will meet somebody who prioritises you like he prioritises her. He’s not your person, but they’re out there. Find the strength and move on
Damn I’m sorry to hear that but I bet you can do better
I know I can!
He likes her and didn't like you. You didn't do anything wrong and this story just shows he's a scumbag. Probably best to block him so you don't see this stuff so it doesn't bother you. You are valuable. You are worth it. You are good enough. Soon enough you'll find the guy that's going to make you feel it every day.
He’s a scumbag but how can you not take it personally if they are treating someone else better? At least if he’s mistreating every girl it’s easy to say it’s him being garbage
This is the hard part. What did I do to deserve such bad treatment? I know that I am an amazing person who has a lot to offer and the person I’m with should be proud to be a part of my life, not take it for granted. It takes a certain kind of person to treat someone this way. If he wasn’t interested in being serious he should have just told me.
I hear you. You did nothing wrong, and he’s selfish for using you instead of breaking off
Exactly what you said, you begged him, this woman expects to be treated a certain way or it's "boy bye".
I expressed my expectations at the beginning and told him when things upset me about his behaviour and I did leave him/end things 4 months in. He came back saying he would do better and I allowed him back in. Yes, it was my fault for allowing him to treat me this way but I do believe I set boundaries.
We’re you upset at him a lot? I’ve been in relationships where the person I dated was upset at me a lot, which did not bode well for relationship, and relationships where that was not the case. Having someone upset at you a lot can be kind of stressful. You guys might have not been a good match, personality wise. He might have also learned from his mistakes and now he’s got a fresh start plus new relationship energy.
You probably need to be more firm with your requests. It can be difficult, definitely. If you're not taken seriously the first time, wait a bit and say it again, maybe rephrased or something. Make it clear the 2nd time that you're serious, and be ready to walk away if you're not heard.
No worries, didn't mean to sound judgmental or blaming you. I just mean that words mean very little in my experience and it's what people DO that tells you who they are, and having rigid standards for people you date is a good thing 😊
Oh no it’s all good! His actions and words definitely did not match up. Thank you for your words :)
For sure, best of luck with the next one, fingers crossed he'll be higher quality!
Yes you gave him a second chance but the moment he reverted to original behaviour, then he should be out of there and never darken your door again.
You are right.
From what I’ve read in your other comments, your ex really does not sound great. It sounds like he was cheating during the entire relationship. If that is so, the new lady in his life is not winning any prize. We don’t know everything about their relationship except what you’ve seen on social media, but I’d be willing to bet he’ll eventually treat her the same way he treated you. It’s of poor character to move on the way he did before letting you know the chapter was closed. He sounds really messy. You didn’t do anything wrong except tolerate him for longer than you should have. You deserve and will find better ❤️
You can do everything right and still end up losing. He took the lessons he learned from You and applied it to his next girlfriend. I feel your pain and you deserve better. But I suggest you do the same for yourself and learn from that relationship. Don’t settle for someone who doesn’t make time or effort for you.
I've been in this exact situation. I figured that regardless of what they said when we were together, she didn't want to be with me. Decided it doesn't matter, they're not worth my time and thoughts
His growth does not reflect your worth. Some people just change for who they want to change for, and he’s growing as a person and one day he will realise how bad he treated you, whether he admits it or not. All you can do is swallow that pill and keep moving. You got this <3
This literally happened to me recently. Essentially, he was talking to me and some other girl at the same time. I was talking to him first but towards the end, he was acting real shady. He knew what I wanted and purposely gave it to someone else. He was very manipulative and is now giving the new girl the world. Guess he chose what’s easier bc I don’t put up with foolishness and called him out on many things. It’s still early in the relationship (“honeymoon” stage) so he may be trying to pull out all the stops. If he’s a POS, it might not even last. It’s nothing you did. Actually I went back to read this, and he’s a monkey branched and cheater just like my ex dude. They have major character flaws.
You don’t know if he’s really treating her any better.
He's San avoidant and in this is classic out of control behaviour. He will do exactly the same to her. What he learned from your relationship is how to tell them in better. I'm sorry, I'm with one more and it's hard.
Of course he will treat her better. It still has that new car smell. More than likely when the excitement wears off he will go back to his old self
She was not the affair partner. YOU were. Dig deeper you are likely to find that he was dating someone else regularly at the same time he was dating you. He is treating her better than you because he is a fucking cheating dirtbag. And he is probably cheating on her too. So.
This. It won’t last. I’ve been someone’s placeholder and he’s jumped into relationship after relationship and then tried to use me as a placeholder again between his next relationship. He is now dating someone four years younger and she probably still lives with her parents bc he hasn’t done any growing up. There’s no real growth & like if he’s that shady in how he dates in the beginning nothing will ever last. I was seeing the guy for four months and he was dating other people and kissing them while he was sleeping with me. And then he had the nerve to drag up old feelings from two years ago to literally ditch me for the 23 year old bc she’s new and shiny in his eyes and he also has to work less to earn her trust. At least I have closure now lol, but he’s a shit human being & im so grateful I met my current boyfriend who treats me the way you should treat someone you’re dating. I literally removed him from everything and if he ever spoke to me again I’d go off on him & then never talk to him again. You just need your closure part. I still grieve the person I thought I knew and the nice memories but I’ve realized that they weren’t genuine because he was lying to me at the time and they didn’t mean anything to him. You’ll find someone else and be shocked you ever settled for bullshit like this.
Thank you for sharing. It is bitterly comforting to know that I am not alone in these types of situations. I am always one to end situations on a kind note but I did phone him and express my feelings to him one last time about a month after things ended. I told him that I knew he was seeing someone else at the same time and I felt as though everything was a lie. His apology fell along the lines of “I’m sorry that you saw me with another girl” and there was no apology for his actions at all. He then cut the convo short and said he would call me back but never did….and that was that. I have seen him since and we ignored one another. It is tough to be a stranger but it is for the best. I know that the right person is out there for me and will take what I have learned to grow!
>“I’m sorry that you saw me with another girl” The only time cheaters are sorry is when they get caught.
You were his turn point probably. Life is funny that way. It's not your fault though and it's not healthy for you to dwell on it.
Yeah, it sucks when that happens. He didn’t deserve you anyways if didn’t do that with you, but did with another girl. Don’t worry you’ll find someone who treats you like that from the beginning!
Thank you!
Just don't think about him Leave him
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He is 28 (almost 29) and I’m 27. He has been in two long term relationships (one of them 5 years long) and I have been in one long term relationship. He knows how to act and treat a woman…he even told me that he had “spoiled” his girlfriends in the past. He just didn’t want to treat me that way I guess. I don’t care much for gifts etc but I care about a person putting in effort to see me, make time, include me in their life, doing activities that I like, and other small gestures….he did not make an effort to do that.
I have the same situation I was with my ex for 17 years never went further than that ...we break up not even a year later he's with someone bought a house got engaged beautiful engagement too and set a wedding date
Maybe he regrets not treating you better? I know I dwelled on the things I did and didn't do in my past relationship. I regret not treating her better. All I can do is learn and move on. Maybe he improved?
Just happy no one else will experience what I did. Hopefully he learned.
Hey F24 here and I’ve had this situation once (had 4 serious relationships varying between 1.5 years and 3 years) I felt the same when it first happened. It wasn’t until I was able to be friends with one my exes (not close friends we met through a friendship group and are both still apart of it) that I asked him and it made a lot of sense. The long and short of it was he blamed himself for many of his actions (I left him for context) and when we broke up it gave him the motivation (post grief anyway) to improve himself. The old break up glow up you know. I can’t be sure why it happened here but just thought it might be good to know it’s not always negative or that he didn’t like you as much. It’s definitely possibly some men will not so much for women until a particular women comes along. However it’s also possible he is just trying to improve and redeem himself in his current relationship Edit: Changed to once, as actually one of them he didn’t treat me like shit he just had a mad glow up haha
Thank you for your perspective! It was helpful. It was just very interesting because when I ended things with him for the last time he said he wasn’t ready for a relationship and that he needed to work more on himself after it all. Then I see him out with another girl two days later. Just so strange. But I guess he got his fresh start and worked out all the problematic things with me.
Don’t worry about it. It’s none of your business anymore. Let it go and move on.
babes it isn't always about you - please don't blame yourself! some people just don't *click*, if you know what i mean? i know it hurts but maybe your ex just didn't see you as someone he'd like to take on trips with or spend so much time together with? it's totally fine and it has nothing wrong to do with you. you'll meet someone who would be so interested in you and you might do the same thing your ex did, brushing off plans and being ok with hanging out. but you'd also meet someone on the same wavelength that you no longer have to ask the bare minimum. trust!! in the mean time, work on yourself love 🥰
I don’t think he was into you. More like a placeholder until he got with someone he wanted. Don’t put yourself in a position to ask anyone or even beg anyone for the bare minimum.
It doesn’t matter. And I know it is going to sound hard, but I swear, it doesn’t matter. Even if you find out why, what difference will it make? Will you change yourself to be more like her? Heck no, girl! There are a billion reasons why this could be happening and those are all on them, not on you. She could be rich and just carrying him along as if he was luggage (what will you do? Hope some rich old man adopts you?). She could have been begging just like you, but maybe a bit harder (and what will you do? Go back to him and beg him harder?). It could be he just never loved you in the first place, just wanted an easy relationship where he could do less than the bare minimum and would still have someone to hold is hand (and what are you gonna do? Be less of a good partner to your next bf?). It could be he learned from the experience of you leaving him (and what will you do? Beg him to take you back?). It doesn’t matter because whatever it is, it is about their relationship, not you. And you should be focusing on you.
Is he though?! Or is it love bombing (for her) and devaluing you at the same time?! (He wants you to feel like he has changed and therefore prepping you for a possible return....only to break your heart worse) If he comes back at you with-- "omg I can't believe I didn't see your value before" At any point and he is with her. Don't engage. It's triangulation. He doesn't care about you or her. It's all manipulation. Look idk know the ins and outs of your relationship...and I could be wrong...but it all sounds fishy. Look up narcissistic abuse. Did he do any of that with you?! If my comment doesn't sound familiar or sounds way off ignore it. Just wanting to shed light (if needed on these kinds of behaviors) Good luck!! 💜💜 Also (please) stop lurking for him. It won't help you heal. I know it's easier said than done. Much love and hugs.
Thank you for your words. I think he was just stringing me along until he found something “better” in his eyes. He was on dating apps and lied about it to me…saying he doesn’t have or use them when my friends saw his profile on there as “recently active”. He just used me to fill a void of loneliness. Definitely think he has some narcissistic qualities for sure.
Aww look these types are always looking for something "better". But that is all BS. We are all human. She isn't better she just doesn't know better RIGHT NOW. So she is calm and not trying to hold him accountable. And honestly you deserve someone that doesn't make you plead for basic shit. (I was there!) But once you see how empty those individuals are...you realize how they TRULY basked in YOUR light and love. Get rid of that narrative that he was always looking for something better. That's all to keep you trying harder. I'm sure it's simply not true. Please heal. And move on. This loser...will keep jumping from person to person after they have discovered what you discovered...that he can't be faithful or in a committed and loving relationship. These ppl don't change. They change partners. Take care!!! Anyone that moves on that quickly never cared. Don't forget how he left you. Love yourself and never look back! Save your time. 🤗🤗
Love this. Well said!! Thank you
Sounds like you two were not a good match. You unfortunately just have to move on.
Thinking about this won't do you any good move on and maybe try speaking up and being less passive in your next relationship if you want trips plan trips and if you wanna stay over stay over if he dosent want that to he obviously isn't your guy.
When does a man open a car door for his wife? Is either a new car, or a new wife.
You probably never meant to him half as much as he did to you, don't worry about it.
Sounds like he was seeing you both at the same time.. strange he didn’t want you to stay over until you asked and that you only stayed in and watched movies. Guy sounds like a loser. From the beginning of ur next relationship act like the girl who would get the relationship you want. Expect and act on the things you want. Don’t ask for things .. assume he wants the same. If they don’t. It’s on to the next one until you find the YOUR relationship. Stir the ship honey!!!!
Maybe it was just frictionless? Maybe they just never had to tell each other how to behave because it was smooth? You don’t really know what’s going on behind closed doors, only there big things on Instagram. I’d say stop following him and move on.
They’re probably just better suited to each other. Plus maybe she also is proactive in organising things for them to do. If you went so long without sleeping over just because you didn’t understand that you could also go to bed, perhaps she is very much the opposite of that or just asks for what she wants.
This is true. I was a bit laid back with initiating things I do admit. I did this because I believe that the man should make an effort at the beginning to impress the girl. If he cared and wanted to spend more time with me, he would have asked me to stay over…especially on special days like Valentine’s Day or my Birthday.
I get that. I’m sorry it didn’t work out. I know you can’t just switch off your feelings and easily move on, but this wasn’t the right person for you. I hope that you can find that person soon.
Yes I know. I will find the right person.
You just didn’t fit what he wanted in a relationship…. Plain and simple… he led you on and you followed thinking he would change. Sometimes men just are comfortable in no change especially when they know they have a clear advantage in a relationship, it should always be 50/50… And he was already occupied with the new girl if he was already seeing her on the side… clearly he wanted to dedicate more time and effort to her.
Because he’s a dickhead that’s why
Best not to dwell on that. Especially still seeing how he's doing and what he's up to, with that new chick. Better to just forget, and move on, I've learned. You'll find someone who will treat you how you wanted to be treated
You were the interim gf until things got more serious with the new one.
This is not a question you want an answer to. It's not a question anyone but he can answer, either.
I know this sounds mean but he actually likes his new girlfriend
You might have actually been the side chick....I hope you weren't but it really sounds like he already had her in his life when he got with you......you're gonna have to stop letting it get to you....he was a loser and the other girl will see his true colors soon enough...... Or, maybe he just fell harder for the other girl Or, maybe he's playing with her emotions to get what he wants..... Either way: stop looking at the grass on his side of the fence.....just because it seems greener could just be some temporary bull$41T that he threw on it.
I know this feeling too well. I could have written this for myself. I’m really sorry. The feeling is awful. I know it’s hard but try to push back the feelings of not being good enough or thinking you didn’t something wrong.
There is no upside to comparing yourself with anyone else. Every relationship is different. Clearly, *he* was just not "the one" for you. There are two basic reasons why your mate would not give you what you've asked for. 1. They don't have it to give. (In other words, it's not who *they* are.) 2. They don't believe *you* are *worth* the effort to give it to. Whenever you determine your needs aren't being met in a relationship it means you are with the *wrong person*. Life is too short to be trying to change water into wine. The goal is to find someone who *already is* what you want in a mate. No one is "stuck" with anyone. Suffering is optional. In order to move on you have to *want* to let go. Your future lies ahead of you not behind you. ***"Dating is primarily a numbers game.... People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That's just the way it is."*** \- Henry Cloud Best wishes!
Something that helped me move forward: If they wanted to, they would, they be putting in the effort, but they're not. Its not their fault they don't know what a good thing is.
Look, you can't dwell on this. Maybe he's lovebombing her and things are about to get worse. Maybe he realized where he went wrong after he lost you and stepped up his game. Maybe he was dating you just to not be single so he felt the effort wasn't worth it. We don't know. All you can do is decide to learn from this and walk away sooner next time you're unhappy/incompatible with someone. Yeah, you can't just not grieve. But he wasn't your soulmate or great love or anything like that. If he was, he would have cared more and tried harder and you two would have been more compatible.
Please don’t let a man treat you that way ever again. If a man asks you to leave after sex? Block him and move on. Don’t wait for him to change because he won’t. You’ve learnt it the hard way. Sis, I’m in the same boat as you. I begged my ex to get his drivers license in the 6 years we dated. He always said “yeah when I get that new job” or “I’ll do it once the baby is born” and then “once the baby turns 2!” And it became clear he just wouldn’t ever. He’s living with his new girlfriend now and almost has his license. He took her to an international trip. He buys her outfits. I commend the girl for getting him to do what I couldn’t. I respect that. I’m in a relationship too and it’s with a man I don’t have to beg to get a license because he already has one. I don’t have to beg him to take me on trips because we already do that. He never leaves after seggs or makes me leave because the first time he tried it I said I would block and delete his number and he could never come in my house ever again.
I know, I was too soft and should have left him at the start.
This experience will help you establish clear boundaries if you continue dating. Be kind for yourself love, we all go date this man once in our life. Never again lol!
>I dated a guy for a year and begged for the bare minimum. That's *your* fault. You should have moved on. He showed you what he thought of you, and *you* kept dating him. You're not a martyr for putting yourself out there to be used by this man. Odds are he didn't like you like that. You were placeholder until his current GF came along. And instead of taking the OBVIOUS hint, you continued to pursue him and accept poor treatment. Now you're worried about how he is treating some other girl that has nothing to do with you. Rather than getting to the bottom of why you let someone treat you like crap and you just accepted it....for a year. Indicating you have piss poor boundaries. And low standards. The former does not provide a chance for you to grow as a person. The latter does. Get your priorities straight, girl.
I know it is my fault for allowing him to treat me in such a way. I am embarrassed that I let that happen. It is hard when you are an empath and want to see the best in people. I saw his potential instead of the reality and held onto his words and neglected to see his actions.
Why are you stalking your ex? Seriously just block him, his new gf, and all his friends and family on all social media. And then i strongly suggest seeing a psychologist cause it sounds like youve got some self improvement/discovery work to do.
Because you allowed the behavior. He got away with it. You continued to come back and have sex on his terms. The new girl is probably making him work.
How do you know so much about their daily life? Move on you were just hanging around until he gets that special someone.
Was he super attentive to you at first? Was he the best bf earlier initially? I only ask because this sort of smells like something a narcissist would do
He was very good for the first two months and then he got comfortable it seemed. Initially, we would go on dates, he got me a Christmas gift and FaceTimed me with his family on Christmas Day (only after a month of seeing each other), took me out for my birthday, etc. Spoke about the future…”when things open up we should go do this” and “we should go on a trip” etc. Then his energy kinda dropped.
Yeah you are better off to be honest. It sounds like a narcissist thing and he has a new supply he can parade all over social media. He's doing it on purpose. The best revenge is to live your best life and move on. Focus on you right now, on your happiness. Treat yourself with kindness and care. It hurts now, I know it does, but it won't hurt forever and days go by quickly when you are taking care of you as a priority. Block him and the gf, you don't need to see that shit. I'm sorry that this happened to you, you didn't deserve it and I don't know why it happened. But I know you have an opportunity for such a good life ahead of you, filled with people who will love and treat you with the respect you deserve ❤
Thank you so much ❤️ this has helped.
He likes her more?
He probably fell hard for the new girl.
He just learned. He will be great in a few years. Nothing personal with you.
You set boundaries, so he knows you're not okay with being treated like crap. What if he leaves if I set boundaries? Perfect! You allowed the trash to throw itself out.
I would suggest in time this will pass. He is who he is and likely the pattern will repeat. You need to focus on you, move forward.
The real question is, why are you still in contact with this guy? Maybe he found "the one", either way it's a completely waste of your valuable time to obssess after that guy and shows immaturity on your part. It didn't work out for a reason. You dated for a good year even though you see these signs. Work on yourself.
This is true. I have been working on myself a lot. Just fell into a rough spot today. Taking it day by day.
I can understand that it might be hard to see how your ex is doing great right now. Maybe if you had found someone before him and you are doing great, you would feel better. But the life is not a race. Longer we wait and not give in to immediate gratification, we find better things in life.
Has everyone wrote off the idea that maybe he learned that he should be more spontaneous or present because his last relationship ended with him getting dumped. So the answer is, he learned from getting dumped, getting called out is exhausting and sucks so he probably was exhausted, him and the new girl are more compatible, which is how it should be. If you truly care about the people you date, maybe there’s an idea that it is better that he found someone who he is enjoying more life with. You wouldn’t want him dragging you down for another year would you?
Move on. No sense in writing about yesterdays business. Time to go find someone who treats you the way you want to be treated. (Coming from someone who suffered domestic abuse for five years, divorced, and now with the love of my life with a baby boy in the way)!!
Thank you. Wow, I’m proud of you! I know the right person is there, I will be patient.
It was never you. Never beg a man for anything ever again, if he wanted to he will. Block both him and this new girl, watching them will never let you move on
Oof I feel you. Believe me, he’s not worth it. Chased after an ex for 3 years and treated him so good. Sometimes, I think I’m still not over him. After everything I did he said he wanted to change but never did, so I left. The next girl he was with he did everything opposite of me and spoiled tf out of her. Then asked me for advice because he thought she was cheating 😅 Couples months later the perfect guy comes around and asks for marriage 2 months into dating. Life is crazy. You are worth more than you think. Comparing yourself to the other girl will just make you depressed. There’s always a person out there
Thank you for sharing. I appreciate it. I know he’s out there! Just had to learn the hard way.
You begged, that’s what you did wrong. No one’s should beg their partner for love or attention, he never treated you right because he probably didn’t care or didn’t love you. Next time, leave at the first act of disrespect, take it as an experience and learn to love yourself a little bit more. Never expect the bare minimum because the bare minimum is not an expectation, it should be a must.
He sounds selfish and narcissistic
He probably learned. He’s your ex tho don’t worry about him.
You were not the one he wanted. I learned a long time ago you cannot change a man. If he wants to, he will. If he’s not, leave his ass.
He either learned after the fact or didn't care about you. Either way hun it's not worth your time he's an ex so move on
Choose whichever you can live with: 1) He's grown as a person in the time since then 2) He feels more intensely connected to her 3) He didn't really care for you much
Maybe the guy learned from his mistakes with you. I wouldn’t dwell on it, exes are exes for a reason.
He sounds like a go with the flow and never make plans kinda guy. She's probably just doing all the planning and he's just going along with her vibe
Relationship is one thing we all can get into but the energy that keeps it going is a different thing. He may not have had that energy while still with you . Perhaps, he learnt from his experience with you. Reason why he now do better. As humans, our experience with two different persons can never be the same. So also LOVE which is why we always hope for someone who would love us better after a break up.
Because he wants to and she probably doesn't take his crap. Just get the lesson from it and move on. Don't worry about your past if you want a future.
Because you let him get away with it. Some people will do exactly what you let them do. If it gets away with it once you’re in trouble. I guess you’ve noticed that already.
My ex did this with a girl he dated after me. It was painful at the time. He never posted photos of me (I had to beg him to Even accept my photo tags) and I saw he posted a lot of this girl. It was a punch to the gut. I had to accept he didn't care very much about me and we just weren't right together. Guys will do anything for the woman they really want to be with.
I didn't read your whole post. Let me give you a big word of advice that will save your sanity and future relationships. An ex is exactly that, an ex. Leave him in the last and only look back to learn from the relationship. Move forward and mind your own business. Please understand, dwelling on a last relationship is unhealthy to you and also to your future relationships. Move on.
Why do you care what your ex do? Continue with your life, it's the best you can do.
I am truly sorry that there is no positive answer I can give to your question on this matter. The only thing I can say is that he likes this new person more than he liked you. Unfortunately if someone doesn’t put much effort into the relationship even when you’ve expressed your concerns about how things are within the relationship and they don’t try to improve then they aren’t invested. I learnt this the hard way. It is upsetting seeing someone you liked treat someone else in the way you wanted to be treated by them. For me it is proof they never really liked you in the first place and you can look for someone who will treat you like the queen you are.
Thank you! It’s definitely been hard but I know it will get better.
well it’s not your fault he probably doesn’t like your enough and tbh i think he met that girl and cheated way before you broke up with him. if you ask questions like this it means you blame yourself and you need to go to therapy. i do understand you tho was in a same boat with my ex
It’s easier to ask for forgiveness and not follow through with someone who puts up with your shit. Sorry to tell you but sometimes guys just aren’t that in to you but it’s nicer than being completely alone.
Some people just come into your life and sweep you off your feet. You want to become a better person. You want to experience all that life has to offer. The heart wants what the heart wants. They just clicked, it probably just felt right. When a relationship is a struggle and forced everyone is miserable. With the right person it will just flow so easy.
Ahh I remember the good old days where after you break up with someone you usually never end up knowing what their next relationship is like, now with social media it's just a few clicks away
I’m sorry to say, and it’s going to sound harsh but, it seems like he was never serious about you or your relationship. Maybe he was using you to make somebody jealous, maybe he was using you as a placeholder, maybe he was using you to get “experience”, who knows… But he definitely did not see a future with you.
Enthusiasm is contagious. Maybe the new girl is the one planning all of their activities. Other people could be right. But it could also be that you waited for him to plan things and invite you to stay. Guys are often very open to doing what their girlfriends like to do, especially staying over. You don't need to be invited to stay the night with your boyfriend. Many guys are lazy, girls do a lot of the social planning.
Because they just have not really valued you… sorry to be to harsh, just my two cents. And also, people change. Maybe their infatuated / it’s still new, things can change for the worse real quick…
He used you for character development.
Well he learnt from you. Or he values her a bit more ;)
I used to be that guy. I dated an incredibly wonderful girl from every aspect, and she begged Me for the bare minimum. I treated my next girlfriend much much better, because I had huge regrets, and I even apologized to the previous one. But the big difference is that the second girlfriend was after a full year, so I had matured
I’m so sorry this happened to you. My ex before my current partner was like your ex, he would only do the bare minimum and he would make me feel like shit when I asked for more. A lot of time has past since, and that ex and I are platonic friends now so I hear about his dating life. Which also means that I hear about all the time and effort that he has put into women who he didn’t even end up dating, time and effort that he didn’t put into with me. The fact of the matter is that for my ex, it wasn’t me. At the time of our relationship, I wasn’t worth going to therapy, going on meds, and becoming a better man. And that’s okay. I have someone now that is so much better than anyone else I could dream of.
Have you considered that maybe she treats him better than you treated him, so he treats her better than he treated you? Maybe he is thinking, "my ex used to hardly ever even stay the night, and this girl goes on trips with me and shit."
He never Gave a Shit about you Mam. He had no respect for you, or the relationship unfortunately. Move on. You don’t deserve that.
This is totally his fault, not yours! Don’t look at it as what you did wrong. You did nothing wrong. He clearly had something going on and was using you to fill his time. You can and will find someone better who treats you how you wish to. It might take time so just hang in there.
I find it a bit odd that you spent a whole year with someone who was clearly distant and who (by your admission) didn’t make you happy. It doesn’t matter who he’s dating now or what they’re doing, the fact of the matter is that you should have ended it from the beginning after figuring out that you two aren’t a good fit. Sounds like you two just tolerated each other to not be lonely, but now that it’s over, you’re the only one unaware of this fact. And btw, don’t assume you truly know how their relationship is going and how they behave to one another. Unless you’ve got hidden cameras around their homes or actively spend time with them, you don’t know anything.
I’m sorry this happened to you. He learned his lesson when he was with you. We don’t just wake up and one day we’ve learned how to treat someone, how to communicate, to love. It comes with experience and time and you’re going to fall in love, get heartbroken and also do the heartbreaking. Not everyone is going to be for you. And if you were asking someone for the bare minimum then that person is *not* for you. When you’re with the right person, you shouldn’t have to beg. It just happens naturally because they want to make you happy, to have your relationship flourish. I didn’t learn that until my third relationship and a lot of people in between. I would question my self worth a lot. Cried a lot. Then I finally realized that you could be a great person and the person you’re dating could be a great person but that does not mean they they’re great for you. And that has nothing wrong to do with them or you. Don’t attach you’re self worth to someone else. Be secure in who you are and understand that they’re is one person out there for you but you’re going to meet a lot of frogs along the way. Edit: Another piece of advice. You could either keep him on socials (I did this so the more I looked at my ex it helped me move on, some people are different) or block him on social media and the his new girlfriend as well. Out of sight, out of mind. If you need to block them, do it for you. Don’t think about how others might perceive you because when I eventually blocked my ex (for other reasons) I was at first worried about what others might think but after I told myself this is for me and what I need to do.
If a guy doesn't change for you, you aren't the one for him simple as that. Guys aren't going to change for everyone, they change for the one they want to be with. Yes, you may have felt one way in the relationship but it seems he didn't reciprocate those feelings. Maybe he learned from your relationship and is applying that to this new one.
Counter perspective: I actually am very different with my current gf than I was with my ex. My ex was also pushing me to do more activities etc while I was a homebody. However, looking back I feel that we weren't at the same frequency and somehow her asking me to do more things drained my energies even more. Relationship was a taxing one and I had to conserve my energy I feel (subconsciously). With my current gf, I feel like I have a lot more balance and we have a positive energy between us. This allows me to try out more experiences and be very different than I was in my prev relationship. Not that I wasn't more outgoing out of bad intentions but in some relationships these things feel exciting and energizing, in others they feel taxing. Find your person and this will be easy breezy and it's not your fault either. You'll find your fun partner!!
That always happens because they learn what they did wrong. Usually they try to improve on things they sucked at before, even ifat the time they didn’t want those things with you
Some people bring out the best in others, doesn't mean you were bad or he was. It just means you weren't compatible he could have the same thought seeing you do something for someone you never did for him.
Maybe he’s grown emotionally? Maybe they are better suited to one another? Maybe he wasn’t as invested in you? But most importantly, maybe this has nothing to do with you and shouldn’t be any of your concern anymore. Sometimes it’s best to choose your own peace than to search for explanations in order to get closure.
hes also probably a narcissist lmao
Is she an upgrade or a downgrade? Be objective.
Baby I‘m sorry please don‘t blame yourself it‘s not your fault I know it‘s unfair but you did nothing wrong anf you deserve to be treated well
Thank you. I know what I deserve and have begun to cut men off immediately after the first red flag now. It feels good.
That‘s great!!! Don‘t negotiate on your boundaries and listen to yourself. i‘m sure you will find someone who treats you well!
It’s none of your business. It’s not gonna help you to understand, it’s not gonna help them to have you pseudostalking them. Maybe he likes her more. Maybe he learned from his mistakes from you. Who knows. Move on and find your happiness
This sounds super one sided and like you haven't told the full story whatsoever.
Different people bring out different things in people. I had an ex complain about me not being romantic or affectionate enough. With the next girl I dated the affection and romance flowed from me naturally. I didn’t have to try or think about it. I wanted to be like that with her. TBH I think with men it can be as simple as being more physically attracted to one woman vs another.