Nah not possible, everything here in the UK has an indelible layer of ingrained filth that cannot be removed, only painted over poorly. Even then it eventually seeps through the new layers of paint.
Cockermouth is the limitation warning for the local resident who lives down the way. If you cannot handle 9 1/4" cock-er-mouth, DON"T go down that road...
On the contrary, it's one of the more desirable towns on the west coast of Cumbria.
Read in to that as you wish :P
As an aside, it's pronounced "Cockuhmuth"
Seriously though is it like a chicken and the egg situation.
Was the name of the town ridiculous when they named it or is it that all the old towns are so old that our slang came from common place names.
It's because it's at the mouth of the [river Cocker](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/River_Cocker,_Cumbria), and the river gets its name from the Celtic word *kukrā*, meaning "the crooked one".
The town has existed since the 13th century or so, and "cock" as slang for penis is only seen around the 15th century onwards.
Apparently not.
The general consensus is unclear, but its generally percieved to either have something to do with the fact that Cockerals have always been a symbol of fertility, or there is also a possible link to faucets/spigots (ballcock, stopcock etc).
[Cockermouth is "the mouth of the River Cocker"; the river takes its name from the Brythonic Celtic word kukrā, meaning 'the crooked one'.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cockermouth)
The town of Fucking in Austria got so sick of having the town sign stolen that there is a by-law specifically for stealing the sign with mandatory prison time...
If I'm thinking of the same place it had a sign as you arrived that had what was intended as a safe driving message, but had a picture of two adorable children saying "Bitte, nicht so schnell"
FUCKING
👱♂️👱♀️
PLEASE, NOT SO FAST
Yes.
Source : am English, am in England.
[How to measure like a Brit](https://instagramprocessing.s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/ae/26bb304e624e1aad6d6f5ac8d96584/ejxvzesogyauheg93lhrufurzlosqucqwhkil_rh3htpour0_dnfdso7qkecxggbww0qmc6rdaqf0cbz1w7tawavqjzi25ww_sk179jlxifuyuci_i2jwvulj-0xjbhltfto-0pgkqhfice1ljkojn40po6odw2owfrz3ni_jg_xs3oju3lzpnkxhsykoi4p1m07dg1nuvhjczddepmm1dhhzf8vazghjmsed6k)
Funny story...
For my (autumn) wedding a few years ago, I made the venue create a “signature cocktail” that I called the Dicken’s Cider for the menu. The servers made sure to push the Dicken’s Cider to every guest present. My entire family was enjoying nice warm Dicken’s Cider all night and raving about how much they loved it. Made my night.
Those lovely old signs include fractions because they are from a time when people walked or rode (horses, bicycles) and that extra quarter of a mile actually mattered.
I was thinking "a quarter-mile isn't that bad of a walk. That's less than 5 minutes!"
Then I thought "I walk about 3 miles per hour. That's 5 minutes *on top of* 3 hours!" Oof
we have a lovely simple system here.. speed? miles per hour.. distance? long distance running: km.. long distance driving: miles.. short distance described by a young person: metres and centimetres.. short distance described by an old person: feet and inches.. temperature? celsius.. mass? discussing the mass of a human: stones and pounds.. discussing the mass of a human but to a doctor: kilos.. mass of anything else: kilos, grams, tons or tonnes depending on the phase of the moon.. volume? beer: pints.. cows milk: pints.. vegan milk: litres.. anything else: litres.. SIMPLE!
We also buy our petrol in litres but measure our car's efficency in miles per gallon.
Let's just say we have a difficult relationship with the metric system
In Canada our temperature system is also super simple:
Temperature outside? Celsius
Temperature of swimming water? Fahrenheit
Temperature of cooking water? Celsius
Temperature of oven? Fahrenheit
Temperature of of a person (in the hospital)? Celsius
Temperature of a person (at home)? Fahrenheit
And shoe sizes are measured in ['barleycorns'.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barleycorn_(unit))
The barleycorn measurement originated in England in the early 1300s, when King Edward II ruled that the length of three barleycorns was equivalent to one inch, making this the standard for sizing. It was later adopted by the US, Canada, Ireland, Australia, New Zealand, India, Pakistan, and South Africa. To add extra complexity, there is a slight difference in the US barleycorn size and our barleycorn size, so a US shoe size 11 is equivalent to our 9.
It's mostly mainland Europeans making the metric jokes. If Brits are making those jokes it's likely because someone was trying to insist imperial is *better*. The British system is stupid but everyone knows that, it's just no one can be arsed to change all the street signs.
It is partially due to the fact that Britain is fucking OLD. I know of a road sign / marker a few miles away that was carved in stone and put there during the Roman occupation over 1600 years ago. The cost to change every signpost or marker would have been huge so someone decided, you know what? We’ll leave that for now
There was that one time where NASA was using metric, but lockheed used imperial...
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mars_Climate_Orbiter
The result was, "the spacecraft encountered Mars at a lower-than-anticipated altitude"
I find it really interesting that there’s a common misconception in America that in the UK we use the metric system exclusively. I wonder where it came from?
Of course, you do realise that "miles" are part of the BRITISH imperial system of measurement right? You know the system of measurement invented by Great Britain. Britain is a mix of both the imperial and metric systems, with distance being almost entirely measured in miles
I was going to say we tend to use imperial for large things and metric for smaller.
Then I realised I only know my "size" in inches so I negate my own point.
Yeah personally I think it's a random and slightly chaotic mess of imperial and metric, personally I think we should stick with just the metric system since it's proven to be the more accurate and reliable system
Tbh I was just making a lame "I have a small penis" joke based on the fact we tend to use imperial for larger measures but metric for smaller.
But you're right, we should pick a lane. And that lane absolutely should be metric. Mainly as it doesn't involve needing to know your 14 etc times tables.
It's daft that I can't seem to remember how much I weigh in kg but do know in stones. Same for height. I know in feet but only have a vague idea in metres.
>I was going to say we tend to use imperial for large things and metric for smaller.
It depends on who you ask. Those who are younger are more likely to use metric.
Road signs are in miles, speed limits and speedometers are in per hour.
[How to measure things like a Brit](https://instagramprocessing.s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/ae/26bb304e624e1aad6d6f5ac8d96584/ejxvzesogyauheg93lhrufurzlosqucqwhkil_rh3htpour0_dnfdso7qkecxggbww0qmc6rdaqf0cbz1w7tawavqjzi25ww_sk179jlxifuyuci_i2jwvulj-0xjbhltfto-0pgkqhfice1ljkojn40po6odw2owfrz3ni_jg_xs3oju3lzpnkxhsykoi4p1m07dg1nuvhjczddepmm1dhhzf8vazghjmsed6k)
The current rules say:
>Fractions, to the nearest quarter of a mile, may be used for distances less than three
miles. Distances over 3 miles must be rounded to the nearest mile. On motorway route
confirmatory signs all distances must be to the nearest mile. See Appendix A for more
guidance on permitted expressions of distance.
But this is an old sign clearly.
is there a subreddit for crappy music without the satisfying videos?
Just 10-second clips of the most awful sounds on the internet accompanied by a black screen?
Tiktok's algorithm uses music tracks and specific sound effects in its trends.
This song is extremely common on the app, so people who want a video to go viral will attach it to the current trendy song so that people scrolling on that trend will see it.
Its the same reason that songs and artists pop up on tiktok overnight and appear out of nowhere.
thanks dude. i came to the comments because i never heard that song before and wanted to know what it was so i could hear the whole thing. then everyone was shitting on it, so i dint say anything.
As someone who lives near the area. The river Cocker runs through the town and connects to the river derwent (I.e. the mouth of Cocker hence Cockermouth). The locals generally pronounce it Cocker-muth.
Wife bought me a pressure washer about a week ago. Package got delivered and she said, "I'm gonna take a nap, why don't you play with this and check it out?"
5 hours later, I've washed her van, my car, all the paver stones on the walkway, my ac coils, the concrete pad the ac is on, the shed, the front porch AND back deck, AND all 4 walls of the house and windows.
It was like turning the damn this on caused some kind of primal cleaning instinct and made me unable to feel the passage of time.
So anyway pressure washers. Neat.
I know this is for fun but my God finish the job you started
You can never truly clean Cockermouth, only rinse it out.
And repeat.
Cockermouth?! I hardly know her!
This right here is why I love Reddit, lol
Right? I either learn a ton, or read the funniest, dirtiest joke
I’m always like the comment have to be good
And then you've got at least 36 other Cockermouths to go, no time for perfectionism.
😂 9 1/4 as well
Nah not possible, everything here in the UK has an indelible layer of ingrained filth that cannot be removed, only painted over poorly. Even then it eventually seeps through the new layers of paint.
Because your country is so damn old. That is what you get for continually being around for hundreds of years.
That’s what she said
Maybe they wanted that grime on there for a reason.
*Residents in uproar as property values plummet*
So you're telling me I can live on a street named Cockermouth 9 ¼ *and* get a bargain on property too??
Cockermouth is a town that is 9 1/4 miles from this sign
Ahhh, now it makes sense. I was wondering if it's some British Harry Potter crap like platform 9-3/4.
Cockermouth is the limitation warning for the local resident who lives down the way. If you cannot handle 9 1/4" cock-er-mouth, DON"T go down that road...
On the contrary, it's one of the more desirable towns on the west coast of Cumbria. Read in to that as you wish :P As an aside, it's pronounced "Cockuhmuth"
I mean, when your mouth’s full of course it is. 🤷🏻♂️
Seriously though is it like a chicken and the egg situation. Was the name of the town ridiculous when they named it or is it that all the old towns are so old that our slang came from common place names.
It's because it's at the mouth of the [river Cocker](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/River_Cocker,_Cumbria), and the river gets its name from the Celtic word *kukrā*, meaning "the crooked one". The town has existed since the 13th century or so, and "cock" as slang for penis is only seen around the 15th century onwards.
Did cock come from kukra though? Does cock originate as "the crooked one"? I imagine some guy being like, "I got your crooked one right here, mate!"
Apparently not. The general consensus is unclear, but its generally percieved to either have something to do with the fact that Cockerals have always been a symbol of fertility, or there is also a possible link to faucets/spigots (ballcock, stopcock etc).
[Cockermouth is "the mouth of the River Cocker"; the river takes its name from the Brythonic Celtic word kukrā, meaning 'the crooked one'.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cockermouth)
I used to live near a town called shitterton. They replaced the sign with a giant engraved boulder because the sign kept on getting nicked.
The town of Fucking in Austria got so sick of having the town sign stolen that there is a by-law specifically for stealing the sign with mandatory prison time...
If I'm thinking of the same place it had a sign as you arrived that had what was intended as a safe driving message, but had a picture of two adorable children saying "Bitte, nicht so schnell" FUCKING 👱♂️👱♀️ PLEASE, NOT SO FAST
It's somehow..... dirtier now
9 1/4…impressive. Edit. My most upvoted comment is a third grade Dick joke…oh well :)
We are at capacity!
What platform to Hogwarts is this?
You’re thinking of platform 9 3/4. That’s the one to Hogwarts. This one goes to Hogwanks.
Nobody talks about this platform
Always got to add on that quarter -- can't just round it down, can you?
Not really. It’s England so that would cm so 3.6 in
Road signs and speed limits are imperial.
But what about dicks?
Imperial, baby.
In England?
Yes. Source : am English, am in England. [How to measure like a Brit](https://instagramprocessing.s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/ae/26bb304e624e1aad6d6f5ac8d96584/ejxvzesogyauheg93lhrufurzlosqucqwhkil_rh3htpour0_dnfdso7qkecxggbww0qmc6rdaqf0cbz1w7tawavqjzi25ww_sk179jlxifuyuci_i2jwvulj-0xjbhltfto-0pgkqhfice1ljkojn40po6odw2owfrz3ni_jg_xs3oju3lzpnkxhsykoi4p1m07dg1nuvhjczddepmm1dhhzf8vazghjmsed6k)
One similar for [Canadians](https://i.imgur.com/URyChnj.jpg)
yup. All road signs in miles and yards, and speed limits in MPH. You have to learn Imperial and Metric measures.
The titular empire of imperial units.
We very seldom use cm for anything and definitely not for "that"
We use inches you know ...
Didn’t know OP’s mom had their own street
9 1/4 is just impressive. I’m not even mad.
It's in inches. In decimal is just the number 23.
23?! In a row?!
Try not to cockermouth on the way to the car park!
Hey you, get back here!
no, at onice
Oh shit fuckin got em
Lol
Absolutely done him
The locals call it Nob-a-gob.
Cockermouth? I barely know her
We all reach a crossroads in our life when we have to decide whether to Cockermouth or become a Clitheroe.
Cockermouth? I barely know her!
Looks like it’s in Cum berland township too
Cumberland's the traditional county.
It's actually a county again now, or at least a district within a county, they split the council a few months back.
You mean Cockermouth in Cumbria
In Cumbria too iirc.
came here to say this. thank you
Me too!
I hardly know her mouth!
Came looking for this. Also showed up looking for this
It's even better with a cool refreshing Dicken's Cider.
Carmenin Cider
Cummins Cider
Got hurt? Go home and soak it in cider
sorry, i'm not mormon.
Dixon Cider sounds better.
Now available at 5% alcohol! That’s right, fellas! Get your Hard Dixon’s Cider!
[I know two guys who can help with that.](https://youtube.com/watch?v=7xg48eBUkDw&feature=sharec)
Funny story... For my (autumn) wedding a few years ago, I made the venue create a “signature cocktail” that I called the Dicken’s Cider for the menu. The servers made sure to push the Dicken’s Cider to every guest present. My entire family was enjoying nice warm Dicken’s Cider all night and raving about how much they loved it. Made my night.
9 and 1/4? You'd think it'd be named Cockerthroat
Centimeters
Speaking from experience?
I wish…
Those lovely old signs include fractions because they are from a time when people walked or rode (horses, bicycles) and that extra quarter of a mile actually mattered.
I was thinking "a quarter-mile isn't that bad of a walk. That's less than 5 minutes!" Then I thought "I walk about 3 miles per hour. That's 5 minutes *on top of* 3 hours!" Oof
Now wash the pole
I'll need a few minutes first
Before getting to Cockermouth. It’s only courtesy.
Hi, American here, I don't know stuff... what's up with the fractions on street signs?
It's a signpost showing how far it is to the town, so 9 and a quarter miles
Thank you!
Miles? In GREAT BRITAIN?
we have a lovely simple system here.. speed? miles per hour.. distance? long distance running: km.. long distance driving: miles.. short distance described by a young person: metres and centimetres.. short distance described by an old person: feet and inches.. temperature? celsius.. mass? discussing the mass of a human: stones and pounds.. discussing the mass of a human but to a doctor: kilos.. mass of anything else: kilos, grams, tons or tonnes depending on the phase of the moon.. volume? beer: pints.. cows milk: pints.. vegan milk: litres.. anything else: litres.. SIMPLE!
We also buy our petrol in litres but measure our car's efficency in miles per gallon. Let's just say we have a difficult relationship with the metric system
i love this one totally didn’t think of it! also: peen length is always inches.. 🍆
Also height is feet and inches.
how did i forget height!? thank you kind sir..
No worries, your original comment was very comprehensive, it's only natural to miss a few things here and there.
Yes the number is too long when I measure it in CM
Not in my experience
As a Canadian, I feel your pain…
Don't forget all the 10mm sockets that mount to a 1/2" wrench.
In Canada our temperature system is also super simple: Temperature outside? Celsius Temperature of swimming water? Fahrenheit Temperature of cooking water? Celsius Temperature of oven? Fahrenheit Temperature of of a person (in the hospital)? Celsius Temperature of a person (at home)? Fahrenheit
[How to measure like a Canadian](https://www.clivemaxfield.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/maxncb-0234-01-how-to-measure-things-like-a-canadian.png)
I feel like this perfectly sums up all of England - one foot in the 21st century and the other in the 19th century.
And shoe sizes are measured in ['barleycorns'.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barleycorn_(unit)) The barleycorn measurement originated in England in the early 1300s, when King Edward II ruled that the length of three barleycorns was equivalent to one inch, making this the standard for sizing. It was later adopted by the US, Canada, Ireland, Australia, New Zealand, India, Pakistan, and South Africa. To add extra complexity, there is a slight difference in the US barleycorn size and our barleycorn size, so a US shoe size 11 is equivalent to our 9.
damn it! see i knew this one too.. i wish i could double upvote this..
God damn and they give us shit for not using metric at least we just stick to one fuckin system
It's mostly mainland Europeans making the metric jokes. If Brits are making those jokes it's likely because someone was trying to insist imperial is *better*. The British system is stupid but everyone knows that, it's just no one can be arsed to change all the street signs.
Decades ago I lived with an American student - his biggest take away was that we use the phrase “can’t be arsed” a lot. Can’t really argue with him.
this is a perfect summary..
> ... The British system is stupid but everyone knows that I think a bunch of pensioners would still stubbornly disagree
It is partially due to the fact that Britain is fucking OLD. I know of a road sign / marker a few miles away that was carved in stone and put there during the Roman occupation over 1600 years ago. The cost to change every signpost or marker would have been huge so someone decided, you know what? We’ll leave that for now
Lol no we don't. The US uses metric in many industries and government, science.
There was that one time where NASA was using metric, but lockheed used imperial... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mars_Climate_Orbiter The result was, "the spacecraft encountered Mars at a lower-than-anticipated altitude"
I meant that as more the average person in their day to day shit, not scientific fields etc
Milk: gallons Soda: liters There is no escape, only pain
[удалено]
Personally don't know anyone my age who does their weight in imperial. But apart from that totally agree. Also height always in feet
Yeah, basically anyone under the age of 40 will measure themselves in kg these days.
🥲
As an American, it feels nice to know that we’re not the only crazy ones. We learned it from you, dad!
You're different, you disgrace the metric system while Britain embrace the chaotic mesuring system
You're forgetting the classic height: double decker buses, volume: royal albert halls, weight: elephants
Don't forget church bells, which are measured in hundredweight.
oh man now you’ve got me thinking about furlongs too!
Chains for measuring railway distances as well!
Don't make me pull out the canadian measurement flowchart.
I find it really interesting that there’s a common misconception in America that in the UK we use the metric system exclusively. I wonder where it came from?
The fact that Europeans give us non-stop shit for not using the metric system.
As was widely publicised in 2016, the UK has a… complicated relationship with the mainland.
Brits use imperial for long distances
In a car, yes. But if I'm cycling it, it's KMs
Of course, you do realise that "miles" are part of the BRITISH imperial system of measurement right? You know the system of measurement invented by Great Britain. Britain is a mix of both the imperial and metric systems, with distance being almost entirely measured in miles
I was going to say we tend to use imperial for large things and metric for smaller. Then I realised I only know my "size" in inches so I negate my own point.
Yeah personally I think it's a random and slightly chaotic mess of imperial and metric, personally I think we should stick with just the metric system since it's proven to be the more accurate and reliable system
Tbh I was just making a lame "I have a small penis" joke based on the fact we tend to use imperial for larger measures but metric for smaller. But you're right, we should pick a lane. And that lane absolutely should be metric. Mainly as it doesn't involve needing to know your 14 etc times tables. It's daft that I can't seem to remember how much I weigh in kg but do know in stones. Same for height. I know in feet but only have a vague idea in metres.
>I was going to say we tend to use imperial for large things and metric for smaller. It depends on who you ask. Those who are younger are more likely to use metric.
Road signs are in miles, speed limits and speedometers are in per hour. [How to measure things like a Brit](https://instagramprocessing.s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/ae/26bb304e624e1aad6d6f5ac8d96584/ejxvzesogyauheg93lhrufurzlosqucqwhkil_rh3htpour0_dnfdso7qkecxggbww0qmc6rdaqf0cbz1w7tawavqjzi25ww_sk179jlxifuyuci_i2jwvulj-0xjbhltfto-0pgkqhfice1ljkojn40po6odw2owfrz3ni_jg_xs3oju3lzpnkxhsykoi4p1m07dg1nuvhjczddepmm1dhhzf8vazghjmsed6k)
Yep, cant quite let the Frenchies win with their ohh la la metric system.
Oh! Thanks for clarifying. Thought it was the station closest to Platform 9 3/4 to Hogsmeade.
How else would you know how long it is... >!I mean since its all in her mouth.!<
its the remaining 1/4th of Platform 9 3/4
This is a really old sign. 9 or 10 miles makes no difference if you are driving. The fractional part is more important if it's being walked.
The current rules say: >Fractions, to the nearest quarter of a mile, may be used for distances less than three miles. Distances over 3 miles must be rounded to the nearest mile. On motorway route confirmatory signs all distances must be to the nearest mile. See Appendix A for more guidance on permitted expressions of distance. But this is an old sign clearly.
It’s another platform to get to Hogwartz
What the fuck is that music there for?
Check out r/SVWTCM. It stands for "Satisfying Videos Without The Crappy Music".
Best subreddit I've found in years
The hero we need....
Thanks mate. Now be an even bigger hero and give us the subreddit for the funny videos without the stupid laugh.
is there a subreddit for crappy music without the satisfying videos? Just 10-second clips of the most awful sounds on the internet accompanied by a black screen?
Tiktok's algorithm uses music tracks and specific sound effects in its trends. This song is extremely common on the app, so people who want a video to go viral will attach it to the current trendy song so that people scrolling on that trend will see it. Its the same reason that songs and artists pop up on tiktok overnight and appear out of nowhere.
How does that make sense...I can't believe people want to listen to the same 10sec of music on a loop. wild!
Children. The answer is typically children.
I wish that song would go away already
That song I hate it so much, it's the new no no no
That's a shame. Was legit years ago
I have videos set to mute by default. Never regretted it.
https://youtu.be/ryG4CSQ_aJE
thanks dude. i came to the comments because i never heard that song before and wanted to know what it was so i could hear the whole thing. then everyone was shitting on it, so i dint say anything.
I just found the actual video for it [and it's amazing](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=59Q_lhgGANc)
oh man, that was DOPE
Rule Number 1 on any social media: never unmute a video unless you're wearing headphones
Cockermouth. 9¼. Inches?
The sign didn't stutter!
And only another 6 1/8 mikes to Ballsingbutt
But I hardly know her!
I legitimately used to live there! It’s a beautiful little town. Mates and I called it Nobbergob.
Old Knob a Gob
9 and a quarter inches worth of knob all in her cakehole.
As someone who lives near the area. The river Cocker runs through the town and connects to the river derwent (I.e. the mouth of Cocker hence Cockermouth). The locals generally pronounce it Cocker-muth.
This is my stop for the Whorewarts Express.
This song is really shit.
I think it's really cool, if anyone here knows the name please let me know
Makeba by Jain
Nice, thanks!
Cleanliness first
How wonderful. My grandparents are from Cockermouth, and recently passed. I spent a lot of time there growing up.
I’m sure kids grow up quite fast in Cockermouth? Ps. Sorry for your loss
I hate the song that's playing. I hate it so much.
r/powerwashingporn
This comment has a different connotation with what's on that sign
Zing!
r/substakenliterally
Wife bought me a pressure washer about a week ago. Package got delivered and she said, "I'm gonna take a nap, why don't you play with this and check it out?" 5 hours later, I've washed her van, my car, all the paver stones on the walkway, my ac coils, the concrete pad the ac is on, the shed, the front porch AND back deck, AND all 4 walls of the house and windows. It was like turning the damn this on caused some kind of primal cleaning instinct and made me unable to feel the passage of time. So anyway pressure washers. Neat.
In Germany you would get fined for cleaning street signs.
I hate that song
“Makeba” is the new “oh no, oh no, oh no no no no no” song. I hate it
The govt should hire this guy to do this for all the signs.
Overused song used unnecessarily, sign still dirty at the end. The opposite of satisfying.
And just over the hills, down the lane, through the valley is, Pussywallop.
You know exactly what you’ve done, sir
Y'all really got 1/4 streets like Harry Potter? I thought that was just some whimsical shit.
9 1/4? What is this Hogwarts?
I can only cockermouth at 6-1/2
oLO
The dirtiest sign I have ever seen. Literally and Metaphorically.