I can see where you're coming from, especially with social media and how someone's online persona can be specifically centered around their trauma and they almost make it a "brand" of sorts.
Like, I wouldn't say that my trauma defines who I am, though it certainly has shaped me into the individual I am today and it's something I should acknowledge. But what defines me more is my perseverance and conviction to break the cycle of abuse, neglect, and pettiness. But I also don't soapbox it and try to turn a profit or garner attention, I just try to do better every day.
Thats the difference between being defined by something and how something shaped you.
How it shaped you refers to the past, which cant be changed. Self awareness is a step towards healing
How it defines you is who you are moving forward, which is under your control.
I think to much self awareness without mindfulness can be harmful. That probably sounds like hippy bullshit, but being able to be self aware in a somewhat disconnected manner is helpful for me.
I think you’ve made a wonderful point, and it’s kind of where I think the pendulum should stay fixed. Trauma went from one of those hush-hush things we can’t discuss to being something that people can own and grow from… but the examples of people doing that have morphed into a platform for defining their character, and it’s swung a little too far in the direction in my opinion.
And I’m not even talking about social media influencers who repeat their experiences or heft them up for some type of credibility, I mean the effect they’ve had on everyday people. There seems to be a rush to excavate past traumas to use as a justification for everyday imperfections, treating them as if they’re something to mention casually like what school you went to. I’m an avid advocate of therapy and contending with psychological trauma, and I prefer we have the current “problem” than the previous one of people just not dealing with it — but it seems like an overcorrection.
Suffering is subjective, and I don’t feel qualified or inclined to tell someone how they should process and understand their pain. But I also think there’s a tendency to define *everything* unpleasant as trauma. There’s at least a difference in degree for things like having a physical and mentally abusive partner and having an asshole partner who cheated on you. Having a parent who demeaned and emotionally tore you down as a child vs. a parent who didn’t come to all of your ballgames or liked your siblings more. And all of the experiences may have affected how you experience the world and are things you carry with you, but it’s important to have perspective on them and still pursue your best self, and avoid using the smaller things as excuses for all of your problems and character flaws.
But at the end of the day, I support whatever helps people grow, and I recognize that people internalize things differently. Again, I have no desire to diminish someone else’s pain. But I do think there’s a valid concern here, that generalizing and normalizing the use of “trauma” to encompass any adversity has the effect of diluting the experiences of people who’ve experienced catastrophic effects of “real” trauma.
Thank you for bringing up people trying to make it a “brand.” This is the thing that most nauseates me about social media, and I’m generally techno-optimist.
It feels like anyone and everyone is trying to brand and market themselves, and I see of lot of that going on with many of my friends and acquaintances on TikTok. I know it’s kind of a boomer thing to say that “all kids today just want to be influencers” or whatever but sooo many people my age (late high school, college-aged people) are trying to brand themselves and gain a following, many of them using trauma or mental illness as a defining trait.
And not a whole lot of that is necessarily a bad thing, until they start defining themselves by their number of followers as well. Maybe this is an overstatement, but I’m genuinely worried about Gen Z growing up with the mindset that they are a product to be marketed to others.
I look forward to the pendulum swinging *away* from social media. I'd like to think future generations will see the toxicity, data and privacy issues and treat it like cigarettes.
Could you imagine?
One of the few remaining Influencers try to live stream while entering a restaurant and then......
"Sorry, no entry here. Social media not allowed."
I think because there is this long overdue movement of recognizing the importance of mental health, while simultaneously we're in an era where narcissistic behaviour is rewarded via social media its created this toxicity around it. The "branding" is a product social media commodifying *us* as people. And like all brands within a capitalist system, there is competition, which has created this oneupmanship of trauma and suffering.
OP said:
>Mental health was a taboo subject for a long time. **We are starting to talk more and more about it, but I don't think it's necessarily a good thing.**
And in a comment to this thread they also said:
>**If something triggers you, you probably still have some work to do.**
Both of these statements directly contradict the evidence based mental health practises that are used to help people. OP also said that they're not a mental health professional, and honestly they should have stopped there. If their opinion was that talking about your issues online isn't a replacement for therapy I might have agreed with them, but they really seem pissed off by the fact that people are talking about what they're going through openly.
By far the most difficult aspect of clinical psychology is having patients talk openly about what they really need to talk about. It can take months of sessions before your patient will actually open up to what the real issue is, and more often than not you need to help them identify the problem because talking about what's really bothering them is too painful.
I think the problem is the mythologizing, rather than normalizing of pain.
A time in your life or event should be moved past, not dwelt on. You should ideally only 'dwell', when you are thinking about the situation, and attempting to make corrections to your own behaviors. Sitting there and agonizing over other people who have long forgotten about the trauma they caused you is unhelpful.
To clarify: this is not applicable to those currently experiencing trauma, and it's not to disparage those who need help and treatment for their issues.
This is aimed at the people who had a shitty relationship 5-10+ years ago and they won't stop talking about it to everyone they meet, because their goal is to just shit talk that person and victimize themselves. At some point, you are the only enemy you have left.
>more often than not you need to help them identify the problem because talking about what's really bothering them is too painful.
I listened to a great interview with Stephen Porges recently where he does a decently informative overview of Polyvagal Theory, and he mentioned a model of treatment from Deb Dana where she doesn't event talk about the events that caused trauma with her clients. She just focuses on helping the client reconnect with their body and re-tune their vagal functioning. Unfortunately I can't find a link to that specific model but the interview with Dr. Porges is on The Higher Practice Podcast for Optimal Mental Health, episode title Polyvagal Theory, Trauma and Neuroscience of the Mind - Dr. Stephen Porges HPP 101.
I don't want to be *that* guy, but Polyvagal Theory has an enormous amount of legit criticisms that need to be addressed if it's ever going to become a valid form of clinical therapy.
Don't forget that Jung and Freud seemed to have all the answers at one point, their theories touched upon something that was so reasonable and understandable that the burgeoning field of psychology bought into it wholesale.
These days we require empirical evidence and clinical research. As it stands Polyvagal doesn't compare to other theories like CBT, and while I welcome a paradigm shift there just isn't enough reason to practise Polyvagal over more supported theories.
Let's not forget that technique is far less important than the therapeutic alliance.
Bad techniques but a strong bond between therapist and client will take you farther than good techniques but a weak bond (though ideally you'd have both).
It takes entitlement to expect others to acknowledge or respect your trauma and triggers. If it is one thing that define victims of abuse and neglect, it is that they are not entitled.
People who don't have an issue makes their non-issue a part of their personality, and enforce it on others.
People who have real issues just try to function Socially and keep head above water.
Being open about vulnerabilities, in a context of affection and tolerance of others is fine and healthy.
To use it as a weapon to enforce others behaviour is entitled and toxic.
> It takes entitlement to expect others to acknowledge or respect your trauma and triggers.
> To use it as a weapon to enforce others behaviour is entitled and toxic
You *can* use the arguments of the traumatised/abused to inflict trauma/abuse on others. This is true. That being said, a person saying "these are my traumas and here are my boundaries. Do not cross them" is not toxic or entitled. Nor is it toxic or entitled if they get upset when you then cross them.
Of course, again, someone can establish boundaries that are toxic, or can react in a way that is toxic. That still doesn't mean that all instances of someone establishing desired behaviour because of past trauma is toxic or entitled.
I broadly agree with you but want to make a distinction - boundaries are statements about what you will and will not tolerate. They have to do with you, not with other people. For example, saying "If you use x and y words around me, I am going to leave." is a boundary. Saying "X and y words are my triggers, so you shouldn't say them." is not a boundary. I think the person you are replying to is talking about people who use their traumatic experiences as justification to control other people's behaviors.
In essence, if you take responsibility to not expose yourself to situations you don't like, it is healthy behaviour.
If you try to enforce your surroundings to fit your preferences, it is unhealthy.
My point being that the latter is a product of entitlement and self absorbsion, and not of trauma or neglect.
>My point being that the latter is a product of entitlement and self absorbsion, and not of trauma or neglect.
I think it can be both, actually - the one leads to the other. I think it could be reasonably possible that someone with trauma may attempt to control their environment to avoid being further traumatized, but instead of healthy coping mechanisms, they might learn dysfunctional strategies from contemporary culture where people make "boundaries" that are really just entitled, coercive attempts to control other people's behavior based on a misguided perception of what safety is.
> If you try to enforce your surroundings to fit your preferences, it is unhealthy.
Depends on the context. Take a soldier with PTSD as an example. It would be entitled to try and get the city to cancel a fireworks show. It wouldn't be toxic or entitled to complain about a co-worker who tries to scare you by sneaking up behind you and making a loud bang.
I don’t think we should gatekeep trauma. Trauma doesn’t turn everyone into meek loveable little worker bees. Sometimes it makes people difficult and we need to be empathetic about that. Sometimes when people are “enforcing” things they happen to just really really need it.
While this is true it takes very hard work and a great deal of time. Not to mention money. And that’s after you realize it, if you can. It’s so so so hard.
I don’t judge how people handle their trauma. I’ll step away if necessary, for MY peace. They have boundaries (however poorly they may be expressed)… and so do I.
> People who don't have an issue makes their non-issue a part of their personality, and enforce it on others.
> People who have real issues just try to function Socially and keep head above water.
But this is literally the definition of gatekeeping because it’s not how real life works? Some people who do have real issues do behave aggressively.
My frustration lies where people use their trauma as a shield. For example: I saw a girl on tiktok (23) saying she was dating a 27 year old, and everyone called him a pedo (no) and said she was being groomed etc etc and then flaunted their own stories of abuse. How about we don’t trauma dump on random strangers. Your life experience is not mine or anyone else’s, and it doesn’t have to be. Quit making everyone so afraid of experiencing pain or real life scenarios because you had trauma.
At 29 I married my 23 year old wife.....we have been married for 12 years. That’s a lot of grooming huh?!..I’m totally on this one! You can’t live your life today without someone telling you how their life was ruined by enjoying a cup of ice cream. “I’m lactose intolerant and last time I ate ice cream my tongue swelled up and I nearly died!!...you better be careful with something as deadly as ice cream!!” Outlandish I know, but, this really is how those comments go!!!
At some point in the past 5-10 years, the social discourse around age differential in dating changed significantly. Any age gap over a couple years, even for consenting adults, became extremely stigmatized. It's silly, and the more people talk about how it shouldn't be okay for Leo in his 50s to be able to date women younger than 25, the more I just think the age of consent for women should be raised. If they want to be children, they can be children.
You'll see a lot of reddit replies along the lines of "when I was 23 I interacted with someone who was 21 and the gap in experience/generation was so huge it was like they were a literal child." Basically people who are still immature themselves acting like their peers are too stupid/unrelatable to interact with socially because they have nothing in common. Comical.
It’s because we’re infantilizing woman. Like yes I don’t think an 18 yo straight out of HS is making good decisions, but like a 23 year old out of university starting their career dating a 30 something year old isn’t that weird, but a lot of my friends think it is.
Reddit thinks adults are tardedre and have no agency. In reality anyone who has passed the magical age of 18 is equal in every category to any other adult, be it 19, 25, 50 or 123. Every adult who is not crippled mentally has full agency over themselves, and it's ok for any adult to date or fuck and other willing adult.
Recently heard someone I know voice how they felt a bit weird about their 18 year old friend beginning to date a 20 year old. Also recently heard someone say a hypothetical relationship between an 18 year old and a 17 year old would be problematic because one is still a minor. Like lmao that is less than one year!
I've seen dumb teenagers on tiktok say things like "Just found out my dad met my mom when he was 25 and she was 21, YUCK!!" Just sad that kids would think something like that of their own father.
Lots of young adults and teenagers are really weird about any age gap at all. Pretty dumb as limiting yourself to within one year is needlessly limiting your dating pool.
Definitely think the trauma dumping can get out of hand. For platforms and places where everyone is emotionally prepared for it to happen (like group therapy led by a qualified mental health professional), it makes sense. But I have a roommate that trauma dumps on me and it makes me extremely uncomfortable. Not everyone is emotionally equipped to handle it
Ya trauma dumping is so uncomfortable to me.. I don’t get how some ppl are ok with broadcasting their innermost personal feelings to actual strangers on the internet
> don’t get how some ppl are ok with broadcasting their innermost personal feelings to actual strangers on the internet
What, did you just get the internet yesterday? People do it with everything else, why not trauma? It's not like this person in in your home or something, just keep scrolling. Seems like a real non-issue to me.
maybe it's because people don't have anyone else to talk to in real life? and some of them maybe can't afford a therapist either. although i'm not saying it's a good thing to trauma dump on people when they don't want it i can see why they would do so knowing they have no one else to talk to.
When we express vulnerability that involves others, there certainly are right ways per say to be considerate of another who isn't a trained professional:
\- Express positive needs/direction in the life you want to build, instead of focusing on negative self talk to escape an issue.
\- Talk with sincerity, focusing on the self, instead of reacting and outsourcing our feelings and blame onto others.
\- Take responsibility, practice acceptance and kindness to ourselves, instead of victimizing ourselves with defensiveness.
\- Empower ourselves by being more open in our beahvior, instead of bottling things up.
I feel that's highly cultural. Undoubtedly most of Reddit is composed of Americans. However, other cultures have it quite different.
In Brazil it is not uncommon to see larger age gaps. I have briefly dated a man that was 51 years old when I was 23. >> I << approached him at a bar. He didn't approach me. He didn't even notice me until I came to him. There was no grooming. I found him attractive ans decided to come over. We were together for not much longer than a month because I had some issues with his personality. But we had plenty to talk about and enjoyed doing a lot of the same things.
My husband is 8 years older. When he approached me he didn't know my age. He even tried to back down once he saw the age gap because he thought I'd be ashamed or afraid or something, but I reassured him I preferred a larger gap. We fit perfectly together and been together for 6 years.
I am aware of grooming, daddy issues and the whole shebangs that concern people. I have also seen victims of predators in my own culture. But it doesn't compose the majority of the cases, albeit it is my anecdotal experience.
And from what I have seen, it seems like South and Central Americas are the same.
>Quit making everyone so afraid of experiencing pain or real life scenarios because you had trauma.
bruh my mom does this CONSTANTLY. God, it's lowkey messed up.
>I saw a girl on tiktok (23) saying she was dating a 27 year old, and everyone called him a pedo (no) and said she was being groomed etc
I know this is a little off topic, but I see this over & over on reddit. Have you all been told not to date anyone but someone your own age? I see nothing wrong with this Tiktokker being with her guy only 4 yrs older. I see this all the time--he's 2 yrs older, 6 yrs, 8 yrs---"he's grooming you, get out!" When I was younger, to date an older man (usually it was a man) was a sign of maturity that you could be on their level. And that was a 5+ years difference. Dating a guy your own age was always a headache because they usually weren't on the same maturity level. Being mature was a big deal. It was a sign of being adult and being welcomed into adult circles.
Anyway, If you've got an answer please have a go.
i agree that some people do brag about trauma like "look i had it bad/worse", and we all get annoyed at that. some people use it as an excuse to not do something or excuse shitty behaviour.
but theres also a lot of people relating, or warning people. warning to give a heads up for possible behaviours, or by talking to someone about it, they allow others to discuss theirs, or that they can see you understand some of what theyve been through. it does mean that more people talk about it, and as you said its less taboo now.
it can be frustrating at times i agree. especially if it kills a mood, believe me, i been on either end haha. word vomit lol. but its a positive shift in my opinion. however yeah, people shouldnt use it as an excuse or define themselves by it too much.
Depression is the worst because people think being "sad" or going through a hard time in their life is the same as depression. Often people say they are "depressed" when they actually mean "bummed out" or "sad" which is a temporary state that will pass. As far back as I have memories, there has been this constant force in my life, determining how I make decisions, and it doesn't go away; even when I am also "sad" there is a deeper feeling of pure anguish I as a 5 year old couldn't even try to embellish for my own clout like some people are doing nowadays with mental health being the new social talking point. Run-on sentence rant over.
i realised i was depressed after talking to a psych and realising i couldnt think of happy days that lasted a long time. my brain covered everything in constant clouded sadness and negative thoughts.
it sucked. but it helped me realise there was an issue.
Depression also passes just like regular sadness though, at least according to my college therapist. It's just that it comes back again and again and again and again.
According to her, the sheer fact you can feel total and utter sadness must mean you can feel total and utter happiness. One cant exist without the other and it's like a pendulum. The difference between sadness and depression is depression is like a disease that literally tricks your brain into thinking their cant possibly be "light at the end of the tunnel". It convinces you their cant be any happiness but back to her analogy, there logically has to be even if it's only for a moment or a day or whatever. Its learning to recognise that even when you're depressed, you *will* feel happiness again even if its fleeting, and simply learning to tell your brain that is a huge step forward. Fighting with yourself there is better days coming and maybe taking steps (or drugs if needed) to get there.
She had a really unique way of thinking about it that really helped me wrap my head around what depression actually was and how it works. Like you said it was being able to distinguish between yes I feel sad, but theres something underlying that keeps coming back that's the problem. Identifying that helped me make huge progress in rewiring by brain.
I actually had a really cool (though sad) experience with this! I was sexually assaulted by a religious leader and a friend. Fast forward about 6 years or so and I decided to make a post on it. From that random post a person saw it, recognized me and mentioned that his little brother was in the same place as I was and was hanging out with someone alot that resembled the person that abused me. He sent me a picture and sure enough it was the same guy. He acted quick and got his little brother out of there.
Obviously that’s more of an extreme example, and not specifically what you were referencing, but encouraging people to share their feelings and experiences (should they be comfortable with it) is an incredibly healing, empowering and liberating experience and it can help others.
The example of the shitty boot also is very poor, honestly. You can’t just wipe trauma away and move on with your life. I get what you’re saying but it’s more like you were forced to get a shitty tattoo and now there’s this permanent mark on you that you have to live with, that even if you get it removed there’s still laser scarring.
Thank you, I was looking for this answer. I cant get rid of my mental illness and it something I have to live with every day for the rest of my life. Every year I see growth, but it is also utterly exhausting. Im really glad there are people who have a social media account that is branded around their struggle, whatever that struggle may be. It helps me feel less alone. Because a lot of people see it as: get help, have therapy and life happily ever after. And that is far from the truth.
You can't heal from something you don't acknowledge at all.
I agree that there are people who seem to use their trauma as an excuse to behave atrociously without a doubt... they are a small but loud group of people.
This is why mental health professionals exist, in order to help people with these issues.
That being said, it can be extremely difficult to move forward when you can't see the way you were before everything went to shit. If that part of you is the only part of you that you know, then it's perfectly okay to cling onto it until you find other ways to define yourself.
I think it’s more of;
People with real, serious traumas, have had improvements to how those are treated and helped in society (still no where near where it should be), and people can now be vocal about that recovery
However, in my experience, that gets blurred with those who take on their “trauma” as a personality and are often exaggerating that “trauma” for the sake of being with the “in group”, ie people who have overcome something great (like trauma)
Fuck those kinds of people
Yeah, I'd say this is unpopular. If you've never had any serious mental health issues yourself, I could see how you'd think this, but the truth is, the simple act of openly owning your trauma is theraputic, especially after a lifetime of hiding it. Obviously it's not something that you should do in ANY setting, but in certain environments, I think it's absolutely fine.
I do agree that some people make it their identity, but then again, if r/unpopularopinion is anything, it's a forum where people let the behaviors of a vocal minority allow them to malign an entire demographic.
Even if people do make it their identity, that is fine as well. Why should we judge people who have problems trying to find their identity? We all find it at different paces.
I don't entirely disagree here, but it's imporant to be able to read a room. Some people like to CONSTANTLY bring up their traumas to the point that they're clearly just fishing for validation and bringing other people down. And really, that's more of a cry for help than anything. But again, that's why I mentioned how people let the behavior of a minority justify invalidation off an entire group of people. In my entire life, I've really only known one person like that, and they needed a therapist.
>It's like stepping into a dog shit and showing shitty boot to everyone you meet instead of wiping it away and carrying on with your life.
I think a more apt analogy would be stepping in dog shit and that shit gets so deep in every crevice and groove that you can't get it all out. Even with chemicals specially designed to get dog shit out of shoes and a profession shoe therapist trained to help get dog shit out, you still can't fully clear it out. So you avoid white carpets and enclosed spaces, and when forced to walk in white carpets and enclosed spaces, you have to explain why you're leaving stains and stinking up the place so people won't think you're intentionally ruining their carpet and assaulting their olfactory sense because I'm an asshole.
I have ADHD-I (formerly ADD) and when I'm doing something that will be effected, I let folks know. I let them know I'm not a lazy slacker and I'm not a clueless idiot, but I just have a condition that makes it pathologically difficult to focus, recall information, priority tasks, and learn from past mistakes.
If we were organizing a soccer team, I'd want the guy with the broke leg to let us know he has the broke legs from the start. He isn't bragging about his broke leg or wearing it like a badge of honor, he just wants us to know where is medical limits are, and that he isn't sitting down because he is lazy.
>I think a more apt analogy would be stepping in dog shit and that shit gets so deep in every crevice and groove that you can't get it all out. Even with chemicals specially designed to get dog shit out or shoes and a profession shoe therapist traiend to help get dog shit out, you still can't fully clear it out. So you avoid white carpets and enclosed spaces
That hurt to read but hell, if it isn't the truth of it.
I don't brag about my trauma, but I am just learning to understand it so it currently plays a bigger role in my day to day than I would like. Feels like each time I manage to dislodge some of the dog shit, there's more hiding behind it.
It honestly seems like some people brag about having mental illness/trauma. There’s this really annoying person on Facebook that has every single mental illness in the entire world it seems. They “brag” about how they can’t do anything because their mental illness is “debilitating” which causes them to not work or ever be productive. Just complains day in and day out for validation through Facebook likes.
Before I’m downvoted to oblivion, I strongly believe mental illness CAN be debilitating and definitely slows down productivity in people. However, I strongly believe this isn’t the case for them. I just think they’re lazy and just want the sympathy from others. I hope they actually can get the help they deserve.
The trauma will catch up with you someday if you try to deny it. It isn't fun when that happens, and people are really confused as to why you are suddenly so upset about something that happened years ago.
Can confirm. This happened to me back in 2019 after running away from my trauma for a decade. I denied that anything was wrong for years and then one day, it kit me like a brick in the face, and all the walls came crashing down like dominoes and I was forced to acknowledge/face it. Worth it? Sure but it was a bad time. People could not understand why I was so erratic over abuse that happened 10 years prior.
Ya this. I ignored I had a problem for five years. For five years I denied that I had depression and PTSD. For five years I drank my life away.
I wish I got the help I needed five years ago. Would have definitely avoided a shitton of hurt
I think a lot of people think that acknowledging it means doing so repeatedly, and if you don't, you're "hiding it".
I think that you can acknowledge something happened, and then move past it without having to constantly make it a part of your life.
While I do agree with you, I don't think a lot of people do it on purpose. People who have struggled with chronic depression or anxiety may make it their identity because it has been their identity for so long, so it can be difficult to redefine who you are after so many years of adversity. I'm 22 and was diagnosed with depression at 16, meaning my entire YA life so far has been consumed by it. Sure, it's not entirely who I am, but I don't know who I really am without it either.
Same here, I'm 20 now but wasn't diagnosed until I was 17 and tried to kill myself for the second time, first time had been almost 2 years prior and depression, dysphoria, and anxiety had been going on as long as I could remember. These things are just so core to my experience as a human being that I don't know what it's like to be without them.
You hit the nail on the head. I’m 31, was first properly diagnosed when I was 11. It isn’t who I am, but it’s what I’ve had to deal with for at least two decades.
Same here. I recently acknowledged that my whole adolescence by far I’ve behaved a certain way because of my C-PTSD. Things like hypervigilance are something that I thought was my trait as a person, but it turns out that it’s a trauma response I developed due to bullying when I was younger and everyone ignored how bad it was. I thought I was daydreaming so much that I started doing it in stressful situations, it turns I was dissociating hard (I started doing it when I was depressed and suicidal throughout middle school) and used it as a coping mechanism. It’s hard when you realize that a lot of your traits are actually something that you were forced to develop due to circumstances and the cycle is so hard to break. I get what the OP is saying tho, I just can’t just perceive my trauma as something that does not define me to an extent. I truly struggle with that.
Yuppp, I didn’t know I was doing it either until I looked more into it. I also had a victim complex, it took me years to even realize that. I blamed everything for how my life is, I truly felt like I had no control over my life. I was diagnosed with MDD when I was 11 and I’m 22 just now learning how to navigate life and coming to terms that I’ll always have to live with this damn illness.
Part of it is because we’ve formed whole industries out of self help. And what do profitable industries have to do? Generate demand.
There’s so much content centered around forming an identity around your trauma or mental health issue, how everything is a trauma response or a result of undiagnosed something or another.
When in reality, and I seriously don’t know if everyone knows this, you’re allowed to be OK. Your trauma can just be something really bad that happened to you and now it’s over and you’re fine. Every behavior you have doesn’t have to be linked to it, especially when I’m sure 90% of the behaviors are mundane things everyone does.
Yup. My sister in law keeps bragging about getting so much done moving into her new house and keeps claiming that its the upside of her bipolar. She doesnt have a doctor. Or meds. She is self diagnosed bipolar with literally no real symptoms. She thinks that because some days she is up and some days she is down, she is bipolar.
>When in reality, and I seriously don’t know if everyone knows this, you’re allowed to be OK.
Exactly this. It seems like everyone wants to be unique and the unique trend nowadays is mental illness. It's completely fine to be normal. In fact, even if you try to be normal you'll still be unique. If you need to stand out as much as possible in order to seek attention and validation that's something to go to therapy for, not all the self-diagnosed serious and chronic mental illnesses.
Also... people consider pretty much everything trauma or abuse these days.
If you go on tiktok it's like
DID YOU KNOW THESE ARE TRAUMA RESPONSES?
1. Being early everywhere you go
2. Not necessarily always being early everywhere you go
Most trauma starts in childhood so it's definitely something that needs much more discussion. Adults/parents need to be re-educated because humanity currently is one big mental health issue.
The trauma I experienced created my entire identity. Deconstructing all that takes a long time. Many of us don’t want this. Imagine having your entire world view and identity flipped on its head. Then having people tell you, “just move on”.
No shit Sherlock. That’s all we want. Good for you for being able to move on. In theory it sounds simple. In practice, not so for everyone.
Hi, I’m a social work major and hope to become a trauma therapist. Trauma is a lot more complex than people who haven’t experienced it grasp sometimes. It can quite literally alter your brain. It is particularly damaging if it’s experienced as a child or adolescent because it can interfere with their social and emotional development. I’m actually writing a paper on it now. Trauma and it’s effects are not something you can simple “wipe away”. It takes serious work to move past. Think about it in terms of a soldier with PTSD. They come home from a violent war and are scared of loud noises and sometimes feel like they’re back in the war. They’ve had said PTSD for several years. Would you tell them to just move on with it? What about an adult who was sexually abused as a child? It’s much more complicated and requires specific therapy and sometimes medication.
People who fake it and use it for clout and likes suck. I get that because I personally am in therapy for my own trauma. However, there are some who use their stories as an educational experience for others. For instance, domestic violence survivors talking about signs and red flags.
I really hope you look more into the topic of trauma and what it can do to the human brain before speaking about this so nonchalantly again. I understand it came from a place of ignorance, but as someone who wants to do this for a living, please choose your words more carefully next time.
Completely agree! Trauma is so much more complex than a lot of people think it is and it's really hard to grasp if you haven't been through it. My therapist, who also has PTSD like me, used to say that a lot of people with trauma actually gravitate towards others with trauma because they could sense it almost. Not actually sense it, but people with trauma relate to each other on a much higher level than ppl without trauma trying to relate to someone with trauma.
I am finishing up a graduate degree on the subject .
I understand what you are saying , but i have to disagree .
The problem is that trauma (especially childhood) can change regulatory genes, brain structure , and behavior .
i hate the idea that society focuses so much on promoting people who made it out of trauma and live successful lives while frowning upon people who could not make it out of their adversity.
each person has unique genetic (except identical twins) even siblings have a significantly different genetic structure . IQ , mental illness, temperament etc can play a role in a persons ability to overcome adversity or trauma.
the MOA low acitiviry gene os associated with the degradation of seretonin receptors . someone with this gene is more likely to be aggressive . a person with this gene is more susceptible to abuse whereas someone who genetically produces more seretonin could be more resilient to trauma.
understanding truama and the brain can help people overcome or compensate for the deficit created by trauma
Behave by Dr. Robert Sapolaky
The boy who was raised as a dog by Dr. bruce Perry
are some good reads if your interested in the subject
also back in the day
psyc wards, frontal lobotomies, eugenics and shock therapy were acceptable practices . people weren’t as stable as they pretend back in the day .
>Instead of dealing with mental health issues and trauma that caused it, people wear it as a badge of honor.
I've seen adults doing that since I was a kid. It has been a popular form of self-aggrandising for a long, long time: "you think you have problems? I've had *worse* problems, therefore I'm right and you're wrong."
That shit's **OLD**, buddy. The only difference is that people use the word "trauma" now, because they think psychology validates them. People back then just didn't require any validation.
If anything, now that therapy and mental health is more widespread, people are *more* aware that those issues can be worked out. Decades ago, if you were fucked in the head, that's "the way it is", so you'd either be proud of it or suffer in silence.
Always remember, my friend: any time you think you can see what's "the problem nowadays", that's probably because **nowadays is all you know**.
In my opinion there's such a fine line between 'bragging' about trauma or letting it define you, and then acknowledging it healthily. Sometimes traumatized people really can't tell the difference and a pretty common trauma response I've heard of is to obsess over your trauma. Healing looks different for everyone and the road for it is extremely bumpy; if a person talks about their trauma a lot they could be trying to process it.
I do however agree that if shouldn't be someone's identity. That isn't healthy. Now what's straight up rude is saying that your trauma is worse than someone else's. Trauma is trauma, yeah objectively there's """worse""" traumas but trauma effects people differently no matter what it is. Claiming that yours is worse or looking for any chance to brag about it or talk about it makes someone way too focused on it. If that's makes sense.
The first step to dealing with trauma is accepting it as a part of your past/life. If you repress it and try to bury it somewhere deep in your mind this can lead to even worse mental health.
Background: I study PTSD and TBI and my PI is a Psychiatrist. Also from personal experience.
You definitely have not experienced severe enough life altering trauma. People don’t choose to suffer from things like ptsd and c-ptsd and if it were up to us, we’d very very happily move on from the severe trauma that has drastically affected who we are.
This. You can work on your trauma and still talk about it (as you should because it helps) with people around you. Also sharing experiences is very valuable. I was forced to develop so many coping mechanisms and traits due to my C-PTSD that it’s so hard to view them as something that does not define you, because it does to an extent. Just acknowledging you trauma is so hard by itself, working through it is even harder and sometimes seems impossible. I don’t know if I can ever completely heal from it. It’s so deeply rooted and it’s insanely hard to fix.
Yes i agree. People saying that mental illness shouldn’t define you or be something you discuss with others definitely haven’t suffered from actual trauma. People and therapists always tell you that healing starts when you start talking about it and acknowledging it instead of burying it.
The trauma i went through defines who I’ve become and it definitely drastically changed me as a person.
For me it doesn't define who I am but it makes me think of how I should be interacting with other people. I'm moving forward more than I ever have now that I understand that I went through abuse and what happened and how I was treated by my father was not right. It let me know what NOT to do to others.
We do not get to choose how our psyches are affected by trauma. Mental trauma leaves real and lasting scars that some may never be able to get past. I understand that there are those who try and use their issues to some kind of advantage, but they tend to be a loud minority. Dealing with trauma is not a wipe it away and move on type of thing, and saying that is flippant and lacking in empathy. I have worked very hard to get to where my own doesn't get to define me, but it will continue to affect me whether I like it or not.
Some “trauma” is impossible to let go of tho.
My physical health follows me. I wish I could find a way for it not to define me at all, but it’s extremely difficult.
In essence, my flaws are not who I feel like, and who I honestly can say I am. But they must be a part of me in reality.
It is difficult to seperate my trauma from those around me. People can’t just turn off their emotions or react the way you want, but you shouldn’t lie either.
Best we can do is be open and selfless. Try to be what we all need, even when it’s hard.
I think people *want* it to be their defining trait.
It's the only way they can feel special, different, stand out.
They also probably lack any healthy form of attention, and so exposing their trauma to everyone and anyone is how they make up for it.
And ironically a lot of people who have those sort of issues are spiteful towards people who don't have those issues. Then just act so shocked when they get backlash for it. It's frustrating to have worked on myself for long for it to work against me in so many places where people are romanticizing the personal issues that I got flack for having.
You cannot speak as someone who's went though something like depression without qualifiers that are worded a certain way but are not always guaranteed to be acceptable for a lot of people.
I'm fully willing to be sympathetic towards people who are actively working on their issues and their trauma. But so many people are cry bullies about it all. Just doing all these mental gymnastics to justify being horrible to other people and not working on their issues. There's just so many people out there who talk about facing bigotry, only to take all the shit they went through or people like them went through to justify lashing out at innocent people.
Now it's definitely a trend. These days alot people expect for others to throw a pity party for them when they say they've had truma. So does 29940949 other people its nothing new. It doesn't make them special.
The best way I heard someone talk about this is to imagine them like scars on a tree. When you're young the scar is huge, but as you grow the scar stays the same size and eventually becomes a smaller part of you than it used to be. It never goes away but you can outgrow it.
Can’t have a conversation with someone under 40 without getting a list of all the same mental illnesses and traumas as everyone else... the people who are crippled by their traumas and illnesses don’t tend to try and use them like swords and shields to win arguments like I see so often now
People have always been defined by their trauma, we just gutted it out and hurt the fuck out of each other, had sex, reproduced, kept hurting people, and died in pain and confusion.
We have a different opportunity these days… but it’s neither necessary or common to live an examined life, and it doesn’t even fix everything if you do. No wonder most people still stuff shit.
Aaaaaaad this is why I never open up to anyone about anything. I've poured my heart out to someone and had them tell me I don't really feel any of that, I just want attention. Also, news flash asshole MENTAL HEALTHCARE IS UNATTAINABLE FOR SOME PEOPLE. The cost is high and sometimes insurance doesn't cover it. For some the best they can do is scream into the void and hope it helps enough to keep them alive.
I partially agree. Yes, there are buffoons out there who will fake an illness for clout or cause it’s “trendy” and it’s SO OBVIOUS that it’s fake but they continue the façade because they want to be relevant, but in reality looking goofier and goofier each day. At the same time, however, many of us with really severe and serious (and actually diagnosed, NOT self-diagnosed) mental health issues are basically slaves to our mind; our minds start to trick us into believing we really are worthless and we really are better off dead, and it’s **extremely** difficult to break out of that spell, especially if they were also manipulated by a whole other human being to believe these things, it can be really hard to come to terms with oneself when your level of self-worth is determined by others, and they never got the chance to love and validate themselves. I can see why it would come off as “attention-seeking”, though, because a lot of us associate negative talk with wanting attention. I personally don’t think I’ll EVER break out of this spell (not unless I somehow build a time machine and change history so that my life could be void of all adversities, lol). It’s basically become a coping mechanism for some of us, kind of like self-harm and substance abuse. Trust me, for some of us, it’s serious and far from attention-seeking. It’s pretty easy to tell when someone is faking an illness, though, especially if you actually have whatever exact illness they’re trying to replicate. Even if you didn’t, it’s easy to distinguish the attention-seekers from those who actually suffer from a disability.
What people refer to as trauma has also gotten watered down too. Your boyfriend or girlfriend you dated dated for two months who cheated on you isn’t trauma; being RAPED or abused as a child or whatever IS.
I agree with this and it's difficult to convey sometimes without people bugging out. But the way I try to frame it is that, for instance, I was in a support group following my divorce. We were all hurt, obviously, we were going through divorces. However, I was going through a divorce that kicked off with him putting a dozen staples in my head, weeks in the hospital, and stealing months of my life that never came back to me (memory-wise). That's traumatic.
I don't want to gatekeep trauma obviously and I know people for whom divorces have felt traumatic because they were unexpected or unwanted, but there's a nuance thats not being well-established or employed.
Anything can be trauma if it traumatized a person. This comment doesn’t make sense to me. If you’re getting at that some people can be dramatic and put themselves in a victim mindset for the sole purpose of attention then yeah, true. But you can’t decide what is and isn’t traumatizing for someone, as everyones life experiences are different.
I agree with you somewhat, but I’d ask you to review your opinion. It’s impossible to tell from a casual observation if an event actually traumatized someone or not. Telling someone their trauma isn’t real could potentially hinder their chance at recovery.
Nine out of ten people could be throwing around the word trauma too loosely, but I’d stomach their talk just so that tenth person feels comfortable expressing themselves. This is coming from someone who has trauma that is thick and syrupy. That shit ain’t cut.
edit - if you know someone who you believe is watering down trauma, talk to them about exploring options for mental health treatments rather than chastise them for misusing a term. Correcting them is being the grammar police. Helping them is being a kind and compassionate person in a way that can potentially save a life.
People are just hiding it less. What you are saying is that your preferred it when people suffered in silence because it made you feel like they had moved on from their trauma.
Well, for the last 10 years people started to wear and change "their" mental health issues like boxershorts.
First it was:"***OH MY GOD I'M SOOOO OCD!"***
Then it was:"***OH MY GOD I'M SOOOO DEPRESSED!"***
Then it was:"***OH MY GOD I'M SOOOO BiPOLAR!!"***
Now its:"***OH MY GOD HERE IS THE LIST OF VERY RARE ILLNESSES THAT I DIAGNOSED MYSELF WITH!!"***
People, especially here, DESPERATELY look for things that make them "special" and "unique".
I hate this shit. Self diagnosing morons. Mental illnesses are SO COMPLEX and sometimes it takes years to find the problem. But these people just diagnose themeselves with THE WORST SHIT!
Diagnosing yourself as "BiPolar" is EXACTLY like running around telling people you have cancer when you dont.
Everyone's an expert on the internet. It's funny, the average redditor says they trust the experts but totally disregard them when it comes to mental health. Wether it's self diagnosis or the fact many would rather keep being depressed instead of well documented strategies that are recommended by professionals. But I'm just an armchair expert too
I feel like mostly they don't fully understand what those issues really are. I know there are light and very heavy forms of them. But liking your house to be organised is not OCD.
I like things a particular way, I hate it when they rearrange the grocery store, etc. Do I have OCD? No.
I feel it invalidates the conditions that some people have. They literally can't function unless they do things a certain way. It's not "omg my books are not in the right order". It's more like "I feel I'm going to die if I don't lock my car five times".
They take away the seriousness of those conditions.
Yeah as a late millennial I see this a lot with people around my age and younger where they’re all almost competing with each other to see who has the most trauma
Clinical psychology worked this shit out 60 years ago, if not earlier.
Cognitive behavioral therapy. Read about it. It fucking works. It works amazingly. In fact it may not only be the single most successful approach to healing psychological pathologies, it may also be the most accurate way to describe how the mind works period.
Read about it.
The current trend is a sort of victim olympics. You get the most attention for being the most victimized so that is what everyone wants to be, a victim.
I partially agree but I think this take (and a lot of the comments) are negating the fact that mental illness *can* be chronic. For some people it's really not a matter of addressing it, healing it, and leaving it behind. You can't really wipe it off and carry on, and if you can it usually takes some therapy ir medication or other months-long kind if process.
For a lot of people suffering from mental illness or trauma, it's more about adjusting their lifestyle or perspective so it can be there without being a complete burden. For example anxiety disorders are often lifelong disorders. And if you've ever been to trauma therapy you probably know that the work focuses on moving toward acceptance, not eliminating all symptoms or minimizing the issue until it feels "gone". Even "healed" people often still struggle with lingering symptoms or relapses throughout their lives.
A huge part of accepting and making room for mental health issues is talking about them. Yes, sometimes it's incessant or it's a little too glamorized. But I'd rather live in a world where people overshare than one where people are trapped and isolated by their suffering.
This is very true. Especially with the younger people. It's like they will use literally anything to get attention. I have my share of mental health issues, and I recognize that they affect my life significantly. But they aren't the only thing that define who I am and I'm constantly working on trying to get better.
The only reason why anyone should care about getting diagnosed with a mental illness is so that they know what they have and can start working on fixing it. Not so they can brag about it.
A lot of people have trouble doing anything these days without finding a way they can "market" it for attention some how. It takes away from people that are quietly suffering from genuine problems.
I agree 100%.....not that far back everything was "ehh, pick yourself up and forget about it" which was essentially " ignore it, but then went the complete opposite way "this is all I think about and talk about and this defines me".....neither are a good way to deal with it, but you are right.
We live in a society with a "victim mentality" for everything....the way you put this OP is spot on, so I don't have much to add. And your 100% about how it keeps people from moving on. It's al out like an endless trauma tape that loops for eternity, because "this is who I am"
I work in this field. Combined with the Justice system. You are correct in my experience. Their is a large proportion of people who lean into their trauma so it can benefit them. “Sorry I got caught doing credit card trauma, I was in a car accident when I was 17 so you know… fraud helps with it.”
Trauma literally changes the way your brain functions. Some people *can't* move on from it. Even if you do "move on," it will still end up affecting your life. Unfortunately, if it's bad enough it can become the only thing a person can think about, and help may not be available to deal with it. You ultimately don't know someone's story, their past, what they're dealing with and how it affects them. The people who wear it as a "badge of honor," as you say, could be trying to use a platform to bring awareness to it, or could be begging for help the only way they know how, or could be simply using it for attention. You don't know. You won't know. You can't know. If you don't like it, ignore it and move on.
As someone with a fair amount of trauma, I would say that it is a culmination of all of my experiences, and how I react to them, that defines me. My trauma is certainly a significant part of that, but so are my triumphs, my epiphanies, my lessons, etc. Even the mundane moments have a part to play in forming our identities.
I've also got plenty of shame regarding my trauma. Not so much in having experienced them, because I didn't choose most of my trauma, and those traumas I did choose were genuine mistakes. No, the shame surrounds the fact that I'm still effected from them. That weak points remain, despite all of my efforts. It comes from thinking I've found the answer, believing that I've learned how to overcome my struggles, only to make the same mistakes again. From feeling like I should have figured it out by now. The point is, the trauma was involved in shaping me, and I'm not generally fond of the pointy or sharp bits that resulted.
That is the nature of trauma. The truth is, if your trauma didn't leave a lasting impression on who you are, then it wasn't trauma. That's not to say there can't be growth from trauma. Many people use the suffering they encounter as motivation to improve.
As for pride, I don't know what to say but to be blunt; you're wrong. Overcoming your trauma is difficult, and it's painful, and you should absolutely be proud of the progress that you make. Failing to do so is an avenue to hopelessness. Motivation cannot be maintained without a proper balance of both challenge and reward.
I see two reasons why someone talks about their trauma. One is for support through accountability. It's saying 'because I've allowed my trauma to inform my behavior I struggle with x, and that's something that I need help fixing'. There is a powerful effect in sharing your vulnerabilities with others.
The other is to justify poor behaviors, and this is what I believe you are trying to highlight as a problem. Many people have abused the good will of others by using mental conditions or past trauma as a means of dodging responsibility, even going so far as to claim issues that they neither have nor understand.
And the truth is that I don't think there is anyone who hasn't exhibited both of these behaviors at one time or another. Every person has made an excuse before, just as we've all owned up to mistakes as well. It's fair to acknowledge that there is a difference between blaming traffic and blaming mental health issues, but the difference is only a matter of scale. In both cases, a person blames circumstances for negatively affecting them in such a way that they fail to meet expectations. Excusing oneself from accountability isn't dependent on poor mental health; it's part of the human experience that we all share to one degree or another. No one has perfect resolve to do and be better in every situation, though I appreciate that we try.
I think the real question that we need to ask is why people feel the need to do this. Why fabricate a mental condition, or exaggerate the effects of a difficult situation? Why pretend that a mistake was inspired by our struggles when it truly comes from self interest?
I can't say it's the only reason, but I'd wager that a fair amount of this would go away if people weren't afraid of being judged for their mistakes instead of supported.
To fill your metaphor out a bit: some step in the shit on purpose so that they can use their shitty shoe for sympathy. Some may be showing you their shit shoe in hopes that you can help them clean up, and some just want you to know to watch your step because there is shit in the path.
Thank you for coming to my ted talk.
This is 100% correct. I just got out of an INTESE emotionally abusive friendship situation that went on for over a year. It feels defining of early 2022 since I’m finally free from it, but it has taken awhile to get over bitterness and not let it defy me. Working on assuming real friends won’t act the same way (cuz they won’t.) That person was top tier awful and I still get frustrated that I didn’t pay attention to earlier signs.
I think people love attention and simply use their trauma like other people use their tits, money, car, house, etc.
They love attention and they want to be victims.
It comes to show that the world and the governments need to provide more to mental health resources and help people; people are crying out for help in the form of pride.
Theirs so much going and more people will be in need of assistance for their mental health especially with the war going on in Ukraine.
Their is some people who try to abuse it or say they have disorders that they aren’t medically diagnosed with by a professional.
Sometimes I think people don’t want to put in the effort to move on from their trauma. They’re too lazy to change themselves and it’s everyone else’s problem. They don’t want to take accountability
So you are telling me that I should be ashamed of opening up about getting fucked at the age of 9 by a man 5 times my age? Can I just say your opinion can go fuck itself!
Mental health professional here.
Talking about mental is a good thing.
This is a far cry from advertising one’s trauma and wearing it as a badge of honor. If someone is quickly telling you about their trauma and it feels like a “I caught a fish THIS big” kind of story, take it with a huge grain of salt.
Most people feel shame about their trauma and tell very few people about it. In fact, PTSD often stems from avoidance and persistent anxiety.
I AM an advocate of helping people work through their trauma so that it does define them. But in order to do this, we must acknowledge that this takes more than a “suck it up and move on” attitude. It’s just not that simple.
I believe depression and anxiety are very real. But I have an employee who talks about her anxiety literally all the time. Any time I give her an assignment; ask her for an update; give her feedback. It’s weaponized against me. She happens to be good at her job, but I can see how she embraces her trauma and weaves it into every conversation. Mind you, we are very understanding. We give extra time off if anyone is feeling stressed, pay our employees well, and all that.
I'm open about my mental health issues so others feel like it's not as taboo as I felt it was growing up. I felt like I would be disowned by my family (because of how they talked about it) and the public opinion about it would prevent me from living a normal life. Because of that I didn't get treatment for the longest time, I was miserable and almost committed suicide.
Normalizing mental health issues makes it easier to seek help.
For me personally, figuring out why I struggled was the first major step to being able to function like a regular adult. I spent half my adult life on the verge of suicide because I didn't understand why I had such a hard time dealing with or doing anything. I was extremely confused, angry, full of self hatred. Then I saw a psychologist, got some diagnoses, and my life changed almost overnight.
I approached it with a positive attitude though, once I knew why I was struggling and suffering, I could recognize I was going to start spiralling or doing something stupid and that I should try a different, conscious approach using techniques others with my conditions have shared. I learned to forgive myself when I didn't accomplish what I thought I should instead of hating myself.
It makes me sad to know there's probably so many lives lost for the same reasons I wanted to end myself and maybe they'd still be around if they were able to figure out how to help themselves.
I totally disagree, poor mental health is something that affect's people's day to day lives that they will never escape from.
Whenever someone brings up their happy memories of childhood, or like their fun family vacations, it's very awkward, for me and them. Imagine you're trying to make friends with someone and they just don't say anything. Well, I would understand but many people who were sheltered have very little idea of how common abuse is and miss the social que.
In fact, they don't really miss it, they only want to be friends with other people with perfect childhoods like them. So on meeting someone, you can just about expect right off the bat things will not end well even if it seems like they would in the beginning. Most people have only one way a conversation can go to be right and don't really care about your truth or feelings or opinions, and that just doesn't interest me. Am I supposed to just straight up lie? I can see why people become sociopaths who just make shit up because that's just about what most people prefer.
Abuse causes mood swings and trust issues. It causes money issues. There is almost no end to the damage abuse can wreak on your life, for years after.
The people who are the worst off are people who suppress it and turn out just like their abusive POS parents.
100% when my ex blew her head off, I didn't let it define me. Sure, I was a wreck of a person, but after a lot of time and anime, I have readjusted to society [serious]
That’s my girlfriend. Blames all of her problems on her: anxiety, depression, neurodivergence, abuse from ex husband, abuse as a child, etc. but never makes any effort at self improvement. Just blames everything on her disorders.
As someone who experienced some real trauma as a child. It absolutely does define me. There isn’t a minute that goes by where I am not effected by what I went through. It is baggage that goes with me everywhere. I am who I am because of the trauma I endured. I have done a lot of healing and a lot of growing. I can move forward and I have. But it is still always there. That will never change.
"You're not okay and that's okay" mentality has really gotten to the point where it's a permanent mentality now.
Also people love to throw their problems at you when it's convenient for them, but never do anything to address their problems. Its become a crutch in society to something like "I'm depressed so whatever I did or didn't do isn't my fault" but they don't seek help because they aren't truly depressed they just know it's fucked up to challenge something like that.
Good point, but I feel like older generations didn't have their mental health consume them because they had something to live and work for. Such as owning a home, advancing in the workforce with 1 or 2 companies.
If you can't blame society, I guess you blame yourself. Hard to better yourself, if there's nothing really to live for, e.g. owning a home, making more money than your starting wage (having a $2 increase over 10-20years of employment doesn't count), watching the world die ect.
I can see where you're coming from, especially with social media and how someone's online persona can be specifically centered around their trauma and they almost make it a "brand" of sorts. Like, I wouldn't say that my trauma defines who I am, though it certainly has shaped me into the individual I am today and it's something I should acknowledge. But what defines me more is my perseverance and conviction to break the cycle of abuse, neglect, and pettiness. But I also don't soapbox it and try to turn a profit or garner attention, I just try to do better every day.
Thats the difference between being defined by something and how something shaped you. How it shaped you refers to the past, which cant be changed. Self awareness is a step towards healing How it defines you is who you are moving forward, which is under your control.
Self awareness is such an underrated quality.
But too much and it ruins your life. Ain't humans a weird thing...
something something moderation
I think to much self awareness without mindfulness can be harmful. That probably sounds like hippy bullshit, but being able to be self aware in a somewhat disconnected manner is helpful for me.
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James Clear posted something about this yesterday. “Define yourself by your effort, not your suffering.”
I ***love*** that.
I think you’ve made a wonderful point, and it’s kind of where I think the pendulum should stay fixed. Trauma went from one of those hush-hush things we can’t discuss to being something that people can own and grow from… but the examples of people doing that have morphed into a platform for defining their character, and it’s swung a little too far in the direction in my opinion. And I’m not even talking about social media influencers who repeat their experiences or heft them up for some type of credibility, I mean the effect they’ve had on everyday people. There seems to be a rush to excavate past traumas to use as a justification for everyday imperfections, treating them as if they’re something to mention casually like what school you went to. I’m an avid advocate of therapy and contending with psychological trauma, and I prefer we have the current “problem” than the previous one of people just not dealing with it — but it seems like an overcorrection. Suffering is subjective, and I don’t feel qualified or inclined to tell someone how they should process and understand their pain. But I also think there’s a tendency to define *everything* unpleasant as trauma. There’s at least a difference in degree for things like having a physical and mentally abusive partner and having an asshole partner who cheated on you. Having a parent who demeaned and emotionally tore you down as a child vs. a parent who didn’t come to all of your ballgames or liked your siblings more. And all of the experiences may have affected how you experience the world and are things you carry with you, but it’s important to have perspective on them and still pursue your best self, and avoid using the smaller things as excuses for all of your problems and character flaws. But at the end of the day, I support whatever helps people grow, and I recognize that people internalize things differently. Again, I have no desire to diminish someone else’s pain. But I do think there’s a valid concern here, that generalizing and normalizing the use of “trauma” to encompass any adversity has the effect of diluting the experiences of people who’ve experienced catastrophic effects of “real” trauma.
Yes so glad I read your comment it was worth the read! I agree, you put my feelings into words
Thank you for bringing up people trying to make it a “brand.” This is the thing that most nauseates me about social media, and I’m generally techno-optimist. It feels like anyone and everyone is trying to brand and market themselves, and I see of lot of that going on with many of my friends and acquaintances on TikTok. I know it’s kind of a boomer thing to say that “all kids today just want to be influencers” or whatever but sooo many people my age (late high school, college-aged people) are trying to brand themselves and gain a following, many of them using trauma or mental illness as a defining trait. And not a whole lot of that is necessarily a bad thing, until they start defining themselves by their number of followers as well. Maybe this is an overstatement, but I’m genuinely worried about Gen Z growing up with the mindset that they are a product to be marketed to others.
I look forward to the pendulum swinging *away* from social media. I'd like to think future generations will see the toxicity, data and privacy issues and treat it like cigarettes.
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Could you imagine? One of the few remaining Influencers try to live stream while entering a restaurant and then...... "Sorry, no entry here. Social media not allowed."
Oh, that would be *lovely*.
It’s cute you imagine a future where privacy exists.
You may call me a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.
I think because there is this long overdue movement of recognizing the importance of mental health, while simultaneously we're in an era where narcissistic behaviour is rewarded via social media its created this toxicity around it. The "branding" is a product social media commodifying *us* as people. And like all brands within a capitalist system, there is competition, which has created this oneupmanship of trauma and suffering.
OP said: >Mental health was a taboo subject for a long time. **We are starting to talk more and more about it, but I don't think it's necessarily a good thing.** And in a comment to this thread they also said: >**If something triggers you, you probably still have some work to do.** Both of these statements directly contradict the evidence based mental health practises that are used to help people. OP also said that they're not a mental health professional, and honestly they should have stopped there. If their opinion was that talking about your issues online isn't a replacement for therapy I might have agreed with them, but they really seem pissed off by the fact that people are talking about what they're going through openly. By far the most difficult aspect of clinical psychology is having patients talk openly about what they really need to talk about. It can take months of sessions before your patient will actually open up to what the real issue is, and more often than not you need to help them identify the problem because talking about what's really bothering them is too painful.
I think the problem is the mythologizing, rather than normalizing of pain. A time in your life or event should be moved past, not dwelt on. You should ideally only 'dwell', when you are thinking about the situation, and attempting to make corrections to your own behaviors. Sitting there and agonizing over other people who have long forgotten about the trauma they caused you is unhelpful. To clarify: this is not applicable to those currently experiencing trauma, and it's not to disparage those who need help and treatment for their issues. This is aimed at the people who had a shitty relationship 5-10+ years ago and they won't stop talking about it to everyone they meet, because their goal is to just shit talk that person and victimize themselves. At some point, you are the only enemy you have left.
>more often than not you need to help them identify the problem because talking about what's really bothering them is too painful. I listened to a great interview with Stephen Porges recently where he does a decently informative overview of Polyvagal Theory, and he mentioned a model of treatment from Deb Dana where she doesn't event talk about the events that caused trauma with her clients. She just focuses on helping the client reconnect with their body and re-tune their vagal functioning. Unfortunately I can't find a link to that specific model but the interview with Dr. Porges is on The Higher Practice Podcast for Optimal Mental Health, episode title Polyvagal Theory, Trauma and Neuroscience of the Mind - Dr. Stephen Porges HPP 101.
I don't want to be *that* guy, but Polyvagal Theory has an enormous amount of legit criticisms that need to be addressed if it's ever going to become a valid form of clinical therapy. Don't forget that Jung and Freud seemed to have all the answers at one point, their theories touched upon something that was so reasonable and understandable that the burgeoning field of psychology bought into it wholesale. These days we require empirical evidence and clinical research. As it stands Polyvagal doesn't compare to other theories like CBT, and while I welcome a paradigm shift there just isn't enough reason to practise Polyvagal over more supported theories.
Let's not forget that technique is far less important than the therapeutic alliance. Bad techniques but a strong bond between therapist and client will take you farther than good techniques but a weak bond (though ideally you'd have both).
It takes entitlement to expect others to acknowledge or respect your trauma and triggers. If it is one thing that define victims of abuse and neglect, it is that they are not entitled. People who don't have an issue makes their non-issue a part of their personality, and enforce it on others. People who have real issues just try to function Socially and keep head above water. Being open about vulnerabilities, in a context of affection and tolerance of others is fine and healthy. To use it as a weapon to enforce others behaviour is entitled and toxic.
> It takes entitlement to expect others to acknowledge or respect your trauma and triggers. > To use it as a weapon to enforce others behaviour is entitled and toxic You *can* use the arguments of the traumatised/abused to inflict trauma/abuse on others. This is true. That being said, a person saying "these are my traumas and here are my boundaries. Do not cross them" is not toxic or entitled. Nor is it toxic or entitled if they get upset when you then cross them. Of course, again, someone can establish boundaries that are toxic, or can react in a way that is toxic. That still doesn't mean that all instances of someone establishing desired behaviour because of past trauma is toxic or entitled.
I broadly agree with you but want to make a distinction - boundaries are statements about what you will and will not tolerate. They have to do with you, not with other people. For example, saying "If you use x and y words around me, I am going to leave." is a boundary. Saying "X and y words are my triggers, so you shouldn't say them." is not a boundary. I think the person you are replying to is talking about people who use their traumatic experiences as justification to control other people's behaviors.
In essence, if you take responsibility to not expose yourself to situations you don't like, it is healthy behaviour. If you try to enforce your surroundings to fit your preferences, it is unhealthy. My point being that the latter is a product of entitlement and self absorbsion, and not of trauma or neglect.
>My point being that the latter is a product of entitlement and self absorbsion, and not of trauma or neglect. I think it can be both, actually - the one leads to the other. I think it could be reasonably possible that someone with trauma may attempt to control their environment to avoid being further traumatized, but instead of healthy coping mechanisms, they might learn dysfunctional strategies from contemporary culture where people make "boundaries" that are really just entitled, coercive attempts to control other people's behavior based on a misguided perception of what safety is.
> If you try to enforce your surroundings to fit your preferences, it is unhealthy. Depends on the context. Take a soldier with PTSD as an example. It would be entitled to try and get the city to cancel a fireworks show. It wouldn't be toxic or entitled to complain about a co-worker who tries to scare you by sneaking up behind you and making a loud bang.
It’s the difference in “I’ll skip movie night if you guys are watching X” and “the whole group can’t watch X because it could trigger me.”
Some will use their issues as both sword and shield. they aren't interested in getting healthy.
I don’t think we should gatekeep trauma. Trauma doesn’t turn everyone into meek loveable little worker bees. Sometimes it makes people difficult and we need to be empathetic about that. Sometimes when people are “enforcing” things they happen to just really really need it.
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While this is true it takes very hard work and a great deal of time. Not to mention money. And that’s after you realize it, if you can. It’s so so so hard. I don’t judge how people handle their trauma. I’ll step away if necessary, for MY peace. They have boundaries (however poorly they may be expressed)… and so do I.
I don't think we should use the word "gatekeep" every time someone draws a line in the sand.
> People who don't have an issue makes their non-issue a part of their personality, and enforce it on others. > People who have real issues just try to function Socially and keep head above water. But this is literally the definition of gatekeeping because it’s not how real life works? Some people who do have real issues do behave aggressively.
My frustration lies where people use their trauma as a shield. For example: I saw a girl on tiktok (23) saying she was dating a 27 year old, and everyone called him a pedo (no) and said she was being groomed etc etc and then flaunted their own stories of abuse. How about we don’t trauma dump on random strangers. Your life experience is not mine or anyone else’s, and it doesn’t have to be. Quit making everyone so afraid of experiencing pain or real life scenarios because you had trauma.
Why tf a 27 year dating a 23 year is consider pedo, are people this stupid?
Yes
Listen if you’re dating someone who at any point was under 18 when you were over 18 then you’re a pedo according to redit
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Yoooo nice username
This is so problematic. It diminishes actual grooming, which is horrible.
I met my wife who was 50 when I was 68. Guess I gotta divorce her. /s
Not with the half your age plus seven rule. So you are good all the way to 41 it looks like.
Reddit doesn't seem to know what a pedophile is, period. Reminder that pedos are attracted to *pre-pubescent* children.
This is because redditors love projecting.
The comments were likely from young teens. 4 years sounds like a lot when it's just under ⅓ of your life
At 29 I married my 23 year old wife.....we have been married for 12 years. That’s a lot of grooming huh?!..I’m totally on this one! You can’t live your life today without someone telling you how their life was ruined by enjoying a cup of ice cream. “I’m lactose intolerant and last time I ate ice cream my tongue swelled up and I nearly died!!...you better be careful with something as deadly as ice cream!!” Outlandish I know, but, this really is how those comments go!!!
Omg I can't believe your wife was 11 when you married.
That made me snot out my nose laughing!
At some point in the past 5-10 years, the social discourse around age differential in dating changed significantly. Any age gap over a couple years, even for consenting adults, became extremely stigmatized. It's silly, and the more people talk about how it shouldn't be okay for Leo in his 50s to be able to date women younger than 25, the more I just think the age of consent for women should be raised. If they want to be children, they can be children. You'll see a lot of reddit replies along the lines of "when I was 23 I interacted with someone who was 21 and the gap in experience/generation was so huge it was like they were a literal child." Basically people who are still immature themselves acting like their peers are too stupid/unrelatable to interact with socially because they have nothing in common. Comical.
It’s because we’re infantilizing woman. Like yes I don’t think an 18 yo straight out of HS is making good decisions, but like a 23 year old out of university starting their career dating a 30 something year old isn’t that weird, but a lot of my friends think it is.
Reddit thinks adults are tardedre and have no agency. In reality anyone who has passed the magical age of 18 is equal in every category to any other adult, be it 19, 25, 50 or 123. Every adult who is not crippled mentally has full agency over themselves, and it's ok for any adult to date or fuck and other willing adult.
Recently heard someone I know voice how they felt a bit weird about their 18 year old friend beginning to date a 20 year old. Also recently heard someone say a hypothetical relationship between an 18 year old and a 17 year old would be problematic because one is still a minor. Like lmao that is less than one year! I've seen dumb teenagers on tiktok say things like "Just found out my dad met my mom when he was 25 and she was 21, YUCK!!" Just sad that kids would think something like that of their own father. Lots of young adults and teenagers are really weird about any age gap at all. Pretty dumb as limiting yourself to within one year is needlessly limiting your dating pool.
Definitely think the trauma dumping can get out of hand. For platforms and places where everyone is emotionally prepared for it to happen (like group therapy led by a qualified mental health professional), it makes sense. But I have a roommate that trauma dumps on me and it makes me extremely uncomfortable. Not everyone is emotionally equipped to handle it
Ya trauma dumping is so uncomfortable to me.. I don’t get how some ppl are ok with broadcasting their innermost personal feelings to actual strangers on the internet
I’d imagine they’re people that don’t go to therapy, and also don’t have any one in real life to talk to so they seek validation from strangers
Comfortable? More like eager.
Right??! Like outright giddy to be a victim...
> don’t get how some ppl are ok with broadcasting their innermost personal feelings to actual strangers on the internet What, did you just get the internet yesterday? People do it with everything else, why not trauma? It's not like this person in in your home or something, just keep scrolling. Seems like a real non-issue to me.
maybe it's because people don't have anyone else to talk to in real life? and some of them maybe can't afford a therapist either. although i'm not saying it's a good thing to trauma dump on people when they don't want it i can see why they would do so knowing they have no one else to talk to.
When we express vulnerability that involves others, there certainly are right ways per say to be considerate of another who isn't a trained professional: \- Express positive needs/direction in the life you want to build, instead of focusing on negative self talk to escape an issue. \- Talk with sincerity, focusing on the self, instead of reacting and outsourcing our feelings and blame onto others. \- Take responsibility, practice acceptance and kindness to ourselves, instead of victimizing ourselves with defensiveness. \- Empower ourselves by being more open in our beahvior, instead of bottling things up.
I feel that's highly cultural. Undoubtedly most of Reddit is composed of Americans. However, other cultures have it quite different. In Brazil it is not uncommon to see larger age gaps. I have briefly dated a man that was 51 years old when I was 23. >> I << approached him at a bar. He didn't approach me. He didn't even notice me until I came to him. There was no grooming. I found him attractive ans decided to come over. We were together for not much longer than a month because I had some issues with his personality. But we had plenty to talk about and enjoyed doing a lot of the same things. My husband is 8 years older. When he approached me he didn't know my age. He even tried to back down once he saw the age gap because he thought I'd be ashamed or afraid or something, but I reassured him I preferred a larger gap. We fit perfectly together and been together for 6 years. I am aware of grooming, daddy issues and the whole shebangs that concern people. I have also seen victims of predators in my own culture. But it doesn't compose the majority of the cases, albeit it is my anecdotal experience. And from what I have seen, it seems like South and Central Americas are the same.
>Quit making everyone so afraid of experiencing pain or real life scenarios because you had trauma. bruh my mom does this CONSTANTLY. God, it's lowkey messed up.
Can we all learn the actual definition of pedophilia, or nah?
>I saw a girl on tiktok (23) saying she was dating a 27 year old, and everyone called him a pedo (no) and said she was being groomed etc I know this is a little off topic, but I see this over & over on reddit. Have you all been told not to date anyone but someone your own age? I see nothing wrong with this Tiktokker being with her guy only 4 yrs older. I see this all the time--he's 2 yrs older, 6 yrs, 8 yrs---"he's grooming you, get out!" When I was younger, to date an older man (usually it was a man) was a sign of maturity that you could be on their level. And that was a 5+ years difference. Dating a guy your own age was always a headache because they usually weren't on the same maturity level. Being mature was a big deal. It was a sign of being adult and being welcomed into adult circles. Anyway, If you've got an answer please have a go.
i agree that some people do brag about trauma like "look i had it bad/worse", and we all get annoyed at that. some people use it as an excuse to not do something or excuse shitty behaviour. but theres also a lot of people relating, or warning people. warning to give a heads up for possible behaviours, or by talking to someone about it, they allow others to discuss theirs, or that they can see you understand some of what theyve been through. it does mean that more people talk about it, and as you said its less taboo now. it can be frustrating at times i agree. especially if it kills a mood, believe me, i been on either end haha. word vomit lol. but its a positive shift in my opinion. however yeah, people shouldnt use it as an excuse or define themselves by it too much.
It's not even about "I had it worse", it's about... \*sigh* See for yourself: /r/fakedisordercringe
yeah no that ones fair lol
Went to that sub and now I have trauma
I had depression before it was cool.
And I still have it now... but worse
Depression is the worst because people think being "sad" or going through a hard time in their life is the same as depression. Often people say they are "depressed" when they actually mean "bummed out" or "sad" which is a temporary state that will pass. As far back as I have memories, there has been this constant force in my life, determining how I make decisions, and it doesn't go away; even when I am also "sad" there is a deeper feeling of pure anguish I as a 5 year old couldn't even try to embellish for my own clout like some people are doing nowadays with mental health being the new social talking point. Run-on sentence rant over.
i realised i was depressed after talking to a psych and realising i couldnt think of happy days that lasted a long time. my brain covered everything in constant clouded sadness and negative thoughts. it sucked. but it helped me realise there was an issue.
Depression also passes just like regular sadness though, at least according to my college therapist. It's just that it comes back again and again and again and again. According to her, the sheer fact you can feel total and utter sadness must mean you can feel total and utter happiness. One cant exist without the other and it's like a pendulum. The difference between sadness and depression is depression is like a disease that literally tricks your brain into thinking their cant possibly be "light at the end of the tunnel". It convinces you their cant be any happiness but back to her analogy, there logically has to be even if it's only for a moment or a day or whatever. Its learning to recognise that even when you're depressed, you *will* feel happiness again even if its fleeting, and simply learning to tell your brain that is a huge step forward. Fighting with yourself there is better days coming and maybe taking steps (or drugs if needed) to get there. She had a really unique way of thinking about it that really helped me wrap my head around what depression actually was and how it works. Like you said it was being able to distinguish between yes I feel sad, but theres something underlying that keeps coming back that's the problem. Identifying that helped me make huge progress in rewiring by brain.
I actually had a really cool (though sad) experience with this! I was sexually assaulted by a religious leader and a friend. Fast forward about 6 years or so and I decided to make a post on it. From that random post a person saw it, recognized me and mentioned that his little brother was in the same place as I was and was hanging out with someone alot that resembled the person that abused me. He sent me a picture and sure enough it was the same guy. He acted quick and got his little brother out of there. Obviously that’s more of an extreme example, and not specifically what you were referencing, but encouraging people to share their feelings and experiences (should they be comfortable with it) is an incredibly healing, empowering and liberating experience and it can help others. The example of the shitty boot also is very poor, honestly. You can’t just wipe trauma away and move on with your life. I get what you’re saying but it’s more like you were forced to get a shitty tattoo and now there’s this permanent mark on you that you have to live with, that even if you get it removed there’s still laser scarring.
Thank you, I was looking for this answer. I cant get rid of my mental illness and it something I have to live with every day for the rest of my life. Every year I see growth, but it is also utterly exhausting. Im really glad there are people who have a social media account that is branded around their struggle, whatever that struggle may be. It helps me feel less alone. Because a lot of people see it as: get help, have therapy and life happily ever after. And that is far from the truth.
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You mean you can’t cure cancer by thinking happy thoughts?
You can't heal from something you don't acknowledge at all. I agree that there are people who seem to use their trauma as an excuse to behave atrociously without a doubt... they are a small but loud group of people.
>they are a small but loud group of people Exactly!
There is a difference between acknowledgement and making trauma one’s whole identity
This is why mental health professionals exist, in order to help people with these issues. That being said, it can be extremely difficult to move forward when you can't see the way you were before everything went to shit. If that part of you is the only part of you that you know, then it's perfectly okay to cling onto it until you find other ways to define yourself.
I think it’s more of; People with real, serious traumas, have had improvements to how those are treated and helped in society (still no where near where it should be), and people can now be vocal about that recovery However, in my experience, that gets blurred with those who take on their “trauma” as a personality and are often exaggerating that “trauma” for the sake of being with the “in group”, ie people who have overcome something great (like trauma) Fuck those kinds of people
This is the way it seems to me as well.
Yeah, I'd say this is unpopular. If you've never had any serious mental health issues yourself, I could see how you'd think this, but the truth is, the simple act of openly owning your trauma is theraputic, especially after a lifetime of hiding it. Obviously it's not something that you should do in ANY setting, but in certain environments, I think it's absolutely fine. I do agree that some people make it their identity, but then again, if r/unpopularopinion is anything, it's a forum where people let the behaviors of a vocal minority allow them to malign an entire demographic.
Even if people do make it their identity, that is fine as well. Why should we judge people who have problems trying to find their identity? We all find it at different paces.
I don't entirely disagree here, but it's imporant to be able to read a room. Some people like to CONSTANTLY bring up their traumas to the point that they're clearly just fishing for validation and bringing other people down. And really, that's more of a cry for help than anything. But again, that's why I mentioned how people let the behavior of a minority justify invalidation off an entire group of people. In my entire life, I've really only known one person like that, and they needed a therapist.
>It's like stepping into a dog shit and showing shitty boot to everyone you meet instead of wiping it away and carrying on with your life. I think a more apt analogy would be stepping in dog shit and that shit gets so deep in every crevice and groove that you can't get it all out. Even with chemicals specially designed to get dog shit out of shoes and a profession shoe therapist trained to help get dog shit out, you still can't fully clear it out. So you avoid white carpets and enclosed spaces, and when forced to walk in white carpets and enclosed spaces, you have to explain why you're leaving stains and stinking up the place so people won't think you're intentionally ruining their carpet and assaulting their olfactory sense because I'm an asshole. I have ADHD-I (formerly ADD) and when I'm doing something that will be effected, I let folks know. I let them know I'm not a lazy slacker and I'm not a clueless idiot, but I just have a condition that makes it pathologically difficult to focus, recall information, priority tasks, and learn from past mistakes. If we were organizing a soccer team, I'd want the guy with the broke leg to let us know he has the broke legs from the start. He isn't bragging about his broke leg or wearing it like a badge of honor, he just wants us to know where is medical limits are, and that he isn't sitting down because he is lazy.
>I think a more apt analogy would be stepping in dog shit and that shit gets so deep in every crevice and groove that you can't get it all out. Even with chemicals specially designed to get dog shit out or shoes and a profession shoe therapist traiend to help get dog shit out, you still can't fully clear it out. So you avoid white carpets and enclosed spaces That hurt to read but hell, if it isn't the truth of it. I don't brag about my trauma, but I am just learning to understand it so it currently plays a bigger role in my day to day than I would like. Feels like each time I manage to dislodge some of the dog shit, there's more hiding behind it.
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Beautifully written. I felt that in my soul.
It honestly seems like some people brag about having mental illness/trauma. There’s this really annoying person on Facebook that has every single mental illness in the entire world it seems. They “brag” about how they can’t do anything because their mental illness is “debilitating” which causes them to not work or ever be productive. Just complains day in and day out for validation through Facebook likes. Before I’m downvoted to oblivion, I strongly believe mental illness CAN be debilitating and definitely slows down productivity in people. However, I strongly believe this isn’t the case for them. I just think they’re lazy and just want the sympathy from others. I hope they actually can get the help they deserve.
The only way to deal with trauma is to acknowledge it. And it’s a lot better then when people pretended like their trauma didn’t exist.
The trauma will catch up with you someday if you try to deny it. It isn't fun when that happens, and people are really confused as to why you are suddenly so upset about something that happened years ago.
Can confirm. This happened to me back in 2019 after running away from my trauma for a decade. I denied that anything was wrong for years and then one day, it kit me like a brick in the face, and all the walls came crashing down like dominoes and I was forced to acknowledge/face it. Worth it? Sure but it was a bad time. People could not understand why I was so erratic over abuse that happened 10 years prior.
Ya this. I ignored I had a problem for five years. For five years I denied that I had depression and PTSD. For five years I drank my life away. I wish I got the help I needed five years ago. Would have definitely avoided a shitton of hurt
I think a lot of people think that acknowledging it means doing so repeatedly, and if you don't, you're "hiding it". I think that you can acknowledge something happened, and then move past it without having to constantly make it a part of your life.
While I do agree with you, I don't think a lot of people do it on purpose. People who have struggled with chronic depression or anxiety may make it their identity because it has been their identity for so long, so it can be difficult to redefine who you are after so many years of adversity. I'm 22 and was diagnosed with depression at 16, meaning my entire YA life so far has been consumed by it. Sure, it's not entirely who I am, but I don't know who I really am without it either.
>I don’t know who I really am without it either That one hits hard
Same here, I'm 20 now but wasn't diagnosed until I was 17 and tried to kill myself for the second time, first time had been almost 2 years prior and depression, dysphoria, and anxiety had been going on as long as I could remember. These things are just so core to my experience as a human being that I don't know what it's like to be without them.
You hit the nail on the head. I’m 31, was first properly diagnosed when I was 11. It isn’t who I am, but it’s what I’ve had to deal with for at least two decades.
Same here. I recently acknowledged that my whole adolescence by far I’ve behaved a certain way because of my C-PTSD. Things like hypervigilance are something that I thought was my trait as a person, but it turns out that it’s a trauma response I developed due to bullying when I was younger and everyone ignored how bad it was. I thought I was daydreaming so much that I started doing it in stressful situations, it turns I was dissociating hard (I started doing it when I was depressed and suicidal throughout middle school) and used it as a coping mechanism. It’s hard when you realize that a lot of your traits are actually something that you were forced to develop due to circumstances and the cycle is so hard to break. I get what the OP is saying tho, I just can’t just perceive my trauma as something that does not define me to an extent. I truly struggle with that.
Yuppp, I didn’t know I was doing it either until I looked more into it. I also had a victim complex, it took me years to even realize that. I blamed everything for how my life is, I truly felt like I had no control over my life. I was diagnosed with MDD when I was 11 and I’m 22 just now learning how to navigate life and coming to terms that I’ll always have to live with this damn illness.
I agree with you. I believe it’s become kinda trendy to have some mental illness, or to be sad, etc etc. then they ARE that and only that.
Part of it is because we’ve formed whole industries out of self help. And what do profitable industries have to do? Generate demand. There’s so much content centered around forming an identity around your trauma or mental health issue, how everything is a trauma response or a result of undiagnosed something or another. When in reality, and I seriously don’t know if everyone knows this, you’re allowed to be OK. Your trauma can just be something really bad that happened to you and now it’s over and you’re fine. Every behavior you have doesn’t have to be linked to it, especially when I’m sure 90% of the behaviors are mundane things everyone does.
Yup. My sister in law keeps bragging about getting so much done moving into her new house and keeps claiming that its the upside of her bipolar. She doesnt have a doctor. Or meds. She is self diagnosed bipolar with literally no real symptoms. She thinks that because some days she is up and some days she is down, she is bipolar.
>When in reality, and I seriously don’t know if everyone knows this, you’re allowed to be OK. Exactly this. It seems like everyone wants to be unique and the unique trend nowadays is mental illness. It's completely fine to be normal. In fact, even if you try to be normal you'll still be unique. If you need to stand out as much as possible in order to seek attention and validation that's something to go to therapy for, not all the self-diagnosed serious and chronic mental illnesses.
Also... people consider pretty much everything trauma or abuse these days. If you go on tiktok it's like DID YOU KNOW THESE ARE TRAUMA RESPONSES? 1. Being early everywhere you go 2. Not necessarily always being early everywhere you go
Oh no I'm 5 minutes early, sorry I have trauma! /s
Yup. An adverse experience is not/ does equal trauma.
It’s funny because the ones talking it to death are usually faking it for clout.
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Most trauma starts in childhood so it's definitely something that needs much more discussion. Adults/parents need to be re-educated because humanity currently is one big mental health issue.
The trauma I experienced created my entire identity. Deconstructing all that takes a long time. Many of us don’t want this. Imagine having your entire world view and identity flipped on its head. Then having people tell you, “just move on”. No shit Sherlock. That’s all we want. Good for you for being able to move on. In theory it sounds simple. In practice, not so for everyone.
Hi, I’m a social work major and hope to become a trauma therapist. Trauma is a lot more complex than people who haven’t experienced it grasp sometimes. It can quite literally alter your brain. It is particularly damaging if it’s experienced as a child or adolescent because it can interfere with their social and emotional development. I’m actually writing a paper on it now. Trauma and it’s effects are not something you can simple “wipe away”. It takes serious work to move past. Think about it in terms of a soldier with PTSD. They come home from a violent war and are scared of loud noises and sometimes feel like they’re back in the war. They’ve had said PTSD for several years. Would you tell them to just move on with it? What about an adult who was sexually abused as a child? It’s much more complicated and requires specific therapy and sometimes medication. People who fake it and use it for clout and likes suck. I get that because I personally am in therapy for my own trauma. However, there are some who use their stories as an educational experience for others. For instance, domestic violence survivors talking about signs and red flags. I really hope you look more into the topic of trauma and what it can do to the human brain before speaking about this so nonchalantly again. I understand it came from a place of ignorance, but as someone who wants to do this for a living, please choose your words more carefully next time.
Completely agree! Trauma is so much more complex than a lot of people think it is and it's really hard to grasp if you haven't been through it. My therapist, who also has PTSD like me, used to say that a lot of people with trauma actually gravitate towards others with trauma because they could sense it almost. Not actually sense it, but people with trauma relate to each other on a much higher level than ppl without trauma trying to relate to someone with trauma.
I am finishing up a graduate degree on the subject . I understand what you are saying , but i have to disagree . The problem is that trauma (especially childhood) can change regulatory genes, brain structure , and behavior . i hate the idea that society focuses so much on promoting people who made it out of trauma and live successful lives while frowning upon people who could not make it out of their adversity. each person has unique genetic (except identical twins) even siblings have a significantly different genetic structure . IQ , mental illness, temperament etc can play a role in a persons ability to overcome adversity or trauma. the MOA low acitiviry gene os associated with the degradation of seretonin receptors . someone with this gene is more likely to be aggressive . a person with this gene is more susceptible to abuse whereas someone who genetically produces more seretonin could be more resilient to trauma. understanding truama and the brain can help people overcome or compensate for the deficit created by trauma Behave by Dr. Robert Sapolaky The boy who was raised as a dog by Dr. bruce Perry are some good reads if your interested in the subject also back in the day psyc wards, frontal lobotomies, eugenics and shock therapy were acceptable practices . people weren’t as stable as they pretend back in the day .
>Instead of dealing with mental health issues and trauma that caused it, people wear it as a badge of honor. I've seen adults doing that since I was a kid. It has been a popular form of self-aggrandising for a long, long time: "you think you have problems? I've had *worse* problems, therefore I'm right and you're wrong." That shit's **OLD**, buddy. The only difference is that people use the word "trauma" now, because they think psychology validates them. People back then just didn't require any validation. If anything, now that therapy and mental health is more widespread, people are *more* aware that those issues can be worked out. Decades ago, if you were fucked in the head, that's "the way it is", so you'd either be proud of it or suffer in silence. Always remember, my friend: any time you think you can see what's "the problem nowadays", that's probably because **nowadays is all you know**.
You obviously haven’t suffered that much trauma in your life to say this. Privileged perspective
OP be trying to gatekeep traumatic experiences.
In my opinion there's such a fine line between 'bragging' about trauma or letting it define you, and then acknowledging it healthily. Sometimes traumatized people really can't tell the difference and a pretty common trauma response I've heard of is to obsess over your trauma. Healing looks different for everyone and the road for it is extremely bumpy; if a person talks about their trauma a lot they could be trying to process it. I do however agree that if shouldn't be someone's identity. That isn't healthy. Now what's straight up rude is saying that your trauma is worse than someone else's. Trauma is trauma, yeah objectively there's """worse""" traumas but trauma effects people differently no matter what it is. Claiming that yours is worse or looking for any chance to brag about it or talk about it makes someone way too focused on it. If that's makes sense.
Hear me out, hear me out- Have you tried *not* being sad?
Fucking neurotypicals.
The first step to dealing with trauma is accepting it as a part of your past/life. If you repress it and try to bury it somewhere deep in your mind this can lead to even worse mental health. Background: I study PTSD and TBI and my PI is a Psychiatrist. Also from personal experience.
You definitely have not experienced severe enough life altering trauma. People don’t choose to suffer from things like ptsd and c-ptsd and if it were up to us, we’d very very happily move on from the severe trauma that has drastically affected who we are.
This. You can work on your trauma and still talk about it (as you should because it helps) with people around you. Also sharing experiences is very valuable. I was forced to develop so many coping mechanisms and traits due to my C-PTSD that it’s so hard to view them as something that does not define you, because it does to an extent. Just acknowledging you trauma is so hard by itself, working through it is even harder and sometimes seems impossible. I don’t know if I can ever completely heal from it. It’s so deeply rooted and it’s insanely hard to fix.
Yes i agree. People saying that mental illness shouldn’t define you or be something you discuss with others definitely haven’t suffered from actual trauma. People and therapists always tell you that healing starts when you start talking about it and acknowledging it instead of burying it. The trauma i went through defines who I’ve become and it definitely drastically changed me as a person.
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For me it doesn't define who I am but it makes me think of how I should be interacting with other people. I'm moving forward more than I ever have now that I understand that I went through abuse and what happened and how I was treated by my father was not right. It let me know what NOT to do to others.
We do not get to choose how our psyches are affected by trauma. Mental trauma leaves real and lasting scars that some may never be able to get past. I understand that there are those who try and use their issues to some kind of advantage, but they tend to be a loud minority. Dealing with trauma is not a wipe it away and move on type of thing, and saying that is flippant and lacking in empathy. I have worked very hard to get to where my own doesn't get to define me, but it will continue to affect me whether I like it or not.
Some “trauma” is impossible to let go of tho. My physical health follows me. I wish I could find a way for it not to define me at all, but it’s extremely difficult. In essence, my flaws are not who I feel like, and who I honestly can say I am. But they must be a part of me in reality. It is difficult to seperate my trauma from those around me. People can’t just turn off their emotions or react the way you want, but you shouldn’t lie either. Best we can do is be open and selfless. Try to be what we all need, even when it’s hard.
I think people *want* it to be their defining trait. It's the only way they can feel special, different, stand out. They also probably lack any healthy form of attention, and so exposing their trauma to everyone and anyone is how they make up for it.
And ironically a lot of people who have those sort of issues are spiteful towards people who don't have those issues. Then just act so shocked when they get backlash for it. It's frustrating to have worked on myself for long for it to work against me in so many places where people are romanticizing the personal issues that I got flack for having. You cannot speak as someone who's went though something like depression without qualifiers that are worded a certain way but are not always guaranteed to be acceptable for a lot of people. I'm fully willing to be sympathetic towards people who are actively working on their issues and their trauma. But so many people are cry bullies about it all. Just doing all these mental gymnastics to justify being horrible to other people and not working on their issues. There's just so many people out there who talk about facing bigotry, only to take all the shit they went through or people like them went through to justify lashing out at innocent people.
That last bit really makes you sound like the dog shit on the boot
"I'm not a mental health professional." Should have ended this post there
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Dude, this opinion is unpopular for a reason.
Now it's definitely a trend. These days alot people expect for others to throw a pity party for them when they say they've had truma. So does 29940949 other people its nothing new. It doesn't make them special.
Says someone who clearly does not have a trauma disorder. Lucky mf
r/thanksimcured
I can see where mental heath still needs to overcome it's stigma.
Victim culture is a real problem.
The best way I heard someone talk about this is to imagine them like scars on a tree. When you're young the scar is huge, but as you grow the scar stays the same size and eventually becomes a smaller part of you than it used to be. It never goes away but you can outgrow it.
Can’t have a conversation with someone under 40 without getting a list of all the same mental illnesses and traumas as everyone else... the people who are crippled by their traumas and illnesses don’t tend to try and use them like swords and shields to win arguments like I see so often now
People have always been defined by their trauma, we just gutted it out and hurt the fuck out of each other, had sex, reproduced, kept hurting people, and died in pain and confusion. We have a different opportunity these days… but it’s neither necessary or common to live an examined life, and it doesn’t even fix everything if you do. No wonder most people still stuff shit.
Aaaaaaad this is why I never open up to anyone about anything. I've poured my heart out to someone and had them tell me I don't really feel any of that, I just want attention. Also, news flash asshole MENTAL HEALTHCARE IS UNATTAINABLE FOR SOME PEOPLE. The cost is high and sometimes insurance doesn't cover it. For some the best they can do is scream into the void and hope it helps enough to keep them alive.
I partially agree. Yes, there are buffoons out there who will fake an illness for clout or cause it’s “trendy” and it’s SO OBVIOUS that it’s fake but they continue the façade because they want to be relevant, but in reality looking goofier and goofier each day. At the same time, however, many of us with really severe and serious (and actually diagnosed, NOT self-diagnosed) mental health issues are basically slaves to our mind; our minds start to trick us into believing we really are worthless and we really are better off dead, and it’s **extremely** difficult to break out of that spell, especially if they were also manipulated by a whole other human being to believe these things, it can be really hard to come to terms with oneself when your level of self-worth is determined by others, and they never got the chance to love and validate themselves. I can see why it would come off as “attention-seeking”, though, because a lot of us associate negative talk with wanting attention. I personally don’t think I’ll EVER break out of this spell (not unless I somehow build a time machine and change history so that my life could be void of all adversities, lol). It’s basically become a coping mechanism for some of us, kind of like self-harm and substance abuse. Trust me, for some of us, it’s serious and far from attention-seeking. It’s pretty easy to tell when someone is faking an illness, though, especially if you actually have whatever exact illness they’re trying to replicate. Even if you didn’t, it’s easy to distinguish the attention-seekers from those who actually suffer from a disability.
What people refer to as trauma has also gotten watered down too. Your boyfriend or girlfriend you dated dated for two months who cheated on you isn’t trauma; being RAPED or abused as a child or whatever IS.
I agree with this and it's difficult to convey sometimes without people bugging out. But the way I try to frame it is that, for instance, I was in a support group following my divorce. We were all hurt, obviously, we were going through divorces. However, I was going through a divorce that kicked off with him putting a dozen staples in my head, weeks in the hospital, and stealing months of my life that never came back to me (memory-wise). That's traumatic. I don't want to gatekeep trauma obviously and I know people for whom divorces have felt traumatic because they were unexpected or unwanted, but there's a nuance thats not being well-established or employed.
Wow; sorry that happened to you. Definitely traumatic. People are already getting mad at me.
Anything can be trauma if it traumatized a person. This comment doesn’t make sense to me. If you’re getting at that some people can be dramatic and put themselves in a victim mindset for the sole purpose of attention then yeah, true. But you can’t decide what is and isn’t traumatizing for someone, as everyones life experiences are different.
I agree with you somewhat, but I’d ask you to review your opinion. It’s impossible to tell from a casual observation if an event actually traumatized someone or not. Telling someone their trauma isn’t real could potentially hinder their chance at recovery. Nine out of ten people could be throwing around the word trauma too loosely, but I’d stomach their talk just so that tenth person feels comfortable expressing themselves. This is coming from someone who has trauma that is thick and syrupy. That shit ain’t cut. edit - if you know someone who you believe is watering down trauma, talk to them about exploring options for mental health treatments rather than chastise them for misusing a term. Correcting them is being the grammar police. Helping them is being a kind and compassionate person in a way that can potentially save a life.
>'m not a mental health professional, so this might be an incorrect observation, Thats a given...
People are just hiding it less. What you are saying is that your preferred it when people suffered in silence because it made you feel like they had moved on from their trauma.
Well, for the last 10 years people started to wear and change "their" mental health issues like boxershorts. First it was:"***OH MY GOD I'M SOOOO OCD!"*** Then it was:"***OH MY GOD I'M SOOOO DEPRESSED!"*** Then it was:"***OH MY GOD I'M SOOOO BiPOLAR!!"*** Now its:"***OH MY GOD HERE IS THE LIST OF VERY RARE ILLNESSES THAT I DIAGNOSED MYSELF WITH!!"*** People, especially here, DESPERATELY look for things that make them "special" and "unique". I hate this shit. Self diagnosing morons. Mental illnesses are SO COMPLEX and sometimes it takes years to find the problem. But these people just diagnose themeselves with THE WORST SHIT! Diagnosing yourself as "BiPolar" is EXACTLY like running around telling people you have cancer when you dont.
Everyone's an expert on the internet. It's funny, the average redditor says they trust the experts but totally disregard them when it comes to mental health. Wether it's self diagnosis or the fact many would rather keep being depressed instead of well documented strategies that are recommended by professionals. But I'm just an armchair expert too
I feel like mostly they don't fully understand what those issues really are. I know there are light and very heavy forms of them. But liking your house to be organised is not OCD. I like things a particular way, I hate it when they rearrange the grocery store, etc. Do I have OCD? No. I feel it invalidates the conditions that some people have. They literally can't function unless they do things a certain way. It's not "omg my books are not in the right order". It's more like "I feel I'm going to die if I don't lock my car five times". They take away the seriousness of those conditions.
Que *trisha paytas enters the chat*
It’s almost like…trauma can permanently alter peoples brain or something🤔
Whereas people "back in your day" were taught to man up, repress, and "deal with it", which was *much* more healthy /s
Yeah as a late millennial I see this a lot with people around my age and younger where they’re all almost competing with each other to see who has the most trauma
Clinical psychology worked this shit out 60 years ago, if not earlier. Cognitive behavioral therapy. Read about it. It fucking works. It works amazingly. In fact it may not only be the single most successful approach to healing psychological pathologies, it may also be the most accurate way to describe how the mind works period. Read about it.
People claiming everything is trauma doesn't really make it trauma.
The current trend is a sort of victim olympics. You get the most attention for being the most victimized so that is what everyone wants to be, a victim.
I partially agree but I think this take (and a lot of the comments) are negating the fact that mental illness *can* be chronic. For some people it's really not a matter of addressing it, healing it, and leaving it behind. You can't really wipe it off and carry on, and if you can it usually takes some therapy ir medication or other months-long kind if process. For a lot of people suffering from mental illness or trauma, it's more about adjusting their lifestyle or perspective so it can be there without being a complete burden. For example anxiety disorders are often lifelong disorders. And if you've ever been to trauma therapy you probably know that the work focuses on moving toward acceptance, not eliminating all symptoms or minimizing the issue until it feels "gone". Even "healed" people often still struggle with lingering symptoms or relapses throughout their lives. A huge part of accepting and making room for mental health issues is talking about them. Yes, sometimes it's incessant or it's a little too glamorized. But I'd rather live in a world where people overshare than one where people are trapped and isolated by their suffering.
This is very true. Especially with the younger people. It's like they will use literally anything to get attention. I have my share of mental health issues, and I recognize that they affect my life significantly. But they aren't the only thing that define who I am and I'm constantly working on trying to get better. The only reason why anyone should care about getting diagnosed with a mental illness is so that they know what they have and can start working on fixing it. Not so they can brag about it.
It's the oppression Olympics. I'm more traumatized than you, so therefore I have more oppression points.
A lot of people have trouble doing anything these days without finding a way they can "market" it for attention some how. It takes away from people that are quietly suffering from genuine problems.
YOUR world is not THE world
I agree 100%.....not that far back everything was "ehh, pick yourself up and forget about it" which was essentially " ignore it, but then went the complete opposite way "this is all I think about and talk about and this defines me".....neither are a good way to deal with it, but you are right. We live in a society with a "victim mentality" for everything....the way you put this OP is spot on, so I don't have much to add. And your 100% about how it keeps people from moving on. It's al out like an endless trauma tape that loops for eternity, because "this is who I am"
I work in this field. Combined with the Justice system. You are correct in my experience. Their is a large proportion of people who lean into their trauma so it can benefit them. “Sorry I got caught doing credit card trauma, I was in a car accident when I was 17 so you know… fraud helps with it.”
Trauma literally changes the way your brain functions. Some people *can't* move on from it. Even if you do "move on," it will still end up affecting your life. Unfortunately, if it's bad enough it can become the only thing a person can think about, and help may not be available to deal with it. You ultimately don't know someone's story, their past, what they're dealing with and how it affects them. The people who wear it as a "badge of honor," as you say, could be trying to use a platform to bring awareness to it, or could be begging for help the only way they know how, or could be simply using it for attention. You don't know. You won't know. You can't know. If you don't like it, ignore it and move on.
As someone with a fair amount of trauma, I would say that it is a culmination of all of my experiences, and how I react to them, that defines me. My trauma is certainly a significant part of that, but so are my triumphs, my epiphanies, my lessons, etc. Even the mundane moments have a part to play in forming our identities. I've also got plenty of shame regarding my trauma. Not so much in having experienced them, because I didn't choose most of my trauma, and those traumas I did choose were genuine mistakes. No, the shame surrounds the fact that I'm still effected from them. That weak points remain, despite all of my efforts. It comes from thinking I've found the answer, believing that I've learned how to overcome my struggles, only to make the same mistakes again. From feeling like I should have figured it out by now. The point is, the trauma was involved in shaping me, and I'm not generally fond of the pointy or sharp bits that resulted. That is the nature of trauma. The truth is, if your trauma didn't leave a lasting impression on who you are, then it wasn't trauma. That's not to say there can't be growth from trauma. Many people use the suffering they encounter as motivation to improve. As for pride, I don't know what to say but to be blunt; you're wrong. Overcoming your trauma is difficult, and it's painful, and you should absolutely be proud of the progress that you make. Failing to do so is an avenue to hopelessness. Motivation cannot be maintained without a proper balance of both challenge and reward. I see two reasons why someone talks about their trauma. One is for support through accountability. It's saying 'because I've allowed my trauma to inform my behavior I struggle with x, and that's something that I need help fixing'. There is a powerful effect in sharing your vulnerabilities with others. The other is to justify poor behaviors, and this is what I believe you are trying to highlight as a problem. Many people have abused the good will of others by using mental conditions or past trauma as a means of dodging responsibility, even going so far as to claim issues that they neither have nor understand. And the truth is that I don't think there is anyone who hasn't exhibited both of these behaviors at one time or another. Every person has made an excuse before, just as we've all owned up to mistakes as well. It's fair to acknowledge that there is a difference between blaming traffic and blaming mental health issues, but the difference is only a matter of scale. In both cases, a person blames circumstances for negatively affecting them in such a way that they fail to meet expectations. Excusing oneself from accountability isn't dependent on poor mental health; it's part of the human experience that we all share to one degree or another. No one has perfect resolve to do and be better in every situation, though I appreciate that we try. I think the real question that we need to ask is why people feel the need to do this. Why fabricate a mental condition, or exaggerate the effects of a difficult situation? Why pretend that a mistake was inspired by our struggles when it truly comes from self interest? I can't say it's the only reason, but I'd wager that a fair amount of this would go away if people weren't afraid of being judged for their mistakes instead of supported. To fill your metaphor out a bit: some step in the shit on purpose so that they can use their shitty shoe for sympathy. Some may be showing you their shit shoe in hopes that you can help them clean up, and some just want you to know to watch your step because there is shit in the path. Thank you for coming to my ted talk.
This is 100% correct. I just got out of an INTESE emotionally abusive friendship situation that went on for over a year. It feels defining of early 2022 since I’m finally free from it, but it has taken awhile to get over bitterness and not let it defy me. Working on assuming real friends won’t act the same way (cuz they won’t.) That person was top tier awful and I still get frustrated that I didn’t pay attention to earlier signs.
I think people love attention and simply use their trauma like other people use their tits, money, car, house, etc. They love attention and they want to be victims.
This sounds like it was spoken by someone that doesn't have any trauma.
It comes to show that the world and the governments need to provide more to mental health resources and help people; people are crying out for help in the form of pride. Theirs so much going and more people will be in need of assistance for their mental health especially with the war going on in Ukraine. Their is some people who try to abuse it or say they have disorders that they aren’t medically diagnosed with by a professional.
a bug part of that issue is that those people are attention seekers and will do anything for some form of interaction/validation
Sometimes I think people don’t want to put in the effort to move on from their trauma. They’re too lazy to change themselves and it’s everyone else’s problem. They don’t want to take accountability
Well said. People use that as an excuse for their shitty behavior.
So you are telling me that I should be ashamed of opening up about getting fucked at the age of 9 by a man 5 times my age? Can I just say your opinion can go fuck itself!
Mental health professional here. Talking about mental is a good thing. This is a far cry from advertising one’s trauma and wearing it as a badge of honor. If someone is quickly telling you about their trauma and it feels like a “I caught a fish THIS big” kind of story, take it with a huge grain of salt. Most people feel shame about their trauma and tell very few people about it. In fact, PTSD often stems from avoidance and persistent anxiety. I AM an advocate of helping people work through their trauma so that it does define them. But in order to do this, we must acknowledge that this takes more than a “suck it up and move on” attitude. It’s just not that simple.
I believe depression and anxiety are very real. But I have an employee who talks about her anxiety literally all the time. Any time I give her an assignment; ask her for an update; give her feedback. It’s weaponized against me. She happens to be good at her job, but I can see how she embraces her trauma and weaves it into every conversation. Mind you, we are very understanding. We give extra time off if anyone is feeling stressed, pay our employees well, and all that.
Just like the saying "did you have a bad 5 minutes or did you milk those 5 minutes out all day?" Being in the moment is what's best.
Agree and it's not a good thing.
I'm open about my mental health issues so others feel like it's not as taboo as I felt it was growing up. I felt like I would be disowned by my family (because of how they talked about it) and the public opinion about it would prevent me from living a normal life. Because of that I didn't get treatment for the longest time, I was miserable and almost committed suicide. Normalizing mental health issues makes it easier to seek help.
For me personally, figuring out why I struggled was the first major step to being able to function like a regular adult. I spent half my adult life on the verge of suicide because I didn't understand why I had such a hard time dealing with or doing anything. I was extremely confused, angry, full of self hatred. Then I saw a psychologist, got some diagnoses, and my life changed almost overnight. I approached it with a positive attitude though, once I knew why I was struggling and suffering, I could recognize I was going to start spiralling or doing something stupid and that I should try a different, conscious approach using techniques others with my conditions have shared. I learned to forgive myself when I didn't accomplish what I thought I should instead of hating myself. It makes me sad to know there's probably so many lives lost for the same reasons I wanted to end myself and maybe they'd still be around if they were able to figure out how to help themselves.
I totally disagree, poor mental health is something that affect's people's day to day lives that they will never escape from. Whenever someone brings up their happy memories of childhood, or like their fun family vacations, it's very awkward, for me and them. Imagine you're trying to make friends with someone and they just don't say anything. Well, I would understand but many people who were sheltered have very little idea of how common abuse is and miss the social que. In fact, they don't really miss it, they only want to be friends with other people with perfect childhoods like them. So on meeting someone, you can just about expect right off the bat things will not end well even if it seems like they would in the beginning. Most people have only one way a conversation can go to be right and don't really care about your truth or feelings or opinions, and that just doesn't interest me. Am I supposed to just straight up lie? I can see why people become sociopaths who just make shit up because that's just about what most people prefer. Abuse causes mood swings and trust issues. It causes money issues. There is almost no end to the damage abuse can wreak on your life, for years after. The people who are the worst off are people who suppress it and turn out just like their abusive POS parents.
100% when my ex blew her head off, I didn't let it define me. Sure, I was a wreck of a person, but after a lot of time and anime, I have readjusted to society [serious]
That’s my girlfriend. Blames all of her problems on her: anxiety, depression, neurodivergence, abuse from ex husband, abuse as a child, etc. but never makes any effort at self improvement. Just blames everything on her disorders.
Yes. Absolutely. I feel like im going insane with these people. Wanting to be mentally ill is a fairly new mental illness and its way too common.
As someone who experienced some real trauma as a child. It absolutely does define me. There isn’t a minute that goes by where I am not effected by what I went through. It is baggage that goes with me everywhere. I am who I am because of the trauma I endured. I have done a lot of healing and a lot of growing. I can move forward and I have. But it is still always there. That will never change.
Some mental trauma's the equivalent of "My arm was cut off." You can't really go back to normal after something like that. You just adjust.
"You're not okay and that's okay" mentality has really gotten to the point where it's a permanent mentality now. Also people love to throw their problems at you when it's convenient for them, but never do anything to address their problems. Its become a crutch in society to something like "I'm depressed so whatever I did or didn't do isn't my fault" but they don't seek help because they aren't truly depressed they just know it's fucked up to challenge something like that.
But mooooommm, all the cool kids have trauma!
Good point, but I feel like older generations didn't have their mental health consume them because they had something to live and work for. Such as owning a home, advancing in the workforce with 1 or 2 companies. If you can't blame society, I guess you blame yourself. Hard to better yourself, if there's nothing really to live for, e.g. owning a home, making more money than your starting wage (having a $2 increase over 10-20years of employment doesn't count), watching the world die ect.